Barbara Ladd

by Sir Charles G. D. Roberts

  CHAPTER XII.

  It was late morning when Barbara awoke--so late that she saw, by theposition of the square of sunshine on the wall beyond her bed, that thehour for breakfast was over. Her first vague waking sense was one ofjoy to come, which she presently caught and fixed as the knowledge thather Uncle Bob would soon be with her. Then a great flood of depressionrolled over her, blotting out the joy, as she remembered that she hadAunt Hitty yet to reckon with. To make matters worse, she had sleptpast breakfast time,--which was almost an immorality in that punctualhousehold. A lump came up in her throat, and tears ached behind hereyes, for she had meant to try so hard to make up,--and now she hadgone and sinned again. She shut her eyes tight, and made a determinedeffort to regain hold of the sleepiness which still drenched andclouded her brain. This effort was too much, and on the instant thelast vestige of her drowsiness cleared away, and her brain grew keen asflame. She sat up, determined to face the conflict and get it over.

  As she sat up, her eyes fell upon the little table by her bedside,whereon she was wont to keep her candle, her filagreed bottle oflavender water, her much marked copy of Sir Philip Sidney's sonnets,and her Bible, which was thumbed chiefly at Isaiah, Ecclesiastes, andthe Song of Solomon. Her eyes opened very wide as she saw therenow,--event unprecedented and unbelievable,--a little tray with whitelinen napkin. On the tray were a glass and a jug of milk, a plate ofthe seed-cakes which she particularly loved, a big slice of barleybread, and a bowl of yellow raspberries. She stared for half a minute,and rubbed her eyes, and thought. Abby, certainly, could not have doneit. She would neither have dared nor cared to. Then--it was AuntHitty,--and after the way she had treated her,--and after that cold,hateful letter! She reached out a doubtful hand and touched the breadand berries. She started to eat a seed-cake, but it stuck in herthroat, quite unable to get past a certain strange, aching obstruction,which had gathered there all at once. Tears suddenly streamed down herface; and springing impulsively out of bed, she ran, barefooted and inher white nightgown, straight to the little bow-windowed sewing-room,where she knew that at this hour her aunt would be busy with the needle.

  Mistress Mehitable had just time to thrust aside her needle and thefine fabric she was fashioning before Barbara flung herself into herarms, sobbing passionately. The good lady's heart warmed in responseto this outburst, and she held Barbara close to her breast, whispering,"There, there, dearie, we just won't talk about it at all! We'll justtry hard to understand each other better in the future!"

  At the same moment, while her eyes were filling with tears, she couldnot help a whimsical thought of what Doctor John would say. "He wouldsay,"--she said to herself at the back of her brain,--"'Seed-cakes maysave a soul quicker than switchings, Mehitable!'" Mistress Mehitable'searnest mind had no apprehension of humour save as it reached her byreflection from Doctor John or Doctor Jim.

  Presently Barbara found her voice.

  "Forgive me, Aunt Hitty, forgive me!" she sobbed.

  Mistress Mehitable held her a little closer by way of reply.

  "I'm not worth your while, Aunt Hitty--I'm not one bit worth all thetrouble you take for me--I'm nothing but a wretched little reptile,Aunt Hitty,--and I just wonder you don't hate and despise me!"

  "There, there, dear," murmured Mistress Mehitable, patting her hair.She was sure of her feelings, but could not be quite sure that wordswould rightly express them at this crisis. If she talked, she knew shemight say the wrong thing. She'd leave it all to Barbara, and be safeat least for the moment.

  "I knew how bad I was," continued Barbara, justifying the statement byremembrance of some brief and scattered moments of self-questioning."I knew how bad I was, but I couldn't say so, and I never, never knewhow lovely you could be, Aunt Hitty! I was so dreading to see you thismorning,--and then, oh, you just brought me the seed-cakes, and theyellow raspberries, and never said one word!"

  As she dwelt on this magnanimity, Barbara's sobs broke forth afresh.

  "There, there, dear," murmured Mistress Mehitable again, and kissed hertenderly, still refusing to be drawn from her intrenchments, but deeplyrejoicing in the triumph of her new strategy.

  "To think--why, I never really knew you till now, Aunt Hitty!" andBarbara hugged her with swift vehemence. "When I saw the things by mybed, and thought of you stealing in and putting them there, andstealing out without waking me,--oh, Aunt Hitty, I thought such a lotall in one instant, and I knew you couldn't have done that, after mebeing so bad, unless you loved me,--could you?"

  "Indeed I couldn't!" answered Mistress Ladd, with conviction.

  "And you will really and truly forgive me?" persisted Barbara.

  This was a direct challenge, and Mistress Mehitable was too honest notto come forth and meet it. She gently pushed Barbara off, and held herso she could look straight into her fearless young eyes.

  "I really and truly forgive you--and love you, Barbara!" she said."And"--she continued, with a slight hesitancy, in an instant's resolveachieving a resolution,--"I ask you to forgive me for mymisunderstandings of you, and all my many mistakes."

  "Why, Aunt Hitty!" exclaimed Barbara, too tender in her mood to agreewith these self-accusations, but too honest to contradict.

  "I have failed to realise how, being so different from other girls, yourequired different treatment from other girls," went on MistressMehitable, firmly abasing herself. "I thought there was only one rightmould, and I must try to force you into it, however much the effortshould hurt us both, dear. I have been blind, very blind, and wrong.In this remote little world of ours, Barbara, we get into ruts, andcome to think that the only way is our way."

  Barbara's eyes were glowing with enthusiasm. She had discovered AuntKitty's heart,--and now she was discovering a breadth and insight whichshe could never have believed possible in that competent but seeminglyrestricted brain. If Aunt Hitty could thus lift herself to look beyondthe atmosphere of Second Westings, and to understand people differentfrom those she had always been used to, she must be a very great woman.Barbara's eyes flamed with the ardour of her appreciation. She did notknow what to say, but her expression was eloquent.

  "That's a quotation from Doctor John," said the conscientious MistressMehitable, suddenly afraid from Barbara's glowing look that she wasgetting more credit than her due. "But I have become convinced of itstruth."

  "How wise and good you are, Aunt Hitty! I'll never, nevermisunderstand you again!" cried Barbara, rashly, breaking down MistressMehitable's guard, and once more hugging her with vehemence.

  Mistress Mehitable smiled, gratified but doubtful. She was surprisedat her own unexpected appreciation of Barbara's demonstrativeness andwarmth, so unlike anything that had ever before invaded the cool sphereof her experience. She felt it her duty, however, to qualify Barbara'sextravagant expectations, not realising that what the impetuous girlintended to express was rather a hope than a conviction.

  "We hardly dare expect quite that, dear," she said, gently. "But atleast we can agree to trust each other's good intentions. We canpromise that, can't we?"

  "Of course, I'll always trust you now, Aunt Hitty, since I've seen yourlovely heart!" exclaimed Barbara, with flattering fervour.

  "I have failed to realise," continued Mistress Mehitable, "that you areno longer a little girl, but very nearly a grown woman. Many girls aregrown women at your age, Barbara, so that I have decided on somethingthat will surprise you. From this time forward, I shift myresponsibility for you largely to your own shoulders, and shall hope tobe more your friend than your guardian. I hand you over to yourself,Barbara. You must learn to discipline yourself!"

  Barbara slipped down to the floor, and leaned against her aunt's knee,her dark, small face grown very thoughtful.

  "All I dare say, Aunt Hitty," she said, slowly, weighing her words withunwonted care, "is that I'll try with all my might. But I warn youthat you are leaving me in very bad hands. I want to be good, butsometimes I can't help being bad!"

  "Well,"
said Mistress Mehitable, with a curious reflex of Doctor John'shumour, "you'll have to punish yourself after this. I warn you thatyou must not look to me for punishment after this!"

  Barbara's eyes got very wide, and danced; and she gave a little shriekof delight, such as that with which she was wont to greet Doctor John'swhimsical sallies.

  "Why, Aunt Hitty," she cried, clapping her hands, "you said that justlike Doctor John!"

  Mistress Mehitable flushed faintly, and laughed like a girl. Shestooped over and kissed Barbara fairly on the mouth. Then she aroserather hurriedly.

  "I have often wished I could make myself in many ways more like thosetwo great-hearted gentlemen!" she said.

  Barbara remained sitting upon the floor. Her eyes narrowedthoughtfully as she stared out of the window.

  "They are perfectly dear," she agreed, without reservation, "Isn't itsplendid that they love us so, Aunt Hitty?"

  "I'm going to the still-room now," said Mistress Mehitable, movingtoward the door. "I put in the bergamot just before breakfast."

  "I'll come and help you in a little while,--dear!" said Barbara,suddenly realising the changed relations, and suddenly making practicalapplication of it. That caressing, equal, half-protecting "dear"sounded strange to Mistress Mehitable. It gave her something of ashock, yet she was not sure she didn't like it. It made her feel lessalone than of old. She appeared not to notice it, however, merelysaying before she vanished:

  "If I'm not in the still-room, I'll be down the back garden, gatheringherbs. The lemon-thyme's in flower, if you're going to distill anymore of your 'Maryland Memories.' Uncle Robert might like a flask ofit."

  "Lovely," said Barbara, dreamily. "We will make him some. I'll hurry."

  But for a few minutes she did not hurry at all. Her rich, rebellioushair all down about her vivid face, her thin little shapely feetpeeping out from under the frills of her white nightgown, she sat inthe square of sunshine and pondered. Since she fled away yesterdaymorning, what a change had come about! She felt as if that wild andfoolish adventure was years behind her. A certain vague sense ofresponsibility oppressed her, a responsibility to herself hithertounacknowledged. She made the momentous resolve that she would learn toknow herself a little, as a step to enabling other people, Robert Gaultand Aunt Hitty in particular, to understand her. She got up andscrutinised herself keenly in the glass.

  "You didn't know you were getting so grown up, did you, you ugly,skinny, little black thing!" she muttered.

  Then she flitted back to her own room, poured out a dish of milk forthe hungry kittens, and snatched at her breakfast by mouthfuls, whileshe made her toilet and dressed. Last of all, before going to joinMistress Mehitable, she sat down on the edge of her bed, and took thekittens into her lap. One by one she held up their round, pinky-nosedfaces, and gazed seriously into their enigmatic young eyes.

  "I want you to remember, now, my babies," said she, insisting upontheir unwilling attention, "that your missis is now most grow'dup--she's grow'd up in one night, like old Mr. Jonah's gourd. I wantyou to remember that we mustn't be silly and childish any more, exceptjust in private, and where we can't help it. And I want you toremember that you mustn't try to coax your missis into mischief anymore like you did yesterday, going and helping her run off with thecanoe, and such foolishnesses. And I want you to remember that afterthis, if we can think of it, it isn't going to be 'Aunt Hitty' this,and 'Aunt Hitty' that, all the time,--but 'dear,' and 'honey' (as weused to say in Maryland), and 'blue-eyed lady,' and 'small person,'because we're just as tall as she is,--and we're too big to be punishedany more, if we are bad,--and Uncle Bob's coming next week,--and RobertGault may come any day, if he's impatient!"

  With a face of unwonted sobriety, but dancing lights in her eyes, shewent to the door. With her hand on the latch she changed her mind.Rushing to her glass, with a few deft touches she changed thearrangement of her hair, heaping it over her ears, and leaving just onecrinkly curl to hang down over her left shoulder.

  The change added years to her appearance. Then, snatching up a pair ofscissors, she swiftly ripped out a deep tuck in her frock, letting theskirt down a good three inches. With vigorous brushings and assiduouspattings she smoothed out the crease so that it was not obtrusive; andseverely checking her wonted rush and skip, she went to join Aunt Hittyin the fragrant mysteries of the still-room.