by R. G. Angel
“I would never agree with you, not in a million years.”
“You might have… if I had the chance to tell you the truth before they started to fill your head with their lies.”
“Come on! You want to destroy humanity! How could I ever agree with that?” I shouted, finally letting go of my cool act.
Gareth looked up and his icy-blue eyes filled with anger. “But don’t you see? Humans are evil to the core! They are only good to lie, betray, destroy, and kill! Look at the genocides, the wars! They have a fantastic planet and look what they are doing with it! They have so many possibilities and look how they act! How they destroy everything good.”
Here we go… Mr. Amnesty International had a psycho baby with Ms. Greenpeace, I thought to myself. “I don’t believe that,” I replied steadily. “There is some good in humanity, and you can’t convince me otherwise. There is love and compassion and friendship. Look how they help each other when there is a catastrophe.” I shook my head. “Look at the art, the poetry, the music… there is good everywhere.”
“Maybe there is a bit of good deep down,” he finally conceded, “but not enough to erase the bad.”
“I won’t let you do it!” I said, standing straight. “Good is good no matter how little it is.”
“Your precious humans killed my mother!” he roared.
“Yeah? You killed my brother!” I shouted with all the hate I felt. I could see my brother's lifeless body again, and I wished I could choke the life out of Gareth with my bare hands.
“You don’t understand—” He looked at me with hurt now mixed with his anger.
“I don’t want to understand! There is nothing you could say…” I shook my head, having trouble breathing. “You killed my bro—”
“No, I didn’t!” he shouted with furor. “But I wish I did… I just couldn’t. I couldn’t kill a stupid human!” he added, and I understood he was angry with himself more than he was with me. “All because of you!”
I took the little ball Nick gave me. “It doesn’t matter who did it! You let someone do it! You were there!” I pointed to the cufflink he was holding. “You could have told me; you could have stopped it!” I threw the ball angrily toward him.
He caught it. “I couldn’t have stopped them—” he started.
“You are their fucking prince!” I shouted, getting even angrier that he was lying straight to my face. “You could stop whoever you wanted.”
“You don’t understand,” he growled menacingly, his icy-blue eyes throwing lighting of anger and betrayal.
I shook my head.
“I did it for you!” he finally spat.
I started to laugh hysterically. “For me? You killed one of the persons I loved the most for me?” I threw my hands up with exasperation. “Wow, that’s so … so… that’s bullshit.”
“I tried to keep you safe from afar you know. Why do you think I gave you the flower crown? I wanted your stupid knight to know you would be in danger during the party; he needed to stop my half-hearted attempt to kill you then…”
“You let them kill my brother!” I shouted again.
He was in front of me in a blink and grabbed my shoulders roughly before nudging me. “I had to let them do it! My mission was to kill you and I failed! I failed, and I never fail! But I couldn’t live with the idea of you dead, so I managed to convince my father you’ll be more useful alive, as an ally and lover, than dead.”
It clicked then, the dream. I tipped my mouth down in disgust. “It was you, wasn’t it? Messing with my dreams. Trying to make me believe I wanted you too?”
“But you did, you do. Is it what they told you? That I can manipulate dreams and emotions?”
No, they didn’t. I nodded anyway.
“They lied. I can manipulate what is already there. I need a spark to ignite. You wouldn’t have responded to the dream if you hadn’t desired me at all.”
I snorted.
“If they saw I was going soft because of you, if I had spared your brother’s life, they would have reported to my father, and he would have replaced me! They would have gone back to the original plan.” He growled again, squeezing my shoulders so hard it was painful. “I needed to stay here, to keep you safe… I love you, damn it!” he added, baring his teeth as if it was disgusting him to feel that way. “I. Love. You. Fuck it, I do.”
I looked at him dumbfounded for a second; that was something I didn’t see coming. It sounded almost obscene to hear him say he loved me after he killed my brother.
I pushed him away with all my strength. “I’d rather die than be with you,” I said, looking straight into his eyes.
“I’d rather you be dead than you being with that vermin,” he added, jerking his head toward the door, acid dripping from each word.
“Then you’ll have to kill me,” I challenged, braver than I thought I could ever be.
“Don’t tempt me.” He glared at me. “I still can’t believe you soiled yourself with him.”
I took a step back. Tamlin and I didn’t have sex.
“You opened your mind to him, giving him access. This is the most intimate thing we do. So much more intimate than sex.” He tilted his mouth down. “This is something you share with your mate.”
“Maybe he is.” I wasn’t sure if it was the case or not, but I wanted to antagonize him—no matter how suicidal that was.
Gareth let out a humorless laugh. “Please, he is a warrior, nothing more. He won’t be able to understand you, not like I do. You’ll be mine, eventually you will.”
“I’d rather you kill me.”
“If you continue down this road, I might not have the choice,” he replied somberly before jumping out of my fourth-floor window.
Chapter 16
The next couple of weeks were challenging at best. I was caught in the middle of some new political crisis I didn’t know anything about. I was battling daily with my despair and grief, and I didn't have Tamlin’s comfort.
Tamlin was mad at me for sending him away when I was with Gareth in the room. Aidan was also permanently here to help Tamlin figure out how to keep me safe. He was also my official babysitter when Tamlin had to go back home for council meetings.
Part of me was glad that it all exploded during the Thanksgiving season because most of the students were away. I didn’t need more collateral damage or more death.
I would not have imagined how I could have dealt with Krysten during this pretty messed-up time. She had kept sending me emails from home which I thought was sweet even if I still couldn’t figure out why she thought we were such close friends.
Now they were all back, and I tried to keep my distance with her. Maybe she was annoying as hell, but I knew she was nice and I didn’t want her to get hurt just because the fae could potentially think we were close and try to hurt me by proxy again.
“It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?” I asked Aidan late Saturday afternoon as we walked to the library to do some research for my biology class. I thought it was pretty trivial to study in such hard times, but for once, both Aidan and Tamlin agreed that I had to go on with my life as it was intended to, as if nothing had happened. Yeah, the joke was on me here.
“What do you mean?” he asked, throwing me a sideways look.
I might not have known him long, but I knew that it was pretty bad when he was dodging a question. He was always straightforward, giving me the hard truth, which had been a constant friction point between him and Tamlin who continuously, irritatingly, wanted to spare me. ‘See the problem when feelings get into the mix,’ Aidan had told him, and neither of us could have argued otherwise.
“There, wherever Tamlin is going every day.” I sighed. “He is telling me everything is fine, but I can see in his face he is lying, he is weary, and… Just tell me.”
“Myros came to talk to our council earlier this week. He said they proposed an alliance of peace to the princess, in other words you, who refused and that…” He stopped, running his fingers in his thick black bea
rd, showing his clear discomfort which worried me even more as Aidan was not the type.
“That?”
“That you were romantically involved with a blood knight which is the reason why you refused the alliance with his son.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, turning to face him. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I shouted before realizing there were people around us, eyeing us curiously.
“You should know by now that I do not kid.” He stood even straighter.
“Tamlin has nothing to do with why I refused this alliance,” I spat. “They are psycho crazy killers, Tamlin or not.”
“I know that, Princess.” He rested his hand on my shoulder to settle me. I hadn’t even realized I was shaking with anger before that. “But Myros made things look completely different. Your people, they don’t know you. He is trying to make you look like someone who is selfish, who prefers to follow her heart than to consider the good of millions.”
“That’s not it. If I could make sure they would leave humanity alone, and stop trying to kill fairies, I might…” I shivered with disgust just thinking about having the hands of my brother’s killer on my skin.
“But they cannot be trusted,” Aidan finished for me. “The faes broke so many treaties, but it seems to be forgotten right now in this political incertitude, and they don’t know you. Myros can make them believe you are a selfish, heartless princess if he is persuasive enough and believe me… he is.”
“Do they…” I blushed furiously. “Do they know who that knight is?” I didn’t want Tamlin to be in trouble for what we shared.
Aidan shook his head negatively. “Myros didn’t give a name, but it’s not hard to figure out. Everybody knows the story of when you two were children and…” He shrugged. “Let’s just say it makes sense.”
“Gareth…” I grumbled, hating him even more. “He ratted me out to his father like a brave little soldier.”
“That’s the strange part. Now everybody knows what the fae prince looks like; everybody expected him to be by his father’s side. To stand up and tell the crowd he proposed to you that alliance, but he’s never there. He seems to have vanished.”
“Vanished?” And I couldn’t help the tiny part of me that worried. Did his father kill him because he found out he was growing soft?
I shook my head, hating myself for feeling some compassion for the evil creature that enabled my brother’s murder.
“Yes, nobody has heard from him since that discussion in your room. Even our infiltrated agents in the faes’ world couldn’t figure that one out.”
“Infiltrated? Fairy CIA?” I shook my hand in a dismissive gesture. “You know what, don’t answer that. I know enough already.”
“Yeah… maybe that’s for the best.”
“But what is happening there? Why is Tamlin going back all the time?”
Aidan sighed. “He and his father are trying to do some damage control. Try to repair what Myros has damaged.”
“Can we help the situation?”
Aidan looked away. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Is there anything I can do?” I insisted.
Aidan looked back at me, and I saw hesitation in his eyes. “Any of the choices available to you will inevitably lead to sacrifices. Now you just need to figure what you are ready to sacrifice: your heart, your soul, or even… your life.”
“I… don’t understand.”
“You will, very soon you will.” His voice was tainted with sorrow when he said that, and it worried me even more.
When we made it back to the dorms after Aidan forced some food into me, Tamlin was already waiting for me, looking at me with cautious eyes.
He didn’t like to leave me alone with Aidan. Not that he didn’t trust him because he did, but he knew that Aidan was revealing more things than he wanted him to.
“How was the meeting?” I asked, sitting with crossed legs on Tamlin’s bed.
“It went fine,” he replied, sitting beside me, gently brushing a strand of hair behind my ear before letting his hand wander softly down my neck, making me shiver.
I quickly glanced at Aidan but didn’t say anything.
“You look tired,” Tamlin continued gently, running his thumb pad on the deep, dark shadow under my right eye. “Why don’t you go and rest for a while?”
This had the effect of a bucket of icy water being thrown at me. It was more than trying to spare me; it was completely keeping me in the dark like a dead weight, and I hated that.
“I’m not going anywhere anymore, Tamlin.” I crossed my arms on my chest, trying my best to put on my ‘mean face’ which was nearly impossible when I was facing Tamlin.
“Fay…” He let out with a weary sigh.
“No.” I shook my head, looking away as I couldn’t help but feel guilty for causing him more worry than necessary. “What do you think it will do to shield me from everything? Do you really believe the situation will settle by itself? Do you really think it’s irrelevant for me to know that Myros is trying to put dirt on me?”
Tamlin threw a dirty look to Aidan who simply shrugged it off.
“Don’t be mad at him! At least he is trusting me enough to have the decency to tell me the truth.”
“It has nothing to do with trust!” Tamlin barked back with anger.
“What is it then?”
“I love you, and I want you safe, that’s what!”
Aidan cleared his throat with clear discomfort. “She is stronger than you think, and I don’t think keeping her in the dark will do any good.”
“Things are still the same; the ultimatum is still in action, and I don’t know where it will go. He gave us a month.”
“A month for what?” I asked, knowing only too well where this was going.
“Before the next visit from Myros to the council. We better have everybody behind us and the power more or less… settled.”
“Do you have an idea?” Aidan asked.
“They want Fay to take The Oath… The council—”
“The Oath?” I asked.
Aidan looked at Tamlin who was looking down at our intertwined hands. He sighed, probably realizing that Tamlin was not going to explain.
“You know how we told you that most of the things written are mostly myth but The Oath can mean a lot of different things. You can take more than one oath in your life. When you take The Oath, you make the ultimate promise. Once you take it, there is no turning back.”
“Okay, what do you want me to swear?” I asked, not really worried at that point. “Allegiance to my people?” I shrugged. “I can do that.”
With the look full of anguish that Tamlin threw me, I understood what oath they wanted me to take.
“No, they—”
I stood up briskly. “I don’t want to hear it.” I got it. They wanted me to swear that I would not get romantically involved with Tamlin.
“Fay…” Tamlin started, trying to catch my hand.
“I said I don’t want to hear it!” I snapped, walking out of Tamlin’s room and heading back to mine.
I sat on the bed, staring at the wall. I knew I was being unreasonable, that not wanting to hear what happened wouldn’t change anything, but I had the irrational thought that things couldn’t be as bad as I imagined.
After a couple of minutes, I heard a soft knock on the door, and when I didn’t open it, Tamlin came in.
I looked up, meeting his eyes as he leaned against the door. We stared at each other silently for what seemed forever.
“What am I supposed to do now? What are we supposed to do now?” I asked, finally breaking the silence.
“You know how to start,” he replied sadly.
I shook my head, closing my eyes like a stubborn child “No. No. No,” I kept repeating over and over again like a rant.
“Listen to me… Fay, listen to me.” He kneeled in front of me.
I kept shaking my head as tears of despair started to fall down my cheeks.
“Fay, angel
, look at me… Please open your eyes.” He brought his hands to my cheeks, softly drying my tears with his thumb pads.
I slowly opened my eyes to look into his beautiful golden-jade ones full of pain and sorrow but also resolve.
“You know that it’s the right thing to do,” he whispered with a small smile. “Your position within the kingdom is already so contested, you could be overruled, and all your allies could be killed.” He took a deep breath. “You can’t choose to be with a simple knight. A queen has to be with a noble… I… I’m a peasant, a member of your army,” He let his hands slowly run down my face and rested them on each side of my neck.
I rested my forehead against his. “But I’ll be the law… the highest authority,” I said, my voice trembling.
“It’s not that simple. You need the support of the council and of the army…” He kissed my lips softly as if I were glass. “If they think the power is weak, they can turn to Myros, and that… that would be terrible for the kind of sovereignty your family has been trying to build for the last two hundred years.”
“I love you…” I croaked, as it were a justification to everything, and in my heart it was. “Could you just be by my side, as the chief of my army and not be with me? Stop loving me?” I asked and I knew the answer could shatter my already broken heart.
“I could never stop loving you, Fay, and you know that. You are a part of me, but I can’t risk you. I want you safe; you are all I have. I love you enough to bury all inside for the rest of my life,” he added, sitting beside me on the bed and pulling me into a hug.
I rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. I felt so safe when I was with him, in his arms, as if everything was going to work out somehow. Even if I logically knew that it wouldn’t be alright now, not without sacrifices. I had choices to make, choices I had not been prepared for.
“It will be alright, Fay… I’ll be by your side, no matter what,” he promised, tightening the grip around my shoulders, and it felt as if he was giving up.
“You can’t ask me that!” I finally exclaimed, escaping his embrace by standing up.
He looked startled by my reaction.
