by R. G. Angel
“Maybe you can resign yourself, but I can’t and I don’t even want to try. I’ve lost enough… I’ve lost too much, and I will not lose you without doing everything I can to prevent it. I’m no victim, Tamlin. I never was.” I raised my hand to stop him from saying anything. “Everything that unites us can’t be destroyed; it’s not over.”
“We’ll be united forever, Fay. I’m not foolish enough to think it will fade but…”
“That’s enough for us to fight to keep what we have! Talk, tell me without a doubt that we won’t be miserable for the rest of our lives.” I went to stand in front of him, resting my hands on his shoulders. “Tell me that the love I feel in my heart, that is running in my blood will eventually fade and that we’re going to wake up one day not wanting to be together, not needing each other.”
He opened his mouth and closed it again, looking even more in pain than before. “I can’t say that,” he finally conceded in a whisper.
“See?” I pointed wearily. “You know I trust you more than anyone… even more than I trust myself.” I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “You know that I can hear it all; I’ll do anything, leave, stay, or even surrender, but God be my witness, I won’t give up on us. I can’t give up on us, whatever the price.”
He looked up and met my determined eyes. He pulled me toward him, resting his hands on my hips. “So what do you want us to do?”
“Fight, challenge Myros… gain our legitimacy.”
“Fight…” He looked at me like I was mentally challenged. “The both of us together are not even half as strong as he is… with or without the solstice limestone.”
“But you said it yourself, we have many warriors on our side; many of them want to take Myros and his followers down to keep the human race safe.” I squeezed his shoulders. “I know we’re supposed to encourage the respect of every life. That’s why we are rivals, but it’s time to fight, and I’d rather fall than give up. I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Let’s go talk with Aidan, ask him what he thinks about it.”
“Not now, Fay, please.” He looked up at me with pleading eyes. “I can’t lose you again. I… just can’t.” He wrapped his arms around me, resting his cheek on my stomach, clearly letting go of his tough act. I realized he needed to be comforted, probably just as much as I did.
“You won't,” I replied, stroking his hair. “And if we fall… we’ll fall together.”
“I love you… with all my heart,” he simply stated, but it was enough; it meant everything.
“And I love you… with all my soul,” I added, knowing that good or bad, the end was close.
We stayed like that a little while longer, but it was getting late. I did my best to muffle a yawn, but it didn’t work as well as I wanted it to because Tamlin moved slightly to look up at me.
“You look exhausted.” He stood up, taking my hand, intertwining our fingers. “You sleep. I’ll be just here.” He pointed to the general direction of her bed. “You’ll be safe.”
“Stay with me,” I asked impulsively. It had been more than two weeks since we’d been together and the little intimacy we just shared made me realize I was craving more.
“Fay, I don’t think that’s wise, especially now. We need to—”
I shook my head. “We don’t know how much time we’ve got left, what will truly happen. All we have is now, this moment.” I brought my free hand up to cup his cheek. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want that too.”
Tamlin looked at me, obviously torn between what he wanted, what we both wanted, and his duty imposed on him. This was exactly the problem, our attachment, our closeness, our love, and we both knew that. I had already realized I was not strong enough to walk away; now was the moment of truth for him too.
He closed his eyes for a second and let out a clear sigh of defeat. “I’ll stay with you, Fay.” And even if he didn’t add anything, his eyes told me what his mouth wouldn’t say… ‘Until the end of time’ which in our case might be sooner rather than later.
“I’ll be right back.” He kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger there a little longer than necessary.
When he came back, I was already under the covers, but he was still dressed.
“You’ve changed your mind?” I asked, not really able to hide the hurt in my voice.
“No, my little fairy.” He smiled, sitting down on the foot of my bed. “How could I change my mind with you? You come first, always.” He took off his zipper hoodie, and he was wearing a simple black shirt, but on him, it was stunning as you could see the design of his chest, a chest that I knew firsthand was hard as a rock.
He smiled. “You’re blushing.” He kicked off his shoes and lay beside me on top of the covers.
“It's so good to see you smile.” I turned to my side, so we were face-to-face. “I missed that smile,” I added, gently rubbing his lips with my fingertips.
“Life didn’t give me much to smile about lately, but it’s okay. You can’t have it all, and I have you in the safety of my arms. The rest of the world could fall as long as I’m with you.”
This declaration took my breath away. He was all about duty, safety, and greater good; it was not a Tamlin comment.
He probably saw the confusion on my face so he explained. “I can’t keep fooling myself, Fay; there is no point. I wanted to believe that I was stronger than that. I’ve been ordered today to keep my distance from you.” He winced at the word ordered. “But when you asked me to stay… well…” He kissed my lips tenderly. “I realized that tradition, duty, law, and even necessity didn’t matter much to me, not when you entered the equation. You and only you matter. Those feelings I have for you took control of me and I’ve tried… God be my witness, I tried to let go of you, but I can’t… I don’t want to.” He smiled sadly. “If we have to say goodbye, you will have to be the one to say it because I can’t… I won’t.”
I felt my heart fill with so much love that it hurt. “We’re stuck together then. You’re the best part of me, you’re my knight… literally. I believe we were two lost souls wandering until the day we saw each other again. You’re where I belong; there is no pretending.”
“My fairy,” he whispered, brushing his lips against mine.
“My knight,” I answered before deepening the kiss. I wanted him to make love to me now. If we had no tomorrow, no future ahead, I didn’t want to have any regret and that would be one of them.
I tentatively slid my hand under Tamlin’s shirt, feeling his amazing abs tense under my fingers.
I had no clue what I was doing but I was going with my feelings and my lady parts were throbbing at the thought of my Tamlin fantasy becoming real.
Tamlin caught my wrist as I pulled up his shirt.
“Fay?” he asked breathlessly.
“Make love to me,” I whispered before leaning back down to kiss him again.
He rested his hands on my shoulders to stop me.
“Don’t you…” A wave of self-consciousness hit me. “Don’t you want me?” I asked, not able to conceal the slight tremor in my voice.
“I want you more than I want my next breath, Fay. But if we do this— This will change things.”
I shook my head. “No, it won’t. Not to me. I’m committed to you with or without this.” That was nothing but the truth. “But I know that I’ll regret it until the day I die if we don’t make love.”
He looked at me silently for a few seconds, the dim light coming from the window enough to decipher the indecision in his face. He growled, pushing me back on the bed.
And for a second, I expected him to leave, but instead he removed his shirt and leaned over me faster than was humanly possible.
He pressed his body so close to mine that I could feel his growing erection against my hip, and I let a sigh of relief at the realization that he was giving in.
He pressed his body closer to mine as he trailed his nose up and down the column of my neck.
“We’re doomed anyway,” he whi
spered in between kisses on my neck and collarbone. “Why not enjoy our downfall,” he added, nudging my shirt up.
I helped him take it off and took a sharp intake of breath as he unclasped my bra, freeing my breasts.
He looked down as my breasts, grazing my erect nipples with his knuckles.
“Beautiful.” He licked my right nipple, making me moan. “Ripe like a juicy peach.” He licked my nipple. “And all mine,” he added before putting my nipple in his mouth and sucking on it.
I called his name, arching my back. I never knew it could be so good that I could get lost in the ministration of his tongue as his hand trailed down my stomach and inside my pajama shorts.
I gasped as his strong fingers grazed my wetness and applied pressure against my clit.
Could you die from an overload of pleasure? I felt like it was a legit possibility now.
He bit gently on a nipple as he entered me with a finger. He pumped it slowly before adding a second one, making me feel so full.
“So tight,” he growled before kissing me passionately, invading my mouth with his tongue as his fingers thrust into me in a steady rhythm. When I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, he pressed his thumb firmly against my clit, making me come so powerfully I saw stars as I shouted his name.
As I recovered breathlessly from the earth-shattering orgasm he’d just given me, he got rid of his jeans and my shorts and settled between my legs, resting his hard, heavy erection against my pulsating pussy.
I was glad I’d not have a look at his dick because if it was proportionate, it would have scared me.
“Are you still sure you want this, Fay?” he asked from above me, his breath as ragged as mine.
“More than ever,” I replied, spreading my thighs a little more.
He reached for my hand and put it above my head, intertwining his fingers with mine.
“Open your mind to me, my fairy,” he whispered, rubbing the head of his cock against my entrance. “Let me share my pleasure with you; it will lessen your pain.”
He was always thinking about me first. “Of course, always,” I replied, closing my eyes and relaxing my mind completely.
As I felt him entering me slowly, I was overwhelmed my such a wave of awe and delirious pleasure coming from him that I barely felt a pinch when he took my virginity.
He was now fully inside of me and his pleasure was so consuming, I had to close my mind to stop me from coming again so soon.
“You’re so perfect, Fay.” He moved a little and growled. “Fuck, you’re so tight; you were made for me, baby.” He added something in Gaelic I wish I understood, and he started to move in me, slowly, carefully with shallow thrusts.
My giant warrior, always so gentle and careful when it came to me.
“I love you, Tamlin. I love having you buried so deep inside of me. We’re one,” I confessed.
He leaned down and bit my bottom lip, not enough to draw blood but enough to show me that the gentle warrior I love was barely holding on. There was an animal in him too and I wanted to meet him.
“I’m okay, Tam.” I stuck my tongue out and licked his lips. “Give me what you have.”
Tamlin let out a sound I was not sure was human and he kissed me with a bruising passion as he increased his pace until he was pounding into me. He was fucking me now, and I loved it. I raised my legs, resting my heels in the dip of his ass as he kept on rutting inside of me.
He squeezed one of my breasts firmly, almost painfully before letting his fingers slid down to my pussy and rubbing my clit as his thrusts turned erratic.
“Come with me, babe. I want to come with your pussy pulsating around my cock.”
And I came at his filthy request. I’d never known Tamlin had it in him and I never knew I would be hot for these kinds of things, and yet this orgasm was even more powerful than the last.
Tamlin tilted his head back and roared as he came deep inside of me. His orgasm was clearly just as intense as mine had been.
He fell on top of me breathlessly and despite his crushing weight, I loved it, having him like that—undone.
I ran my hands along his back gently, kissing the side of his face.
“Thank you for making it so good for me,” I told him. “I never expected to come on my first time.”
“Twice,” he replied teasingly.
“Twice,” I confirmed.
“It was the best sex I ever had, Fay. It was earth-shattering; it was everything.”
“It’s because we love each other.”
He lifted his head to kiss my lips softly, the beast back in its cage. My kind, gentle knight back.
He finally rolled over and I missed his weight on me, but he pulled me toward him. I rested my head on his chest, listening to his peaceful heartbeat.
“I love you,” he said with a sleepy voice, tightening his hold around my waist.
“I love you too.” I closed my eyes, enjoying the closeness and the soft soreness between my legs. I didn’t know how long it would be before I could be in his arms again.
After a couple of minutes, Tamlin’s breathing changed, and I realized he was asleep. I rested my hand on top of his arm. He must have been more exhausted than I thought to fall asleep so fast.
Something strange happened then. I felt like I was sucked into a black hole and I could see a world being created behind my closed eyelids. It looked just like a dream, but I knew I couldn’t be the one dreaming because I was conscious. I was about to shake Tamlin awake when I realized that since he fell asleep, his guard would be down, giving me free access to his mind. He had told me that once you had access to someone’s mind, you would always have an access of some sort. I decided to relax and see why this memory was so important for him to subconsciously show it to me.
Tamlin was standing in front of something that looked a lot like the senate here in the US. People were leaving, throwing him glances going from curious, to reprobating, to full anger.
Tamlin couldn’t believe that Myros brought our relationship to the public eye.
So, this was the memory, Myros' big reveal.
“Colonel Woods?”
Tamlin turned around to look at a young soldier. Wow, Tamlin was a colonel; I understood now why he used to be so stuck up.
“The generals want to see you.”
“Of course, they do,” Tamlin mumbled to himself. “Let them know I’ll be right over.”
I could see in his head that the generals were the martial court of the kingdom, and at its head was Tamlin’s father.
Tamlin walked into the room, his head held high, and stood in front of the three older men with Tamlin’s father sitting in the middle.
“You wanted to see me?” Tamlin asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He was never called by the martial court before and even if it was informal, it didn’t presage anything good.
“Yes, take a seat,” the man to the right said, gesturing to a chair. I could see in Tamlin's head that it was Victor Birkam or rather General Victor Birkam but to Tamlin he had been Uncle Victor for so long as, after his mother’s death, he spent most of his days in the training field with his father and the other generals.
Tamlin ignored the chair and held his hand behind his back.
“What did you think of today’s session?” his father asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say. Did I ever imagine Myros coming here and being allowed to speak in front of our council?” He shook his head. “No, I never thought that would happen. Too much blood had been shed by his hands. Queen Lydia, Lady Marianne Woods…” he added, unblinking, somehow pleased to see his father wince at the mention of his mother’s name.
“Myros sent a messenger promising a possibility of peace if we allowed him to speak during a council session,” the third general explained. “Lots of blood might have been shed, but if we have a way to bring peace, we had to at least listen.”
“And it’s not why we called you here,” General Woods snapped.<
br />
“Of course not,” Tamlin replied, not able to conceal his sarcasm.
“Is what he said true?” Victor asked, and Tamlin knew he wanted to hear a denial.
“You’ll need to be more specific here. He said a lot of things.”
“About you and the princess, Tamlin! That’s what we are talking about,” his father barked angrily. “Are you two involved in some romantic way?”
Tamlin stayed silent for a second and even considered a lie which was against everything he believed in. But he thought that if it could keep him out of trouble, it was worth it. But he also knew it was pointless… Anyone with half a brain could see the way we looked at each other, that it was way more to us than the normal royal to knight relationship.
“Answer the question, Colonel Woods,” commanded the third general.
“Did I ever keep a secret from you?”
“Was he right? Did you take her virtue?” And I was as mortified as Tamlin was at this exact moment. They could force the truth out of him; he knew that too.
“I’m in love with her,” Tamlin replied loud and clear, never letting go of his father’s eyes.
“That’s not what we asked, Colonel—”
“And Fay loves me too,” he added simply, thinking it was enough.
Victor closed his eyes with a weary sigh. “You know what you are doing? You are dishonoring your rank.”
Tamlin couldn’t help but snort. He couldn’t care less about that.
“You had no right to do that!” his father roared, punching the table.
Tamlin pointed an accusing finger to his father. “Don’t talk to me about rights! You have no right on me,” he shouted right back.
The three men were taken aback; nobody ever dared talk to them like that, informal meeting or not.
“By taking her virtue, you’ve lost yours, son; you’re lost,” said Victor so sadly as if Tamlin were the greatest disappointment of his life.
“The only thing that matters to me is her, her safety, her happiness… her love.”
“You have to stop that right now, bury these feelings deep down. We’ll pretend we never heard that,” the third general offered as an attempt to calm the tension.
