Reining Devotion: A Chaotic Rein novel

by Jenner, Haley

  I want to ask him about his pain levels, about how his wound looks, but that would look like I care. Which I don’t. I did my part, making him comfortable is of no interest or concern of mine.

  Parker greets me on a lazy wave, one I return with just as much fervor.

  “Why are you even here?” I bite out, sliding into my seat directly opposite Rocco, irritated at how uncomfortable I feel in my father’s home.

  “Your father invited me,” he answers stonily, a shrug to his left shoulder. “Didn’t really have much choice in the matter.”

  This family has officially lost it. Both Codi and my father have accepted Rocco Shay into our fold like a long lost relative. I feel like an outsider. The Three Musketeers have been officially severed, ripped apart. We’re no longer an impenetrable wall. We’ve evolved into a cheesy family of five, and I’m the only one that seems to find an issue with that.

  Rein and Shay have always been two sides of a bitter and nasty war. Opposing factions fighting for dominance. Now Codi and Parker have seemingly extinguished the bad blood with an unplanned union that has cleansed old wounds. And I’m supposed to accept it with a smile.

  Truth be told, I couldn’t care less about the conflict of our father’s once upon a time. But Rocco pulled that feud into our lives with his plan to take my sister’s life. He took on Kane and Dominic’s misguided hostility and quest for revenge, almost drowning us all. We made it through by the skin of our teeth.

  Well, some of us.

  I think of Mira. The collateral damage in a war she wanted no part in. A stranger that now haunts my dreams. My heart aching for a woman that I didn’t know.

  I replay the way she stepped forward to save the life of someone who some would argue didn’t deserve it, over and over again. The confidence in her decision as she did it.

  Was he grateful?

  I stare at him without apology in an attempt to find answers.

  Did it cause him pain to know that in the end, she made the decision that his life was worth more than hers? Or is it forgotten? Has he just moved on with little to no remorse that Mira paid the ultimate price to save him?

  “Thinking about hurting me, Rein?” Rocco breaks through my thoughts, his voice just another reminder of the betrayal we’ve all been tied within.

  I’m angered that I let my face openly play out my thoughts for him to see.

  “Yeah.” I roll my eyes. “I saved your stupid life just to kill you when you least expect it. Please. Ill thought out plans of murder are more your jam.”

  I catch the look of regret that flashes in his eyes and I want to grin in triumph.

  “Camryn,” Codi admonishes.

  “What?” I argue arrogantly. “He started it. Accusing me of hate and violence after I did him a solid. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of little old me?” I tease, turning back to our unwelcome guest.

  His eyes bore into mine, fire and hate burning his retinas. “Only that your pitiful existence will rub off on me.”

  “I’m pitiful?” My voice raises without permission. “I’m. Pitiful?”

  He raises a single eyebrow. “You dress like you’re homeless, and not in a fashionable way. I question your hygiene. You work to repel human contact. I don’t know if it’s on purpose or if it’s just incidental. You’re obviously single and likely haven’t been fucked in years... if ever. You hate pretty much everyone and everything. You’re a hermit. You work and that’s it. And I don’t even know why you do that. You obviously don’t spend your money on anything. I think you’re a nurse because you enjoy human suffering.”

  I swallow the emotion caught in my throat. The pain in the words he uncaringly stabbed me with.

  “Roc, man, chill.” It’s Parker’s turn to scorn his sibling, but like me, Rocco only shrugs, not concerned with how his words maim.

  “Want to hurt me now?” he whispers, leaning forward in challenge.

  “What’s your obsession with me causing you pain?” I snap. “You want to kneel and be spanked like a naughty boy?”

  He laughs at me. A thick roll of laughter echoing across the room.

  “You’re paranoid,” I accuse. “Probably because you’ve fucked too many people over in your life. Case in point.” I point at Codi and Parker. “Maybe they asked me to fix you because they know how much I despise your existence, maybe they were hoping I’d let you die.”

  “Jesus, Camryn,” Codi yells. “Rocco, we do not think that. Why are you being so horrible?”

  “Not paranoid,” Rocco murmurs, ignoring my sister’s assurance. “Cautious.”

  I move my gaze to Codi, watching her blankly. Her perfect blonde hair falls in a curtain around her face, her purple eyes shining at me in anger. She’s beautiful. Most would say unfairly so, but not me. Beauty is nothing but a curse. One that paints a target on your person. It encourages women to judge you. It entices men to see you as nothing more than an object; one they’re free to use and play with as they will. My sister is also too kind. It welcomes undesirable attention from others. Kindness is too often mistaken as weakness. It’s nothing but an invitation for people to take advantage of you.

  “I’m being real, Codi. Not horrible,” I tell her calmly. “Rocco has decided I’m aiming for his pain when in truth I don’t think of him at all. You’re paranoid.” I turn back to the bristling asshole sitting at my dinner table. “Not to mention psychotic. You wouldn’t know kindness if it slapped you in the face. You probably kiss with your eyes open afraid to actually enjoy life.”

  Silence cups my words uncomfortably and I shift in my seat.

  “Beauty, trust me, I’ve never had any complaints about the way I kiss.” He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and as much as I want to, I can’t pull my eyes away from the way he slowly releases it.

  Leaning closer, he drops his voice. “Now,” he drawls. “Let’s talk about the fact that you just admitted you’d thought about kissin’ me."

  “Uh.” I scowl. “No, I didn’t.” My eyes dart between his teasing gaze and the wet line of his lips.

  I glance at Codi for support but she looks away before I can catch her eye.

  “I would never kiss you.”

  Rocco shrugs. “Besides the point, you’ve thought about it. You want me. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.”

  I bark out a laugh. “Add delusional.”

  The tip of his tongue skates along the top line of his teeth, a salacious smirk tipping along the side of his mouth.

  “I’d rock your world, Rein, and you know it.”

  I stand abruptly. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

  “Sit.” My dad walks into the room, oblivious to the lead in conversation. “You know the rules, Camryn. Family dinner includes everyone."

  “We’re hardly family,” I bite out.

  “Contrary to your thoughts, we are. Codi and Parker are engaged, which means he and Rocco are family.”

  I swallow the acid in my throat. “Shouldn’t Sarah be here then."

  The room turns cold, Rocco’s teasing dissipating into ice and thunder. It makes me feel powerful and I straighten my shoulders, lifting them higher in victory.

  “If you know where she is,” my dad offers coolly. “Please, do invite her. Until then, sit down and eat.”

  I glance around the table, looking at my family. “Like I said.” I step back. “I’ve lost my appetite.”

  Retrieving my keys from the bowl in the entryway, I storm through the door. Both embarrassed by my outburst and irritated at my family for putting me in a situation I want no part in.

  “You okay?”

  I whirl on Parker.

  “What do you care?” I shoot back.

  “I care a lot. You’re important to Codi, which means you’re important to me. I get that the situation is fucked up. I don’t expect you to play happy families with my brother, you know that, right?”

  I drop onto the bench seat outside the front door on a huff.

  “If it’s any consolation.” He
drops down beside me. “Rocco is as out of sorts by the whole scenario as you are.”

  “You’re kidding, right? Mr. Antagonist in there.”

  Parker laughs, pushing his shoulder against mine playfully. “Rocco’s never been dependent on anyone. Confrontation is most of what he knows, where he feels comfortable.”

  “Why me though?”

  His eyes focus on the ground at his feet, the muscles in his arms bulging as he rests his elbows on his knees. “I have my ideas, but tellin’ you would be breakin’ the code.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Rocco’s not the easiest person to love,” he admits shamefully. “Hell, he’s hard to like most of the time. But there’s reason behind everything he puts into motion.”

  I consider Parker’s right, but I don’t want to know, more specifically I don’t want to care.

  “As angry as you are at him for what went down, he’s angrier at himself. The hate you feel for him... trust me when I tell you he feels all that for himself and more.”

  “I should hate you, too.”

  He agrees easily enough. “You should. But you know I make your sister happy, which is important to you. You forgave me because you saw past my mistakes and looked for what Codi saw. I know he doesn’t deserve it, but if you could do that for Roc, it’d make this random fuckin’ situation a lot easier.”

  I sit up straighter, rolling my shoulders. I open my mouth to speak, to dispute his request, to tell him I owe his brother nothing. But my words catch in my throat as Rocco’s skate across us both in disinterest.

  “Thinkin’ I owe her enough,” he grumbles, hating that he’s indebted to me in any way.

  I take joy in the way his face grimaces as he shuffles forward to lean against the wall. “I ain’t interested in your forgiveness, Rein,” he adds just to be a jerk.

  “I’m not interested in giving it to you.” My words are delivered cantankerously, his attempt at taking control by telling me he doesn’t want my forgiveness, pissing me off more than his presence in my life.

  Newsflash, asshole, it’s not up for grabs.

  “Save a repeat of last night, think I can head home? Save us both the horror of spending another minute in one another’s company.”

  He’s referring to his pitiful escape attempt. The one where he was still burning up from a fever and fainted in my dad’s living room on his way home.

  Dickhead.

  Once again, I was called in to check on his stupid self. He’s become the ultimate thorn in my side, one I see little hope in removing.

  Rocco has accepted my family’s hospitality as graciously as one would had they been chained up in the basement. I’m here saving his fucking life, begrudgingly nursing him back to health, for reasons I can’t even begin to want to understand… and he acts like he’s a prisoner.

  “Free to go whenever you care to, Shay,” I gripe. “You’re not our fucking captive.” I roll my eyes. “For the eight millionth time, Dad has insisted I help you. I’m doing that. The word you seem to have lost is thank you.”

  He scowls.

  “Unfortunately, I need eyes on that wound for another few days. Save a repeat of last night,” I continue. “Twenty-four hours at least to make sure that infection has subsided. Let’s skip the middle of the night escape fiasco. Trust me when I tell you, the moment you’re healthy enough to go home, I’ll make sure that’s exactly where you are.”

  He clears his throat uncomfortably, lifting his chin an inch before ambling off toward the front door.

  “He’s not used to being dependent on other people, Ryn. Hope you can appreciate how hard this would be for him.” He stands. “It’s been Rocco and me against the whole world our whole lives. I had him to lean on, but he had no choice but to build himself like concrete, to stop anyone from pushing us down.”

  I follow his lead, standing. Meeting his eyes head-on, I shake my head. “That’s not entirely true,” I combat. “You both had Mira. He’s no impenetrable wall, Parker. He’s the fucking bomb that blows it to pieces.”

  Pushing past him, I enter the house, not feeling in the least bit guilty at Rocco’s expression as I brush past him. Asshole was eavesdropping and it’s about time someone made him see the fucking truth. Rocco Shay is nothing but a poison; offering nothing but pain and suffering to those around him, the worst of all fates gifted to his own family.

  Chapter Seven

  Rocco

  The shrill and deafening scream wakes me with a start, my body bolting upright in alarm. Disoriented, my eyelids blink down against the blackness surrounding me. My side throbs, my temples pound, my body covered in a thick sheen of sweat.

  The house falls into an eerie silence, the sound of my own heavy breaths fastening the beat of my heart. My mind, foggy and still semiconscious, can’t differentiate between my dreams and reality. I’d swear the sound was real, but it wouldn’t be the first time my mind has tricked me into believing the terror from my nightmares were alive and kicking, ready to torment me once again.

  I listen harder in the loud expanse of darkness, eyes finally adjusting to the darkness.

  Rein.

  The last few days flood my memory bank like a movie on fast forward. Camryn stitching me up. Me telling her she should’ve let me die. Attempting to leave in the middle of the night. Fainting and having to be hauled back into Camryn Rein’s bed. My body burning up so bad I was certain Dominic Rein had chosen to take his revenge. Forcing his daughter to help me, only to set me alight while I slept.

  The scream happens again. The hysterical sound piercing the otherwise still night. It’s a hell of a lot more haunting in full consciousness; being forced to bear blind witness to something that agonizing for another human being.

  I scramble out of the bed, ripping at the damp sheets to find my footing. Soft sobs echo through the tenebrous house, my skin crawling with the despondency in the sound.

  I limp toward the stairs, hand brushing the wall to guide me through the unfamiliar surroundings. I struggle through my descent, my body protesting violently with every staggered step. I force myself forward, the distress in the tortured cries too heavy to ignore.

  My heated skin chills with every step I take. I feel as though I’m walking willingly into my own afflicted dreams.

  I expected a real-life victim. Anticipated live torture to be unfolding in Dominic Rein’s sitting room. What I didn’t expect was Camryn Rein, caught in a nightmare so brutal, her body looks ready to break into a million pieces; even in sleep.

  Her eyes, clenched together tightly, look ready to bleed. Her fingers, pulled into white-knuckled fists are no doubt ripping at the skin of her palms. Her entire body twists aggressively, jerking violently against the horrors in her mind.

  “Fuck.”

  I step up to the couch, standing over her in uncertainty. “Camryn,” I whisper loudly.

  I shake her leg. She doesn’t wake, her body only shuddering at the feel of my hand against her skin.

  It’s not lost on me that I’m the only one here. The woman currently living in her own nightmare having stayed, resentfully, to keep an eye on me. How pitiful that I’m the only potential safe harbor she could wish for at this moment.

  My heart tightens in my chest. I can see the panic coursing through her veins. Her mind is forcing her to relive something so traumatic from her past, it haunts her in her sleep.

  Rubbing a hand down my face, I pull at the hairs of my beard in frustration, kneeling beside her. Taking her hand slowly in mine, I let my thumb rub slow circles over the soft skin. She attempts to rip it back, a pained whimper breaking from her cracked lips. I keep my grasp firm. The tears, balancing delicately at the very corners of her eyes, fall, setting salty, wet tracks across her temples.

  “I got you,” I soothe, wanting nothing more than to pull her from the hell she’s caught in. “You’re safe.”

  Her breathing stutters.

  I want to shake her. Wake her up immediately and ensure she doesn’t exist another
second in the world she’s forced to live in. I refrain, barely, knowing it would only cause her further distress.

  “Shut it down, beauty.” I move closer to her ear, letting her feel my words against her skin. “You’re safe,” I repeat.

  Her body jolts, her cries trickling off on a hesitant breath.

  “Safe?” she murmurs, the disbelief in the jaded word both heartbroken and hopeful.

  “Safe,” I echo, letting her hear the fight in my quietly spoken promise.

  After a drawn-out minute, her eyes open with a pop, her hand squeezing mine tight enough to make me wince. I watch her chest heave, her heart beating so violently, I swear I can see it attempt to escape the confines of her body. Short sharp breaths only exaggerate her panic, her frenzied gaze skating over the room.

  “Gotta fill your lungs up, beauty,” I instruct. “Whatever’s cutting off your ability to breathe, it can’t touch you here. You’re safe. I got you.”

  Her mouth opens, a thick choking sound catching itself in her throat as her desperate need to breathe suffocates her.

  “Fuck,” I spit, moving from my position on the floor.

  Lifting her into a sitting position, I push in behind her, shifting her so we’re sitting flush. Her back to my front, her straight legs nestled comfortably between my bent ones. “Don’t gulp it in. Slow. Deep. Feel me. Copy.”

  She stutters on a breath. Then a second. But her body eventually finds rhythm with mine. Our chests move in unison, the thick intake of air expanding our lungs and deflating with a shaky exhale.

  “Good girl,” I praise. “That’s it. Slow. Take control. You’re in control. You.”

  It takes a good five minutes of repeating the motion and words over and over again for her to settle. For her breathing to even out and her body to relax.

  Her skin is clammy, shirt damp with the perspiration her overwrought nervous system has caused. Thick tendrils of her hair are stuck along the wet line of her neck and I can feel the quick, heavy thud of her heart beating in her chest.

  “We good?”

  Exhaling shakily, she nods quickly, the rest of her body as still as a statue.