Hating, Hurting: A Stepbrother Bully Story

by Iris Taylor

  "No, she's not back yet. Isn't she with you?" I could hear the faint whizzing sound of the mixer in the background. "I'm making you both some cheesecake..."

  "That's fine. Thanks, Susan. We'll be there."

  I hope the panic in my voice hadn't filtered through. Come on, come on. I tried to think of where he would have taken her. Once I got off the highway, I drove in the direction of our neighborhood, trying to see if he had gone that way. No signs of the car. I drove back home, just in case they were there without Susan's knowledge - but the car wasn't anywhere on the grounds either - not in the garage, or in the back where we used to play as kids. I cursed, and tried calling her again, to no avail. I decided to ring Hans, but he didn't pick up. Hans, where are you? I thought, hoping to reach that tenuous mental bond we shared. I drove to the coffee house Ella loved to go to, past the new shopping mall...there were still no signs of her.

  My phone rang, and I immediately snatched it up.

  "Hey, bro. You called?"

  My knuckles must have turned white with how tightly I gripped my phone. "Hans. Where is she?"

  "Aww. Is that how you greet the twin you haven't met in weeks?"

  "Hans."

  He sighed, the sound weary, like someone trying to tolerate a naughty child. "She's fine, Cole. She's getting ready as we speak."

  The blood in my veins chilled. "Getting ready for what?"

  He laughed, a low, cruel sound that reminded me of the time he had taken my pet fish away from me, and never gave it back. I never knew what he had done to it, or where he put it. I didn't want to know.

  "Don't spoil my fun, Cole."

  I needed a different tactic. "You gonna have fun without me?" I injected a bit of the playfulness I didn't feel into my voice.

  He laughed. "Nice try. Call me when you really mean it." And the line went dead.

  I cursed again, slamming my hand against the steering wheel. Where'd you go where'd you go

  Images of Ella being tortured flashed through my head, Ella bound and crying, her face wet with tears - but I willed them away. No. I was going to get there before anything happened to her, before Hans laid his hands on her.

  The cabin. Memories conjured: of summers spent there, of a time when we were carefree and didn't fully understand the impact of Nathan's demise on our lives, on our futures. On the people we were to become, souls that were one and yet were separate, growing and fracturing in ways we hadn't comprehended, could not have comprehended. The pain we went through and never spoke of. The emptiness and gaping silence filled in our own ways, and here, now, was the end result. Ella, with Hans, who had escaped his treatment center hours away. I wondered how long he had thought his plan through, and wasn't sure which was better - a premeditated attack, or a spur-of-the-moment one. I decided it didn't matter.

  I drove towards the lake at full speed, ignoring the honking of cars, some of which swerved to avoid me. I slowed down when I almost hit the truck in front of me, my thoughts distracting me, and realized I was endangering myself as well as others. I had to get there in one piece to be of any use to Ella.

  Please let them be there. My twin was full of surprises, even though I thought I knew him well.

  The slow descent down the grassy hills into the private property below ramped up my pulse so it was ringing in my ears again. The gates were unlocked, I noted grimly. Meandering down the concrete path, I found the Range Rover parked by the large two-storey log house with floor-to-ceiling windows we lovingly called The Cabin. I quickly switched off the engine and jumped out of the car. The front door was unlocked, and I quietly stepped inside. Silence - no voices, no screaming. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.

  A quick glance into the large sitting room told me they hadn't stepped in there - the fireplace remained unlit, the room a little chilly despite the warmer weather outside. The glass walls revealed the gray-blue lake outside - empty as far as I could see - the lake was partly hidden by the small boathouse outside, and the shrubbery that connected to the surrounding forest. My chest constricted at the thought of Hans bringing Ella there. I hadn't stepped foot in that forest in a long time, and I had no desire to do so now.

  A sound made my head snap upwards. Water, like someone showering, or like a bath being drawn. I walked up the steel and concrete stairway, my footsteps silent, lest I alert Hans of my presence. Past the bedrooms - some doors open, allowing me to see the untouched beds, some closed but an ear against the doors only yielding silence. No - the sound came from the bathroom down the hallway. As I inched closer, I could hear humming, although I couldn't decide if it were male or female. Closer...closer. The door was ajar, and the humming had stopped. Running water, and splashes, like someone was shifting around in the bathtub. I decided to peek and my mouth dropped open.

  ***

  "Ella?"

  She was naked, water and bubbles covering her all the way to her shoulders, her eyes closed as she relaxed against the porcelain. Her eyes quickly snapped open as she caught sight of me, and I could see when the terror entered them.

  "Stay...stay away." A hand clenched the side of the tub, and the other went straight to the delicate necklace that hung around her neck.

  "Ella, it's me, Cole."

  The crack in my voice must have jolted her, because her eyes went to my face as she searched for something. "Cole? Is that you? Are you guys playing a game or something?"

  Relief flooded my voice. "Ella. Listen. Hans..."

  A hand on my shoulder made me freeze. "Hans is home. Finally, eh? Was wondering when my brother was going to help get me out of that hellhole."

  I turned to see the face so like mine, etched with cold fury, before he smiled and schooled his features into a near-neutral expression again.

  "Hans, you know I tried," I replied quietly.

  "Well, it doesn't matter now, because we're all together now. Shall we get lunch ready?" He winked at Ella, and walked down the hall towards the stairs.

  I turned to face Ella, keeping half an eye on Hans.

  "Ella. Get dressed. We have to go."

  "I wouldn't be whispering if I were you!" Hans called cheerfully from below.

  Goosebumps lined my arms. I hated that voice, knew what it meant, knew that his sanity was questionable, his mind gone, far deep into the recesses where I couldn't reach him. It had happened a few times before, each time ending catastrophically for various animals - the fish, the poor kitten. I never got a pet ever again after that kitten, couldn't stomach it after seeing its head a foot away from the mutilated body, the guts hanging out as it lay beside a small grave. "To give it some dignity," Hans had said then, echoing words from a TV show we had both watched. He hadn't apologized then, and hadn't shown any remorse or signs of reflection even when he was lucid again. I had curled up in my bed for days, Susan unsuccessfully trying to coax me out of bed. Even then, my parents hadn't checked in on me. I was eleven. I hadn't seen him this way since then, had thought this side of him gone, that he had grown out of it, had found other ways of channeling his energy, as I had heard my mother call it once. Certainly, going through different girls every week was better than the alternative. Snowball's eyes haunted me again, glassy and white, coated over with a film that told me he had been dead for some time.

  "Cole." A hand laid upon my forearm. Ella - dressed in a t-shirt and the school skirt, her hair wet and ruffled, like she had run her fingers through them. She was holding her school bag. "What do we do now?" There was no small amount of relief as I heard her say we. That she still trusted me, after all I had done to her, after the trickery my twin had just pulled, told me more about her wholesome sense of self rather than my own trustworthiness or ability to keep up appearances.

  "Now," Hans replied in that same cheerful voice, standing halfway up the stairs, "we eat."

  Chapter 24

  Cole

  I waited, breath baited, trying to school my features into something that lay between neutral and - evil. Because Hans knew me. Perhaps even more
than I knew myself.

  "So I heard from Hunter that you've been hanging out with them less," Hans was saying, looking at me with a twinkle in his eye. "Would it have anything to do with a certain new girl in town?" He grinned, baring his white teeth at Ella, who, to her credit, only blinked under his gaze.

  Ella looked to me, as if seeking for my permission, before turning to Hans. "Cole is...teaching me to swim."

  The gleam of interest in Hans' eyes made my heart stutter. "Is that right?" He turned to look at me. "That wouldn't be because of...Nathan, would it?" Then he hastily glanced down at the chicken chops he had served us, before saying under his breath, wide-eyed, "Oh, sorry for the slip." Right in front of me, he had morphed from the patient, more level-headed twin to an unhinged, calculating one, and I wondered at what point he had snapped. The isolation - that was the turning point. I eyed him again, hard, watching his smile grow wide as he noticed my stare.

  "Nathan?" Ella looked between us, confused. Her plate lay in front of her, untouched. Only Hans ate as if he hadn't seen real food in a while. Perhaps he really hadn't.

  "Cole hasn't told you about him, has he?" Hans shook his head. "A story for another time. But suffice it to say, Cole is not the guy you think he is." And who would that be? I wanted to shout at him. Because even I didn't know. I could feel the tension in my shoulders and neck, the beginnings of a pounding headache, as I remembered. Swallowing, I shoved the rage and sadness bubbling just below the surface to say, "Ella. Let's finish up. Your mother will be wondering where you are."

  Hans just smiled. "Nice try. But Ella already texted her to say she was off to visit friends for a few days. Doubt her mom will look into it too hard - Marcus is bringing her up to Silver Springs to get some last minute wedding prep done."

  My veins froze over. "Well, then I guess we have Ella all to ourselves the next few days." I leaned back, hands behind my neck, the picture of utter relaxation, my smile stretching widely. Hans eyed me, a smile on his face too, then his gaze fell to my own untouched plate. I made a show of eating, the food tasting like ash in my mouth, praying Hans hadn't slipped anything inside.

  "But I want to go." Her eyes were wide, pleading, as she tried to hide her rising panic.

  "No can do," I replied her cheerfully, giving Hans a wink. "Hans is back home now, and deserves a fitting welcome." I looked up around the house, as if assessing it. "Wanna give Ella a tour, Hans?"

  "Shall we?"

  My mind whirled as I walked behind them, Hans showing Ella the many rooms and sitting places in the house. My heart pounded when we reached the large veranda that hung over the water, Ella barely stepping over the threshold to look at the beautiful scenery - water and trees as far as the eyes could see. No nearby houses, no one to witness Hans if Ella went over the railing. She couldn't swim, not yet.

  Mercifully, it wasn't what Hans had planned for Ella, at least not today, it seemed. He walked away from the veranda and turned to face me, his face open, happy. "The boathouse?"

  I wanted to shout no. The boathouse was run down, cluttered, and took us as far away from the house and the main road as possible. Holding Hans' gaze, I replied firmly, "It's gonna rain soon. Maybe tomorrow."

  "A little rain never stopped you," Hans said, eyeing me closely.

  "It's...our secret place." I did my best to inject some sadness to my words.

  He considered, his head tilting to one side. "Well, okay. We can talk about it tonight." He smiled at Ella again, and with a mock bow, ushered her out the door. "Just the grounds, then."

  ***

  My heart thudded. Only a few more minutes until midnight, and then I would get my car keys off the table, grab Ella and drive away from here. The plan was simple - the execution I was certain was not. I waited, the house having been silent for the past hour. I knew Hans' habits - knew when he was usually in the washroom, and when he would almost certainly be asleep and dead to the world. It was the basis of all of my pranks - although the last one I pulled was over three years ago. As soon as my Tag Heuer indicated the time had arrived, I quietly opened my bedroom door, where I had been pretending to be asleep for the past three hours - claiming a headache - and had made sure Ella was in the room across from mine so I could monitor it from where I lay.

  I didn't dare knock - even though Hans was a heavy sleeper, I didn't want to risk it. The doorknob turned easily in my hand, no creaking to give me away, and I was grateful for all the money my dad shelled out to maintain the house for once. The room was as I remembered - the large oak dresser, the white curtains, drawn closed, the heavy Egyptian rug underfoot. But the four-poster bed was empty. No signs of Ella ever being on it. Had I gotten the room wrong? I hadn't actually seen Ella enter it, although Hans and I had agreed she would take this room. Forehead scrunched, I walked as silently as I could to the other end of the hallway, around the balcony overlooking the sitting room below, hoping I wouldn't wake Hans up in the process. His bedroom door was shut, with no sounds that indicated he was awake - or even inside. My heart thundered, and even more so when I saw the other bedroom was empty, completely untouched, just like the other one. The only other room to check would be Hans'.

  I gritted my teeth as I made my way back, debating whether it was a good idea to peek inside or not. Maybe Ella had gone off by herself already? I had to check for my keys downstairs to be sure. I hated that I hadn't gone back to retrieve them from the table - hated that my head wasn't in the game. Because Hans loved games, and I needed to be wholly present to win this one. Ella was at stake - who knew what he was capable of doing? The images of the kitten popped up again, and I willed them to remain front and center so as to remind me.

  Standing before his bedroom door, I took a deep, silent breath and gently turned the knob. The door opened, and the emptiness of the room stared at me, a mocking silence that told me I was too late. The bed was unmade, but no signs of Hans - or Ella. As usual, my twin was several steps ahead, and here I was, thinking I would wait until midnight.

  I threw open the doors on that top floor - the bathroom, the office, the small gym. Looked under the beds and in the closets, just in case. The balconies were next, and when I couldn't find anything there, I looked down into the water. It would have been a slow, painful death, drowning. I would know - my nightmares were crafted out of it. The water would pull you under, regardless of whether you could swim or not - because the end was the same, always the same. Limbs thrashing about, your brain telling you that you needed to get to the surface, because the precious air in your lungs was now working against you, making your chest feel like a bomb about to explode, a vise gripping you tighter and tighter - until your next exhale and inhale, when the water flows into you, invited by your own attempts to breathe. And they always ended the same, my nightmares - I would watch myself floating, face down in the bath water, and when I turned my body over, in those dreams - it was Nathan's face. As if to torture me, my mind now decided to show me Ella's face, too, what she would look like if she were to meet Nathan's fate. Her beautiful face, open and trusting, now swollen and blue, purple shadows rimming her vacant, lifeless blue eyes, mouth open, a last plea for help, undoubtedly taking in the fatal last breath.

  I realized I was shaking, and gave myself a few seconds to take some cleansing breaths, to wash the images away from my mind. Hans knew - knew about my nightmares, knew my greatest fears. And I prayed he wouldn't use them as a weapon to wield against me tonight, wouldn't take Ella away the same way Nathan went. I ran down the stairs, eyes scanning the large room. Silent - so silent. And empty, as were all the rooms on this floor. The keys - my car keys were still on the table where I had placed them before. I ran to the front door - both cars were still there. Ella - Ella was still here, somewhere. But where? The boathouse. But without driving the car there, I didn't see how. It was a seven-minute drive down the gravel road that wound around the edge of the lake, flanked by trees on either side. I peered into both cars - nothing. The doors to Hans' car were all locked. The surrounding
silent darkness was broken only by the insistent humming of insects, and even the birds had turned into their nests for the night.

  I unlocked my car and slid in, the cool leather a reminder of how low the temperatures could drop in the area. The woods were silent as I passed them by, the breeze gently swaying the trees. There was no sign of Hans or Ella along the way, and when I arrived at the boathouse, I saw it was pitch dark in there, too. It seemed more rundown than what I remembered, the gray wood appearing darker in the night, the house somehow sunken a bit more into the water as it leaned ever so slightly to the left. I got out of the car, my footsteps muffled by the grass underfoot, and headed for the dilapidated walkway that led up to the side door. Silence - only silence greeted me. Around me, the wind began to pick up, bringing with it the chilly night air. The door took some prodding to push open, but again, it was empty inside, untouched. I couldn't remember the last time Hans and I had been in there - was it the summer before last? It certainly looked it - neglected, unloved. Not unlike its owner's children.

  The thought stayed with me as I walked back towards the car, my mind weighed down by the burden of the burning question - where had Hans taken Ella? For I was sure that was what had happened. Hans had always been the smarter one, knowing my moves even before I had even come up with them. Perhaps our twin-to-twin connection only went one way - in his favor. Ella didn't know the area, wouldn't risk going out in the dark of the night and not take the car with her. Had Hans somehow gotten somebody to take them both away from this place - leaving the cars behind to stump me?

  I reached for my phone, realizing I had no choice but to ask for help. Knowing how dangerous Hans could be..."Hello. Dad? I have to tell you something..."

  Chapter 25

  Ella

  I didn’t know where I was, only that I was wet and cold and that the ties on my wrists were too tight, cutting into my skin. The dampness had seeped through the rag Hans had used to gag me, through the drawstring pants I had found in the bedroom dresser last night, the damp, cold soil serving to worsen my vigorous shivering, which did nothing to warm me. I suppressed a whimper, refusing to let my fear overtake me, the shadows amongst the trees become the monsters they weren't. The wind whistled as it raced through the broken path, barely visible in the dark, in the shadows cast by the tall, viridescent conifers that gave off an almost unearthly glow. Hans had left over an hour ago, after grinning down at me, surveying his handiwork. I wondered what I would look like, once I was found. Not if. And certainly not too long from now. The words I had chanted over and over in my mind, again and again, to stop the tears from forming. Would anyone think to look this deep in the forest? Where there were no signs of anyone having been here for a very long while now, and knowing these grounds were part of the Isaacs' private property? Hans himself had reassured me he hadn't trespassed, that I need not worry on that end. As if I was worried about the trespassing. It was the other part of this story. The part where I would be found, tied to an ancient tree, undoubtedly weak, if not unconscious, bound with metal ties on my feet and hands, topless. Maybe even dead. I refused to give that thought too much attention. I would be found before then. I had to be. Cole would come. My mom would try to call me and find me uncontactable and look for me. Maybe Sarah or even Melissa.