Redemption

by Shey Stahl

  He looked up immediately and blinked, surprise evident by the way he did a double take. Slowly he took in my appearance. My hair was longer, my hips wider, maybe even a few wrinkles since the last time he saw me. I wasn’t that eighteen-year-old girl anymore.

  With head-to-toe tattoos, Silas looked very different from the boy I knew in high school too. He had filled out, looked fit, but had nothing on Destry when it came to muscles.

  His dark hair was messy but artfully spiked in the front, his clothes torn and ragged, fitting the part of famous rock star. He watched me curiously as I stepped inside the room, his brow slightly scrunched. “Tallan?”

  “Yeah?” I finally met his eyes. Same brown.

  I wanted blue.

  He shook his head, a soft smile gracing his full lips. My eyes went to the lip ring I hadn’t seen in photographs. It suited him. “Goddamn, girl. You’re as beautiful as I remember.”

  Cheesy. Stupid. Leave now.

  I’ll be honest, I didn’t plan on staying. I even told Jared I wouldn’t. I would meet up with him only because I needed to know. I was no longer interested in anything else. What Silas and I had back then was lost. It was lost the day he walked away with no answer. I truly wished him happiness, but I wasn’t his happiness any longer. I knew that now looking at him. It wasn’t there.

  Nothing he said tonight could change that. Destry had opened my eyes to what I’d refused to see these last five years. Just because one star went out didn’t mean another wasn’t lit for you. Didn’t mean you couldn’t blow it out either.

  “Why?” I asked, refusing to waste any time. “Why did you leave and not give me a reason, or the chance to say anything?”

  He gaped at me, as if he’d been caught off guard by my sudden boldness. “Fuck, I don’t know. Young and dumb?” He stood, his body rigid as he held up his palms. “That was a long time ago.”

  Rachel stuck her head in. “It’s time.”

  She disappeared and Silas walked toward the door. “Showtime,” he mumbled.

  “Why am I here, Silas?” I asked. His steps faltered and he turned to look at me.

  “Why do you think you’re here?”

  I swallowed over the dryness in my throat. “I have no idea. For answers maybe? I loved you, Silas. And not just any love. I was ready to marry you, forget everything I ever wanted… for you.”

  His eyes shifted from me to the door. “I have to get out there. Can we talk about this after?” he begged, sounding like he was ready to drop to his knees as he walked toward the door. “Please stay. I have to get out there, but don’t leave. I want to talk to you after the concert.”

  “Why?” I asked, following him out the door despite my lack of visibility between the tears of anger at this man who had consumed my past.

  In the distance to the right, I could see the stage lights and the howl of the crowd shouting his name. “Because I want to talk to you after the show,” he said, like it was that easy. Like I should listen to him no matter what. “I’ll give you answers, but I can’t right now.”

  He waited for my answer, his attention distracted by the fans screaming his name.

  “Maybe we’re past answers.”

  “Come on, Tallan, just stay.” His words were clipped, as if he couldn’t believe I was being difficult. “I gave you that ticket. Why can’t you stay?”

  My stomach lurched, twisting with anger and resentment as about ten people swarmed around Silas, another two bodyguards flanking his sides. “Why should you be able to explain, Silas? You could have explained before leaving me years ago.”

  “Because I’m sorry.” Silas groaned. “I never meant to hurt you, T.” He kept apologizing and repeating himself as he walked away toward the stage, but still, I didn’t have the answer I was looking for.

  He turned around then, his tall frame disappearing on stage. I could no longer see him, but I could hear him take the stage.

  “Seattle!” he shouted in the microphone. “How’s my hometown?”

  I should go. I told myself to go. But then I’d never get my answer.

  Below the belt is an imaginary line from the belly button to the top of the hips where a boxer is not supposed to hit. To hit below the belt is to not behave according to the rules of decency.

  I honestly couldn’t tell you anything about that concert other than the very first song he played was “Never Knew,” and he dedicated it to me. Silas played for two hours and I watched him from the front row.

  I heard nothing but that first song. My mind was elsewhere. I thought of Destry the entire time. I wasn’t sure I meant a goddamn thing to him anymore, but he sparked something inside of me that made me want more. Deserve more. I wanted to have an ounce of the passion he had for fighting.

  The only reason I stayed for that concert was to get my answer from Silas.

  After the concert, and four beers I didn’t need, he asked me to go to Q Nightclub with him. I was an idiot because I went. Between the crowds and groupies, we were tucked away in the back of a nightclub in a private booth. That’s when I decided I’d get my answer.

  “Why did you leave, Silas?” I asked when we were tucked away in the back of the nightclub in a private room.

  “I missed you.” His words were slurred as he slouched in the booth, watching me, and avoiding my question. Drawing his bottom lip into his mouth, he winked at me. “I can make you feel so good.”

  Ugh, doubtful, boy. And he was a boy in comparison to Destry.

  There was a distinct difference between the Silas I saw before the concert, and now. He was high, on what, I had no idea. I still needed my goddamn answer. And then I would leave.

  “Why did you leave and only offer me a phone call? I thought I meant more to you than that?”

  “I was a dumb kid.” He looked up when a tall blonde handed him a drink. She set one down for me too. One I had no intention of drinking. “I was… a dick and I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head, crossing my arms over my chest remembering Destry’s words. “That’s not good enough.”

  “Then why are you here?” He laughed, leaning forward to retrieve his drink. He took a sip and then waited for my answer, eyeing me carefully. “You didn’t really think you’d come here and we’d talk, did you?”

  Destry was right. Jared was right. “No, I didn’t. But I wanted to hear you say it in person,” I admitted, feeling uncomfortable.

  “Hear me say what?”

  “That you were a dumb kid.”

  “Okay.” He snorted in a mocking tone, downing his drink. “There, I said it. Now can we move on?”

  “I should go,” I said, my cheeks heating with embarrassment.

  “Why? We can still have a good time.”

  I searched his eyes for any resemblance to the Silas I fell in love with. He was nowhere to be found in the one next to me. “I’ll admit when you called, I didn’t care what happened between us. Just that I got to see you again. I was so hung up on knowing that you even remembered me, that I didn’t care how you remembered me. But I do now. Why after five years would you call me?”

  He had no answer at first and about the time I was ready to give up, he answered, “Because I missed you. It’s not that complicated. And Marcus said… he said you wanted to see me. I thought you know, what the hell for old time’s sake.” He smirked. “You were a pretty good fuck if I remember correctly.”

  You’re a bastard and I’m a complete motherfucking idiot.

  And then it dawned on me what he said. Marcus.

  “Marcus?” My head shook as if I hadn’t heard him correctly. “Wait… what?”

  What the fuck is he talking about? Marcus? My Marcus?

  “Marcus Hadley. He called me months back and said you wanted to see me and gave me your number.” Silas stood, as though none of this mattered when a slow bass kicked and a song I knew came over the speakers. Two of his bodyguards watched closely but kept their distance, his hand reached for mine. “Come on, baby, dance with me.”

 
Without waiting for my reply, he yanked me up. I pushed against him, my hands on his shoulders. “No, Silas. You’re high.”

  I had strength—thanks to Destry—but I couldn’t hold off Silas. I didn’t think he’d do anything stupid, but now, surrounded by people who worked for him, protected him, I understood why Jared had warned me.

  I maintained what eye contact I could with him. “What do you mean Marcus called you?”

  Silas groaned, taking a step back. “He called me. Why does this fucking matter?” he snapped, glaring at me. “Jesus Christ, you haven’t changed at all, have you?”

  “Me? What are you talking about?”

  “You were always so fucking—” He paused, flicking his wrist casually at me, but it was his bitterness on the tip of his tongue I couldn’t shake. “Obsessed with finding the answer. Maybe there isn’t one.”

  And then it hit me. The realization of everything came suddenly like a sucker punch to my face, a hit below the belt. “You never would have called me if he wouldn’t have called you?”

  He shrugged, rolling his eyes. “Why does it matter?” He leaned in as if I would kiss him. “You’re here now.”

  “No, answer the question.” Holding up my hands, I refused to let him pull me any closer. “You wouldn’t have called, would you?”

  Silas shook his head in annoyance. “No. I wouldn’t have… but you’re here now. Let’s make the best of tonight. Just one night.”

  Is he fucking serious?

  Apparently so. I’d had Destry show me a move or two in the ring but what I should have had him help me with was self-defense. I had no chance against a man who was high. His strength was amplified by whatever was flowing through his veins.

  A nervous sweat broke out over me, prickling through my veins. I couldn’t fight off this guy or his bodyguards standing watch over him. I was a virtual prisoner with no chance in hell of walking away unscathed, physically and emotionally.

  It was then that his bodyguards moved, based on his nod to them, and I was trapped inside the private room. No one would be able to hear me scream, if I did. I had my phone in my purse and dialed when Silas turned his head to reach for his drink, his grip on my waist loosening.

  I should have called Jared, but he never answered when he was on duty. And I had no idea if Destry would answer, but I had to try at this point.

  With my phone still inside my purse, he answered, which surprised the fuck out of me. The screen lighting up letting me know the connection had been made. I kept my phone in my purse hoping Destry would be able to hear the conversation and me telling Silas no. “Silas, let me leave, please,” I said, loud enough that I knew Destry would be able to hear. Silas gripped my waist tighter, drawing me closer and away from my bag. “I want to leave…. Get your fucking hands off me!”

  “Nah, you should stay.” He groaned, burying his head in my neck, the pungent smell of weed overwhelming me. “I’ll show you a good time. Show you what you’ve been missing all this time.” His hand traveled lower, over my hips.

  I was screwed because despite calling Destry. How in the hell was he going to know where I was?

  For five minutes, I tried to leave, but Silas wouldn’t let me. Fear closed in on me and I began to realize I wasn’t leaving here until Silas got what he wanted. There was a commotion out on the dance floor, raised voices, yelling, chairs crashing and then around the room.

  “Get out of my fucking way!”

  I knew that voice.

  He came for me.

  I wasn’t too concerned with how he found me, but that he did.

  When he appeared at the door of the room, Destry’s eyes found mine, and there was some uncertainty from both of us. I was nervous. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to me being with Silas, regardless of me calling him.

  Silas didn’t see him at first and pulled me against his chest, his eyes so dark you couldn’t see the blue in them anymore. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Why are you acting like a bitch now? Every girl wants to fuck a rock star.”

  I shoved back with my palms on his chest, trying to get away from him, knowing Destry would see this. “Because I want to leave.”

  When Destry faced me, his shoulders squared, jaw rigid, he asked me, though his question was delivered to Silas, “What the fuck is going on?”

  “What does it look like is going on?” Silas’s bloodshot eyes drifted toward Destry, his arm wrapping around my shoulder and tightening. “We’re busy. Leave.”

  “I see that.” Destry’s eyes shifted from mine to Silas, cold and unresponsive. “But I think the lady wants to leave.”

  “Says who?” Silas snorted.

  “Her.” Destry pointed at me. “She called me.”

  “Bullshit.” Silas gave him a look that was more of a warning. I was sure it worked for most—the ones intimidated by his rock star image. But it would never work for Destry. “She’s been with me the entire time.”

  Destry pointed and raised an eyebrow at me. “Tell him.”

  I turned to Silas, tears streaming down my face. “I called him. I want to leave and you won’t let me.”

  “I’m not finished here.” Silas reached for my hand, grasping my wrist. “You can’t leave. You knew damn well what would happen when you came here. You’re not about to leave me hanging now.”

  “Excuse me?” Destry asked, raising an eyebrow at Silas now, as if he hadn’t heard him clearly, or couldn’t believe he had the balls to say that to him of all people.

  “You heard me, champ.” Silas scowled at him, only to have Destry laugh. “Get lost.”

  That was clearly the wrong thing to say to Destry.

  Even I knew that.

  He didn’t like being referred to as champ and definitely not by Silas. “I don’t think I heard you, rock star. Say it again.” Destry shoved Silas, who reached for my hand.

  “Who the fuck do you think you are?” Silas looked to his boys, laughing. “You trying to make a move on my girl?”

  My girl? Oh, he’s high. And delusional.

  “She ain’t your girl, man.” Destry shoved him again, purposefully antagonizing him. “You lost that chance.”

  Silas focused on Destry for the first time. His eyes, so dark and lazy, closed and then he gave a nod to his bodyguards. That was when I became nervous. “Take care of this.”

  If I ever thought that Destry was a big guy, Silas’s bodyguards were twice the size of him, but did they have the skill Destry had?

  Probably not.

  “That’s funny,” Destry said, eyeing the bodyguards with amusement. He shoved the darker-skinned one next to him. “Hit me. Go ahead. I fucking dare you to hit me.”

  The bodyguard looked to Silas for confirmation, never making a move without his approval. “Do you know who he is?”

  I tried to get closer to Destry, but Silas blocked me from him. “Destry, let’s just go.”

  “You’re not going anywhere.” Silas turned to his bodyguards. “I don’t give a shit who he is. Just take care of him so I can get on with my night.”

  Unfortunately for Silas, his bodyguards weren’t as careless, and backed up. “He’s a world heavyweight boxing champion,” the taller one said, trying to warn Silas. “I wouldn’t—”

  “Who fuckin’ cares?” Silas shoved Destry’s shoulder, interrupting them. “Come on, man, leave. We’re busy.” His hand raised then, arching an eyebrow at Destry as he pushed his sweaty hair from his face. “Get the fuckin’ hint.”

  Destry chuckled, shaking his head as if a toddler had shoved him, and stepped forward, grabbing Silas by the shirt with both hands, his knuckles turning white. I was pushed back against the wall now. To my left was the exit, but Destry and Silas were now blocking it. “You better take your chance now, kid, because I have every intention of taking mine.”

  Destry let go—giving him the opportunity—and Silas pulled his fist back and swung at Destry, which was the biggest mistake he’d ever made.

  Everything happened quickly, the g
lasses on the table crashing to the ground, the screaming, the shoving, the fists connecting with flesh and glass shattering. I yelped as they collided against the wall, knowing I’d caused this by calling him and ignoring the warning signs.

  Destry’s punches were quick and no match for Silas. None. He was on the ground after two hits. Blood flowed from Silas’s face. His bodyguards tried to tear Destry off him. I was a little worried about Silas, only because I understood the power behind Destry’s hits. He could kill someone if they weren’t prepared. Fortunately for Silas, he was high. That was his only saving grace.

  When they finally did pull him off, Destry was bleeding, too, Silas having gotten in a punch or two, but he looked at me with regretful eyes, on edge and raging.

  Commotion all around us took place and it was clear we needed to leave before the cops arrived. The bodyguards were pushing Destry away, ready to throw their own punches if necessary, but they seemed to hold back. You’d think they would have put their own fear aside seeing as how they were hired to protect Silas.

  Silas started yelling, trying to collect himself and giving his bodyguards a verbal bashing over not protecting him. “I’m going to sue you!” Silas yelled, getting to his feet.

  During all this, I sensed Destry’s stare on me. I wouldn’t look at him, scared maybe, even though I could feel his eyes on me, contrite and somewhat sincere.

  “Fucking sue me, you piece of shit!” He growled, turning away from him and then turned to me. “Come with me,” he whispered, his voice strong, biting back so much.

  When I didn’t reply, his voice came stronger, his hand reaching out for me as the bodyguards helped Silas off the floor. “I’m not asking you, Tallan. Come with me, now.”

  I didn’t say anything. I stood there staring at him, maybe from shock, but I couldn’t make myself move.

  His control was gone as he reached for my hand. “We need to talk and I’m not doing it in a fucking bar or around him.”

  I took his hand and let him lead me outside. We were out on the street, at a black truck with dark windows parked half on the road and half on the sidewalk. I didn’t recognize it, but from the shiny black paint, I gathered it was fairly new.