by Iris Taylor
Glancing around the hospital room, I heaved a sigh. “Do you need anything?” my mom asked as she stroked my hair gently. It had grown longer, but was still far shorter than I had ever worn it. Which reminded me.
“Where’s Cole?”
Her lips turned downwards. “He went to his mother’s. He flew there earlier today.”
It was as if the rug had been pulled out from under me. Everything was different now – our lives so changed from what it appeared to be initially. I could feel the despair radiating from my mother, even though she didn’t voice it. What did this whole thing mean to her, to her relationship with Marcus? No one would have foreseen having a deranged monster for a stepson. And it isn’t too late to back out, the voice in my head added. It wasn’t. The wedding was a few weeks away, but that didn’t matter anymore now, did it? Not when everything had changed so dramatically.
“Rest, Ella,” my mother’s tired voice ordered me. “Take this time to rest. Everything will sort itself out later.” I wondered if she was saying that more to convince herself than to soothe me.
Chapter 17
Ella
I was the subject of more curious stares and whispers as I walked down the school halls a few days later, hoping to see Sarah before the first bell rang. I didn’t know what version of events everyone at school knew, and I wasn’t about to volunteer anything myself.
The house had been deathly silent when I returned from the hospital after an overnight stay. Not that the twins were ever chatty at home on normal days, but now there was a distinct gloom shrouding the empty house with both Hans and Cole away. Marcus rarely appeared, even for mealtimes, and when I did see him, he appeared tense, his shoulders stooped, as if a mighty weight had been placed on him overnight. I guess it had been. I’d heard my mom and Marcus argue, the night I arrived home from the hospital, talking in hushed, strained whispers in Marcus’ study. I would have left them alone except Marcus’ voice had grown louder and louder, worrying me enough to go and look.
“Leave it alone!” he had snapped, his voice barely muffled by the closed door. “I know my kids well enough to know it won’t work. Stop pushing it.”
And my mother’s low voice in reply, attempting to soothe him – I could only catch the words “family counseling” and “blame”. It was obvious that whatever she had said had riled Marcus up, because he stormed towards the closed door – I had quickly ducked behind the corner – and shouted, “Stop telling me what to do! I raised the boys, I’ll figure it out myself!”
My mom had been quiet the next day, giving me half-hearted smiles and excusing herself to go to bed early. It worried me – but I didn’t dare ask what was running through my mind: were she and Marcus going to survive this? It broke my heart, because I thought well of Marcus, and he of all people didn’t deserve for this to happen. I forgave the side of him that came back late at night, haggard, whose haunted eyes now sported dark circles as he nursed his coffee in the morning. Despite everything, he was back to being his usual kind self to me, asking me if I needed a ride to school, which I always declined, knowing he needed time to sort out his thoughts.
“Ella!” I turned to see Sarah walk towards me, my musings interrupted, but I was glad.
“Hey,” I replied, offering her a hug.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, peering down at me. She was half a foot taller than me, but this was something I was used to, being one of the shortest kid I knew almost all of my life.
“Not too shabby. But people are being weird again.”
She squeezed my arm. “Well, you’re definitely back in the spotlight. The football team might be on your back too. Rumor has it that you interrupted some lucky girl’s night.”
I stared at her incredulously. Some lucky girl’s night? I had to swallow the nausea bubbling up my throat as an image of Monica being pinned down by a half-naked Hans with a knife on her back popped into my head. “How would that explain Hans and Cole both being away?”
She shrugged a slim shoulder. “You know people don’t use their brains before spreading stories.”
It made me wonder. “Is Monica not in school?”
Sarah shook her head. “I haven’t seen her since the party. But...you said nothing happened to her, right?”
“If you mean did he get to rape her, no, that didn’t happen, but...it almost happened, and with a knife against her, too.” I shuddered at the thought. I wouldn’t be in school either, at least not so soon, if I had to go through that trauma.
Sarah stared at me, then blinked. “I knew there was something evil he was hiding behind that pretty face.”
Masks, that’s what those are, I thought as I passed by the beautiful faces of Sean, Jeremy and Hunter, who all stared at me with curiosity. Just masks hiding their true selves.
***
I sat alone in the kitchen, savoring every warm, chocolatey bite of the brownies Susan had whipped up. She watched me, a pleased smile on her face, then pointed to the tub of vanilla ice cream she had placed next to me. “Are you sure you don’t want more?”
I almost moaned at the thought of all the calories I was putting into my mouth. I must have gained at least five pounds since arriving in Gray Lake. “Susan! I’ll have the ice cream...later.” Hah! So much for saying no. You’re terrible.
Susan watched me thoughtfully. “Hans would have taken two bowls.”
I replied lightly, “He’s an athlete. He has football practice daily. So he can eat all he wants.” But I saw the sad gleam in Susan’s eyes as she absent-mindedly wiped down the table. “How long have you been working for the family?”
Her lips curved into a small smile. “Since just before the twins were born. I tell you, they were a handful right from the start. Cole once took my beautiful teapot and threw it down the stairs when he found it had tea and not his hot cocoa.” She smiled at the memory. “Hans wasn’t much better. Always got Cole into trouble, with his endless tricks and twin switching.” She clucked her tongue.
I thought about the note he wrote to Hank. “Were they badly affected when their mom was out of the picture?” I wasn’t sure of the exact circumstances surrounding their divorce, and hoped Susan would shed some light on it. I wanted to understand what Cole and Hans had gone through, what made them the way they were.
“They are better off without her,” was her clipped reply. I wasn’t sure I agreed, seeing how Hans had no qualms about hurting a girl. And Cole, too, with his anger issues.
“She was...a bad mom?” I felt bad for prying even as the question left my lips. The thought of the twins losing a parent almost explained everything to me.
Susan huffed as she took my plate and washed it up. “She was selfish. Only cared about the money and looking good in front of her friends.”
“When did she leave?” And why?
Susan clucked her tongue again. “She wouldn’t have left. She needed his money too much. How else was she going to pay for that expensive lifestyle? Marcus found her in bed with the gardener and kicked her out. I say good riddance.”
My heart clenched at the thought. Poor, kind Marcus. A philandering wife, and now a possibly mentally unstable son.
“That’s so sad,” was all I could manage in reply.
Susan looked at me before turning around. “You don’t know half of it.”
Chapter 18
Ella
A week flew by, and the whispers and stares died down. I caught glimpses of Monica as she walked the halls in school in between classes, but she either didn’t see me or pretended not to. I was fine with that. I was just glad to see she was keeping it together, and appeared to be carrying on doing all the usual things she did – save for glaring at me.
Exams were a few weeks away, and I threw myself into studying, spending time in the library in school, pulling the occasional all-nighter over the weekends. I saw less of everyone, even Sarah, as I dove into my notes and textbooks, seeking solace from the familiarity of it all. Cole was still not back yet, and I wonder
ed if he would miss the exams altogether. He was unlikely to be in the frame of mind to sit them anyway.
But then late on Wednesday night, as I pored over my Math notebook, doing some last-minute revision for the exam the next day, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was soft, and I immediately walked over to the door, expecting to see my mom, who I hadn’t spoken to since the night before. She and Marcus were on better terms, it seemed, although I still hadn’t heard anything about the wedding.
It was...Cole. He stood at the doorway, his head bowed, and I was struck by how gaunt his cheeks were. Not Hans, because Hans is still in that rehab place. He had to be. My heart stuttered at the thought. “Cole?” When did he arrive?
His rich brown eyes clouded over as he searched my face. “Ella.”
I became self-conscious, dressed in my old pajama shorts and a camisole, my hair probably a mess. I rubbed my bare arms, then turned to grab a robe hanging just behind the door. He stood there, silent, as if waiting to be invited in, and I decided to trust my gut. “Come on in.”
He walked inside, turned as if to do a quick survey of the room, and remained standing. “I...I can’t sleep.” His arms hung limply by his sides. I wasn’t sure what made me reach for him - the desperation in his voice, the way it wavered as it revealed his inner turmoil, or how broken he looked then. It was at odds with the Cole I knew, or at least the one I thought I did. I stood in front of him, wanting to give him a hug, but unsure as to how it would be received. To hell with it. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his body stiffen before he slowly relaxed in my embrace, his head bowed, his muscular arms coming around me. I could hear his shuddering breaths, feel the tears as his eyes pressed into my head. I had never seen him so naked and vulnerable before, and couldn’t associate this guy to the one who had sat in the cafeteria with his taunting eyes as his twin made fun of me.
“This is so messed up.”
I waited, knowing there was more where that came from. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He wasn’t supposed to do any of that. Not him.”
Me – Cole.
It was what he didn’t say that struck me. “Why do you say that?”
He pulled away, crossed his arms in front of him and started to pace around the room. When I was sure he would burn a circular hole through the carpet, I tried again. “Cole, you can’t blame yourself for what Hans did.”
His laugh was brittle, like shards of broken, jagged glass. “It was supposed to be me. Heck, it might still be me.”
Tell me, I willed him. I don’t understand.
He turned around suddenly, his dark eyes fixed onto mine, suddenly appearing focused and stealthy, back to the Cole I had come to know. “Ella. I came here to apologize. You don’t want to be a part of this family. It’s best if you stay away from us. It’s...broken.”
And he turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him.
What just happened?
I deliberated whether to run after him and shake him until I got an explanation, then decided he probably needed space and time to think. I looked down at my abandoned notebook, and decided I had had enough. It wasn’t as if I could focus on formulas and numbers now anyway.
It took me forever to drift off to an uneasy sleep, and when I did, I had a dream punctuated by screams and images of me in Monica’s place, being forced facedown against a black mattress, whilst Cole held a knife against my neck. I couldn’t get out of it, and when morning came, I could still feel the scream trapped in my throat and the blade against my skin.
***
I finished the paper with minutes to spare, having double-checked all my answers. A headache had begun to form behind my eyes, and I rubbed my temple in circular motions, attempting to relieve it. Cole’s face kept on flashing in my mind, and I itched to find out whether he went to school today or not. Marcus had dropped me off this morning, and I had noticed both the twins’ cars were still in the garage, untouched for over a week now. Marcus hadn’t mentioned that Cole was back, and I wondered if he even knew. Nor did we speak about Hans and how he was doing, or even how long they expected him to stay there. It was a far cry from the open, honest relationship I had seen begin to develop in the whole of last year – before the twins came into the picture.
After the last of our classes, I headed for my locker, keeping an eye out for Cole the entire time.
"Ella!" I turned to see Jules sprint towards me, and was surprised when she swept me into a bone-crushing hug. "You okay?"
I wasn't sure what she was asking about, so I simply nodded.
"How were your papers today?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I probably bombed that Chemistry one, but that wouldn't surprise me. It's not my best subject. What about you?"
I wanted to tell her I thought I had done great on my Math paper, but given what she said, I simply replied, "Oh, Math wasn't too bad. I guess we'll find out soon enough."
She smiled, as if knowing I was just being humble.
"Listen," she said, and I braced myself for what was coming next. "I know you probably don't want to know about this, but I think it's important that you do."
I cocked an eyebrow. What did she mean?
"Everyone's been saying Hans will be back tomorrow."
She looked at me, and the expression of surprise that flickered across my face made her smile almost smugly. "I figured you didn't know. I mean, you look too calm for someone who knew."
"Where'd you hear that?" I asked cautiously. I wasn't sure I trusted her sources, even though she was without a doubt the most relentless rumor-seeker I knew.
"Jeremy told me. They keep in touch." The way she said Jeremy’s name made me realize she was smug about being told about it first hand, and by him, too.
"Since when do you hang out with Jeremy?" I asked, unable to keep the curiosity out of my voice.
"Since the party. We don't just hang out if you know what I mean." I watched as she flipped her hair back, and I realized I hadn't spoken to her in ages. Had she been hanging out with the popular gang all this while? Good for her, since it was what she had been aiming for the entire time I knew her. I began to notice the little things I probably was too distracted to see before: the tear-drop necklace she wore, the beautiful earrings, that shiny new bag.
"Are you dating him?"
She shrugged, a graceful movement I wouldn't have seen her do before. "We're not labeling it anything just yet." Her eyes twinkled happily.
I turned back to my locker and began replacing the books in my bag with the ones I needed to bring home for revision.
"Well, thank you for the heads-up." I wasn't sure what else to say, or what to do with the information now that I had it. I mean, I lived with the guy, so it wasn't as if I could escape him, right?
Perhaps there was something in my tone, but Jules' eyes flashed, and she said snippily, "I just thought it was something you would want to know. I mean, I would, if the guy who almost raped me was gonna come back in the next twenty-four hours."
She turned around in a huff before I could call her back to explain, and I noticed her skirt was at least an inch shorter than it used to be before. Sigh.
Chapter 19
Cole
I wasn't sure when things had turned so upside down. When our nightmares and monsters had gotten the best of us. I had always known Hans had a twisted mind, but the extent to which it had revealed itself shocked me. He was supposed to be the more controlled one. If anyone were to snap, it would have been me. It had always been me. I was the one who got into fistfights, and Hans would have to come and break it up, calm me down and console or bribe the other guy, do whatever that worked. And with girls – he had always had it easy, we both did, so there was no challenge there.
But Hans was sick. I knew his twisted preferences, knew he liked the idea of an unwilling partner, but it never manifested. Not once. So for him to be barely drunk and forcing himself on Monica like that...whilst threatening Ella, making her watch, and maybe forcing himself on her,
too, if she hadn’t managed to escape – it came as a shock to me. I disliked Monica, but the girl didn't deserve it. No one did.
I sighed, remembering how Monica had turned white when she saw me in the hallway recently, after classes were over. I had been there to reschedule my exams to a different week, something the principal Mr. Brennan had readily agreed to, probably seeing what a wreck I was. I hadn't been able to speak with her then, because she had turned and walked halfway across the hallway before I was able to. It made sense. I was the splitting image of Hans, and even though she usually recognized me, I was sure it didn't help to be her tormentor's identical twin.
I wondered about Hans. What was going through his mind? Did he have any regrets for what he had done? I had barely exchanged two words with him since he was shipped off to no-man's land, where he was probably simmering. I laughed harshly, ignoring the startled look I got from the freshman who smartly chose to scuttle away. Did my father think a lifetime's worth of damage was going to be undone by some counselor in a facility? If he truly believed that, then he was in for a big surprise. He should have known better, should have seen this coming from a mile away. And I blamed him, the adult in this whole messy situation. Tragic, my mom had said when I told her, as she looked down at her perfectly manicured nails. She had barely batted an eyelash when I came knocking in the wee hours of the morning on her apartment door the night of the party. She had taken one look at me, and had heard Hans' name on my lips before ushering me in, and giving me the guest bedroom Hans and I shared whenever we came to visit. I guess none of it had surprised her. She had built a good life away from us, had ended up being the smartest one in the family, getting away from us years before this meltdown. It was inevitable - but my dad had refused to see it. Had thought giving us food and shelter was going to keep us all safe - from ourselves, from each other - whilst he shut himself in his office, day after day, working on building his business, amassing his wealth. And all for naught.
