“Fuck, that just came back and bit me in the ass.”
“I can do that too.”
“Alice,” he warned.
Holding my head up, grinning to myself, I hurried my steps to keep up with Grinch, not wanting to get lost in this crazy maze.
Scrooge’s feet stomped behind me as he called for Hare.
Grinch took us down another two levels, before we went through still another door. Astounded at the huge space, the room was as tall and wide as several warehouses, buzzing with an abundance of voices and noise like we just walked in on a city. The sour smell dissipated, filling again with sweet aromas. The closer I walked to the railing, the more I heard singing, banging of hammers, and the sounds of machines.
I stepped in next to Grinch, peering down at the ground below. I wasn’t sure what I thought I’d find on the other side, maybe something similar to a bunker holding a few weapons. That was not even close to what I discovered.
I gaped, my eyes not feeling I could take it all in. Below, filling the entire space was…
Whoville.
“Snoof fuzzles.” My mouth parted. “And tringlers trappings.”
Chapter 35
“You’ve been hiding Whoville here?” Scrooge came up next to me, his eyes also bugging out. “After the queen took over, they had vanished in the night, leaving everything behind. No one knew where they went.”
“Yeah, those asswhos came here.” Grinch waved down at them with a snarl. “Whined and pleaded with me until I couldn’t stand anymore of their noise, noise, noise,” he grumbled, leaning his elbows on the partial wall. “Funny how for decades they wouldn’t dare come here. Stuck-up bastoodles shunned me… then, ha! One day they need me. Wanted nothing more than to get into my home. So… I made them a little deal.”
This time I really took in the whimsical village. The homes were actually plain beige tents painted with fun colors dulled by time. In the middle of their makeshift town stood a tree made from slabs of stone, twisted and curved, wrapped with lights and homemade ornaments.
Singing and children’s laughter echoed up, but I noticed all the older Whos were gathered in the middle of the village—working.
On one side were people baking and crafting different types of candy weapons from fire and stoves. The back tier looked to be carving them into the dangerous weapons, laying them in a huge wheelbarrow when they were done. The left side seemed to be making bullets and other needed accessories. Right below me was food, supplies, bathrooms, and laundry tents. Squirrely-curly written signs above the tents let you know exactly what each was. The homes were on the outer tiers of the village.
“You are using them as slaves?” Scrooge snapped at him.
“Pppfft.” Grinch lips vibrated. “They are earning their keep. And please, like it really bothers you.”
“They’ve been doing this since they went into hiding?”
“Took them a while to set up and get all their shit together, but yeah, for a while now.”
“How many weapons have you made now?” Scrooge slowly turned to Grinch.
“Enough to confront the queen.” His gnarly smile coiled up. “And far more than two bottles of mead are worth.”
“I can get you more.”
A smugness rolled over the green Bigfoot.
“I figured.”
“What? There’s more mead?” Hare wiggled between Scrooge and me.
“Oh, Hare. I think we’re gonna have to sedate you when we show you the bunker.”
“Bunker?”
“Not important right now.” Scrooge dismissed our conversation, going back to Grinch. “A case of mead for your weapons.”
“Ten cases and her.” Grinch’s dirty yellow eyes moved to me salaciously. “And you can have all of those pesky Whos as well.” Grinch pointed down. “More soldiers for your war. She is certainly worth all those cooing Whos to fight against your queen.”
My head slanted, taking a step up to him, my nose flinching at his sour smell and whiffs of what smelled like battery acid.
“You really are an appalling dump heap.”
“Why, thank you.” His stomach pushed into mine as he tried to inch closer. “Why don’t you and I get nasty wasty skunk drunk and see where things go?”
Scrooge stepped between us, pushing Grinch from my space. A growl came from Max, a slice of teeth showing as he stepped up to protect his master.
“Try it, Scroogie.” Grinch sniggered. “And Max finds his new chew toy.”
I peered over at the dog, stepping slowly to him. “I think Max, like his owner, is all bark and no bite.” My voice went up to the pitch I use on animals and babies. It worked as I hoped. Max’s ears and tail went down. His mouth opened, panting happily as my hand slid through his soft fur, scratching behind his ear.
“Great guard dog.” Scrooge let out a howl of laugher when Max melted into me, his massive size almost pushing me over, his tail thunking heavily against the ground as he wiggled closer to get more scratches.
“Max! Stop that,” Grinch snapped at him. “Attack!”
Max licked my face as I scrubbed his back, his legs sliding fully to the ground, rolling over to show me his belly.
Hare and Scrooge couldn’t fight back their laughter as Grinch continued to chide him, wanting him to get up. Max yipped contently, wiggling over the ground, loving his belly rubs.
“Not such a tough guy now.”
“Stupid, worthless dog.” Grinch huffed. “Great protector you make.”
Max barked in response, adding to Grinch’s glower.
“Ten cases and I get all the weapons and whoever is willing to fight for Santa.” Scrooge dropped his humor like a switch, getting back to his ruthless negotiation stance.
“Santa? You going to trick them into fighting for a man whose heart is smaller than mine?” Grinch nodded in approval of his plan. “Slippery Scrooge… more cunning than I thought.”
“Who says I’m tricking them?” He got into Grinch’s face. Even if he was smaller than the moldy yeti, something about Scrooge seemed larger. Stronger.
“You have to be. Otherwise, you found Santa’s soul…” Grinch tapered off, watching Scrooge’s malevolent smile stretch his mouth.
“Tha-that’s not possible. There’s no way you could have survived the Land of the Lost and Broken.”
“I also survived the Land of Lost Souls,” Scrooge replied. “Go check for yourself. He’s back. All those in hiding will hear and come out.”
“You lie. You couldn’t have made it through both those places. Impossible.”
“Let’s say I had my own weapon.” Scrooge’s gaze slid to me, burning with heated meaning, rippling over my skin. A private smile exchanged between us. A promise of later.
“Fuck-a-strudel… filled your stocking once, and now all he can think about is coming down your chimney again.” Hare sidled up next to me, knocking me with his elbow.
“You and him?” Grinch’s face twisted up. “Now that’s vile. Ewww! Think I’m gonna vomit. Dammit. You were hot too. We could’ve had fun, but I don’t take slimy-sloppy-seconds from him.” Grinch shoved his finger at Scrooge.
“Ohhh… noooo.” My shoulders slumped, sarcasm leaking from my disappointment. “So heartbreaking. Somehow I will have to go on.” I started to hum, suddenly belting out, “Near, far, wherever you are,” singing the sappy song “My Heart Will Go On.”
“What is she doing?” Grinch stared at me.
“I have no idea.” Scrooge lifted an eyebrow.
“You know what? I think I lucked out with that one. She’s nuttier than a fruitcake. Sorry man.” Grinch patted Scrooge on the shoulder.
“Yeah, you might be right.”
Putting a hand on my hip, I glared at Scrooge. He winked back at me, hiding his grin.
“All right. Ten cases of mead.” Grinch waved his hand out to the village. “Just take them. Get them the hell off my mountain. I’ve been wanting peace and quiet for decades now.” He swiveled around, marching up t
o the railing.
“Hey, losers down in Loserville,” he yelled, his voice booming off the stone walls like a speaker. All work stopped instantly, heads turning up to us. “Scrooge bought you. You pains-in-the-wazoo are now his. Get the hell out of my house,” he huffed, then stomped away, disappearing into the shadows, Max trotting after him.
Instead of calling out questions or cheering, the Whos all got up and gathered around the fake Christmas tree. They gripped hands and started singing. “Fah who foraze! Dah who doraze!” They swayed in unison.
“What the hell are they doing?” Hare stared at them as if they lost their marbles.
“Singing,” I quipped.
“Thanks. I got that much.” He leaped onto the wall, shaking his head. “But why?”
“I think this is what they do when they are upset or confused.” Scrooge pinched his nose. “This makes them feel safe and united.”
“They sing when they’re upset?” Hare burped a laugh. “Oh, good luck getting these scrambled eggs to be soldiers. In the middle of battle, they will drop their weapons and start holding hands.”
Scrooge winced, taking in a deep breath, hearing the truth of Hare’s words. “Hey, everyone.” He held up his hand to break their kumbaya moment. They continued to sing louder.
“Stop!” Scrooge yelled out, the silence in the cave was instant. The thirty or forty of them blinked at us. “I didn’t buy you as slaves. You are free to do what you want. But those who are willing to fight for Santa, who still believe, we’d like you to join us.”
They stayed silent. At least thirty seconds passed before they started singing again.
“Screw this.” Hare jumped off the ledge, waving his hand at them. “They are fuck-zozzled.”
“Yeah.” Scrooge nodded, running a hand over his head. “Let’s get the weapons and go.”
We were about to leave, when a little voice called from below, “Wait!”
We turned to see a small blonde Who, around the age of six. Her nose like a button, her cheeks rosy pink, she wore rags, but I could tell at one time they were pink. She was angelic, but she held her chin up with strength in the middle of all the adults.
There was no doubt who she was.
“You said Santa?” She put her hands on her hips. “You can’t bamboozle us. We know he is gone.”
“He’s not. Santa’s back,” Scrooge replied, focusing on the girl. “And the queen is coming to close the doors to our realm for good. Death will find you wherever you are. You can hide here, scared, or you can fight.”
“Hide!” half the Whos replied. “Mr. Grinch will protect us. He cares about us.”
“They really aren’t too bright, are they?” I leaned into Scrooge, whispering in his ear, the smell of him warming my blood.
“They call it ‘purposefully naïve.’”
“Idiots. All of them,” Hare spouted from behind us.
“I will fight.” The little girl spoke above the rumblings, her stance strong. “For Santa, I will fight with all my might.”
A man nodded proudly, clasping her shoulder. “I’ll fight with Cindy Lou Who.”
“And me!” Another joined. “I follow Cindy Lou Who too.”
“And me. I follow Cindy Lou Who through too.”
“And me, I follow—”
“Yeah. Yeah. We fucking get it.” Hare tugged his ears.
About fifteen took a spot next to Cindy Lou, the rest gasping, appalled by their brazen announcement and actions.
“Fine.” Scrooge nodded. “For those who are coming with us, load the weapons, grab what you need. We’ll be leaving in twenty minutes, agreed?”
The fifteen quickly reacted, doing his bidding as I reclined back on the wall, staring over at him with a grin.
“You know you started rhyming there at the end?”
“I’d shut up before you get locked up.” He inched closer, his mouth brushing my cheek.
“Take notice, you are not giving me much motive.”
He growled, his mouth tipping my head back as he claimed my lips, shutting us both up.
Waning my thoughts, but not taming.
Chapter 36
Instead of a cautious, stealthy retreat, being aware of attackers or LSSes, the Whos paraded down the mountain with two huge carts full of weapons and their bizilbix and wums, in constant song. Scrooge’s back curved with irritation until he almost hunched over. Growls and grunts came from his direction with every few beats of their quirky instruments.
Hare’s ears were flattened back, trying to block some of the off-tune voices and noises. I tried to hush them over and over, but their attention span seemed to be less than a gnat. They’d nod their head, stop for a moment, take two steps, then start up again.
“These asshoozels are too stupid to live, but unfortunately we’ll go down with them,” Hare grumbled, hopping next to me, glancing left and right, on constant guard. “Grinch has a bigger heart than I thought. I would let nature take its course. Weed out the brainless. These walking mind-gaps are far stupider than turkeys. And I don’t know about where you came from, but turkeys here will just walk off cliffs. One walked straight into the oven for me.”
“You cooked him alive?”
“Easier to pluck the feathers when they’re all warm and crispy on the outside.”
“Sorry I asked.”
Thankfully, besides one or two of those Wums curiously finding their way into an LLS or off a cliff, when Hare went to steer the rear of the group, the trip was uneventful.
The wind hissed and batted at us, threatening us to not go forward, which freaked out most of the Whos, but once again it was Cindy Lou who stepped up and encouraged them to keep going. She was all of six, but the girl had more force and smarts than all the rest combined.
Spotting the smoke from the cabin, I let out a breath, relaxing my shoulders as we came up on the house, the warm buttery lights beckoning us home.
That lasted for a few seconds.
Two well-known outlines stood out front. The antlers of Rudy wouldn’t have drawn any concern from me, but the three-tier ice cream cone next to him did.
“Frosty,” Scrooge snarled, his lips rising, his muscles locking up. He bulldozed forward with his gaze locked on the snowman. “How dare you show your face here.”
“Scrooge.” Rudy held up his hands, trying to dissuade his friend. “No, you don’t understand.”
“I understand him perfectly, the fucking traitor.” Snow flew under Scrooge’s boots.
Frosty skated back, his twig hands going up in defense.
“Scrooge!” Rudy barreled into his chest, holding him back. “Hear him out!”
“No!” Scrooge shoved back, his eyes flashing with abhorrence and fury. “And I can’t believe you are asking me to. You know what he did. He’s why I have no family anymore. Why everyone in that cabin was tortured.”
As if Scrooge summoned them, the front door opened. Dee, Dum, Pen, and Santa spilled out onto the porch, their notice going briefly to the finally silent party behind me, then back to Scrooge.
“I didn’t turn you in,” Frosty exclaimed. “It wasn’t me.”
“No one else could have.” Scrooge rammed into Rudy, trying to get past him.
“Maybe you should have looked closer to home.” Frosty’s claim suspended in the air, strumming silence over the air.
“What. Are. You. Implying?” Fury wiggled under Scrooge’s skin, his calm, cold voice highlighting the rage simmering under the surface.
“I’m saying I wasn’t your culprit.” Frosty moved a little closer. “You wanted me to be so desperately you made it so in your head. But deep down, I think you knew the truth.”
Scrooge’s entire body tightened, expanding up and out.
“Come now, Scrooge, you were there. Didn’t you ever wonder why your dear sweet wife was crying out, ‘You promised,’ over and over?”
Dread pitched into my stomach, worming it through my gut.
“She wasn’t speaking to you.” Frosty p
lanted himself where Scrooge could easily grab him if he wanted, but Scrooge didn’t move, letting Rudy hold him in place.
“You. Fucking. Lie,” Scrooge breathed, his chest moving up and down violently. “You are trying to get me to doubt. That’s what deceivers do.”
“You are the only one deceiving themselves. Truth is such a funny thing. My truth is your lie, and your truth is my lie, though both our truths cannot be facts.” Frosty slid a little farther away. “Tell me, did you question for a moment why Blitzen went straight to your home? Peculiar, since he had to go through the rest of the village to get to yours? He seemed to know exactly which one yours was.” Frosty tapped at his coal mouth. “Was your wife screaming for help or hiding your son?”
“She was terrified. She didn’t want him to think Tim was there. Probably getting him to take her instead.”
“Was she?” Frosty’s pipe journeyed to the other side of his mouth. “Is that what you heard her say?”
Scrooge’s chin lifted, like he was trying to defy Frosty’s speculation, but he didn’t defend his own claim.
The sickening sensation swam in my stomach, understanding Frosty’s insinuation sharply.
“You two-faced, vile piece of shit. You think I’m going to let you twist me up so easy?” Scrooge gritted through his teeth. “Belle was kind and loving. Innocent. You’re trying to make her into something else because you’re not strong enough to admit you’re a backstabbing sellout. Knowing you, you have the entire queen’s army waiting over the hill to attack us right now.”
“If that was my strategy, I would have done it the first time I was here.” Frosty motioned to me. “And why would I lead Alice to the Land of the Lost to help find you? I would have left you there and taken her to the queen. Or I would have let you both die at the castle.”
“What?” Scrooge’s head jerked with puzzlement. “What do you mean here before?”
Right. He had already left when Frosty showed up, and when we returned, Frosty was gone.
“He is the reason you are alive.” Rudy gripped Scrooge’s shoulders, forcing his eyes on him. “He’s why I was able to get there and save you all.”
Ascending From Madness Page 27
