The Distance

by Alexa Land

  She climbed up on her stepstool and lowered the basket into the hot oil, and I asked, “How long should they cook, Nana?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. They’re pretty small, so I’m thinking they’ll go fast. We’ll just check them at the three minute mark and see if they’re golden brown. Meanwhile, we can talk about what else we want to fry. I’m makin’ a salad, and deep-fried zucchini is a thing, so maybe we can fry up some other veggies, too. What do you think about the idea of fried cucumber?”

  “Um, I’m not sure about that idea, Nana,” I told her.

  “Yeah, maybe not,” she said. All of a sudden, something sailed across the kitchen with a loud popping sound, and Nana yelled, “Sweet baby Jesus on a Pride parade float, what the hell was that?”

  “I have no idea,” I said. Josh panned all around the kitchen with the video camera, and I asked the group on the other side of the kitchen island, “Anybody see what that was?” They all shook their heads. A moment later, three more pops came in quick succession, and a couple tiny UFOs sailed around the room.

  I leaned over and peered into the deep fryer, which was bubbling away, and said, “Oh shit, I think it’s the—”

  I didn’t get to finish my sentence though, because all of a sudden, gnocchi started exploding like fireworks and shooting all over the room, and I had to duck and cover. “Son of a whore,” Nana yelled, bobbing quickly to avoid a flying gnocchi. “What are those little fuckers doing?”

  I pulled Nana and Kiki back to a safe distance, then grabbed a pot lid to use as a shield. Kai jumped in to help, and I handed him a second lid. After I thought about it a moment, I also handed him a pair of oven mitts, then pulled open a junk drawer and looked for eye protection. All I found were several pairs of Nana’s huge, round sunglasses, but they were better than nothing. I handed a pair to Kai, shoved another pair onto my face, and stuck my hands into some big oven mitts before he and I moved in on the fryer.

  Everyone was talking at once and running around the kitchen as the gnocchi kept popping loudly and zinging around us. Fortunately, the little kids were still outside, so they were safe from both the potato projectiles and the very long, very colorful list of expletives Nana came up with to express her frustration with the exploding edibles. Meanwhile, Josh, the thirteen-year-old, hid under a black umbrella and grinned delightedly as he calmly filmed the spectacle.

  As Nana yelled, “It’s like a meteor shower, and we’re the dinosaurs,” I pulled the plug on the fryer, and Kai lifted the basket out of the oil. The dumplings still had a grand finale in store for us though, and several popped at once, flying off in every direction. He put the basket in the sink and jumped back, and everyone waited and held their breath.

  Just when we started to relax, another gnocchi went off. After another moment, we relaxed again. And then, pop! It went on like that for a while. When we were finally sure nothing else was going to explode, Kiki started clapping and yelled, “Now that is Cooking with Nana!”

  The crowd chuckled appreciatively and applauded, and Kai and I looked at each other. He was wearing huge, round, bright yellow sunglasses worthy of Elton John, and lobster claw oven mitts that someone had given Nana as a gift. We both started laughing at the same moment. Kai doubled over, then fell onto the kitchen floor. I landed on top of him, and we held on to each other as we howled with laughter. Every time we looked at each other, we’d just start up again. It was a couple minutes before we finally calmed down, dabbing our tears beneath the giant eyewear.

  “You’re both silly,” a little voice said.

  I rolled onto my back, looked up at Izzy, and smiled at her. “Thank you.”

  “What are you doing on the floor?” she asked.

  “Having a great, big giggle fit. You need one, too.” I plucked her off her feet and deposited her between Kai and me, and when her father dotted kisses all over her face, she shrieked and started laughing, too.

  Josh snapped a picture with his phone and said, “You guys are the cutest family ever. I’ll text you this photo, Jess.”

  I looked at Kai as Josh’s words sank in, then sat up quickly and pulled off my sunglasses. “Can I try them on?” Izzy asked, sitting up, too. I carefully slid them onto her face, and she smiled at me and said, “How do I look?”

  “Like a glamorous movie star,” I told her as I got to my feet. “Are you hungry? I think dinner’s going to be a little late, but there are some chopped up veggies in the fridge. Want some with dip?” She nodded and I lifted her onto one of the stools at the kitchen island, then went and made a plate for her.

  As several people got busy making more gnocchi for dinner (to be boiled, not fried), Nana said, “I wonder why they blew up like that.”

  “I think they produced steam inside when they were frying, and that made them explode,” Kai said. “That’s my theory, anyway.”

  I put together a big salad while the gnocchi assembly line did its thing, and Vincent appointed himself bartender. He made juice drinks for the kids and handed around a potent rum punch for the grown-ups. A few people buzzed around wiping down the cabinets and counters and gathering up dumpling shrapnel, and with everyone helping, the kitchen survived another cooking show episode and a great dinner came together.

  We gathered in the dining room about an hour later. There were twenty-five people around the table. Izzy wanted to sit beside me, and she watched all that was going on around her with a little grin. The conversation was loud and food and laughter were plentiful. We went through several bottles of the Spanish wine, and when they ran out, I pushed back from the table and said, “I’ll get some more.”

  In the quiet kitchen, I unpacked two more bottles of wine from the case and lined them up on the counter. I didn’t go right back to the dining room, though. Instead, I took a moment and closed my eyes. My emotions were raw that evening, but I didn’t know why.

  I sensed Kai behind me even before he asked, “You okay?”

  “Fine.” I said it automatically.

  “That comment Josh made earlier about you, me and Izzy looking like a family,” he said softly, “that really freaked you out. I saw your face, Jessie. You understand I’m a package deal, right? If you’re getting cold feet about this, I really need to know.”

  I was quiet for a long moment before whispering, “Have you ever wanted something so bad that it scared the hell out of you?” I turned to look at him and stretched my arm out, spanning most of the distance between us. “Everything I’ve ever wanted is almost within my grasp. This perfect life: the most sensational guy, the cutest, sweetest kid, a family of my own. It’s right there. And shit, Kai, it’s going to crush me when this falls apart.”

  He grabbed my hand. “That’s what’s worrying you? I totally misinterpreted what happened back there.” Kai stepped forward and pressed my palm to his chest. “Jessie, I’m yours for the asking. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m crazy about you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  I slipped my hand from his and let it fall to my side. “Not today. Maybe not tomorrow either. But it’s so damn hard to believe in forever, after my entire family proved to me there’s no such thing.”

  “I get that you’re scared, Jessie. I really do. And you know what? So am I. Who wouldn’t be? Opening up your heart to someone means taking a huge risk and making yourself incredibly vulnerable, but consider the potential payoff!”

  I said softly, “But right along with that is the potential for total devastation. I mean, God, look at Cole and River. It sure seemed like their love was going to last a lifetime, but in the end, all they got was a couple years and a pair of broken hearts.”

  “We’re not them, Jessie.”

  “I know.”

  Kai said gently, “So what are you going to do? Close yourself off from the world? From me? Are you never going to take a chance on love, because you might possibly get hurt? You know, I tried that for quite a while after my best friend left me and our daughter without so much as a backward glance, and let me tell
you, it was pretty goddamn lonely.”

  “I don’t want to do that.” My voice sounded so small.

  “Then trust me, Jessie! Believe me when I say I’m not going anywhere.”

  My first impulse was to argue. I wanted to tell Kai trusting not just him, but anyone, was nearly impossible after what my family had done to me. I wanted to point out that being abandoned by everyone who’d loved me had left me damaged, maybe beyond repair. It was so easy to say ‘trust me’ but incredibly difficult to put aside a lifetime of hurt.

  But as I looked up at him and he held my gaze unwaveringly, I realized something. I did trust him. It hadn’t been a conscious decision. It had just happened, all on its own, even though I didn’t believe I was capable of it anymore. I trusted Malakai Kahale with my heart, my soul, with all of me. He was a good man. He was kind, and decent, and genuine. I knew that for a fact, and I knew he was worthy of my trust.

  He looked surprised when I said, so quietly, “Okay.” Kai closed the distance between us and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me against him as his lips claimed mine. I sank into it.

  When we finally broke apart, Kai touched my face gently, and watched me for a long moment. Then he picked up one of the bottles of wine. “Come on,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s get back. Nana was mentioning the fact that she owns a karaoke machine when I left the table. We need to head off that potential catastrophe.” I grinned at him and picked up the other bottle, and we returned to the dining room hand in hand.

  *****

  Later that night, after a lot of food, wine, and truly awful karaoke, I snuggled against Kai in my little bed and kissed his bare shoulder. Izzy had fallen asleep an hour before, and his family had driven her home. “See how much my family likes you? They absolutely insisted that I stay behind and spend a little more time with you,” he said, draping his arm over my waist.

  “They’re great,” I said. “Nana and Gran bonded big-time. I thought they were going to run off and get matching tattoos after their hour-long Tina Turner medley.”

  “Oh man, don’t give them any ideas.” Kai idly ran his fingertips down my upper arm.

  “I’m disappointed though that you didn’t sing any karaoke. You were literally the only person in that room who could carry a tune, but you kept finding excuses not to join in!”

  “I hate singing in front of people.”

  “Will you sing me something now?”

  Kai glanced at me and asked, “Seriously?”

  “Please? I love the sound of your voice.”

  “Oh man. It’s crazy, the things I’m willing to do for you.” He paused for a moment, then started to sing ‘Can’t Find my Way Home’ by Blind Faith. His voice was much deeper and his a Capella version a lot slower than the original, which gave the song a haunted, almost sorrowful quality. It was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever heard.

  When he finished, I picked up his hand and ran it over my forearm. “I literally have goosebumps,” I told him. He tried to laugh it off, but I could tell he was pleased.

  After a while he said, “I’ve been wanting to ask you something. Before I do, I want to tell you it’s completely fine to say no. It’s also fine to take as long as you need to think about it.”

  “Okay.”

  “What do you think about coming to work with me part-time at the garage? Business has been picking up, ever since I advertised at the community center. I just got a major restoration project on a ’68 Mustang Fastback, and that’s going to take a hell of a lot of time over the next few months. I have other work coming in on top of that, and I hate to turn people away, especially when I’m trying to build a customer base. Since you said your job’s not really full-time anymore, I was thinking you might want to split your time between the garage and Nana, around her schedule, of course.”

  I sat up and asked, “Wouldn’t it make things weird between us if I worked for you?”

  He sat up too and gently brushed my hair back. “Not for me, with me. I want you to be my coworker, not my employee.”

  “Why me? Why not just hire someone?”

  “Because you’re the best mechanic I know, and because working with you would make me incredibly happy. I hate the thought of working with some random stranger, who I may or may not get along with. But working side-by-side with my boyfriend every day sounds like bliss.” It actually really did, but there were so many ways it could backfire. Kai continued, “There are other reasons, too. You have an in-depth understanding of newer imports, and my thing has always been older American cars. While you and I can obviously both work on anything, those different areas of expertise would complement each other perfectly.”

  “You’ve given this a lot of thought.”

  Kai nodded. “I never do anything without thinking it through first.” He grinned and added, “Well, except for the first couple times we slept together, and thank God I didn’t overthink that.”

  I knew I needed to find another job, especially since I’d barely worked ten hours over the last week. Ollie had been driving Nana everywhere in his convertible, and most of the wedding planning had been taken care of, so I was feeling pretty obsolete. I’d even approached her about cutting my salary, because in no way was I working enough to justify what she paid me. She’d completely shut me down, but I was going to have to get her to listen to me.

  Changes were definitely ahead, and what he was proposing excited me, but I had a lot of concerns, too. I said, “What if it ends up affecting our relationship? I have to wonder if Cole and River would still be a couple if they hadn’t worked together.”

  “You told me once that the catering business was River’s passion, but it didn’t sound like it was Cole’s. Maybe that left him feeling unfulfilled, or like he was living someone else’s dream and not his own. I don’t know, I’m just speculating. But none of that would be the case here. You love working on cars, and I think you’d be happy at the garage.”

  “But if you’re signing my paycheck…I don’t know. It seems like we’re just setting ourselves up for conflict down the road.”

  “Or maybe it would go great.”

  I flailed around, trying to put into words all that was worrying me, but finally just ended up with, “Are you sure you want to bring someone on and give up part of your income? The money you’d be paying me could make a difference to you and your family.”

  “But with the two of us working at the garage, we’ll have a lot more money coming in than if it’s just me. I want to grow my business, but I’m not going to start working fourteen-hour days and taking time away from my daughter to keep up with the work load.”

  I chewed my lower lip for a moment before saying, “This sounds so great. I’d love to work at the garage, and to see you every day. But what if it’s the wrong choice? What if working together is too much pressure and ends up costing us our relationship?”

  “It won’t.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because we won’t let it.”

  I thought about it for a while before saying, “Maybe we can do this on a trial basis. We could give it a month and then see where we are. You concentrate on that restoration project and I’ll pick up the small jobs that come in. If there’s any sign that our work arrangement is having a negative impact on us, I’ll resign from the shop at the end of thirty days. I’ll even help you hire someone in my place if you want. I know a lot of mechanics.”

  Kai hugged me and said, “I’m so glad you’re willing to give this a shot.”

  “Thank you for thinking of me.”

  He sat back a bit and looked at me. “There’s something else I’ve been wanting to tell you. I’ve decided to quit racing.”

  “Are you serious?”

  He nodded. “There comes a time, you know? I’ve been racing since I was sixteen and I already stuck with it longer than I should have. I think it’s best to walk away at this point and not keep tempting fate. I don’t need the money like I used to, and I guess I really don’
t need anything else from it, either. Not anymore.”

  “Don’t you? It was such an important outlet for you.”

  “How can I put this?” Kai paused for a moment, then said, “Racing used to be an absolute necessity, because it was the one thing I had that was just mine, and that didn’t have a thing to do with being a parent. It was the only time I could act my age. It made me happy, and made me feel fulfilled.” He touched my face and said softly, “I don’t need racing to feel happy and fulfilled now, Jessie. I have something so much better for that.” I grinned and pulled him into a kiss.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Izzy held out a little bouquet of dandelions and said shyly, “These are for you.”

  I pulled off my work gloves and crouched down so we were eye-to-eye. “Thank you so much,” I said as I took the flowers from her. “This was really nice of you.” She smiled and looked at her little pink sneakers, which matched her tiny, pink handbag, her pink shorts, and her pink sweatshirt with a silhouette of Tinkerbell on the front.

  “Sorry if we’re interrupting,” Malia said as she gestured at the silver Corolla I’d been working on.

  “You’re not. This customer’s picking up her car at six, and it’s already done. I was just fine-tuning the engine to increase its fuel efficiency.”

  I’d been working at the garage for two weeks, and so far it had been a huge success. I loved the job. It was deeply satisfying to roll up my sleeves and spend each day fixing things. The fact that I got to see Kai all the time was the best part though, and not just for the hugs and kisses we snuck in throughout the day. He was incredibly easy to work with. I appreciated the fact that he let me work independently and never gave unsolicited advice. We’d consult with each other whenever one of us wanted a second opinion, but there was no sense of him looking over my shoulder or acting like he was my boss. He respected me and treated me like an equal, and I loved that it felt like a partnership.