by Iris Taylor
I thought about Monica again, and how I was going to try to make things better for her. I disagreed with my dad's manipulative way of getting Monica to drop charges. Necessary, but it wasn't the only way out. It would do Hans some good to be tried in the courts, but as usual, dad had turned a blind eye and preferred to sweep it under the carpet. Ship Hans away - out of sight, out of mind.
And as for me - I broke down. Thrashed my bedroom when I had heard what happened, out of shock, and perhaps out of guilt - I had ignored Ella's calls the first time she shouted for me at the party, and the second time too, preferring to enjoy the nameless blonde who had come sidling up to my side. Had taken my time before deciding to find out what she was screaming my name for, and then –
Nausea rose to my throat when I discovered what Hans was capable of. What we were capable of. Sure, it had crossed my mind once or twice before, nothing more than a fleeting thought, but to actually go through with it? Had it come to this?
I revved the engine of the car, and pulled out of the almost-empty parking lot, leaving the school behind. I wondered how Ella was going to get home after classes today, and then wondered why I cared. The plan had worked, too well in fact, and she and her mother were soon going to go back to wherever they came from. Which was the best thing for them, to be away from us monsters, even though it wouldn’t change anything for us. Not one thing.
***
Ella
Jules was wrong. Hans didn’t return the next day, or even that week. and I couldn’t help the sheer relief I felt when Marcus confirmed this, although inadvertently. We were sitting at dinner, just mom, Marcus and me, pretending everything was normal. As if Hans was on holiday, and not in rehab. As if Cole had merely declined to join us just this time, even though none of us had actually seen him in almost a week. As if I hadn't heard their arguments - sometimes, well into the night, so that I, too, had trouble falling asleep and getting up the next day.
"Your mom and I will be away next week," Marcus said as he sliced into the delicious roast beef Susan had prepared.
"Oh? Where to?" My mind started racing with what this meant. Maybe I was wrong after all? Maybe they were still going ahead with wedding preparations? Please say you won't be leaving me for too long. The idea of being home alone with both Cole and Hans - who was supposed to have returned two days ago, according to Jules - was enough to make me consider asking Sarah for her spare bedroom.
"Toronto. I have some business there, and your mom will be accompanying me." My mom merely smiled weakly.
"And will you be gone the entire week?"
"Yes. Hopefully we will be back by Sunday."
Sunday. That meant seven days with Cole, at the very least. My worry must have shown on my face, because Marcus followed up with, "We will be dropping by to see Hans on our way back."
I nodded, quietly finishing up what was left of my meat and potatoes, suddenly not hungry at all. I hated that we were tiptoeing around the topic - even asking my mother felt wrong, because of how permanently worried she looked lately. She had also lost some weight - her usually youthful face now appearing more withdrawn, the pinks all gone, and dark shadows now circling her eyes.
I wanted to ask her, but thought she would tell me first if she needed me to know, or if she needed someone to talk to. We had always had that sort of relationship with each other, but lately, she had been more distant. Was this what it was going to be like once - if - they married?
Afterwards, I decided I needed some time alone, but I wasn't ready to go back to my room, where I had spent too much time cooped up, studying for the exams. Thankfully those were over. I wandered around the house, remembering the tour Hans had given me. That Hans was all smiles and charm. I felt sad, but pushed the thought away. Marcus had thought it best for him to be separated from Cole and everyone whilst he was receiving his treatment, and he knew his son best.
I found myself in the basement, where the theatre room and the indoor pool were. I rarely ventured to this side of the house, not being a fan of being alone in strange places. Now, I admired the vast space and the money it must have taken to create such an open space, underground. The door to the movie room was locked, and I wondered if anyone was in it. I had been in there once before, and didn't plan on hanging out there again. The pool, however, was a place I found enticing. It was shaped in the form of a giant tear drop, and Hans had told me if I wasn’t much of a swimmer, it would be better to bring someone with me, because of how deep it was. But it was the Jacuzzi in the corner that I now focused on, and wondered if I dared use. I had never been in one before, and wondered what the various knobs did.
Just as I decided I didn't dare stay there alone, a sound of water splashing jolted me. I turned quickly, to find Cole emerging from the farther end of the pool, an image of golden skin and sinewy strength. Not fair. He was beautiful in all the ways that counted. I forced myself to keep my eyes on his face, ignoring his bare chest as he swum towards me and got out of the pool.
"Do you come here often?" My words came out surprisingly clear, despite how nervous I had become. He shrugged, reaching for a towel. It was one heck of a view. My eyes betrayed me and took in an eyeful of that happy trail that snaked down his abdomen.
"Once every few days. Is this your first time?"
I nodded.
"Do you swim?"
I wasn't sure how to answer that. If I said no - would he throw me into the water? Teach me? Did I trust him at all?
My hesitation didn't faze him. "It's pretty shallow on this end - you would be able to stand on your tiptoes just fine." He looked at me up and down, as if just realizing how short I was.
My temper flared. "I can swim just fine." Liar.
His smile was lazy, crooked. Those gaunt cheeks had filled out some, and he had lost that haunted look.
"Well, then, be my guest."
I shook my head too quickly, and his smile grew. "It's late - I should get going." Before I turned, I felt his wet skin against my arm.
"Stay." The pleading in his eyes told me he needed the company more than I realized. So I stayed, sitting by the side of the pool, dipping my feet in, as he swum laps. The muscles on his back and shoulders bunched up with each movement, and I had to begin telling myself that he was going to be my stepbrother, even as another part of my mind told me this wasn't true.
After a good fifteen minutes, he got out of the pool again, and sat down cross-legged next to me. We looked at the water surface as it smoothed again, the blue water crystal clear, so that I could see the tiles down below.
"What's it like, being you?" I asked. It wasn't that I was feeling bold. It was just that, suddenly, he wasn't the untouchable, heartbreakingly gorgeous superstar anymore. I had seen him break, seen what he looked like in his lowest moments, and more than anything, I felt sorry for him, for the human inside him that had so much to prove, to showcase to the world. But I knew better than to show him my pity. Knew better than to risk evoking the anger that lurked just underneath.
He kicked the water, sending a powerful splash that became one with the body of the pool. "I don't know what it's like otherwise," he replied simply. "What's it like being you?"
I turned, trying to see if he was making fun of me, but his mouth was downturned, his face serious.
"I...I just can't imagine being in the spotlight like that. Doesn't it come with...too many expectations?"
"Only if you want it to. Hans and I..." he clenched his jaw at the name. "We thrive under the attention. I guess it's because it's easier to become someone you aren't. To slip into that mask daily, be that hot, popular guy, doing hot popular guy things..."
Now his voice held a hint of jesting. I pushed him lightly with my shoulder, then started when I realized I didn't budge him at all. I tried again. He shifted - making me almost fall face down into his lap. My cheeks burned, and he laughed - a loud, open laugh that was as sudden as it was beautiful.
"Out of shape, huh?"
"I never was in shape to begi
n with," I huffed, shoving my hair out of my face as I straightened. We both turned back to the water, letting the silence fall between us. It wasn't awkward, but a peaceful, quiet lull, each of us lost in our own thoughts.
"Are you close to Hans?" The question popped out of nowhere, but somehow appropriate at the time.
He shrugged. "As close as siblings are, I guess. I'm not sure what having a sibling who isn't a twin feels like." His jaw tightened as he said this, although I wasn't sure why. After a while, he relaxed again, and his dark eyes softened. "If what you want to know is whether he and I share any silent communication or stuff like that, then I would have to say no. No more than you and your mom, or...other people do with the rest of their family." It didn't escape my notice that he didn't use his relationship with his father as an example.
After a while, he stood up, and held out his hand for me, which I took gingerly. I swallowed, watching that large hand envelope my smaller one, acutely aware of his nakedness. I didn't look too hard at his swimming trunks, or the rigid, taut planes of his abdomen, but seeing him bare-chested was enough to make my cheeks warm.
He smiled, a lopsided, cheeky one, as if aware of my embarrassment. "Do you always try hard not to stare? You can, you know, if you want."
I threw the small towel he was holding against him and somehow managed to shove him into the pool. He surfaced quickly, shouting, and splashed water at me, barely hitting my ankles. I savored the dizzying glee I felt at my triumph.
That night, I slept with a smile on my face, a restful, dreamless slumber, before the next day shattered all my hopes of a new beginning in this place called Gray Lake.
Chapter 20
Cole
"No."
I felt my shoulders tense, even as Jeremy stepped closer to me, attempting to act as a buffer between me and Hunter. "Absolutely not."
Hunter sighed. "Come on, man. I thought you wanted her out of this place? It's been a while since someone like that even existed. You know that."
You're a filthy, disgusting pig, I wanted to hurl at his face. Not too long ago, I would have turned a blind eye and let him do whatever he wanted to those unwitting girls. He snagged them easily enough, as if they hadn't put up much of a fight, or more likely than not, he had turned on his full charm. He was right - it had been a while since someone as beautiful and as innocent as Ella had walked the halls of Gray Lake Academy. The other virgins were still that because of how...unpalatable they were.
But - no. Not Ella. I didn't care to understand the thunder ringing in my ears, but he was not going to be the one to take away her innocence. Not when it was a prized possession for all of one night, forgotten the next day.
"Go hit on some other girl. Have you scoured Raleigh High?" The other high school in the area, notorious for its more relaxed rules, and wilder girls.
Hunter pouted but I could see the fight go out of him. I would have given him a piece of my mind with my fists if he hadn't backed down. "Well, I hope you have a better plan to get her away from this place, if that's what you really want."
I didn't bother replying him. I didn't know what I wanted, not anymore. It was supposed to be straightforward: taunt the girl until she broke and went back to wherever she came from. Now instead, Hans was gone, said girl had gotten under my skin and decided to stay there, and my mind was all kinds of messed up. Heck, I felt guilty for trying to break up my father and Ella's mom, and I hadn't even played much of a role in that - yet. It was as if I had grown a conscience, one that had no right to appear at such a lousy time.
The sigh that escaped me made Sean nudge me with his knee. Glancing up, I looked in the direction he was looking at.
Ella. She was walking towards us with her friend - Jules, I think Jeremy said her name was - looking every bit unsure and wide-eyed. I could feel something stir in my gut. Jules pranced over to Jeremy, giving him a loud smack on the cheek, making even Hunter cringe. Her overly enthusiastic voice carried over to us, and it was all I could do to keep my focus away from that shrill sound.
"Hey." Ella stood in front of me, looking at Jules, realizing she had been abandoned. I made room on the bench next to me and patted the spot. Her gaze flitted towards Jules again, who was now sitting on Jeremy's lap, oblivious to the signals her friend was giving her, and she sat down.
I wordlessly shoved my plate of fries towards her, and watched as she slowly began to put them in her mouth, then steadily work to finish it. It reminded me of that time when she ate my favorite meal with relish, and I inwardly cringed at my reaction then. I watched, fascinated, as she silently dusted off the crumbs, and looked at me gratefully.
"Haven't you had any lunch?" I asked, wondering why she was so hungry. She shook her head. "Jules asked me to stay with her whilst she looked over some photos for the paper."
I decided her friend wasn't much of one, given how she had ignored Ella the moment she found Jeremy.
"Come. Let's go grab some more food. I could use a Coke."
She eyed me curiously, then stood up and walked next to me, and soon piled her tray with some piping hot soup, bread and salad.
I watched as she finished off that second plate. Finally, sated, she turned and looked at me, as if focusing on me for the first time.
"Thanks."
I guessed it was for making sure she ate. I hope she never had to thank me for saving her from the Hunters of this world. I hope she never had to encounter another one of us monsters again. Yeah, she was better off away from Gray Lake, back to that place that let her be the virgin she was. At least, that's what people were saying - that she was a virgin. I wondered if it was something she had told her friend Jules. I hoped Jeremy would get rid of her soon. I guess the good thing that came out of Jules being around was that I now knew Jeremy liked girls.
My head snapped sideways when I heard Monica's voice. "Ella," she said in a flat voice. Ella turned to her and gave her a tentative smile.
"Hey. Um, how are you?" I pretended not to listen, which was hard given how close they both were. Monica, I was sure, came to sniff out her territory again. I was surprised her claws hadn't come out yet.
"Could be better. Listen, can I have some time with Cole, alone?"
It was as surprising as if she had said please. Even Ella knew that, and she quickly wiped the corner of her mouth and stood up with her tray. "Of course. I was just leaving."
I watched as Ella walked away, her curvy backside swaying in that way I knew she didn't realize. Gotta keep on feeding her. The thought jolted me. What was I thinking? I didn't want her to stick around. My thoughts immediately snapped back to where they should be the moment I felt Monica's nails scrape my arm.
"So, Ella, huh?"
I gritted my teeth. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Or maybe, you don't know what you're talking about." She sighed and stepped a few inches away from me before taking the spot Ella just vacated. "Listen. I just wanted to know about the rumors. Is Hans really coming back this week?"
I looked towards the girl I once thought I could care about. Her pretty face was overshadowed by concern - a look I never associated with her. Monica was spunky, and rather than worry, she tended to seize something with both hands and tackle it. Which was why I was attracted to her initially, but was also what made it difficult to get rid of her. "I don't know. He doesn't tell me." Truth. And I wasn't about to volunteer that my own father hadn't spoken to me about it, not once, since the party. I had to find out through the grapevine just like everyone else. So much for being the remaining son. My heart ached at the thought.
I looked at Monica again, at the dejected look on her face, and felt a glimmer of empathy for her. "I'll make sure to tell you if I hear anything." A promise, one I hadn't made for her, not in a while. She nodded, understanding this. I couldn't help feeling some relief when she left. It wasn't her fault I was such a heartless prick. And it may have been her fault for getting Hans interested, but she hadn't deserved the monster that had come out to play
that night. Monica had been giving Hans a lap dance, trying to get a rise out of me that night. I hadn't taken the bait, but she had gotten out with far, far worse. The least I could do was to tell her if I saw my twin back home.
Hans hadn't texted. I had sent him a photo of his pet fish, Yolo, but I guess he didn't care enough to reply. I wondered how different life would be had Nathan been with us. If my mom hadn't left. I often saw other families, seemingly happy, with their parents by their side. Whenever Hunter moaned about how his mother worked him to the bone with errands, it was all I could do not to snap at him. At least he had a mom around. One who nagged about his whereabouts, what he ate, and how he dressed. My friends thought my mom was cool, giving me the freedom to do as I wished whenever I came to visit.
Nathan. I wondered what he would look like if he were still alive now. Another Isaac heartbreaker, no doubt. Perhaps even more so, with those curly blond curls he had inherited from our mother. My heart clenched, as if an iron fist had tightened around it. And I savored the feeling, savored the guilt that I was to live with for the rest of my life.
Chapter 21
Ella
Life returned to normal again, or at least, seemed to. Hans was still away, and I felt a sense of relief lull me. Cole and I went back to barely acknowledging each other at school, which helped my nerves and attraction towards him calm down a bit. But now he had started to take me with him to school, and I wondered if that was voluntary. Marcus and my mom had been away that time, and my mom hadn't mentioned anything. The rides to school were peaceful, and whatever conversations we had were relaxed and not forced. We talked about school, the crazy English teacher who refused him a rewrite when he had come down sick - "he was always a dick towards me, ever since I spoke back to him freshman year" - and football. I wondered how the team fared without Hans, but never asked. Life had continued, regardless of whether everyone was playing their part or not. I had gotten my grades back, and I was pleased to find I had done better than I had expected, given the circumstances.
