by R. G. Angel
For the first time since we were meeting for a coffee, it was awkward like if there were a wedge back between us. It reminded me somehow of the first time we were here at this same spot, and it saddened me.
I thought we could be friends, and friends only, but apparently it would not be the case, at least not for now.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted when we stopped in front of the dorm. I didn’t really know why I was apologizing.
“What for?” he asked, but I could see in his eyes that he knew why.
“I’m not sure,” I replied honestly, balancing my weight from one leg to another.
He smiled at me, but I could see it was slightly forced. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” He patted my shoulder awkwardly.
“Yeah.” But the look on his face made me doubt. “I’ll see you soon.” I said, but it sounded more like a question than an affirmation.
“Of course.” He looked away as if he was lost in his thoughts. “Soon,” he added before striding away.
I looked at him retreat. “Men.” I sighed. And they thought that us women were the drama queens.
When I walked back in my room, I almost screamed with fear as I saw a shadowy silhouette standing in the darkness beside my desk.
“Fay, it’s me,” Tamlin quickly reassured me, turning on my desk lamp.
“You’ve got to stop doing that!” I brought my hand to my chest. “Have you decided to join the other side and try to kill me? Because you almost gave me a heart attack.”
“It’s not funny.” He shook his head with disapproval.
“Well, you broke in my bedroom… again!” I barked, more annoyed than mad. I was always the kind to preserve my own personal space and he kept violating it. “I think I’m the one who decides what is funny or not in my own room.”
“Touché.” He raised his hands in capitulation.
I sighed in resignation and went to sit on my bed, taking my hoodie off along the way.
“What do you want, Tamlin?”
“I—” He ran his hand through his beautiful black hair, a sign of discomfort. “I don’t know. It’s just— I think I miss you,” he finally admitted sheepishly.
“Oh, Tamlin, you can’t do that!” I tried to hide my pain behind anger. “It’s… It hurts enough, and now you come here and tell me that you miss me? How is that supposed to help me get better, huh? It’s like you get a kick out of torturing me. It’s…” I closed my eyes and let my head fall forward. “It’s unfair,” I whispered.
“If only you knew,” he murmured sadly.
“Knew what?” I asked wearily, looking back at him.
He was tormented. I could see it in his eyes, as if he was on the verge of making a decision that would change everything.
He surprised me when he came to sit beside me on the bed, turning slightly to look at me.
“Do you trust me?” he asked expectantly with hope in his voice.
“I’m mad at you, very mad at you,” I admitted, but my anger started to fade away as I could only see tenderness in his eyes.
“Yeah, and you have every right to be but… Do you trust me?” he pressed.
“With my life,” I confessed. I’d never felt safer than when I was with him. Every time I looked into his eyes, I felt like everything would be fine as long as he was by my side.
He let out a breath that I didn’t even notice he was holding. “Okay.” He reached for my hands, intertwining our fingers. “Let me in.”
I looked at him, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. “Let you in?”
“It's something that we can do. You can too. I— Close your eyes and let the barrier of your mind down. I want to show you something. Share my memories with you but you need to leave me full access to your mind. You need to see what you really mean to me, why I’m saying that I miss you. I already lost you for so long. I—” He stopped for a second, squeezing my hands. “I would never hurt you,” he added intensely.
“I know you wouldn’t,” I confirmed. Not voluntarily at least, I added to myself, closing my eyes, trying to relax as much as I could.
He rested his forehead against mine, and this touch, as innocent as it was, was enough to make me shiver. I was in deep… too deep.
I could feel him enter my mind; it was like a cold shiver. It was not painful just… uncomfortable.
That was when I started to see things through his eyes. He was walking, but the furniture around the house seemed so big… He had to be a very young kid.
“Tamlin? Tamlin, do you want to see the baby?” asked a woman, kneeling in front of him. She had long brown hair and eyes so unique that I knew without a doubt that she was his mother. She had those jade and gold eyes that I loved.
“Yeah!” he exclaimed, and I could feel the excitement radiating from him. I saw his chubby little hand take the woman's delicate one.
As the woman lifted him to look in the crib, I saw his reflection in a mirror. He was a cute little boy of about three or four with unruffled charcoal hair and pink chubby cheeks.
As he looked at the crib, I gasped. The baby, the baby in the crib was me! There was no doubt about it. Those silvery-blue eyes, the little mole just under the left eye, it was me!
“Pretty…Fay.” He reached down with difficulty to touch my forehead with his little hand.
His mother chuckled. “See, Lydia… Your daughter already has a fan.”
“So it seems.” I heard a melodic voice that tightened my heart in my chest.
My mother, I thought with emotion, and it was hard to accept the fact that what I was seeing was just a memory and that these women were no more now. That I would never get to hear that voice firsthand.
Tamlin looked at the woman, and she looked so much like me. The silvery-blue eyes, the pale skin, the wavy brown hair. I was not a genetic mystery anymore.
“You two are going to be great friends, aren’t you?” my mother asked, gently caressing Tamlin’s cheek.
Tamlin quickly looked at me again, and even as a three-year-old boy, I could feel the protective instinct grow inside of him as if right then and there he made the subconscious promise to keep me safe.
It then jumped to another memory. I was older, probably two, and I was playing with Tamlin. His protective instinct was even stronger now, and he was looking after me like a hawk.
He was in what I supposed was my room since it was all shades of pink.
At one moment, we heard a loud booming sound, and a woman scream. A scream so terrifying that it froze the blood in my veins.
The young Tamlin, who was only five or six, immediately understood it was trouble and pulled me to him in a bear hug.
“Shush, my fairy,” he soothed. “I’m here,” he added, kissing the top of my head.
As improbable as it seemed, the little me calmed down. It was hard to believe he was so young, he sounded so mature, already so safe.
At this instant, his mother burst into the room breathlessly with blood dripping from her forehead.
Tamlin was terrified to see his mother in such a bad state. He wanted to cry, but he just tightened his grip around me. Feeling me there, in his arms, recalling that he had to keep me safe made him feel stronger. His sense of purpose was so developed. Keep Fay safe. That was his mantra.
“Take her away, son! Where you know she’ll be safe and wait,” she cried breathlessly, quickly kissing her son’s forehead. “You are a knight just like your father. Stay there until one of us comes to find you. Keep her safe.” I could see the pain in her eyes, as if she probably knew it would be the last time she saw her son. “I’m so sorry, Princess… your loss… sorry,” she added before glancing back to Tamlin. “Go now, you know the way.” She rushed out of the room again, probably trying her best to hold off the enemies to give us time to run.
He took my hand in his and stood up. “Come on, my fairy, let’s go.”
“But Mommy,” I cried out.
“It will be okay. Come with me.” He looked deep into my eyes, thinking tha
t as long as we were together, it would be alright.
And that was when we started to run. He was half carrying me to go faster. He was breathless, scared for his mother, for himself, but above all, he was scared for me. He never let go and kept going until we arrived at a very small cabin in the woods. He retrieved the key from under a black stone and rushed us inside.
As soon as we were locked in, he relaxed a bit and helped me onto the small bed.
I was crying silently, and it just broke his heart to see me like that.
“Don’t cry, don’t be scared, please.” He kneeled on the bed, keeping his eyes locked with mine. “It will be okay; I’m not leaving you.” He gently brushed my curls off my face. “I’ll be with you, always,” he added, and I could see that he meant every word.
But he was not with me always… I lost him soon after, I thought sadly.
Little me was looking at him with so much trust and confidence. I don’t think I ever looked to anyone else like that… not even my brothers.
“Really?” I asked as the tears calmed down.
“Really.” He dried my tears with his shirt. “Now, let’s just sleep for a while and it will be better.” He lay beside me to comfort me but deep down protecting me was comforting him too.
Another memory was in the cabin, but we were dressed a little differently. A woman was pulling me away and a tall man was restraining Tamlin who was furious, at least as furious as the five-year-old boy could get.
“Don’t let that woman take her!” he screamed, trying to get away from the man's grip. “She stays with me! She has to stay here with me!”
“Come on, son, be brave. You know we have to let her go. It’s the only way to keep her safe,” he added and I could hear that he was in pain for his son but Tamlin didn’t register that at the time. He was thinking that, after just losing his mother, he was about to lose me, the other person that meant the world to him.
I kept calling for him, trying to reach for him. “Tami, Tami,” I was calling between sobs.
“My fairy,” he whispered sadly. “Let me go with her!” he asked, looking up at his father with pleading eyes. “I promised to stay with her, to keep her safe,” he added, crying more freely.
His father looked down at him with sorrow written all over his face. “I can’t let you go, son. She… She will forget where she comes from, and as she does, her gifts will go dormant; she will be human. They will not be able to find her, but you won’t forget, and if they find you, they’ll find her.” We could hear that he wished he could send his son away to be safe.
“I…” He stopped and he realized in his own innocent way that being with me was contrary to his desire to keep me safe. “I’ll miss you every day,” he whispered as the woman took a screaming two-year-old me away.
He quickly showed me that every year, on my birthday, he was going back to the cabin just to wish me a happy birthday and talk to a me that wasn’t there. He was telling me what he had done during this year and he did that until he was eighteen and moved to the university. To the human world.
In the next memory, I saw him walk briskly in a very grim room. He was looking around, as if he were going to a secret meeting and it intrigued me.
Tamlin's father was sitting in a very imposing chair at the end of the conference table. He was still recognizable, but I could see from his face that many years had passed. There was now a lot of gray in his previous charcoal hair and beard.
“You wanted to see me father?” asked Tamlin in a deep voice, similar to the one he had now.
“Yes, thank you for coming. The king…” He shook his head with defeat. “His condition worsened; there is nothing more we can do.”
“No…”
“I’m afraid so, son.”
“How long— I mean, do you know—” He stopped talking, trying to analyze the consequences of the news.
“We don’t know for sure, six months maybe a bit more. The problem is—”
“The throne,” Tamlin breathed, cutting off his father.
“Exactly, and the direct descendant is now in the human world. She just turned…” He stopped, thinking.
“Seventeen,” Tamlin offered without a hint of hesitation. “Fay turned seventeen twelve days ago.”
His father arched an eyebrow with surprise. “Thanks for the specifics.” He narrowed his eyes. “The thing is that the rumors surrounding the king’s health are already running free and the faes are going to find out soon enough. I have the legitimacy to rule on a temporary basis, but the more I will, the weaker our political status will be.”
“And the faes know that,” Tamlin added grimly.
“Of course, they do! The evil slum,” His father grumbled, tightening his hand into a fist. “And what would be the best way to weaken the power for certain?”
Tamlin shrugged as there were so many ways to do that.
“The best way is to eliminate the heir and the heiress is—”
The blood drained from Tamlin’s face. He felt as if he was going to pass out as he started to realize the extent of the danger coming my way. “My fairy!” Tamlin exclaimed a bit louder than he should have.
“Your… fairy?” his father asked with incredulity.
“I…” He sighed, looking away with embarrassment. “What about Fay?”
“We need to send someone to keep her safe and—”
“I’ll do it!” Tamlin stumbled on the words as he was trying to speak as fast as possible.
“Would you stop interrupting me for a minute?” his father demanded with annoyance.
Tamlin pursed his lips with disapproval but kept his mouth shut.
“You just came back from their world, son. It’s… You are being trained to be my successor at the head of the kingdom army. This task will be a major step back. It’s not a close protection; it’s just keeping an eye on her from afar. You know she can’t know anything before the winter solstice of her eighteenth birthday. The only exception being immediate and great danger.”
“I know that.” Tamlin tried his best to sound detached when inside he was boiling with excitement to finally see me again. “And I’m the best choice for this mission; you know that.”
“And why is that?” his father asked, steepling his fingers together under his chin, but it was clear in his voice that he already had an answer to that.
“No other guard ever showed the abilities I have. I’m stronger and smarter. I have way more skills in more than six different combat techniques and… I also care about her on a more ‘personal’ level and you perfectly well know that.”
“It has been fifteen years, Tamlin,” his father pointed out, thoughtful. “I thought that maybe— I don’t know.” I could see the flash of sorrow in his eyes.
“Just because I didn’t talk about her didn’t mean that I forgot she existed,” Tamlin confessed, and I could feel his stabbing pain as he played back his few memories with me.
“Maybe you are too involved to protect her efficiently,” his father said. “Maybe you’re just too… close.”
“That’s nonsense.” Tamlin tried to control the volume of his voice but he knew that he would fight his father's decision if he chose anyone else. He would even go against his father's wishes for the first time in his life. Twenty-one years old was old enough for insubordination. “I have even more reason to keep her safe than anyone else. She is not just the princess to me.”
“And what is she for you, Tamlin?”
Tamlin pondered that seriously. I was many things for him, but he was not ready to share them with his father and he knew that his father did have a point. It had been more than fifteen years since he saw me, what if I was different? What if I didn’t feel that kinship that never left him?
“Tamlin?” his father called, trying to focus his attention back on him.
Tamlin shook his head, concentrating on his father again. “What do you want me to tell you, Father? What would ease your mind on sending me there? Tell me what you want to hear, a
nd I’ll say it.”
His father arched his eyebrows with both surprise and confusion as this act of submission was clearly not something anyone would expect from Tamlin. His father nodded slowly, probably thinking that, if I was important enough for him to yield, he should be the one keeping me safe.
“You know, Father, maybe you can heal wounds but you can’t heal scars and… and Fay’s this scar across my heart that has been throbbing for the past fifteen years. It’s my chance to set things right.” To see her again, to have her for myself… At least for a while, he added to himself.
“I agree, even if I think it’s a waste of your potential and rank. You’ll be the one, Tamlin. You’ll depart and join the university this September. She’ll be joining you next year.”
Tamlin bowed slightly and left the room without another word but he was feeling so victorious and happy to have me in his life again that it took all his self-control not to exult out loud.
“I’ll see you soon, my fairy,” he whispered to himself, closing the door behind him.
“Last one,” he whispered as we still had our eyes closed. I could feel his warm breath on my face.
What he showed me next was the first time he set eyes on me here on campus after picking up my ball and how it felt. It was like facing an angel. His heart literally skipped a beat and the only thing he wanted to do was hug me full force, telling me how much he missed me, how beautiful I was. He felt whole again, but he was hurting that I didn’t remember him.
That was when he realized that he loved me more than anything else and that he probably loved me since he locked eyes with me at age three. He also swore to himself that he would never let me go without him anymore, and that he would keep me safe whatever the price might be.
After that I was alone in my mind again, but I kept my eyes shut. It felt so good to see all that. I couldn’t even believe how much I meant to him; I didn’t even know it was possible to feel that deeply about someone. Well, I didn’t know it was possible until recently because I felt just as deeply about him.
Of course, I felt bad for his pain and torment that these memories brought back to the surface, and even if I never was a girl to dream of true love or even love in general, what I felt at this exact moment was impossible to describe. It was like all the times I made fun of those girls talking about ‘soul mate’ and ‘meant to be’ were just coming back to bite me in the butt.
