“There are some people over there”, I told him and the fear in my voice was clear.
He did not even move. His expression did not change in the slightest.
Was it possible that he would do nothing?
“I know”, he reassured me. “Do not be afraid!”
At least he was aware of my restlessness.
The three strangers were dangerously approaching. We were only a few steps away and I could see their faces really well, distorted by the effect of drunkenness, weird and scary. One of them, the most muscular, was walking ahead, probably telling the others to wait for him, if I judged from his being ahead. In one hand he was holding a can of beer and in the other one something undefined that was shining. He was only three steps away when I realized that it was a pocket knife. A cry escaped from me… Suddenly, though, the stranger opened his eyes widely and stopped or better froze at his position. His weird look changed, showing surprise and fear. He was looking above our heads horrified, not believing what he was looking at, whatever that was.
Abruptly, he turned back. There was nothing. Only Camen who continued remaining calm and lying down. I could not understand. I turned again towards the two men to see them running away and the other one to slowly walk backwards raising his hands in a defensive position. Something had scared them. It was certain. Otherwise he would have been near us, according to his original intentions. I was observing his backward walk for some time, until he reached a safe distance and then he started running too. In a while he disappeared from my field of view. I turned my head to Camen, confused, ready to ask him if he understood what had just happened. At that precise moment though, I saw hundreds of flashes, like falling stars that were rising instead of falling, at high speed. I remained with my mouth open, tying to comprehend what I was looking at. I had no idea.
“What was that?” I asked Camen, pointing behind him.
He shrugged.
“A small help”, he explained calmly.
“Are you saying that they were angels?” I said stunned.
He nodded affirmatively.
“But, I did not see them! How is it possible? The three men were terrified when they saw them. Why didn’t I see them?”
Since I was able to see Camen and Eric, normally I should be able to see “the small help”.
“As I told you before, Adrian, the angels appear only when there is an emergency and only to those who have to. There was no reason to be visible to you. This is why you did not see them”.
Right! A few thousands of angels came to help us, judging from the innumerable flashes they were leaving behind as they were disappearing, but I saw nobody. How many other things were escaping my human eyes? I wondered.
“I was so scared when I saw their drunk faces. And even more, when one of them came closer holding…”
I put my hand over my mouth horrified at the thought of what could have happened. Then, I realized that my fears were ridiculous. I should not be afraid of anything, as long as Camen was with me. He was here for me or, at least, because of me. And moreover, he had feelings for the human Adriana. This alone was enough, to know that he would do anything he could to protect me, from any harm. There was nothing on earth, in this world, that could harm me. And whoever dared to, he would have to deal with him or with whole battalions of his kind. The only thing I should be afraid of was god’s anger which I did not know what impact would have on a human.
I knew that if an angel violated the Law, he was expelled to earth. What would happen, though, to a human who would do the same? Ignorance is always an excuse, but I knew. Nobody could claim that I did not know. I knew about the Law very well. And before me there was no another woman, except from the first created woman who does not exactly count because she lived in Paradise and, because of her action she was expelled to Earth. Regarding the one that Eric fell in love with, I knew nothing.
If I could not manage to keep my promise, if something was going so wrong, if my human powers were abandoning me and…
I brought my hand over my mouth in a motion of despair. Camen rose up a bit and took hold of my shoulders, clearly agitated from my unexpected reaction.
“What happened to you, Adriana?”
He almost shook me in despair.
“It is over. They left, there is no need to be afraid any more”, he said rather thinking about my human weakness, my fear.
“It is not that. I am not afraid and it is too bad I was scared before. I ought to know that I am secure with you. But my human characteristics dominated”.
He looked at me thoughtful.
“Then, what is it that scared you?”
I did not want to tell him and did not want to show that my decision was shaken. His life was depending on that, the way he knew it until now, his existence, his happiness and therefore mine too. It would be better for him to think that I did not even consider the above, that even if he would succumb to the pressure of his feelings, I had already made my mind with no turning back. But except from him, I had to convince myself too.
I chose my words carefully in an attempt to calm him down.
“Why god allows bad things to happen?” I finally said.
His look became softer.
“Do you believe that our creator is a god of freedom?” he asked me surprising me.
“Yes”.
“Then, how He who started everything, giving absolute freedom to his creations, would stop the bad that derives from them? Any human or angel is free to choose between what he wants to be, what he wants to become, what he wants to do. If, for instance, someone decides to kill and god interferes, He will stop the evil actions but He will overrule the free will of the killer. Every one of us is responsible for our actions. The creator cannot function, neither as a punisher nor as a dictator. When god created the world and everything else, he had a plan which was overturned because of the free will of his creations. If it had not existed, nobody would escape from their routine. Everybody would function as a robot. But this way, they would cease being humans or angels and they would never reach at “in his own image” because they would be unable to evolve, to learn from their mistakes and to elevate themselves. They would have been soulless beings. Be sure, Adriana, that he does not like all this malice. He did not like it from the beginning. “So the Lord said, ‘I will wipe from the face of the earth the human race I have created—and with them the animals, the birds and the creatures that move along the ground—for I regret that I have made them[9]”. His words are recorded. “I regret that I have made them”, which means, the humans.’
“The only one who was excluded from His decision to destroy mankind was Noah and his family. He distinguished them due to their virtuous spirit and their kindness. However, don’t all the following races descend from them? Therefore, malice will always exist, as many times as He eliminates it. There will always be a danger of it coming back. The world as you imagine it, Adriana, without evil, is a human obligation, only human”.
My disobedience made me feel bad. Camen was right. Each one of us is responsible for their own small stone in building a society without malice as long as they are willing to participate in this magnificent project.
Camen let go of my shoulders, to caress my hair in a motion of tenderness and understanding.
“This is what scares you, Adrian? The human malice?”
His ascertainment was true.
“Yes”, I answered honestly to that question but I lied for the previous one. I was scared by god’s rage. Comparing the two, however, the human malice scared me more than god’s rage.
Raindrops started falling smoothly. We remained looking at each other for a few moments, left at the beneficial influence of the water that was caressing our faces. Can rain put out the fire of two bodies burning from the desire and the intensive need of the soul, for their union? Can it take away the thirst, from the desert created by their distance? A known legend has it that: “May god not give humans all they can endure”. However, what wou
ld happen if he gave someone whatever they cannot endure? The freedom to choose between good and evil?
Camen got up first. He started collecting our things. I did the same. We could be a couple that the weather destroyed their plans. He folded the blanket and the other things at the back of the car and headed towards me.
I stood up looking straight at him. He was soaking wet. His hair was dropping globules of water on his face, giving him a transparent shine. He was even more handsome. He extended his hand to caress or to sweep my face. His touch made me shiver. I wished he had not done it. He realised my agitation and pulled his hand back, leaving me thirsty for the contact with him. I wished he would kiss me.
He made an effort to restrain himself. I could see it at his tight hands, his frozen poise, his gaze. I felt it at his irregular breathing, at the dim light that began appearing around him ready to burst in a majestic source of light.
“It is time to go”, he said with tight mouth, keeping his promise. Just friends.
Normally, I should feel relieved. Once again, we had escaped from the uncomfortable attraction we felt for each other. Disappointment. A wave of disappointment, beyond any logic, was arising under my instincts. I wanted him so much...
I followed him into the car, soaking wet, shivering. Not because of the cold. Only because of my unbearable desire. What kind of god creates such beings and sends them among us, as His representatives and protectors of our race, believing they will not charm us, will not thrill us, they will not conquer us completely?
The warm air of the heater created a more comfortable environment. Camen was driving silent. His hands were so tight on the steering wheel that I thought they are going to crack. This was rather impossible. The physical wear and tear did not reach him. He did not look at me during the whole route. He seemed almost angry. I did not dare say a word. Besides, what could I say? I was also in the same situation. A tiny threat was separating us from surrendering to the merciless urge of the feelings that were overwhelming us. One move, even one small retreat, would throw us into the abyss state that any prohibited love leads.
When we stopped outside my house, the rain had almost ceased. Camen turned off the engine without moving, without saying anything. He was looking straight ahead. I could not talk. I was still agitated from my desire, from the enduring urge of my passion for him. There was only one thing in my mind and I was sure the same was tormenting him. He turned calmly to my side. His attitude was revealing the superhuman effort, or better, the effort, over his divine powers, he was making to drown all that he was resisting to, for days now.
“It is very difficult, Adrian. I do not know if I can bear it”, he said softly and seemed so weak, so human.
I was overwhelmed with sorrow. I felt desperate facing his torture, facing my torture. If Camen was not sure about his resistance, how sure could I be, since I was made from human material?
Suddenly, my words sounded funny: Will we manage to be friends... and only this?... If love can happen, why not friendships happen too? We could never behave as friends. We were made to love each other. A small error at our creator’s programming.
Before I had the time to do anything, to say anything, he jumped out of the car and stood up with his hands hanging on his either side and his eyes raised high in the sky. I followed him. I went next to him waiting, not knowing what, without having an idea of what to do.
At that moment, I saw Cindy Jefferson coming to us, walking upright with her hair in a continuous motion, linked to her rhythmic walking. Her beauty was indescribable. Her expression, though, showed displeasure, anger. She stopped in front of us, looking at me intensely. For sure, she did not like finding me next to Camen. She waved at me without talking. I waved back. She turned her eyes to Camen who had already lowered his head to her height’s level. His look remained the same; lost in feelings and thoughts. He did not make any effort to be pleasant. Cindy, nevertheless, smiled at him broadly, collecting all her charm to draw his attention.
“Where have you been, Camen?” she asked sweetly. “I have not seen you the whole week”. She extended her hand to touch his chest in a tender motion, full of intimacy. Probably, they were connected in a way, I thought.
“I was worried”, she continued with her melodic voice.
Camen, as if he woke up from a stupor, realized her condition and smiled at her.
“Hi, Cindy! I am glad to see you”, he avoided answering. “Do you know Adrian?”
He turned towards me.
“Adriana, Cindy is a family friend”, he clarified, determining their relation.
Cindy looked at me thoroughly, like she had never seen me before. All this time, she was acting as if I did not exist. Reluctantly, she took her hand from his chest to extend it towards mine.
“How are you, Adriana?” she said indifferently.
Then, all her attention was drawn to him again.
“I thought we would meet more often here”, she protested like a kitten meοwing.
Christ! I detest women who meow. They make the female gender look cheesy.
“The truth is I had a lot of studying”, he answered almost apologizing.
She looked at me once again wondering. I understood her way of thinking.
“Do you study together?” she asked provocatively.
“Yes. The same project was assigned to both of us”, he explained to her.
“Ah! I suppose you have finished for today? I was going for a walk to the city. It would be nice if you accompanied me”, she invited him.
Just him.
Camen turned and looked at me. His expression was normal. Only a trace of pain in his eyes was beclouding their colour.
“I think we have finished. At least for today”. He was almost blaming me. I understood the innuendo immediately.
“Yes, we have finished”, I agreed.
I looked at my watch.
“It is late, I should go. Good afternoon”, I wished them and moved away.
Now I was feeling worse than before. Camen would go for a walk with her! I did not like this at all. A feeling of jealousy, unreasonable, was conquering me. I knew they were friends, family friends. I knew it was prohibited for him to have a relationship with a human if he wanted to remain in His kingdom. I knew, now more than any other time, that he wanted me desperately. I knew that it was better that Cindy appeared at the most frantic impulse. Nevertheless, I was jealous. I was dying out of jealousy.
The cold air that hit me on the face, reminded me that I was wet. I started trembling, this time because of the cold. I quickened my pace. It was just beginning to get dark when I entered my room. Christine was not back yet. I took off my wet clothes and entered the shower. The hot water running on my frozen body made me recover quickly. I stayed there for quite some time trying to relax. The phone ring made me leave this small pleasure. It was my mother.
“Hi, Adrian! How are you, baby?” her sweet voice sounded at the other end of the line.
“Mum?” I said ready to cry. I restrained myself the last moment. “I am fine. How are you? How is dad?” I asked.
“He is alright. He has gone to aunt Rafaela’s. We missed you, Adrian”.
I distinguished grief in her voice.
“I missed you too. Very much!” I admitted.
“How are you doing?” she asked. At least, she was making the questions one at a time.
“A lot of studying. My free time is very little”.
“Have you made any friends?” she asked as if she was scolding me.
“Yes. There is time to talk to people”, I said laughing.
So did she.
“Be careful, baby. I love you”.
“I love you, too. Give my love to dad”.
I hung up. I had missed my parents. Right now I would like to have my mother here, close to me. I felt so lonely, so desperate…
I put away my wet clothes and put on a pair of sportswear. I kept the towel wrapped around my hair. I wanted to find some information on the i
nternet. I typed “experiences with angels”. It was unbelievable that there were so many stories… One drew my attention.
A young girl, Danie, was at a friend’s house in her neighbourhood. She was on her way home. It was two blocks away. It was almost dark and she was thinking about not walking on the bicycle lane in case someone passes by and sees her. She went to the side of the road. At the corner, she saw a stranger standing at the end of the road. She did not know what to do. She was scared but continued her route hopping he would not harm her. She passed by him. He did not move. He was just looking at her. She looked at him too. The next day, she heard that a girl was raped at that same point. She thought he was the one who had done it. She went to the police and reported the incident, believing that she might help locating him. The police showed her some photos of men and she immediately recognized him. He admitted it. When they asked him why he had not attacked this girl, he calmly answered: “Because next to her there were two men walking”.
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