“It’s intriguing,” she murmured, running a fingertip down the center of his belly.
“What is?”
“Your skin. I thought you were so dark because of the sun, but … you’re the same color all over.”
Opening one eye, he glanced down to find her swirling her fingers through the trail of hairs leading to his groin, and prayed she wouldn’t stop on her downward path. His cock was already stirring at the mere suggestion.
“My mother is Greek,” he replied. “My father went on his grand tour, lingered in Athens longer than he did anywhere else, and came home with a wife. Apparently, she needed convincing to leave her home and family to be with him. I inherited my coloring from her.”
“And your eyes?”
“Another gift from her. She is an uncommonly lovely woman. My sisters are pretty, too, but they look more like Father did.”
She sat up, staring down at him with her eyebrows drawn together. “You refer to him in the past tense.”
“He died just a few weeks before I met you.”
Her gaze swung to where his clothes lay in a heap on the floor. “You’ve been in mourning all this time. I had no idea.”
He shrugged, absently toying with a ruffle of lace on her sleeve. “It isn’t as easy to spot a man in mourning. My wardrobe did not require nearly as much adjustment as my mother’s and sisters’.”
“I’m so sorry. How awful for your poor mother. It sounds as if theirs was a love match?”
“It was. My family fell on hard times during the last years of his life, but even then they seemed happy with one another. I have done my best to care for her, but there are some things even I cannot make right. To have spent so much of her life with someone only to have him taken away … I cannot pretend to know how much that must hurt.”
Regina didn’t respond right away, staring across the room as if deep in thought. When she did speak, her words came out on a low whisper.
“I do not know how that feels. Randolph’s death came as a relief. I felt as if shackles had been struck from me when he took his last breath. I am sorry that your mother is in pain, but I am glad for her all the same. At least her marriage wasn’t a prison. When her grief has lessened, she will be able to look back on their time together with fondness.”
David wanted to offer some form of solace, but found himself at a loss. There was nothing he could say to erase what Regina had endured. Any words he spoke now would be hollow and without real meaning. The impotence of it left him feeling as if a heavy weight had dropped into his chest. It bothered him to see her standing in the remnants of destroyed dreams and have no notion of how to fix it.
“What of you?” she asked suddenly, meeting his gaze again. “I hope you don’t mind me asking such a personal question, I just—”
“What’s a simple question between us after what we just did?” he interjected.
“The hard times you mentioned … I assume they are the reason you became a courtesan. Or, is it a matter of actually enjoying the profession?”
David urged her to resume her position lying against him. “I will not pretend not to enjoy it immensely. But, yes, the condition of the estate and the mismanagement of my father’s steward are the main reason for my decision. I’ve spent the past three years sending money home to my family, thinking it was being put to good use. Unfortunately, the steward was a thief, and most of it has been lost. I may as well have dumped it all into a privy.”
“That’s despicable,” she exclaimed, her sprite-like features hardening with fury. “You must have been so distraught.”
“That would be putting it mildly. There was nothing for me to do but work to set it all right. It will take time, but the responsibility is mine, and not just for the sake of my own future. I have my sisters to consider, as well. They are both twenty-one years old—identical twins, by the way—and unwed. They will make a better match with dowries I cannot yet afford. But I will. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to see them happily settled.”
She reached up to push a heavy lock of hair back from his brow. “Including making a baby with a virtual stranger?”
He huffed a laugh and took hold of her hand to kiss her fingertips. “You aren’t a stranger anymore. I know plenty enough about you by now. I know how you smell and how you taste. I know that your face flushes about five different shades of red depending upon whether you are angry, embarrassed, or aroused. I know you have a tiny little beauty spot in a place even you wouldn’t be able to see without a mirror.”
She sucked in a sharp breath and followed David’s gaze downward, before her eyes snapped back up to meet his. “You cannot be serious.”
He grinned. “Oh, but I am. Remind me to bring a hand mirror to bed next time so I can show it to you. Of course, after that I won’t be able to resist putting my tongue there and … I have quite forgotten what we were discussing.”
“The fact that you are attempting to get a not-so-virtual stranger pregnant,” she said with a giggle.
“Ah, yes. If you must know, it wasn’t only the money that drove me to my decision. Honestly, I was set on refusing you, but then …”
“Then?” she prodded, as he kissed her palm and then the inside of her wrist. The skin there was so translucent he could make out the tiny blue veins supplying her pulse.
“I saw how desperately you wanted a child. Even before knowing what you had been through, I saw your pain and your loneliness. You made me want this for you, almost as badly as you seem to want it for yourself. Yes, I need the money you are paying me, and the bonus I stand to gain once you are with child is an added incentive. But I can honestly admit to being disturbed by the version of you I met on that first day. If becoming a mother will change that, how could I have refused?”
“I am glad it was you Mr. Lyons sent and not someone else. I don’t think I could have endured the attentions of anyone different. I appreciate what you have done for me, even when I have already demanded so much.”
“You already know how I will reply to that, my dear,” he replied with a grin.
She returned his smile, and the weight in his chest eased the slightest bit. This. This was how he could attempt to soothe what had been broken—by making her smile as much as he could. By making her feel worthy and beautiful and desired. How could any man do less with a woman like Regina in his care? It confounded understanding to know that Randolph Hurst had such a chance and chose instead to inflict pain and heartache.
“It is no more than I deserve,” she recited.
“Precisely. Don’t ever forget that.”
“May I ask you another question?”
“Of course.”
“Why haven’t you married?”
Alarm prickled his skin as it always did whenever someone mentioned marriage. He wasn’t necessarily opposed to the idea, but neither was he in a hurry to settle down and begin begetting heirs. The irony that the purpose of his presence in her bed was conception of a child was not lost on him, but these weren’t ordinary circumstances. He would not technically become a father to Regina’s babe.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted when he didn’t promptly respond. “I should not have asked.”
“No, it’s all right. I just … the answer is complicated. Just now, I cannot think of marrying until I have the means to support a wife. I can barely keep myself and my family clothed and fed, let alone someone else.”
“You could marry for money. I find it difficult to believe London isn’t overrun with heiresses who would be happy to part with their fortunes to be able to call you their husband.”
He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I suppose the need of a fortune might be enough to tempt me to the altar. Don’t think I have not considered it.”
“And if money was not something to be considered? What then?”
“That was true when I was younger, and I still avoided the matrimonial trap. I think, for a long time I avoided marriage because I knew I wasn’t ready to devote myself to one woman. I
t is hardly fair to expect someone to give herself to me, to be faithful, if I knew I could not do the same.”
“Then you’ve … had many women? Even before becoming a courtesan?”
He did his best not to squirm under her scrutiny, feeling reluctant for the first time to give voice to his numerous conquests. “Yes.”
“That explains quite a lot, actually.”
“Does it?”
“One would have to assume there is a reason you know your way around a woman’s body the way you do. Though, I do wonder what Randolph’s excuse was for being such an abysmal lover. He had a new mistress every few months, and some actress or other waiting in the wings.”
“Apparently practice did not make perfect in his case,” he muttered drily. “As for me, I suppose you are right. You would have my first handful of lovers to thank for my expertise. Older, seasoned women know what they like and how to get it. They were also very patient teachers.”
“I find myself wanting to thank these women for the gift that is you,” she said with a playful smile.
David chuckled, pulling her tighter against him and inching her nightgown up her thighs. “It doesn’t bother you to know? Most of my clients prefer to think I fell from the sky and they were the first woman I clapped eyes on.”
She laughed, and David realized the more she did it, the richer the sound became. Her unused laugh was being finetuned, the harshness chipped away to produce the most pleasing sound.
“I prefer to understand the makings of a person. What business is it of mine how many lovers you’ve had? As long as you don’t currently have another, there is no reason for me to be jealous.”
She gasped when he inched his fingers up the inside of one thigh, her gown bunching around her waist to allow him access to the hollow between. Her gasp melted into a moan of surrender as he inched a finger into her.
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only woman in the world right now,” he murmured against her lips before taking them in a kiss. “Are you sore? I don’t want to hurt you, but—”
She cut him off by returning his kiss, her lips demanding and eager. “I am a little sore, but I don’t care. If you stop now I might be forced to do you bodily harm.”
He joined his first finger with a second, pushing her onto her back and nudging her legs wider. “Then I must continue, mustn’t I? As an act of self-preservation if nothing else.”
“Oh, yes,” she moaned, raising her hips as he slowly pumped his fingers in and out, his thumb pressing down on her clit. “Yes, please.”
David wasted no time giving in to her demands, spending what was left of the night showing her a variety of ways in which a courtesan could be employed. He collapsed atop her just as the sun began its ascent with sweat slicking his forehead, replete and drowsy. Regina slept like the dead, a soft smile curving the corners of her lips.
David didn’t see Regina again until after the New Year by mutual agreement. Understanding how difficult this time would be for his mother, he had wanted to remain at home. The holiday passed quietly, with far less cheer than usual. As they sat to their modest dinner, trading stilted remarks, shame had fallen heavy on David’s shoulders. He had rarely bothered to visit over the past few years, finding it difficult to remain in the dispiriting environs of the crumbling family home. His selfishness had cost him valuable time with his father. It had also left him blind to the realities awaiting him. He deserved to inherit a crumbling pile of complications, problems, and debt. The quandary, of course, was that his mother and sisters certainly did not deserve to suffer such consequences.
He told himself that this was why he was so eager to return to Regina, a little over a week after their last encounter. Servicing her enabled him to care for his family, and he would have done anything to set matters right. However, following a day’s work, David found himself whistling while washing and changing his clothes. His reflection showed a mouth curved into a knowing smile and a pair of eyes glittering with anticipation.
His most recent night with Regina was never far from his mind, and David had called up the memories with pitiful frequency in the time since. Whenever he let himself linger over it, his fingers itched to touch that smooth porcelain skin and his mouth watered for a taste of her. His cock stirred, as if eager to repeat the performance. While it was typical for him to revel in the novelty of a new arrangement, David couldn’t avoid the obvious truth. This client was different, and so was his reaction to her.
However, lingering over such thoughts was dangerous. David had witnessed firsthand just how sticky such a situation could become when a courtesan fell prey to softer emotions. He toed a fine line between having affection for the woman in his care, and infatuation. If he had inched just a bit over that line … well, surely it was not too late for him to retreat back into safe territory. Seeing her again and performing the physical duties stipulated in their contract would reaffirm everything. It would serve as a reminder that what they shared was born of a contract and his keeper’s desire to experience pleasure for the first time in her life. There could not be more to it than that.
The ride to Regina’s house seemed to take forever, during which he succumbed to an uncharacteristic anxiety. What if everything had changed during their time apart? Regina had proved from the beginning to be a complicated woman, one with hidden facets and depths. He had a feeling the revelations she had shared about her dead husband were only the tip of the iceberg when it came to her past. Not understanding the whole of it, David was left fumbling in the dark and worrying over his every move. She certainly seemed to enjoy his attentions—not just that first time, but the several others that had followed into the night. It was his hope that she wouldn’t retreat back into herself again and shut him out. Considering her disconcerting notions concerning intimacy and intercourse, it should not surprise him to discover she might be wrestling with shame.
No matter. If she erected fresh defenses, David would simply dismantle them. He refused to go back to rutting on her in the dark while fully clothed, feeling sullied and wrong despite her insistence that it had been what she wanted. His mission to show her how enjoyable conception could be had not changed. His determination to earn the promised bonus was as strong as ever.
Those were the forces propelling him up her front steps as fast as his legs would carry him—not some desperate need to lay eyes on her after time apart. Because that would be ridiculous.
Powell greeted him at the door, his craggy face drawn and tight. “My mistress is in her chambers.”
David halted on his way to the stairs, noting the edge of something uneasy in the footman’s voice. It was their custom for the man to escort him straight to Regina’s chambers without so much as a word. Only during the most recent visit had Powell left them to their own devices, on Regina’s orders, David assumed. However, the man seemed reluctant to move from his place near the door. Hands clenched behind his back, he gave David a significant look—one that wasn’t easily interpreted.
“What’s wrong?” David asked, unable to suppress the alarm ringing through his words. “Is she all right?”
Powell’s frown deepened. “Her maid informed me she isn’t feeling well. I had thought to send word that you shouldn’t come, but Mrs. Hurst never gave the order herself.”
David was halfway up the stairs before the man finished, taking them two at a time at a near run. Worry spiked his heartbeat and his stomach churned as he contemplated all that could be wrong with her.
He knocked on Regina’s door but did not wait for a response before throwing it open. The small lump of her body under a pile of bedclothes snared his attention, and as his eyes adjusted to the low light he detected the spill of Regina’s unbound hair across the pillow.
“Mr. Graham, please,” called a voice from the other side of the room. “She’s resting … you shouldn’t—”
“It’s all right,” Regina’s voice called out, muffled and small. “He can stay, and you may go.”
The sligh
t form of Regina’s lady’s maid left on silent feet without a look back. Now that he was in the room, his limbs had grown heavy and sluggish—which was odd, considering the urgency of the situation hadn’t abated in the slightest. Regina was unmoving and silent as he drew closer, finally making out her face. She lay on her side, curled into herself. David sank onto the edge of the bed and touched her brow, relief stealing over him when he found her without fever.
“Regina, my dear, what’s the matter? Are you ill?”
He was taken aback by the lone tear that streamed down her cheek as she gazed up at him. Her lips twisted in a wry half smile.
“No,” she whispered. “I am not. Oh, it’s so silly. I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
Sweeping the tear away with his fingers, he then tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I am certain you have good reason. If you are not sick, then it must be something else. Will you tell me what the matter is?”
She sniffled and eased up onto her elbow. “You will think me so foolish.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“My courses began this morning. I … I am not with child.”
Her voice had cracked on the words, a fresh wave of tears wetting her face and ripping a fissure along David’s heart. His deep, powerful reaction to those words and her grief left him feeling turned inside out. Though, along with the sinking feeling of disappointment on her behalf was a quiet sense of relief. He could hardly untangle such conflicting emotions just now, and wasn’t certain he wanted to.
Cupping her face, he forced a comforting smile. “I am so sorry. It’s still early yet. We will simply resume trying again when you’re ready.”
“I knew it might be premature to get my hopes up, but I want it so badly.”
“I understand. You are permitted to be disappointed.”
Was he allowed to be glad she hadn’t come up with child just yet? Even if it would put that hefty bonus in his hands, David was not ready for her to be done with him yet. The nights behind them notwithstanding, their last encounter had felt like the true first taste of what they could share. It had to end, as all his arrangements inevitably did, but it was too soon. There was still so much for him to teach her.
Taming of the Rake (The Gentleman Courtesans Book 4) Page 16
