Reining Devotion: A Chaotic Rein novel

by Jenner, Haley

  “Hm.”

  “Peace,” she says quietly. “My goal is peace.”

  I dropped to the ground across from her, knees bent, body leaning forward, my attention completely hers. “In what capacity?”

  She considers my question. “Not in the whole ‘world-peace’ type dream. Personally,” she specifies. “Here.” She taps her temple. “I want to stop being afraid. I want to go to sleep without freaking the fuck out that my demons will stalk me when I’m vulnerable. I want to live in a way that I want to. I don’t want to be controlled by my past. I want to know that no matter what evil works to infiltrate my thoughts, I’m at peace enough in my mind that it doesn’t matter.”

  “Freedom,” I cough out before I’ve realized I’ve spoken. “You want freedom.”

  Her eyes settle on me, our stare catching and holding on for a drawn -out breath.

  “Like you,” she whispers, more to herself than me.

  “Like me,” I concur.

  An understanding settles between us, one neither of us was ready to come to terms with.

  Camryn Rein and I have been fighting our similarities from the moment our paths crossed. It’s useless to continue to fight it. We’re the same because we’re broken. We’re haunted by thoughts that are stronger than anything either of us have come up against. I tackle mine with anger, with fury; more often than not failing. Camryn combats hers by hiding, which is as pointless as what I do with my fists. Her demons are part of her, in actuality, she’s hiding with her greatest fears; isolated and alone giving them more and more power as she becomes weaker.

  “Just because we’re the same doesn’t make us friends,” she implores, her eyes drilling into mine in panic.

  Calm down, sweetheart.

  “Wouldn’t dream we were anything but enemies, beauty.”

  “You’re not my enemy either,” she declares haughtily. “That would mean I feel something for you. I don’t. Not hate, not indifference. I feel nothing. To me, you are nothing.”

  She’s arguing with herself, forcing that niggling feeling craving my company, to believe her words. “Who you tryin’ to convince?” I tease, not letting myself be cut down by her words.. “Me? Or yourself. You pushed yourself into my world, not the other way around. I couldn’t give a flying shit what you think of me, Rein. But don’t stand under my fucking roof and disrespect me while I’m doin’ you a favor.”

  She swallows thickly at the bite in my tone.

  “You wanna be indifferent toward me,” I tell her. “But you’re not. No more than I am to you. You might have hate in your sad little heart for me, but you have more for yourself in there. You hate that you crave my company. You fucking despise that you’re starting to believe that I am the one person in your life that might truly understand you and still enjoy being around you. I know all that, because it’s exactly how I feel.”

  Straightening her shoulders, her hand brushes her forehead, removing the thick lock of hair that has escaped her ponytail. “I don’t want to be your friend.” The broken whisper is full of devastation, she hates that she’s found herself in this situation, worse, she hates that she doesn’t want to change it.

  “Feeling’s mutual, sweetheart.” I stand. “I don’t need friends. But how about you chill out on the forced animosity, yeah? I won’t fucking tell anyone you don’t hate me as much as you pretend you do.” I move toward her, holding my hand out for her.

  She slides the smooth line of her palm into mine, letting me pull her upright. “Promise?”

  Body pressed against mine, our hands still entwined, I nod. “I ain’t got any friends to spill your secrets too. Now, a hundred skip jumps.”

  She pushes at my chest and if I’m not mistaken she keeps contact just a second longer than necessary. “I changed my mind. I do fucking hate you. You’re evil and enjoy human suffering.”

  “Not gonna argue with you.” I smirk at her, holding the skip rope out for her.

  Yanking it from my grasp, I’m pretty certain she calls me a cunt, the word mumbled too low for me to actually hear.

  She’s thinner than I realized. Her body bordering on fragile. Not unhealthy by any means, but slight in stature. Her hipbones are easily noticeable in her yoga pants, her ass not exactly what you’d call plump, but pert enough to take notice. Her wrist would easily be half that of mine, her fingers long and slender. I’d imagine her tits would be small, less than a handful. But perky, like the rest of her body.

  Her dark hair would easily reach her ass if she let it free, skin like gold, clusters of dark freckles that dance across her face, begging to be traced. Eyes like the blue of a sapphire you know you can’t afford, she fucking prides herself on being unattainable.

  Camryn shares limited similarities to her sister. They look as incongruent as their personalities. While Codi is a wet dream to come to life; her curves as sweet as the smile that graces her lips. Camryn is the sinister temptress that’d cut your throat while she fucked you, not quite a smile, more a smirk the last thing you’d happily see.

  “You right?” She flicks the skip rope in my direction, barely missing my face.

  “What?” I shrug. “Like you haven’t run your greedy eyes over me a time or two.”

  She looks embarrassed, her cheeks turning pink like a secret she doesn’t want to acknowledge. “Not my fault you insist on being half naked more often than not. It’s a lot not to look at,” she defends, her cheeks a nice shade of pink.

  “I’m one hundred percent comfortable with your gawking. Feel free to look as often and as long as you like.”

  “Gross,” she lies. “You’re like a giant... muscle.”

  Meaning, I’ve dragged my carnivorous eyes over your body and I want to devour it… you.

  “Descriptive,” I tease.

  “You repulse me,” she continues, the fluster in her voice as obvious as the color in her cheeks. She’s faking a level of disgust that is almost comical.

  Still, it pisses me off.

  “Anyone ever told you that you turn into an ultimate bitch when you’re afraid someone is seein’ more of you than you’re comfortable with? Being attracted to someone ain’t showin’ your soul, Camryn.”

  Her mouth gapes open in distress. “I am absolutely not attracted to you.”

  I sigh. “Well, feeling’s mutual, baby,” I insult, stooping to her level. “Your plan to repulse the male species is a success. You’re an awful little hermit.”

  An absolute fucking lie. She’s a fantasy I refuse to entertain. Her attitude alone enough to rush blood to my overeager cock.

  Her tiny fists clench in offense. “I am not a hermit. I go out,” she retorts.

  “You go out to buy take-out, when you don’t get it delivered. Even then, you’re usually dressed in your pajamas.”

  “Being able to go into public in my pajamas is something I call winning at life.”

  “Sure,” I recoil. “If you also talk to rocks. You need to get out more. Live like you’re in your thirties and not readying yourself for the grave.”

  “Bite me,” she barks out.

  “Be my pleasure, sweetheart.” The image popping into my head like the beginning of a wet dream I don’t fucking need. “Now, do the fucking skip jumps.”

  She takes a step backward. “If you think I’m staying here with your arrogant ass, you’re mistaken. I was fucking delusional thinking you could help me. Go fuck yourself, Rocco.”

  My hand flies out, grabbing hold of her wrist before I can stop myself. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  I should let her go. I don’t need this fucking drama in my life. If I let her walk out, I’m done. Freed from my obligation to help her in any way.

  “Let me go,” she grinds out, yanking her arm back.

  I keep my hold, pulling her closer.

  “You’re being ridiculous.” My teeth grind as I speak. “Your little feelings got hurt, did they?”

  Thunder strikes in her eyes. Thick and nasty spikes of fury that are aimed directly
at me. “Take. Your. Hands. Off. Me.”

  I step into her space, our bodies now flush, my hand tightening around the delicate line of her wrist. “You throw words like daggers, not giving a flying fuck who they hit, but god-fucking-forbid you’re on the receiving end of those same sharp knives.”

  Her nostrils flare.

  “You can tell me I’m vicious, more evil than the fucking devil himself. You can come into my fucking home and tell me I disgust you. But I can’t do it back?”

  The fight leaves her body, her eyes blinking in shame.

  “You have no right to throw a tantrum for somethin’ you’ve insisted on buildin’ our relationship on. You know you’re no troll, Camryn. Don’t let what other people say affect how you think of yourself. People rarely say what they actually mean. Look in their eyes, listen to that truth.”

  Sliding her wrist from my easing grasp, she straightens her spine.

  “Look in my eyes. Do I think you’re a disgusting hermit? Am I repulsed by you?”

  Her blue eyes bore into mine, reading what I’m silently screaming at her.

  “No.”

  “Exactly. Same way I know I don’t disgust you as much as you wish I did. Same way I know your eyes aren’t trackin’ my body because there’s a lot to look at. Own your feelings, Camryn. They’re the realest fucking thing we have to offer this broken world.”

  She bends to pick up the discarded skipping rope. “I’ll do fifty.”

  “A hundred. Then stretch it out. I’ll make us lunch.”

  Her eyebrows kiss in the middle, her head moving backward, chin touching her neck unattractively.

  I shrug. “Only way I can be sure you won’t gorge yourself on shitty food when you leave here.”

  “You are cruel.”

  “Never argued that point, baby.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rocco

  One of Dominic’s cronies glares at me as I stalk past, his eyes like daggers, watching my every move. Can’t blame him, I’m a ring-in. One he’s likely had to keep eyes on a time or two. He’s right not to trust me, doesn’t mean his cocked up stare doesn’t piss me off. He’s a wannabe. A tough guy. I’d kill to go a round or two in the ring with him, teach him to respect those who could hold his life in their palm and play God.

  “Rocco,” Dominic greets as I saunter into his office without knocking.

  “Rein,” I respond. “Don’t appreciate being summoned.”

  He laughs, hands pausing on the papers he’s shuffling around his desk. “How should I request your company in the future?” he tests. “A hand-written invitation?”

  I sit without being asked.

  “My understanding was that you agreed to begin working with me. Am I mistaken?”

  I don’t answer, only meeting his hostile glare with one of my own.

  “Because if so, please feel free to leave. However, if I was correct, show me some fucking respect when you walk into my home. I may see you as an equal,” he threatens, “but you are beneath me in this world, Shay, know that.”

  I raise an eyebrow, shocked into silence. “Testier than usual. What’s going on?”

  “Why is my daughter visiting your loft?”

  I school the smirk wanting to creep onto my face.

  Daddy thinks I’m fucking his daughter.

  Disengage the shotgun, soldier, her virtue ain’t at risk. I mean, given the opportunity, I likely wouldn’t resist. But I’m smart enough to know she’d likely be doing it to get close enough to slit my throat.

  “She’s engaged to my brother.” I shrug, enjoying playing with his temper far too much. “They come and go as they please.”

  His eyes light like fire, nostrils flaring in fury.

  “Chill, old man. I’m teaching Camryn how to fight. Your minions tell you she arrives and leaves with boxing gloves in hand?”

  “York!” he bellows.

  My hater walks into the room without a second’s delay, hands behind his back, the picture of submission.

  Little bitch.

  “When you’ve seen Camryn arrive at Mr. Shay’s loft, has she had anything with her?”

  The twinkle of hope in his eyes dies, replaced by panic. “Ah.” He pretends to think. “Now that you mention it, possibly boxing gloves, sir.”

  Dominic breathes through his nose, exhaling heavily. “Likely a potent piece of information, wouldn’t you surmise?”

  York swallows uncomfortably. “Umm… yes, sir.”

  I rub at my jaw, enjoying the fear in this guy’s eyes a little too much. I’m certain he’s shit his cheap polyester pants.

  With a flick of his wrist, Dominic dismisses him.

  “Does Camryn know you’re having her followed?”

  Hands running through his hair, the tired man in front of me sighs. “She’s not silly. Of course. She graciously flips them off each morning in greeting. Sometimes she brings them coffee and accidentally drops it into their laps. Other times, she calls the cops on them. It’s a lot of paperwork for me when she does that.”

  I don’t hide my smile. “Some people are happily lost. Ever considered your daughter ain’t interested in being found.”

  The pain in his eyes is obvious. Face dropping into his palms, he rubs at his forehead on a groan. “Some people are afraid to be found.” He lifts his head. “They’re in so much pain, they’re certain that’s all that the world has to offer them. They want to stay lost to hide away from further hurt.”

  “You want to show her that the world has more to offer?”

  His shoulders lift weakly. “Is that so bad? For a father to want that for his daughter?”

  I shake my head. “No. But how can you be certain further harm won’t find her? Maybe she’s happy.”

  “Do you think she’s happy?” he asks.

  I blink, dropping my gaze to my lap. “No.” I take a breath before answering. “No, I don’t.”

  This conversation took a heavier turn than I expected it to. Fuck, this is what happens when people push themselves into your life. You get caught up in their feelings, in their perceived failings. You’re pushed to want to help.

  I shouldn’t give two shits that Dominic Rein is struggling with a hopeless need to fix his eldest daughter.

  “I ain’t fuckin’ your daughter, Rein,” I admit. “You’ll be happy to know she still firmly despises my existence. She blackmailed me into doing her a favor, it’ll be done in about a month.”

  “It’s not you,” he assures me, worried he offended my delicate feelings. “If I found out Parker’s cock had aimed in Codi’s direction before I knew they were in love, I would’ve threatened his life too. I think it’s my paternal right, no?”

  I laugh quietly. “Not well versed on parents and how they should act, but yeah, I’d guess you’re well within your right.”

  “Good.” He nods, straightening his shoulders. “Now that’s out of the way... business.”

  “You have a lead on what I asked you to look into?” I struggle to hide the hope in my voice.

  “No luck as of yet,” he apologizes. “Trail isn’t just cold, it’s arctic, Rocco. I’ll keep my guys on it though. I’ve increased manpower. You should know though, their focus is scouring death records.”

  I fight against the tightness in my throat. “Makes sense,” I croak out, annoyed at the despair in my voice. “Keep me posted.”

  He nods with a sympathetic smile.

  “You found your wife then?” I clear my throat, eager as fuck to change the subject.

  “Not quite. But we have a lead. Seems she’s closer than we originally thought. An associate of mine crossed her path in Tacoma.”

  I sit up straighter. “The fuck? She’s only forty fucking minutes away. Why didn’t your associate put her bullet in her fucking skull?”

  My voice has moved into a frenzied yell.

  “You need to calm yourself, Rocco.”

  “Calm?” I roar. “That cunt had a hand in murdering my mom. Fuck calm.”

  �
��Sarah and I had an agreement that both Codi and Marcus would never know Codi’s true paternity,” Dominic speaks quietly, calmly, which only irritates me further. Fury has set itself alight in my body, sparking at my toes, gushing through my veins like a potent drug. “In turn, I offered her protection. I offered her whatever the fuck she wanted.”

  This, right here, is Dominic Rein, the crime boss. The blue of his eyes flashes like a flame of murder. I can see his vision clearly in the quiet ferocity of his person. A slideshow of the revenge he would take on those that jeopardized the lives of his family. “She betrayed that. She put my daughter in the sights of an unhinged psychopath. She killed your mom. She threatened my daughter’s life,” he yells. “Whether she knew it or not,” he collects himself. “One day you’ll understand that. One day you’ll understand the anger you feel right now is at best juvenile to the storm of rage coursing through my body. It’s aimed directly at my wife.”

  “She deserves a fate worse than death.”

  Dipping his chin once, he acknowledges my words. “My associate understood his information was more valuable to me than her dead body,” he cautions.

  Read: Dominic Rein wants to be the one to find his wife.

  Read: Dominic Rein wants to steal the life from her body.

  “How do we know she’s still there?”

  He shrugs easily. “She doesn’t know she’s been made. She has no reason to hide. Not yet.”

  I don’t know what to do with my hands. With my body. I’m itching for release and yet, I feel idle.

  “I have my people searching the Tacoma area for her. As soon as she’s located. We’ll be the first to know.”

  “Your people?” I spit. “You mean Dork out there?”

  “York,” he corrects me. “No, Rocco, not the likes of York. My company is built with a spectrum of soldiers. York is an errand boy. Would I waste someone capable of draining a body of blood without a sign of it having been done to collect you from your home? No. That’s a waste of resources. You need the meek and stupid for menial tasks.”

  He waits patiently as his words settle me.

  “I’ve trusted you with this information. Which means I trust you not to run off to Tacoma waving a gun around demanding answers. You’ll send her underground. We want the same thing, son. Don’t fuck it up.”