Ascending From Madness

by Stacey Marie Brown

  Sitting on the top step, I leaned against the wall, hidden by the ceiling of the second story. I tuned my ears in on the three in the room straight across from me. Noises drifted up of them settling on the sofa and chairs, and there was a small pause before my mom spoke.

  “Lewis, not being there and not seeing it for himself as I have, of course feels a tad more reserved about the situation. But you have seen it firsthand as well. What do you think? I’d love to know your expertise on this.”

  “Well,” Jessica let out a sigh, which locked every vertebra in my back in a straight line. “It’s far more serious than I imagined from our conversations.”

  A chair creaked as if someone shifted in it.

  “Her mind is declining at an alarming rate.”

  “It’s only been a few days,” Dad barked in defense.

  “Lewis, it may feel that way to you, but Alice has been suffering a lot longer than that. It may have gone undetected, but she is already at the level of full hallucinations, hearing voices.”

  My stomach churned with acid at her statement, and I struggled not to stomp down there and tell the bitch to shut up.

  “Lewis, your daughter has had a psychotic break. I know it is scary to hear, but I want to be straightforward, so we can face this head on. Deal with it instead of ignoring it. It helps no one to sugarcoat a situation as serious as Alice’s.”

  “Yes. That’s exactly what I want.” I could almost see my mom’s nodding like a bobblehead. What the Christmas dumplings was wrong with her? She never acted like this. She was the leader in a room, not a groupie. “Handle the problem directly.”

  “What do you suggest?” Dad spoke again, sounding far more skeptical than my mother.

  “First I want to start with some antipsychotics. Get her on them right away and see if that helps with the visions and voices. I also want to see her again in a few days.”

  “And what if it doesn’t work?” Mom asked. She always liked to be prepared for all situations. “What should we look for?”

  “Extreme paranoia. She will act as though everyone is after her, most likely me. It’s usual for them to think their therapist or doctor is trying to harm them instead of help. The visions, voices, and her mood swings will become more severe.”

  “Oh, God,” Mom whimpered.

  “It’s okay, Honey, we’ll handle this together,” Dad reassured her. “Alice is strong. She will get through this.”

  “I agree, Lewis. Alice is resilient,” Jessica replied. It sounded more like an insult than a compliment. “Let’s try this first, then we can go from there, but I feel the medication will really help her.” Her emphasis on that term coiled in my chest like a serpent. “Wanting nothing more than to get Alice healthy as fast as we can, I took the liberty of filling a prescription for her already.” The rattle of pills in a bottle tinkled in the room.

  Everything in my gut chimed with alarm at the notion she conveniently had these pills in her bag already.

  “Thank you so much. I can’t express how much we appreciate what you are doing. You have been so kind. So attentive,” my mom babbled.

  “Please, we’re not just neighbors; I feel we are practically family now. I want to help in any way I can. Alice is important to me too.” I was important to her? Rash on my ass. Her feelings for me were clear and mutual. “I should get home.” I heard rustling and movement toward the door. Her figure came into view as she stepped into the foyer. The shadows sliced right at her neck, like her head had been chopped off, but I swear I could feel her focus somehow find me. “Sorry we couldn’t go out together tonight. Maybe some other time. Though it was for the best, Matthew made me this romantic dinner for just the two of us. He is the best husband. After all these years, we are still so in love.”

  My hand slapped over my mouth, holding back the snort shoving against my palm. He doesn’t remember marrying you, bitch. Or why he did.

  “Awww,” my mom replied. “That is so lovely to hear. You two make such a beautiful couple.”

  “We make a great team. He’s my general, operating the home and little army while I work.”

  Mom laughed. “That’s such an adorable analogy. Well, your family is picture-perfect, and we love that you guys are next door to us.”

  “Us as well.” Her heels clacked over the wood floor, sounding like a clock marking time. “Good night. I’ll check in tomorrow.”

  “Have a good night as well. And thank you again, Jessica,” Dad said. I heard the click as the door opened then shut.

  “Lewis…” Mom croaked the moment the door shut. By their shadows on the floor, I could see him put his arms around her. “I’m scared.”

  “Me too.” He hugged her closer to him. “But you and I have been a good team. We have faced a lot of things together. We’ll face this.”

  “I’m so lucky to have you.”

  “I’m the lucky one.” He kissed her head, dropping his arms away.

  “Okay.” Mom exhaled, stepping back. “Step one. Get Alice started on these pills right away. I believe it will help.”

  Hell no! I wasn’t taking them. I didn’t trust Jessica. At all. Every fiber of my being screamed she wanted to hurt me.

  “Extreme paranoia. She will act as though everyone is after her, most likely me. It’s usual for them to think their therapist or doctor is trying to harm them instead of help.”

  Fuuucck.

  She just pulled another rung out from underneath me. Robbing me of any power I had. If I refused, I played right into her plan. If I took them, I declared I was mad.

  But wasn’t I? Was this the paranoia talking? Dragging my knees up to my chest, I bowed my head onto my knees. The sanity I felt so sure about the other day was slipping through my fingers, leaving only doubt in the spaces.

  “Alice?” a deep voice whispered my name, jerking my head up. My spine slammed into the wall, knocking the back of my head.

  “Oh, Christmas fudge…” I breathed out in a frightened whimper, staring at the form sitting on the same step, only inches away from me. Half man/half deer, he was the most uniquely beautiful creature I had ever seen. His antlers tipped back and forth as his soft brown eyes analyzed me.

  “You look like Alice,” he said frankly. A squeak chattered through my teeth as he leaned in, and my back painfully pressed against the wall, not allowing me to move any farther. My chest heaved with terror as his dewy nose snuffled my hair. Warm air brushed down my neck, the feel of it tugging at my skin as he continued to sniff me. “You smell like Alice.”

  “Go away.” I tucked deeper into myself, too scared to reach out and touch him, knowing without a doubt, I would touch a solid being.

  I was truly going insane.

  He sat back, a sadness filling his eyes. “But you are not my Alice,” he stated. “My Alice had much more muchness. She was a fighter.”

  “Go away. You’re not real.” I shut my eyes, covering my ears so I could no longer hear the velvety voice twisting at my gut. “You’re not real. You’re not real.”

  “Alice?” Fingers touched me and I batted them away, repeating my chant over and over.

  “Alice!” Mom’s terrified voice snapped me out of my safety bubble. Raising my head, my gaze went to the body which now sat across from me, meeting her pained expression. Tears threatened at the edges of her eyes, her forehead wrinkling as grief and fear swirled through her.

  “Alice…” she cried my name softly, gutting me even more than I already was. The guilt and heartache I possessed brought this on them. I felt like I was letting her down, my whole family down, and causing them unbelievable pain, stress, and agony.

  So when she held out her palm with two pills, handing me the small glass of water, I didn’t hesitate, swallowing them back in a gulp. Fighting this would only cause them more grief.

  My mom’s arms wrapped around me, and I fell into her embrace, letting my tears flow out.

  “I’m so sorry, Mom.” I cried into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

&nbs
p; “Shhh. It’s okay, baby.” She rocked me back and forth. “We’re going to fix this. I promise. It’s all going to be okay.”

  “Have I gone mad?” I asked, wanting to believe her so badly, but a voice stirred up in the back of my head, crackling with laughter.

  “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers.”

  Chapter 8

  My eyes darted nervously to the corners of my room, my body not moving a hair. Watching. Waiting. Every light was on in my bedroom. The Christmas lights trimming our house shone through my window, painting my floor in dull blobs of color. The two days since Jessica had stopped by, since I saw the deer-man, seemed like years ago. Every minute I was slipping more from myself.

  Tonight was a perfect example of that. It was just a movie, Alice. Wasn’t real.

  Sitting in the middle of my bed, keeping my hands and legs far from the edges, anxiety thumped my heart in my ears, waiting for giant, green lizard-bat things to crawl out from under my bed and sink their sharp teeth into my skin again.

  Again?

  My door opened, allowing darkness to seep in from the unlit hallway, my sister’s silhouette stood in the doorway timidly. Afraid. Of me. “Alice?”

  Not moving, my ears picked up on the TV still playing in her bedroom across the hall. We had been watching our annual Christmas movie together tonight, a normal night. My reaction had destroyed the chance at anything ordinary or lighthearted, which seemed to be my specialty lately.

  Like an Advent calendar, Dinah and I counted down the final fifteen days to Christmas with our favorite holiday movies. It had been something we did since we were little. Scott had joined us for the last couple years, introducing him to some of our favorites.

  Popcorn, drinks, candy…we were all set for a good night. Scott and Dinah stretched over her bed, I sat at the foot, leaning back into her mattress, feeling somewhat normal for once in a long time. Even though every day not seeing Matt was agony. The nightly and detailed erotic dreams were only heightening my craving for him. The sensations of his weight between my legs and the feel of his mouth tortured my mind until I let myself pretend he was there. I couldn’t explain how I felt, except the time away was making things worse not better. I thought a movie night would take my mind off him, but it did the exact opposite. Worse than a ghost, he felt even more dominant in the room as we watched the cult Christmas movie.

  Halfway through the film, one I had seen a dozen times, lizard-looking creatures with bat ears multiplied over the TV. Seeing the leader Spike and his white mohawk on the screen caused something to snap. A scream tore from my throat. Jumping up, I backed away from the screen.

  “No. No. No.” My head shook back and forth, the room slipping away from me. Gazing down, I saw my bare feet in snow. Red and bloody. Like a goopy cherry snow cone. No longer in my sister’s bedroom, darkness and trees surrounded me along with gut-wrenching fear and panic. It felt as if someone I loved was dying, but I couldn’t reach them.

  “Alice… What’s wrong?” A woman’s voice morphed to a man’s, pulling my head to the side. An obscure snowy landscape outlined a man’s tall physique, blue eyes shining through the shadows. I couldn’t make out his face but instantly felt a name slip into my head and heart.

  Scrooge.

  The leader of the gremlins yelled from his perch on a rock, tweaking my attention back to him. His beady eyes glared down at me, like he was telling me my end was next. I stumbled back, my head shaking. His group beat their sticks, howling into the air, calling for our death. Spike shrieked, lifting his spear, and the hundreds of scaly bodies descended on us like swarming ants.

  Not able to move, I watched them coming for me, their teeth snapping, eager to taste my blood, their claws longing to tear into my flesh. The first one leaped in the air, coming down on me. I hit the ground, covering my head, screeching from the pain I was expecting to feel.

  “Alice!” Hands grabbed my arms, shaking me. A familiar voice wrenched my head up. Scott’s green eyes met mine. He tried to hide the panic in his expression, but he wasn’t that good of an actor. “Alice, you’re okay.”

  I was back in my sister’s room. No creatures attacking me. No snow. No man. Nothing. My gaze went over his shoulder to my sister prancing by her open door. Mom and Dad rushed in, heading directly for me. Scott moved to the side as my parents crowded my space.

  “What happened?” Mom asked me first, but when I didn’t say anything, she flipped to my sister. “Someone talk to me! What happened?”

  My sister opened her mouth, but nothing came out, her body trembling.

  “She freaked out,” Scott spoke for her, pointing to the TV. “The moment the gremlins came on the screen, she started screaming. I mean gut-wrenching…” He shook his head, appearing as startled as my sister.

  “The gremlins?” My dad’s brow furrowed. “She’s seen that a million times. Loves it… Why would it suddenly upset her?”

  “You know what Jessica said to us the other night on the phone. Ordinary things might trigger her now.” They spoke like I was no longer in the room. My opinion or thoughts didn’t seem to matter anymore anyway.

  It had only been a few days since I started taking the pills. Mom kept saying it took time for them to really get in my system and work, but all I felt was a decline.

  Now, I sat on my bed with all the lights on, imagining green monsters blending in the dark shadows, ready to spring on me the moment the lights went off.

  Seeking revenge.

  Now Dinah treaded softly into my bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed like I would shatter into pieces. “You really scared me.”

  “I know.” I no longer knew how to console my family. The amount of times I uttered the sentiment, “I’m sorry,” in the last few days meant nothing anymore.

  She went to reach for my hand but stopped. “Help me understand what you’re going through.”

  “I wish I could. It’s not a math problem you can solve.” I glanced up at my ceiling. “I don’t even understand.”

  “But it’s real to you.” She licked her lips, tucking a short strand of hair behind her ear anxiously. “You really think it’s happening?” Her question felt more like a statement, than an actual inquiry.

  Curious.

  “Yes,” I replied numbly, the medication Mom had practically shoved down my throat after the incident was finally working through my system, the fight in me dying away, leaving me empty and pliable.

  “So…did the gremlins jump out of the screen and come after you?”

  “No.” Exhaling, I searched for the right phrasing. “It’s not like that. I wasn’t in your room anymore…I was somewhere else.” With someone else. “It’s as real as this.” I lifted my arms to my bedroom. “It was as if I had been there before. Reliving the experience again. This sick feeling that someone I loved was dying or hurt…” My fingers pinched at my forehead, like the answer was right there, needing to be plunked out.

  Dinah’s hand covered mine, her eyes swimming in emotion, a single tear slipping down her cheek. She seldom cried. She’d rather solve the problem than weep about it.

  To see her crying over me broke me a little bit more. I gripped her hand in mine, pulling her into a hug. “It will be okay.” I tried to comfort her, wanting to be the older sister who protected her for once. “I promise.”

  She nodded, wiping at her face. Standing up, she gave me another quick hug and smile before leaving.

  She exited my room, neither of us believing me.

  Hours later, the downstairs clock ticked, echoing through the silent house. I stared out into the cold night, searching for the one thing that made sense right now. For days I had been good, stayed away, and it had been like fighting against a vortex that wanted to pull me in. But tonight my defenses were nothing, and I didn’t want to stay away anymore. Not when I knew I had seen him in my vision on that mountain. I had called him Scrooge, which was odd since we teased about that, but it felt right.

  In the bizarro world of being attack
ed by gremlins, his presence next to me was the most real thing about it, as if we had lived many lives, slayed dozens of monsters together. It was silly, but it didn’t take away from a core part of my gut that agreed we had been together before. Were previous lives possible? Had we known each other in some other life? It sounded more like one of my fantasy books, but the idea wouldn’t go away.

  Sleepless nights and stress added to my jumbled mind, but the drugs had only made everything worse. I should have fought, stood up for myself, knowing Jessica was trying to harm me. It was like she had this all planned out, which made no sense. She barely knew me and had just moved here a week ago. She definitely was insecure when it came to her husband, but was that enough to do this to me?

  I needed to see him. To talk to him. Quickly dressing in warm clothes, I slipped out into the night, a fugitive heading straight for the tree.

  “Matt?” I called softly, searching desperately for the puff of smoke curling around the branches, his gorgeous physique leaning against the tree, waiting for me.

  A figure moved from around the tree, and a smile burst over my face, feeling lightness for the first time in days. “Matt.”

  The silhouette stepped out. My feet came to an abrupt stop, fear spread down my veins, my stomach dropping like a block.

  Jessica stepped out from the tree into the light. Coal in my stocking. Dressed in a long black wool coat with fur trim, the rabbit’s foot dangling from her neck, and even at this time of night, her lips were perfectly coated in deep red.

  “I figured you’d eventually come again.” She brushed her leather-covered hands together as she traveled closer to me. “Like an elf to sugar, you can’t seem to stay away. It seems you have a weakness for other women’s husbands.”

  “It’s not like that,” I croaked, trepidation heating my skin.

  Jessica’s mouth curved in a malicious smile.

  “Don’t treat me like a fool, girl. I’ve known about your little rendezvous from the beginning. You really think a wife wouldn’t notice her husband slipping away in the middle of the night?” She eyed me as I swallowed nervously. “Don’t fool yourself. He’s a weak-willed man. Like all the rest. But in the end, he will always come back to me. You really think Matthew would choose you over his son? He will do whatever it takes to keep him this time. You are nothing but a shiny distraction.”