“I do not know. It is different. I have in mind that there are other people and that I will have the option to find someone else to share my life”, I answered.
“Perhaps she had the same option… and for this reason she took the daring decision to leave”, Eric insisted and his face revealed he was enjoying the conversation.
“But how could she have the same option? It is supposed that Adam was the only man”, I argued.
“I was not referring to humans. A more careful study of Genesis will help you understand my theory better”.
I remained thinking, looking at him, not being able to realize the things he had just said. If he was not referring to humans, the only ones he could be referring to were the…
The clock stroke at exactly twelve, made me jump up. I looked out of the window searching for the sun which had no intension to show up, when my eyes caught Camen at the opposite corner looking at our side. But how was it possible? Tomas had said he was coming back on Monday. And why was he standing there?
Before I had time to turn to the rest and inform them, I saw him change direction and move away wrapped up in his black overcoat, throwing back his scarf that was hanging from his neck. My heart was beating fast, my breath became rapid and the whole agony of the past week which deepened last night, jumped violently, knocking down any resistance, any refusal from my part. I felt my eyes wet. I was sure that if I spoke, my voice would have broken down because of the violent grief his image brought to my mind.
I jumped up, apologized and searched for the bathroom. At the very end, a red door with the well-known sing made me run in that direction. The minute I entered, I let my tears run in a silent, lifeless crying. Everything on him seemed so perfect and I, crazy in love, was incapable of resisting to the dream that he would be mine. Everybody has a right to dream. However, what happens when it becomes a nightmare? And mine had already become my most unbearable nightmare: Camen, a child of god. Who can argue with Him and lay claim to what is theirs. Surely not me; a mortal, adrift by a human passion, unable to control my feelings and my reactions.
I threw some water at my face, straightened my hair and looked myself in the mirror. My image was disappointing. Pale, with red eyes from crying and upset face. I pulled a lipstick from my purse, a gift from aunt Rafaela, that I did not expect I would ever use, which had a dark red colour. I looked at it for a few moments before I made the decision to use it. I painted my lips with it as softly as I could and the result was indeed impressive, yet bright. I shrugged and thought it is better to be painted than wept.
When I returned, Eric looked at me and I saw admiration in his eyes, although he looked somehow sad. So, the lipstick had done its job.
“Well, I think is time we left. We must go to the bookstore, Sam”, I reminded her, not being able to stay there any longer.
Sam looked at me confused but she said nothing.
“Yes, you are right. Eric, thank you for the coffee”.
“You are welcome”.
“See you in the evening”, I told him.
The clear air that hit my face, when I got out, was reviving. We headed north and took a paved street where we would find the bookshop, according to the shop assistant’s directions at the clothes shop. We stopped at a wooden shop window-it was painted light blue- through which we could see bookshelves.
“This must be it”, Sam said and entered.
I thought I could buy a book to read although my time was extremely limited. I would, if I found something good. I browsed through the shelves for a while, reading some book titles. One of them drew my attention. “The soul of Lilith”.
Lilith, what a beautiful name. Maybe it is Lillian in some other language, I thought.
After a while, Sam announced she had finished and if I was ready we could leave. I felt so tired. The only thing I wanted was to be in my room and leave all my thoughts and feelings behind.
A light rain started as we arrived forcing us to hurry up, something I wanted very much; to be in my room as fast as possible.A deep sleep, black and empty of dreams, took me over leaving facts, humans and situations out of its limits.
Revelation
A melodious sound was coming from somewhere, forcing me to open my eyes to face Christine sitting at the desk, reading.
“Christine”, I said half asleep.
She turned towards me and smiled.
“I am sorry, I did not want to wake you up”, she made a move to turn down the music.
“No! Leave it, it does not bother me. What are you listening to?”
“Fleetwood Mac. Do you know them?” she responded enthusiastically.
“Of course. They are my favourite. Can you turn it up please?”
The soft sounds filled the room, giving me calmness and new strength. I stayed lying in bed listening and dreaming. It is surprising how music can abate the human soul.
“What are you reading”, I asked after a while.
“Plato. Do you know that the Platonic believed that human souls, when they were released from their body, they were leaving earth going through the stars of Capricorn? Therefore, its constellation is considered ‘the gate of immortals”.
“No, I have never heard about it. What exactly does it mean?”
“The zodiac symbols, the way we know them today, are what is left from the ancient, the inner knowledge in which all the significant philosophers were initiated and of course, Plato was one of them, from whom the Christian theology was influenced to a great extent a little later. Well, according to the inner philosophy, the two solstices of the year, the summer in the Cancer zodiac sign where we have the longest day of the year, and the winter solstice in the Capricorn zodiac sign where we have the longest night, were the gates for the souls. From Cancer’s gate the souls were going down to the material field and they were incarnated. From Capricorn’s gate they were leaving the material field and were returning to the divine heaven”.
I shut my eyes again, thinking about all of these. I imagined the souls moving continuously up and down from the spiritual field to the mortal life and again to be in the condition of freedom from the material commitment… To be born, to die and to be born again in a new body…
“Will you get up or you will stay there until Monday?” Christine said smiling.
“Yes, of course. I have to study as well. Moreover, in the evening we are going out for beers”, I said as I was getting up, leaving my philosophical thoughts aside and trying to face reality.
“This sounds good, the second one”, Christine said moving over for me to sit at the desk.
“Do you have any plans for the evening?” I asked her.
“I will probably spend the night with Plato and maybe I will leave a little time for Aristotle”, she smiled.
“I thought you are in the Theology section…”
“Which includes one ancient language. I chose Greek”, she explained.
I had looked out of the window before I opened my notes and was lost in my studying. When I lifted my head, it was after five in the afternoon, which meant I had to get ready, even though now it did not seem such a good idea to go out for beer.
I lazily headed to the shower and washed my hair. Before the steam of the hot water stupefies me, I wrapped my pink towel around me.
When I got out, Christine was holding some biscuits and at the sight of them I remembered I had not eaten all day. The first bite calmed the sounds coming from my stomach. I took the black dress from the bag. I fixed my hair into a low ponytail at the side and suddenly, I decided to use my aunt Rafaela’s red lipstick. Surely, the result was impressive, if I judged from Christine’s exclamation.
At that time, someone knocked on the door. Sam was standing at the doorstep, with her blonde mane waving at every move.
“I see, you are ready. Where shall we meet the others?” she asked.
“Eric said he will come over to pick us up around seven. Tomas and Adam are coming with Tomas’ car”, I explained.
She looked at her watch. “It is ten to seven”, she said as she was sitting at the edge of the bed.
I left Sam with Christine and entered the bathroom looking for my earrings, a pair of teardrop-shaped ones with bronze shades. The moment I was wearing them I heard Eric’s voice and as I was straightening my dress I came out and faced him standing in the middle of the room. An archetype figure of the DNA the Creator passed to humans. He was always wearing black. However, today he was shining even more and something in his look was indicating promise.
We went down quickly, after we had said goodnight to Christine, who was staring at Eric with an open mouth, obviously impressed from his amazing figure.
“I met Adam and Tomas as I was coming. They were waiting outside”, he said as we were going to the sidewalk where I saw a black Jaguar with silver details, so well together with its owner; mysterious, strong, attractive. I smiled with my mind’s parallel.
We met the others and soon we found ourselves in a small bar in the centre of the town. The green colour was dominating everywhere and the wooden bar was decorated with various beer glasses. Red light bulbs were hanging from the ceiling. A real pub with the appropriate music. The music of Pulp was filling the space and a few patrons were swaying in its rhythm. We found a comfortable table at a corned, with dark leather sofas completely matching the rest of the decoration. The atmosphere was more than relaxing and a wave of euphoria flooded me, changing my mood once again.
“Very nice”, Tomas said addressing Eric. “Where did you find it?”
“By chance”, he smiled semi-closing his eyes.
Eric had this unique ability to present the most unlikely things as completely normal and moreover, in a way, as if he considered them the simplest things on earth.
He was attractive, smart, intelligent, sexy, definitely sexy and, much more than handsome. As I was looking at him, his playful style, his simple, casual moves which seemed superb on him -his semi-closed eyes, his mysterious smile, his clear voice with the melodic tone- I was wondering, why I did not fall in love with him. What kind of power leads us to choose our partner? What is it that makes a person outstanding and makes us desire them. Chemistry or something else?
Maybe Eric was right. The unidentified woman never fell in love with Adam. No desire shook her, no heartbeat sounded in her chest, no power pulled her.
And how one can live without the greatness of love which is primal and basic for the creation of life? If humans were not falling in love, life would stop exactly at that moment. Love and life absolutely interweave. So, woe is me…
Before grief took over me, Eric had saved me one more time, asking if I liked the bar.
“Very much! It is very different from the Italian ones I used to hang out”, I admitted.
At that moment, the waitress came. Naturally, all of us ordered beer since this was the reason we were there. I tried a Belgian one which Eric had recommended. He was sitting next to me, nevertheless he was talking to the whole group, very politely.
Tomas was cheerful, more than usual, and was continuously turning his eyes to Sam, full of admiration. Her dress had brought the result she expected. Not that she needed many ornaments… Sam was so delicate that she gave the impression she will break. She had velvet skin and a face that takes your breath away. Her long, blond hair was enough to attract the attention of any male around her. And for sure, she had drawn Tomas’ attention, since she was completely monopolizing his interest. Adam, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy himself only by being in a pub with company. He was drinking and looking around, carefree.
“You are very beautiful tonight Adriana. More beautiful…”
He stopped for a while and bent towards me.
“…beyond what I imagined…”
Eric was talking in a low voice and looked at me with the look of a man who had been waiting for something for years and he finally found it.
I felt surprised and embarrassed by hearing his words. His behaviour made me lose my mind and I needed a few moments to answer or better yet, to think about what to answer- my words would determine and delimit the turn of the conversation. A simple “Thank you” would mean “up to here” or even “you can go further”. An ordinary expression of politeness, so simple and common, but having a dual meaning for the receiver. I decided not to stand to comities and immediately ask about the meaning of what he had said.
“Did you imagine me, Eric? I do not understand”, I said and looked at him straight in the eyes. I had completely turned towards him and came closer.
“I told you from the first moment, Adrian, that you intensely remind me of someone… someone I knew a long time ago”.
“Ah! So basically, you imagined her”, I pointed out.
“No, Adrian. She… she does not exist in my life anymore. And I have accepted it. But I cannot help but feeling grateful that you exist, that you were born and even more that I have found you”.
That I exist, that I was born and that he found me. What is this? Some kind of psychological regression? Or maybe love, an inextinguishable love for the unidentified woman that was not lost with her? And Camen? What was his role in this love? Because it became clear to me that he had known her, however, without being clarified any relation between them.
This turn of the conversation was entirely different from what I had expected and it was basically worse than if I had selected to simply thank him. And how can one answer to such confessions?
“You found me? You find something you had lost, Eric? And me, you never lost me because you had never had me”, I decided to stop his delirium.
His look became soft.
“I am sorry, I did not mean to upset you. I just meant that I was waiting for you, I knew you would be born somewhere and it was a matter of time to meet you”.
“Is this a metaphysical madness?” I asked irritated.
“Do you believe that there are people all over the world who look alike, whereas they have no relation?” he asked.
“Yes”, I answered sharply.
“Then, you will agree with me that the human DNA is repeated without any blood relation and despite its infinite number of combinations it can create humans who look alike”.
“Are you saying that an accidental combination of DNA, made me similar to her?”
“I do not know if it was accidental but for sure, it is unique. This alone, makes me see you, outstanding. Therefore, do not misunderstand the surprise I feel anytime I face you”.
“Maybe you are right, I am sorry”, I said softly, repentant for my annoyed attitude.
I was very selfish to consider only my side, ignoring Eric’s feelings and his agitation. After all, he did nothing wrong, he had just expressed his gratitude that I existed. He neither asked, claimed nor forced things.
When, Tomas and Sam stood up to dance, I heard Eric asking Adam if he would mind leaving him alone for a while. Adam’s negative answer meant that he would suggest dancing. His proposal came to my ears immediately.
“I promise that if you accept I will be dancing with you and only with you!” he said as he was standing up, not leaving room for refusal. I already had regrets so at least, I owed him a dance.
He touched me softly, the way you touch something worrying not to break it and he pulled me aside, next to some quiet dancers. His moves were precise and graceful, his manner charming, his comfort obvious and his eyes steadily staring at my face. He was not speaking, he was simply looking at me but his eyes were revealing some anxiety. I saw Tomas and Sam going back to the table. Apparently, they had noticed us dancing and decided to keep company to Adam who did not seem to need it. Most of the time, he was drinking beer and looking around as if we did not exist. Tomas was talking on the phone and I saw Sam telling him something. After that he turned around immediately to look at me. During a sudden turn of Eric, I lost them from my sight and I turned my eyes to his face. His eyes, golden and deep, were looking at me continuously, absorbing me completely with their power. I felt a sweat re
laxation, allowing his hands to guide me semi-closing my eyes.
“Have you ever been to Prague?” I heard him asking me.
“No, never”, I answered hypnotized.
“It is very beautiful. A city that came out of a tale” he spoke highly of it.
“That is why they call it the Florence of the north?” I laughed.
He laughed too.
“How is it to live in the city of Renascence?” he wanted to know.
“It is a god’s gift to be visiting the Uffizi since your childhood…”
Twinkle Page 10
