Blind Trust

by Raci Ames

  • • • •

  Clark listened to her sobs, wishing he could do more to help stop the tears. In human form, he never knew what to say when people cried. As a wolf his options were limited and so he felt confident that he was doing the best thing that he could. Her wondered if she remembered him from the fire, but she didn’t speak of that night at all. He’d been around a number of mirrors since moving in with Pia, and he was surprised to learn that his wolf form looked so similar to his human one. Not that she would know that, considering that she couldn’t see him now.

  Not in the normal way at least. But the way she’d touched his face had been mesmerizing. He felt like she could see inside of him. He had closed his eyes when she began to move fingers over his fur. He wanted to experience it the way did. As her hands moved, he catalogued the places she went and willed himself to stay still, and that took more strength than any run or rescue or kill. In both forms, his eyes were the same yellow green that saw more clearly in the dark than most people, and one of the wolfish things that made him such a good fireman. In his animal form, he saw the world broken down into shapes and patterns, where every atom was exactly the same, pulsing with life. He didn’t spend time or brain capacity cataloguing much. There were things that took up space, things to eat and things to fear. And now, too, there was Pia.

  She had stood out to him even before he became this enmeshed in her life, and now his simple existence was much more complicated. Because he volunteered to be her eyes, he had to navigate the human world as well, as his animal one. Wolves were pack animals, but he hadn't shifted until his pack was long gone. Since he’d never met another of his kind, he never known that comfort a pack could provide, or what that intense connection could mean to him. He’d known for a long time that his was a sort of half life, between two worlds, neither of which fit. With her touch he finally felt whole. The way that she needed him became his reason to stay alive.

  REUNIONS

  Jeremiah cleared his throat nervously before knocking on the door. He hadn’t been this nervous picking Pia up for their very first date. But the feeling was strangely similar. Back then they’d been best friends for years until an innocent game of Spin-the-Bottle changed things. He’d met her lips with a jokey grin on his sixteen-year-old face, surprised when he felt actual sparks fly between them. He’d only kissed boys before her, but his brothers had caught him fooling around with, and threatened to hurt both boys if they ever caught them again.

  Jeremiah hated them, but ended it because he didn’t want to be responsible for anyone getting hurt over a little curious experimentation.

  A week later he knocked on her door to take her out for their first official date, changing their relationship completely. They’d lasted for over two years, until Jeremiah broke up with her to go to London. He was in love with her, but it wasn’t enough for him. Pia had taught him that he liked girls as well as guys and everything in between. He wasn’t particular, as long as he found the person interesting. He’d long since gotten comfortable with his bisexuality, but he worried that it might bother Pia.

  Now he knocked on her door again, ready to begin a new phase of their relationship. Now he was going to be her employee, as well as watcher. They still hadn’t talked, but according to Cori she was happy about the situation. Pia had gotten a guide dog that the Matthews wouldn’t let in the house, but they were willing to let her move into the apartment in the building they owned because Jeremiah would be there too. That had been enough for Pia to agree to work with him.

  Cori answered the door, letting him into a spacious apartment filled with light. He hadn’t seen his own place yet, but this was promising. The clean lines, clear tabletops and minimalist design pleased him aesthetically. It also made a lot of sense for her condition, at least based on the information that he had studied so far about how to create functional spaces for blind people.

  Pia sat on the couch looking exactly as he remembered her. Shiny raven hung past her shoulders, framing a face of delicate features that didn’t look any older than it had when she left for college. Her life had changed so much now that she couldn’t see, so he hadn’t expected her to look so identical to his memories. Only her eyes were different. They were the same shade of blue, but there was no spark in them.

  Jeremiah stood silently, not sure what to do. Tension filled the room, and after weeks and weeks of plans phone calls and rearranging his entire life, he didn’t know what to say.

  “Okay then I’m just going to go,” Cori said, grabbing her coat and heading out the door.

  “Jam?” she said, asking the question towards the direction of the door. Her sweet voice, and the childhood nickname, brought him to his senses.

  “I’m here. Hi,” he said stupidly. He shook his head to clear his nerves. Pia had been his best friend for years, and this shouldn’t be so difficult. It was her sightlessness that had made London feel so vapid and purposeless for him, and he’d come to the states hoping that he could help her, and help himself in the process. He hadn’t been able to relax since he heard that she was hurt, and he wanted to help make her life better because she had done that for him so often growing up. But he wasn’t making a very good first impression.

  “You know it’s rude just stand in front of a blind person, not talking to them,” she said, catching him off guard. He hadn’t expected her to be so cavalier about her condition. It did break the ice a bit.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said, crossing the room, grateful that he hadn’t tripped over the floor the way that he tripped over his words. He leaned in to hug but a soft growl stopped him before he got too close.

  He jumped, startled at the sound. But then he noticed the animal at her feet, a large auburn colored canine companion.

  “Ahh, the Seeing Eye Wolf Cori told me about. He’s protective of you. That’s a good thing, I guess.”

  The animal growled again, softer this time, adding to the first warning.

  “Yes she trained us,” Pia said. “This is Heart,” she said, patting the wolf’s head and he relaxed again. “This is Jeremiah. He’s an old friend. And he’s harmless, mostly. He’s even allowed to hug me, if he wants,” she hinted, giving the wolf a quick rub on the ears while Jeremiah processed the statement.

  Jeremiah laughed and finished crossing the floor, being careful to walk a wide path around the animal. He slid onto the sofa, close enough to wrap her gently in his arms. The wolf tensed, so that Jeremiah didn’t hold on nearly as long as he wanted to. It was long enough for him to know he was still in love with her and the way she fit so perfectly into that spot under his chin.

  “His name is Heart?” Jeremiah asked. “That’s not too soft for a...a.... wolf?” he asked, not used to the idea of one being in the living room.

  “Yes. Heart. Because he’s red. And it’s not soft. The heart is the strongest organ. It’s a veritable warrior for the body, responsible for pumping all of the blood that keeps us going,” she said.

  Cori had warned him that she had gotten unbelievably attached in a very short time but this was more than he expected. Her voice shook with passion, and it went beyond her talking about the animal’s name. It was like he gave her life, or something.

  He laughed to break the tension. “You always were good with that nerdy talk,” he said, pleased that at least the part of her that spewed random facts about biology seemed to be the same.

  “Not so much anymore, actually,” she said, voice softening, sadly.

  “Well, feel free to regale me with all kinds of medical jargon. You know it used to turn me on,” he teased, making her blush. She smiled at least, and he counted that as a small victory.

  • • • •

  Pia’s heart landed in her throat the moment Jeremiah walked into the room and it hadn’t left yet. She’d had so much anxiety about this reunion, but after the first awkward moments, it felt familiar, the same banter they’d shared their entire lives. But still, having him here was stressful because every memory that fi
ltered into her head had happened when she could see. And reminded her of the way he had loved her then.

  She felt raw, thinking of how much everything had changed. His energetic filled the room, catching her up on his life in London. She didn’t talk much, didn’t like to talk about time before the fire. And he didn’t press her on that which was very kind of him.

  “You have a little London in your voice, I think,” she teased. “Bet that impresses the ladies.”

  “And the men, actually,” Jeremiah joked, kicking himself when Pia’s face fell flat.

  “Oh, so there’s still that?” Pia asked, failing to keep the pain out of her voice. It shouldn’t have mattered to her. She and Jeremiah were barely friends these days, and certainly nothing more. But he’d come out to her when they broke up, admitting that part of the reason he needed to let her go was because was interested in guys as well. She had tried not to take it personally, but that didn’t work very well. All she heard was that she wasn’t enough for him, but she’d believed it to be a passing experimental phase. She’d been wrong apparently.

  “Yes. Is that going to be a problem with me living here,” he asked bluntly., shocking her with candid talk about bringing people home, especially because just sitting with him had her feelings all jumbled.

  “No, no, of course not,” Pia stuttered, reaching down to ground herself in the fur around Heart’s neck. It was a new habit, one she did every time she felt anxious or nervous. It didn’t make sense to her, the way that the wolf had become so critical to her peace of mind in such a short time. But she didn’t question it. Heart was the biggest blessing in her life at the moment, and she simply accepted his impact with gratitude.

  She owed Jeremiah the same consideration. He’d come here to help her out, as a friend. His love life and choice of partners was of no concern to her. Just because her pulse kept get quicker the longer he sat there didn’t mean he felt the same.

  She’d stubbornly kiboshed all conversations about romance since the fire. Her mother talked about providing a dowry and marrying her off so many times it made Pia nervous. And she shut down Cori’s attempts to talk about dating immediately. The other girl was constantly trying to point out that Pia was still Pia, and plenty of men would still be interested in her, blind or not. Pia didn’t believe it. She had barely been able to meet a new trainer. There was no way she’d ever survive a first date.

  “So do you look different?” she asked. All she had were her memories, and they didn’t provide an answer to that question.

  “I’m still incredibly handsome,” Jeremiah joked, knowing nothing would make up for the fact that Pia couldn’t see for herself. He switched tactics, and started laying out the facts. “I still wear the same size pants and shoes as the last time I saw. But my arms and neck have gotten bigger, because I do a lot of swimming. I still have black hair, mostly. I have a guy who puts midnight blue highlights in it, although I guess that’s going to stop now that I’m here.”

  “Oh I don’t know... Woodland Creek salons have come a long way. I’m sure someone here can help you keep up your beauty regiment.”

  “Ha ha. Do you... like do you want to feel?” He’d done the research, seen the movies, knew that the blind often touched faces to get a sense of what other people looked like.

  Pia paused at the offer, and then nodded. She couldn’t imagine reaching out and getting to know new people that way. But Jeremiah was her oldest friend, and she couldn’t deny her curiosity.

  Cautiously, she reached out. Her fingers found his hairline first. Soft and thick with a hint of gel. “Guess you still have your hair,” she said, using the silly words as an opportunity to take a breath. She hadn’t had physical contact of any kind since the fire. The last man who had held her had been the one who rescued her. And that didn’t really count, even if she still saw him dreams sometimes.

  From there she moved gently over his eyes. They were hazel, almost green, and they turned black on the rare occasions that he got angry. She moved to his cheeks and got the first surprise. “Jam do you have whiskers?” she asked.

  “Yeah, the facial hair fairy finally came to visit me,” he said, wondering if he should have shaved again before coming to see her. Back when they were together he’d lamented his lack of beard. He had three brothers who all had displayed various degrees of scruff since high school. Jeremiah hadn’t been able to grow any, and Pia knew it was just one more thing that made him feel like an outsider in his own family.

  “Have your brothers seen this? They must be so proud,” she teased gently. She knew it had been a sore subject. She put her hands back in her lap, reluctant to touch him for much longer. It wasn’t as intense of a connection as she’d felt touching Clark, but she definitely sensed some things going on beneath the surface that he hadn’t said out loud.

  She could tell from the way his pulse beat close to his eyes unevenly that he was stressed, and his cheeks twitched when he talked about family. Moving her hands on his skin made her far too aware of the fact that he wasn’t terribly happy with the face he showed to the world. She wasn’t sure how she knew all of this, but she wasn’t ready to be this intimate.

  “Enough about me. Let’s talk about the store,” he said.

  Pia nodded. That was much safer than talking about brothers or lovers. Once he got her going, they didn’t stop talking for hours. And by the end of the conversation she was thrilled to have such an understanding partner to help set up the store.

  • • • •

  Clark kept his growling to a minimum, a feat that was much harder to do than it should've been. He tried to sleep, to tune out the conversation and give them privacy, but as always Pia held his attention. He couldn’t look away, even when Pia’s hands touched Jeremiah’s face and jealousy stabbed at him.

  But there was more to it than that. Jeremiah set off his instincts more than most people. Everyone has layers beneath the surface, vulnerabilities that they hide, quirks and habits that they only shared with select others. Clark sensed that Jeremiah also had secrets locked away, scars that couldn’t necessarily be seen. Underneath the polished surface, the man had layers of anger and shame and confusion. Clark didn’t want to know about any of these things, but he sensed that they were there. He could see inside the man almost as if there was an animal within him as well.

  He studied them both as they chattered on about plans for the store, stopping only when Jeremiah stifled his third yawn.

  “I forgot about the time difference,” Pia said. “I’ll take you to the apartment and walk you through the tour, but you’re going to have to find things on your own. I know they’ve set it up but I don’t know my way around.” Pia said, standing up from the couch to take Jeremiah down and effectively ending the interaction for the night.

  Jeremiah squinted suspiciously when Clark went out the door with the two of them, grumbling about how it was only right downstairs and he didn’t want animal hair in the place. Clark refrained from growling, barely, and waited for Pia at the bottom of the stairs instead. He was beyond relieved when she came out only a few minutes later to grip his collar so he could lead her back up.

  SUCCESSES

  Jeremiah’s first week in Woodland Creek had been incredibly productive. The hours in the store were enjoyable, and Jeremiah was relieved to discover that he and Pia actually worked well together. It helped that they had many shared memories of the space. Jeremiah understood exactly how Pia hoped to protect the vintage pharmacy vibe that was left from her Grandmother’s time, while making it feel less clinical and more peaceful. He also knew that it needed modern systems and product space, along with some current holistic details to make customers feel comfortable talking about what ailed them.

  They spent the first part of the week doing inventory, and arranging the assets already in the space. Then Jeremiah got to dig in to his favorite part of his work - bringing the client’s vision to life with sketches. This was a new challenge for him because Pia wasn’t able to see the details to
make changes and give approvals. Instead, Jeremiah had to turn her words into art, and then turn his art back into words to get her feedback. It was difficult, but it was working, and their shared ideas were bringing a space into focus that was so much lovelier than anything they could have developed alone.

  By the time he went to Chicago to start his work there, they had set up visits with three potential carpenters, and secured an inventory and checkout system that could be used by anyone, sighted or blind.

  Jeremiah was completely inspired by Pia’s vision and the way she hoped to help the people who come to see her. When she talked about the Apothecary, her eyes lit up like they used to, and he remembered all the reasons he had loved her when they were young. This Pia was gun shy, and damaged, and frankly more interesting than the girl he had known before. And each day, he appreciated the person she had become more.

  All in all, he was enjoying his time with her, in Woodland Creek and at the store. He felt sure that coming here had been the right decision. The only crimp in the entire plan was the wolf, who Jeremiah didn’t trust one bit. He hadn’t liked him from the start, and he had tried all week to get over it, but he just couldn’t. all the reasons he had loved her when they were younger. But when she was with her wolf, who Jeremiah still didn’t really appreciate very much. He understood that as far as Seeing Eye Companions went, Heart and Pia made an amazing team, but it went against his natural instincts to trust a wolf in any kind. But he still didn’t feel entirely comfortable when the wolf was around because it was much harder to keep the cougar inside of him locked down.

  In the wild, they were enemies who often competed for food in the wild, and Jeremiah couldn’t help but think that they were competing for Pia now. Which was crazy, really, considering Heart was an animal and he was a person. Mostly, at least. Given his unease, and his knowledge about Woodland Creek, he wondered if there was more to Heart than he could see so he went to ask his brother’s about him. The visit had gone badly.