This isn’t about her, some nefarious, inner voice argued. If it were, you would want her pregnant as soon as possible, you selfish bastard.
That voice sounded an awful lot like his own, making it difficult to ignore. Shaking it off, David told himself he wasn’t selfish to want more time with her. He knew how desperate for affection and kindness Regina was. It was not wrong for him to want to be the one to give her those things.
“I’m so sorry you wasted the trip,” she said. “I ought to have sent word for you not to come, but I thought you should know I’ll be requiring your services a bit longer.”
“I would not call the opportunity to see you a wasted trip,” he argued, leaning down to begin prying off his boots. “I’ll stay, if you like.”
Dropping one boot to the floor, he glanced up to find Regina leveling a questioning look at him. “Why would you, if we cannot … oh.”
Her eyes went wide face as he began working on his other boot. “Surely it hasn’t been so long since we have seen one another that you’ve forgotten the many functions of a courtesan. You are upset, and I am here. Let me lie with you.”
Regina returned his smile as he removed his coat and waistcoat. His cravat followed, landing on the pile of his discarded clothes. She turned down the coverlet for him, then turned to give him her back. Easing in behind her, David slid an arm around her waist and drew her into him. She shivered, likely in reaction to the lingering chill of the night still lingering on his clothes. But she was soft and sweet-smelling, and he sank against her to absorb her warmth. Burying his face in her hair, he closed his eyes and realized how tired he was. The prospect of bedding her had renewed his energy, but simply lying with her had pushed him in the opposite direction. He was now boneless and relaxed, lulled toward drowsiness by her nearness.
Laying a hand over her belly, he kissed the back of her neck. “It will happen.”
Her hand came to rest over his and she sighed. “I hope so.”
Not another word was spoken between them, but she seemed to require nothing more from him than his presence. It would seem he was just as content with her nearness, because he fell asleep in short order. He didn’t awake until morning.
The following afternoon, David returned to call on her. Typically, the first few days of Regina’s courses proved the most miserable, forcing her to take to bed until the weakness and discomfort abated. Today, she felt marginally better and was eager for the nuisance of her monthly terror to end so she and David could pick up where they’d left off. Of course, her keenness had everything to do with a desire to have another taste of pleasure, as well as her need to resume trying to get pregnant. That was all.
If she told herself that enough, perhaps she would believe it. Regina’s mind argued it was true, but when a footman entered the drawing room to inform her that David had arrived, her heart rebelled. It fluttered and flipped, a phenomenon that only grew once he appeared before her.
Setting aside her book, she stood. “David! What are you doing here?”
Her gaze slid to Powell, who rose from his place in the corner, his own tome set aside. He offered no comment, but his gaze was curious as he set it on David.
“I mean … I wasn’t expecting you today,” she added with a sheepish smile.
He returned her smile, hat in his hands as he approached. “I finished my work early today and thought to look in on you. Feeling better? Your coloring is good. You seem … well.”
Nodding, she braced a hand against her belly, noting that David’s eyes followed the gesture. “I am, thank you. You needn’t have come all this way, though I do appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
David shifted from foot to foot, glancing to Powell. For the first time in a long while, Regina began to think of the footman’s constant presence as intrusive. Her courtesan seemed to want to say more, but was reticent because they weren’t alone.
When she raised her eyebrows in question, David gave his head a slight shake. “Right. I … well, would you think it odd of me to confess that I wanted to see you for myself? I have worried about you all day.”
Warmth sparked in Regina’s chest at his words, and she closed the distance between them. She stood near enough to make out the lighter striations of blue at the center of his irises, to smell his enticing scent.
“That is very sweet of you.”
He made an exaggerated grimace of shame. “Egad, woman, I do have a reputation to uphold, you know.”
Regina giggled. “It is too late, you’ve revealed yourself already. I shall find it quite difficult to go on thinking of you as a debauched rake.”
“I’ll never be able to show my face in London again. The Society of Rakes will revoke my membership.”
“Is there a such thing as a society of rakes?”
David shrugged. “I would not be surprised if there were. Now, if I discover them, I won’t be allowed to join.”
Her shoulders quivered with laughter she couldn’t contain. Suddenly, the disappointment of her empty womb didn’t seem quite so devastating, because it meant more of this—more time with her courtesan. She couldn’t take David to bed for another day to two, yet found she did not want him to leave. He’d come all this way just to see to her welfare after all.
“You have just arrived around the time I typically take an afternoon walk. Would you care to join me?”
Surprise flickered in his gazed, but he quickly recovered. “Of course.”
That settled, Regina sent for a hat and coat. Within minutes they were setting off with Powell trailing them from a substantial distance—far enough that he could see them but not overhear their conversation.
They conversed about nothing in particular at first, and Regina clung to his arm and enjoyed the pleasant weather. The air still held the chill of January, but a near-cloudless sky allowed the sun to shine down on them, stealing the cold’s biting edge.
They took the footpath snaking over the picturesque grounds of the estate, before arriving at a tree she often sat under to read. David insisted they linger as their position gave them the best view of the manicured lawns and the distant garden.
She helped him out of his coat, and he laid it on the ground for her to sit on before lowering himself beside her. Powell wandered, remaining within sight but pointedly giving them his back.
Certain they wouldn’t be seen by anyone else, she removed bonnet and set it aside, tilting her face up toward the sunlight with a happy sigh.
“This place,” David remarked after a while. “It’s beautiful.”
“I thought so, too, at first.”
“Christ, you must think me such an idiot. I shouldn’t have—”
“It’s all right. I was going to say, I had forgotten that over time. I spent so much time hidden away inside. These past few months have been a revelation on many fronts. This place is beautiful, and it is mine.” A sudden thought struck her, and she gave him a flirtatious smile. “And … it is no more than I deserve.”
David returned her smile and reached up to stroke a stray lock of hair back from her face. “Indeed, it is. But, let’s talk about something else. Tell me something happy. A memory from before … him.”
Regina mimicked David’s posture, encouraged by the casual way he leaned back on his elbows as if not caring about soiling his sleeves. “When I was a little girl, my mother would take me for long walks. Our home wasn’t nearly this grand and our land wasn’t much, but it was ours. There was this charming little meadow where we would go to pick wildflowers. Mother would put them in my hair and tell me I looked like a sprite. We made daisy chains and picnicked and … I miss that. I miss her. After—”
David clicked his tongue, cutting off her ramblings. “No talk of after. That’s a nice memory. Perhaps you can make memories like that someday with …”
Regina tensed when he fell silent, following his unspoken words to their conclusion. Perhaps she could make memories like that someday … with her child. The child he would give her.
&nbs
p; A well of longing opened within her, one she knew would someday be filled by a babe that did not yet exist. And yet, there was something else, too. Something she didn’t want to examine too closely.
David seemed lost in thought, his gaze locked on some distant point.
“It is your turn,” she blurted, desperate to change the subject. “To tell me a happy memory.”
The corner of his mouth ticked with a smile that never fully formed, and he continued staring out at the horizon as he spoke. “My father told the most outrageous bedtime stories. Made them all up as he went along, and never told a tale the same way twice. A pirate ship might be lured to its doom by sirens the first time, but on another night it would be dragged to the depths by a kraken.”
“You and your sisters must have found him enthralling,” Regina said.
This time, his lips parted in a full smile, and a chuckle rumbled up from his throat. “I was, more than the twins, I think. Father’s stories took on an adventuresome bend, and Petra and Constantia weren’t always fond of the bloodshed. Mother often teased him over his dramatic voices … told him that he might have been a famous actor if only someone could get him on a London stage.”
The note of sadness in his voice made Regina’s chest ache, and also filled her with a shameful jealousy. How fortunate he was to have had a father who was loving and attentive. She felt terrible for envying him what she’d never known.
“He must have been a wonderful man,” she murmured, laying a hand on his arm.
He blinked as if coming out of stupor and frowned. “Now I’m the one turning this conversation morose.”
“No,” she protested. “You clearly miss your father and his loss is so fresh. If you want to talk about him, you should.”
He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “It is difficult to think of him at times, because when I do, I am reminded that the memories grow fewer and farther between when I recall the last few years of his life. When someone dies, it seems natural to lament that there wasn’t enough time. He wasn’t terribly old, but neither was he a young man. The past seven years or so … well, there was plenty of time but I wasn’t here. I did not want to be.”
“Why not?”
David issued a dry snort, and shook his head. “I was young and bored. Lancashire was too sedate, and I wanted excitement. I wanted parties and the company of scandalous people. I visited often at first. Christmas, Easter, Mother’s birthday, the twins’ coming out.”
Regina tightened her hold on his hand. “You couldn’t have known time was so short.”
“No, but I should never have let myself forget that he wasn’t immortal. There was a time I couldn’t wait to pack my things and run back to London—to my friends and the life I had made for myself there. Now … I would give anything to hear one of his stories. Even just one last time.”
Glancing up from their joined hands, she was stunned to find a tear tracking down his cheek, then another. As if he sensed her perusal, he dropped her hand and swiftly wiped them away. Once they were gone there was no evidence of his grief, no lines of sorrow marring his face.
“Tell me more about your mother,” he murmured. “Another happy memory.”
There was almost a pleading edge to his voice, prompting Regina to recall one of her favorite childhood past times. Taking hold of his shoulder, she gently urged him onto his back, then lowered herself beside him, gazed focused upward. Her hand brushed his, and she hooked her little finger around his.
“Sometimes we would go to that meadow and lie in the grass. We would watch the clouds for hours. Mother would tell me that if I looked long enough and hard enough, I might see an angel. It was the hope of my life to one day lay eyes on one.”
David’s finger twitched against hers, but he remained otherwise silent. When she turned her head to look at him, she found his gaze riveted to the sky. His face was serene, with not a trace of his earlier tears. There weren’t many clouds today, but he still watched as if searching for something.
“Do you miss London?” she asked.
“I did at first,” he admitted. “Being home was bittersweet and the problems awaiting me there only added to the strain.”
“Will you return after your affairs here are in order?”
He closed his eyes, but a palpable energy thrummed from him and into her, jolting and powerful even through the minimal contact of their joined fingers.
“I cannot speak for the future, Regina. But just now … I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
Chapter 10
Regina glanced up from the book laid across her lap to where David stood in the doorway of her bedroom, hair tousled by the wind, smile wide and eyes bright. She had just taken a hot bath, dressed in another one of her scandalous nightgowns, and every lamp and taper lit in the room. Her menses had ended yesterday, and she’d sent for David to resume his visits.
The morning after she related her failure to conceive to David, it had disconcerted her to awaken beside him. It wasn’t the first time she had passed an entire night with him in her bed. But there was, she had discovered, a difference between sleeping beside a man she’d spent the night fucking, and one who had spent eight hours simply holding her. It wasn’t as if she had experienced either situation before David. Randolph had always promptly taken himself off to his own chamber after using her. Her courses had been an aggravation to him, an impediment from satisfying his lusts. It hadn’t mattered that there was always some other woman stashed nearby. Randolph had wanted her when he wanted her, and any complaint or denial on her part would send him into a fit.
It had been one thing to sleep beside him after a vigorous night of working to conceive. She could tell herself it was all about their contract, a necessity. But what was she to think about how good it was to simply exist in the same room with him? There had been no expectation of either of them; no demands or thought of their arrangement—though in the back of her mind, she knew they were fast running out of time. There was only so much time left for her to get pregnant if there was any hope of passing this baby off as Randolph’s.
Perhaps that was why she had been so distraught to discover she wasn’t pregnant after the first few weeks of effort. Nevertheless, David had been content to comfort her. Such niceties were not a part of their contract, despite David’s insistence that his role as a courtesan could and should include them.
He was quite convincing, and it was difficult to think of practical matters in his presence.
And then, there had been their afternoon spent walking and talking and lying about in the grass if they were friends as well as lovers. There was no reason for him to have called upon her, and they’d both known that. Yet, she had asked him to stay, and despite knowing it was a bad idea, Regina had reveled in every moment. The memories of her mother hadn’t been dredged from the depths of her mind for some time, and now they were fresh again. What had she been thinking to share them with a man she intended to eject from her life once he’d served his purpose? Why had she comforted him and delved so deeply into his life?
It now occurred to Regina that she ought to set him straight. While she certainly welcomed the delights of bedsport, they teetered on the edge of taking their connection too far. It shouldn’t be too difficult to mend, keeping their arrangement strictly about the business at hand. Otherwise, parting ways in the end would prove too difficult.
Yes, that was it. Pleasure and conception of the babe, only. No comfort or intimacies. No falling asleep in his arms and waking up to the thought that she might gladly do it again the next night. No giving in to the idea that she might have more of what she had been missing.
Strictly business.
Her determination was promptly shattered when David approached the bed without removing his coat as was customary. “Get dressed, we’re going to spend an evening out.”
Frowning, Regina glanced down at her book, then at the transparent fabric draping her breasts. The coverlet hid her from the waist down, but surely
he hadn’t failed to notice what she was wearing. The pale lilac netting was so light he must be able to see everything.
His raised eyebrows as his gaze slid downward told Regina he did, yet he remained where he stood, expectantly waiting.
“I beg your pardon?” she replied.
David rounded the bed, swiftly divesting Regina of her book and yanking the bedclothes off her legs. Grasping her hands, he urged her to her feet.
“That … that is nearly enough to convince me to stay in for the night. God’s blood, you are ravishing, my dear.”
Regina grappled for words, torn between thanking him for the compliment, and pulling him to the bed and tearing off his clothes to force them back to safer territory. Before she could decide on a course of action, David was leading her toward her dressing room.
“It will have to wait until we get back. I am determined to get you out of this house.”
Pulling her hand out of his grasp, Regina clutched the skirt of her gown with anxious fingers. “But … why?”
He turned to face her, his expression incredulous. “Why not? When was the last time you left this house for any reason that wasn’t an errand or related to your inheritance?”
“I’m in mourning.”
“So am I.”
“You are a man.”
“Yes, but you’re hardly ever seen about the county. My sisters even told me they didn’t know what you looked like … only that you had red hair.”
Regina snorted. “That’s usually enough to give me away.”
“Not where I’m taking you. I promise, no one from our circles will be nearby. Trust me.”
He was holding his hand out to her again, patient but resolute. Regina hardly knew what to make of all this, but could hardly refuse him. He seemed so pleased with himself, practically bouncing on his heels with excitement. It occurred to her that their circumstances weren’t very dissimilar. While her financial future was secured by her inheritance, she was in mourning just as he was, and barred from socializing with others. He had also come to her most nights with exhaustion pulling at the corners of his mouth and furrows in his brow. She had seen the evidence of how hard he worked when they weren’t together, on the day she’d visited him at home. Between his daily labors and his evening visits to her, he must be exhausted and worn thin.
Taming of the Rake (The Gentleman Courtesans Book 4) Page 17
