Dancing with Satan: A Young Adult Romance

by Kayley Shaye

  “I’m s-sorry,” she muttered as she stumbled to her feet.

  Silence fell between us for about 2 seconds flat before I decided to break it. “What the hell was that?”

  “She wanted me, babe,” he said in a cocky tone.

  “Because I totally couldn’t see that,” I spat sarcastically. “Who the hell does she think she is? She doesn’t even know you!”

  “Entertainment for me,” Ryder spoke with a smirk on his face.

  “Why are you mad at me?”

  “Mad at you? Never.” I waved it off, acting like I was totally fine with it but he knew otherwise. I had no right to be mad at him. I knew that. But the fact that he was so calm about it (calm for Jesse, anyways!) really bothered me.

  When Ryder finally got called back, I told him we’d be out for a few minutes and then come back and sit with him. First, I wanted to see if Jesse had anything to say about what just happened.

  “Were you jealous, sweetheart?” Jesse asked as he leaned closer to my body.

  “Shut up. That’s a stupid question.”

  “I guess that’s a yes.” Jesse took my hand in his and turned to face me. “I only have my eyes for you, babe. I need you to relax. You know I’m not interested in anyone else.”

  I sighed. He was right. I was making this a bigger deal than it needed to be. Just like everything else, right? “I know, but still.”

  “Still nothing. I’m not going anywhere, Sage.”

  I nodded and stood up, out of the hard and uncomfortable hospital seats. “Let’s just go see Ryder.”

  ***

  “This is a nice room.” I kept my voice low as I entered for Ryder’s sake. The nurse specifically told us to act calm, so the patient wouldn’t get too overwhelmed, not that I thought it would happen but I did it out of respect for him.

  “It is. Come sit down.” Leaning up, Ryder pulled a chair closer to the one he was currently occupying. I sat in it, and Jesse sat across the room. “It looks like we aren’t leaving anytime soon.”

  “It’s alright. We have nowhere to be,” I responded. My eyes trailed over the machine, wires, cords, tubing, and Ryder’s hand, which currently had a needle injected into it that administered the chemo. He was leaned back slightly in a recliner-like chair; his arm propped up on the oversized arm rest.

  “I have a clubhouse of twenty men that needs me. The quicker we get done, the better.”

  “No, Ryder.” I sighed. “It can’t be like that. For once, you need to think of yourself. They may get crazy when you’re gone, but I promise Damien will handle it. Your health is all that matters.”

  “No, that’s not all that matters. There’s so much more. I have so much to take care of, Sage. I can’t do that in a hospital bed. I may not be there yet, but I will be.”

  “You don’t know that,” Jesse protested.

  “He’s right. You don’t know that. We’ve already talked about this. We made a deal, remember? Three months, and if it doesn’t work, you can quit the treatment.”

  He was silent, but his eyes were on me. He heard what I said. “Just give me your hand.”

  With surprise, I didn’t object. I placed my hand in his and gently squeezed his hand in a comforting manner. “One step at a time, Ryder. Just one step at a time. You know how to do that; you’ve done it all of your life.”

  Chapter Forty

  We had all changed a lot over the past two years; more than I would ever have imagined, that’s for sure. As I sat in a hospital recliner opposite to Ryder for his third round of chemo, I felt both happiness and sadness.

  Happiness because both clubs were working together now. We had little fights here and there, but nothing serious. Once, last week, we got both clubs together at our clubhouse and had a cookout. It was very interesting, something I’d love to do again.

  Jesse had changed, too. He was so helpful with all of this. His temper wasn’t as quick to lash out, and he was more patient than I had ever seen him. For that, I was grateful even though something told me it wouldn’t last too long. Maybe that’s because it was too good to be true—everything was.

  Jesse even came to every single one of Ryder’s appointments with the exception of this one due to a gun deal that he couldn’t pass up on.

  I felt sadness because despite all of this good, Ryder was still sick. After his first round of chemo, he was a little nauseous, but it was a lot worse now. He rarely ever felt okay. He lost all of his hair last week. The man looked great with or without hair, but he didn’t believe me when I told him that.

  Instead, he told me to screw off. I tried not to take it personally. That’s one thing the doctor told me that I needed to learn to do. Never take anything the patient says too seriously.

  After chemo, he was the worst. He was miserable. One day, I stayed with him all day and night because he was constantly getting sick, and I was afraid to leave him alone. That wasn’t a pretty sight at all. If it wasn’t for this, everything would be perfect. But we all knew the world was nothing close to perfect.

  Liam had really stepped up. He had put his man-whore ways to the side for now just to help Ryder. I thanked him time and time again for it, and I’d continue to do so. It was nice that he was so helpful towards another brother. I couldn’t forget about Damien either. He helped just as much, and they weren’t as afraid of the word “cancer” as they had been before.

  As for me, the C word scared me just as much as it had a month and a half ago, if not more.

  “SAGE!”

  I jumped in my seat and groaned from the impact of my toe hitting the side of the chair roughly. “God damn, I’m right here.”

  “I’ve been calling you for about five minutes,” Ryder growled in frustration. He still had a temper on him. “Pass me the remote, will ya? I can’t sit here for another hour watching Rachel Ray cook.”

  “Sorry,” I muttered. I pulled my legs from their folded-up position in the chair and walked over to the small table on the side of the room where the remote was. “I didn’t even realize that was on.”

  “I could tell.” Ryder took the remote from my hands with a simple nod of his head. “Thanks.”

  “Did it kill you to say that? Thanks?”

  He smirked knowingly. “Damn sure did.”

  I smiled. “Sounds just like me.” I watched him flip through the channels on the TV.

  With a sigh, he cut it off and threw the remote on the table. “There’s never anything good on TV. That’s why I never watch it.”

  “That’s because you’re too busy. I don’t watch much either.”

  Ryder nodded his head. “Is it cold in here, or is it just me being a wuss? I’m about to freeze my ass off.” Ryder’s voice changed from frustration over the TV to one of annoyance.

  “It’s hot in here to me.” With closer examination, I realized Ryder’s body was shaking slightly. I frowned and looked around for a blanket. “You really are cold.”

  “Must be the chemo. Happens sometimes at night. I’ll be fine.” He leaned his head back in the chair and closed his eyes. I noticed his left hand was gripping the arm of the chair so much his knuckles were turning white.

  “I can’t find a blanket. Are you sure you’re okay? Want to call the nurse?” I asked as I walked closer to him.

  “Nah, I’m fine. Really, Sage. Just relax. You’re stressing me out.”

  I gave him a look when he opened one eye to look at me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to. I’ll be quiet now, but if you need something, you better tell me. That’s what I’m here for, to help you.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Overthinking had always been a huge problem for me. In the past, it had messed up relationships and caused me more harm than good. It also caused a lot of unnecessary stress, and the fact that I couldn’t control this situation right here, right now, got under my skin a lot. Ryder knew that. Jesse probably did too, but there was nothing I could do. We would have to play this by ear and hope the treatment worked.

  I hoped Ryder knew
that if I could, I would take all this from him in a heartbeat.

  “I’m going to starve to death,” Ryder whispered, bringing me out of my thoughts. I glanced over to his chair.

  “Do you want me to go down to the cafeteria and get you something?” I asked.

  “No. I’m tired of hospital food, Sage. I don’t think you understand how disgusting it is.” Ryder’s face scrunched up and caused me to smile at his look.

  “I’ll go get you something then. What do you want?”

  “Fried chicken. Lots of it too.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? All the grease might make you sick.”

  “I’m sure. I want some damn fried chicken. I’m already sick. Chicken isn’t going to change that,” he answered.

  “Okay, if that’s what you want, that’s what you get. I’ll be back in half an hour. Do you need anything before I go? Water or anything?”

  “Nah.” He shook his head. “I’m alright. See you in a bit.”

  I left his room and walked three floors down to the parking lot. Elevators made me uneasy unless someone was with me, so I avoided it at all costs. “Fried chicken,” I muttered to myself as I shut the door to the van. “Out of all the food in the world, he wants fried chicken.”

  I stuck the key into the ignition and glanced at the three missed calls on my cell phone—all from Jesse. I dialed his number as I drove out of the parking lot. “Hello?” His voice came across the line.

  “What’s wrong? Why’d you call me three times?”

  “You didn’t answer. I got worried.” I heard the sound of a glass breaking in the background.

  “Sorry. I left my phone in the car. I’m just getting Ryder some fried chicken and then I’m going back to the hospital. I think we’ll be leaving soon.” I arrived at KFC and parked the van before walking inside.

  “Good, good. Call me when you get home. Deal went well, and now the boys and I are celebrating. I’ll probably stay at the clubhouse tonight, okay? I want you to be careful.”

  I shut off the car. “Yeah, that’s good. Don’t want you driving drunk. I think I’ll let Ryder stay the night with me if that’s the case.”

  “Why?” he asked with suspicion clear in his voice.

  “It will give him a night away from the constant chaos of the clubhouse. Plus, I’d rather not be alone. It’ll do him some good too.” I lowered my voice slightly as people walked up to the counter to order.

  “If you’re not comfortable staying at home without me, then I’ll head home right now before I get too wasted,” he muttered.

  “You’re already too drunk.” I smirked. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Just don’t party too hard. I love you.”

  “Love you too. Can’t make any promises though.” He laughed. “Bye, babe.”

  After waiting in line behind three people, I finally ordered Ryder’s fried chicken and got some mashed potatoes for myself. They were my weakness.

  I clutched the bag in my hand and got back into the van to head back to the hospital before Ryder “starved” to death.

  When I got back, I was surprised to see Ryder’s nurse and himself having a conversation. I backed out of the door and leaned against the wall, so I could listen. Let’s face it: I never stayed out of anyone’s business. Knowledge was power, baby!

  “So she isn’t your girlfriend?” the nurse continued.

  “Depends. Will it bother you if she is?”

  I realized “she” meant me. They were talking about me.

  “I, um, n-no, it won’t bother me,” she stuttered badly.

  “She’s not my girlfriend.” I swore I could hear the amusement in Ryder’s voice.

  “So, if you don’t mind me asking . . . what is she to you?” the nurse asked hesitantly.

  Her name was Emily if I remembered it right. “She’s a really, really good friend. Always has my back if I need her. Wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for her.” Ah, damn, his words tugged at my heartstrings. That hurt in a good way.

  “What do you mean?”

  “She convinced me to try the treatment. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve thrown my hands up and let the cancer take me,” he admitted.

  “She sounds like a very important person to you. I’ve briefly spoken to her, but I’d love to actually meet her. I feel like we’d be good friends.”

  “She is. She has a good heart, and you’re lucky because she’s standing outside that door right now.” Ryder chuckled.

  I pulled myself together and awkwardly made my appearance. “Sorry . . . I was just bringing this food to him. I didn’t want to interrupt.” Emily laughed awkwardly and stood up from the arm of Ryder’s chair that she had just been sitting on. A little too close if you asked me.

  “It’s fine,” Emily assured. “I’m Emily.”

  “I know, I remember. I’m Sage. It’s nice to meet you.” I shook her hand.

  “Nice to meet you as well.” Emily glanced back at Ryder before looking at me. “I’ll leave you to eat. If he needs anything, let me know. I have the feeling he’s one of those patients that insists that he’s fine all the time.”

  I smirked and looked at Ryder, giving him a challenging look. It was so true. “I will and he is. See you around.” She left and I gave Ryder the bag of fried chicken after I pulled out my mashed potatoes.

  “How’d you know I was standing out there?” I asked.

  “I know everything,” he said, causing me to roll my eyes. I watched as he devoured the first chicken leg like it was nothing.

  “Slow down before you puke it back up. I’d rather not lose my mashed potatoes either.” Every time he got sick, I felt bad myself.

  “Can’t make any promises.” Ryder continued to eat, completely unfazed.

  “You sound just like your brother. Speaking of which, the deal went well. We’re four thousand dollars richer.” I dug my spoon into the mashed potatoes.

  “Good. Is he drunk now?”

  “Yep.” I chuckled. “So, why is Emily so interested in you?” Taking a closer look at him, I realized he wasn’t receiving chemo anymore. That meant we could leave once he felt up to it.

  Ryder shrugged and offered me a piece of chicken. I shook my head and pushed him to answer me. “Hell if I know.”

  “She was a little close, wasn’t she?”

  “I guess?” He frowned. “What’s your deal? She’s nice.”

  “Oh? She’s nice?” I smiled widely. “She’s nice.”

  “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but stop thinking about it.” Ryder pointed a chicken wing at me.

  “Hm.” I smirked. “There’s potential there. She’s a nurse, and she’s beautiful. This can work.”

  Ryder glared at me. “You remember what happened the last time you tried to set me up with someone? Just stop now while you’re ahead.”

  “Oh, I remember. But Emily isn’t crazy. She’s a nurse after all.”

  “Sage! Quit! I can see the thoughts running wild in your head,” he hissed.

  “Calm down. I’m not setting you up with Emily. I will never.” Or will I?

  “We need to go now. I’m ready to get home,” he muttered.

  “Oh, about that. You’re coming home with me tonight.” I threw the empty container into the trash as well as Ryder’s now empty bucket. He had eaten ALL of the chicken.

  “Damn, when did Jesse dump you? You move on fast,” he joked.

  My hands went to my hips, and I glared at him. “Are you saying I can’t dump Jesse myself?”

  “Is that a trick question?” Ryder asked as he got up.

  “For your information, Jesse is staying at the clubhouse, so I thought you’d like to stay over at the house with me. If that’s too much for you, I will gladly drop your ass off at the clubhouse and let the vultures take you.”

  What I meant by that was that the boys would hound him with questions about how he was feeling, and he’d never get any sleep. He’d just yell at them and tell them to screw off
.

  “Oh no, let’s not do that. The house is just fine.” Ryder dropped an arm around my shoulders once I signed him out.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

  Chapter Forty-One

  Always, always cherish the time you have with your loved ones. One day it will all be gone, and you won’t be able to get that time back.

  * **

  I may or may not have slipped a piece of paper with my phone number on it into Emily’s hand when we left the hospital. She said she would like to be friends with me, so it only made sense, right? Plus, she was interested in Ryder. He thought she was nice, so there was no harm in it . . . at least, I didn’t think so.

  Before we got home, I called Damien to let him know Ryder was coming home with me tonight. He didn’t believe that he was okay, and I had to constantly reassure him until Ryder grabbed the phone from my hand and told Damien himself that he was perfectly fine.

  Ryder gave back the phone after that, and Liam was on the phone by that point. I had to tell him that Ryder was fine as well. They worried much more than I thought they would.

  But now, I wished I hadn’t sworn Ryder was okay. At the time he was, so it wasn’t a lie, but that changed. Cancer tended to switch things up very quickly to keep you on your feet.

  “I think I’m dying.” Ryder’s voice was distant, like he wasn’t really there, not physically anyways. He was on the floor with a trash can in front of him because he couldn’t make it to the bathroom. I found him like this in the guest bedroom.

  And now I was trying to keep my act together, so I didn’t make it worse for him. “You aren’t dying.” What else could I say? It’s all going to be okay. I didn’t know that, and he wouldn’t believe it anyways.

  “I think I am. I really think I am,” he said as he spit into the trash can with a look of disgust on his face. He wasn’t even throwing up; it was just blood that he was coughing up.

  “Stop saying that. This is what happens after chemo. You have to wait it out.” Ryder wasn’t afraid of dying, that I knew. If he were, he wouldn’t be the president of a motorcycle club. But I knew without even asking that he was terrified of leaving behind the club and the boys.