Nobody

by Tiana Laveen

  A chill came over her body as the cool air passed through, kissing her pores, making her nipples stand to attention. But then she was suddenly blanketed in warmth from his mouth on her breasts and his body on hers. This man filled her with heat, a man so beautiful and strong. A man born to rule.

  She sighed, arching her back like a cat when he slipped his tongue between her thighs, unveiling her wet secrets and truths from a place in her core. Parting her lower lips, which told no lies. Her climax built, nerve endings on fire as he lavished her with love and affection. She stared up at the twinkling stars as he traced her pussy with the tip of his tongue. Running his hands over the soft rolls of her stomach, he made her feel feminine and playful. He made her feel… beautiful.

  “Damn it!” She hissed when he jetted his tongue in and out of her zone. Essence trickled down her inner thighs. He quickly lapped up her juices then sat back on his haunches. Grabbing a condom, he tore it open and sheathed his cock.

  “Open your legs, baby. I wanna look at it… look at this pussy real good before I slide my dick deep inside you…” He stroked himself. Her excitement roared as she did just that, stretching her legs far apart. The moonlight and flickering glow of the candles made him appear like a dream. One she wished to never awaken from. “Your pussy… Mmmm, baby… It’s all I thought about. It fits me like a glove, Jessica. It’s like it was designed just for me. Slippery and wet. Tight, juicy…”

  He fell upon her, his weight damn near crushing her, and she loved it. The feel of his muscles, the touch of his heated flesh, the scent of his breath and the movement of his hair drove her to the brink, overwhelming her senses. He kissed her, his tongue dancing with hers.

  “Uhhh…”

  He pushed his dick inside her, spreading her wide open. Short, feverish jabs were followed by long, needful strokes. She held on tight as he mercilessly fucked her. The soft blanket bunched up beneath her, her body sliding over it with each hard thrust.

  Wrapping her thighs around him, she kept him close, so close… He was burying himself inside her, his fears, his worries… the twisted tree branches… the whistle of the wind… a bloodcurdling scream… shattered bits of glass… twisted metal… His anguish and need were all inside her now too, merging with her own pain.

  Her body shook when she exploded in a whole-body orgasm, tingling from her head to her toes. She’d never come so hard in her life. She closed her eyes for a spell and simply listened to the sounds around her…

  Heavy, deep, choppy breathing… The smacking of his balls against her fat pussy lips… A grunt and a curse… A swallow… She opened her eyes and peered over his shoulder. The muscles in his back shifted as he held on to her tightly… His hips compressed with each lunge… His toes curled and stretched as he gained momentum. She knew the end was near.

  And then it came… a sudden wave of coolness as he slid out from her, ripped the condom off and stroked his long dick fast and hard, grunting and moaning, his gaze intense. Spurts of creamy white cum shot onto her stomach, covering her with his seed. He grabbed a few wet wipes and gently cleaned her up. She enjoyed how he did that… the look in his eyes.

  When he was finished, she rose up and wrapped her hands around his ass, bringing him closer. Confusion flashed in his gaze but then she took the head of his semi-soft dick into her mouth and nursed from it, showering it with care. He threw his head back, enjoying the attention. She loved the smoothness of his flesh along her tongue, and how it felt against the roof of her mouth.

  “Jessica… shit…”

  He cupped her head and guided her movements. Pumping his hips, she accepted each nasty thrust, deep-throating him as she rubbed her breasts. She alternated between sucking his cock and balls, until he was panting, yelling… falling to pieces. It took no time for a new erection to emerge.

  “Lie down on your stomach.”

  She did as asked and he entered her. She hissed, grabbed the edge of the closest pillow, and gritted her teeth as he hit her special spot.

  “Oh… fuck!”

  Ramming into her, he nestled his head between her shoulder and neck.

  It felt too good to say anything, to protest, though she knew she’d be bruised and barely able to stand once he turned her loose. Lips trailing the skin along her neck, he kept at her, his thick, long sword penetrating her at warp speed. The loving was intense, the stars bright, the night full of promise. And so she exploded once more, her orgasm tearing her to pieces. Her pussy throbbed from his intrusion. In a matter of moments, he jerked himself out of her and the warm rain of his release showered her lower back. Spent, she soon felt the coolness of more wet wipes.

  “So, uh, you have two choices,” he said as he reached for the wine and popped the cork.

  “What are they?” She looked over her shoulder at him.

  “Stay the night and get up, like the other day then go to work, or go home now and wonder what it would’ve been like to get more of this good lovin’ a few more times before the sun rises.” She cracked a smile and shook her head. “Either way, I’m taking you out to eat soon. Fine dinin’. Gonna find a real nice place, pick you up at your house, and drive us to it. Then, I’m gonna drop you off back home, like a gentleman.”

  “I’d love that, but I also know that you—”

  “You don’t have to say it.” He put up his hand. “I know my ordeal isn’t over, but I’ve been fighting it all night and I survived. I believe in myself now like how you believe in me. I stumble, but I gotta stop falling. I’m done being clumsy. I wanna walk straight and fly right.” He bent down and kissed her nape. “So, what’s it gonna be?”

  She sighed and shuddered when she felt his nature against her ass…

  “I’m staying.” She smiled, feeling sleepy and drowning in a love-drenched daze.

  “Good. Now, let’s play a game of chess. Bet you never played it naked.”

  She chuckled lazily.

  “Can’t say that I have.” She sat up, her pussy aching yet satisfied. They started the game and soon, she was laughing so hard, her throat burned. “I think you cheated. It wasn’t your turn.”

  “Yeah, it was! You just don’t want to lose again.”

  Oh how the bastard gloated. He looked so beautiful sitting there, his legs crossed, dick rested against his thigh. He drank wine out of the bottle and tossed squares of chocolate in his mouth. She studied the board, trying to figure out her next move.

  The perfection and beauty of the evening felt surreal. She was almost afraid to blink, to breathe.

  Do I deserve this? He would’ve beaten this phobia eventually, with or without me, because he wanted to. He was ready! Self-doubt clawed at her insides. She pushed it aside and played the game.

  “You were crying at the gas station. I’m not going to ask you why tonight, Jessica. I had been crying on the way over there.” He shrugged. “I realized something tonight though.”

  “What?”

  “Not only do I love you, but I was made for this. You washed my back, now it’s time for me to wash yours. I don’t know what you need, but I’m gonna find out. And then, I’m going to give it to you, threefold. It’s your move. Checkmate…”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Blessings and Burdens

  The people came, the music played, and the brown liquor flowed. Smoke swirled from the tips of bright orange cigarettes, floating to the ceiling and kissing the world goodbye. Gyrating bodies, smiling faces and boisterous laughter blended with the loud music that pumped through large speakers, enticing the crowd in shades of earth and sun to groove. They had a good time, a great time…

  Now, it was over and the guests were gone.

  Jessica stood in the shower, hating the idea of washing his scent away. But at least the H2O hid her tears. How could she be so weak? The tears told on her when she wished they’d just be invisible. Those eyes had seen too much, and yet, still too little. But she despised these emotions. Somehow, it was engrained in her. Big girls don’t cry…

  Restin
g her hand against the white tiled shower wall, she reflected on her trip to the gas station with her baby.

  I don’t know what happened at that gas station, but I saw me in his eyes, too. How could I not have empathy for Kane? I recognized that terror right away. When I saw his pain, it opened up my own hurt all over again like a dusty yearbook pulled from the attic and turned to the first page of trauma. I thought I was finished with this, but the love of a good man proved I am not. Love? Yeah… I do believe this man loves me… Seems it would be the opposite. But no. His struggle became mine. It was then that I realized something crucial…

  I didn’t help a stranger with a mental illness; I helped ME. Through him, I could do it all over again – heal the right way this time around, put it in the ground, once and for all. Fear made me not do it. Not afraid for myself, but afraid of hurting others… I need to protect the innocent, even if they ain’t so innocent after all. I’ll sacrifice myself so they may continue to lie close to the soft and comforting lies. They need them far more than I do. Or so I thought. Nothing like being afraid to live. It’s the worst feeling in this whole, big, wide world. Fear is something that made me dance away. Walk away. Crawl away. It made me run to the four corners of my heart. Made me lash out within. Now? I run from nothing. I’m the keeper of the gate.

  No one gets in or out without going through me first. I turned my fear into my footstool. It was time to pass the torch. Sometimes, I still feel so angry inside though… holding onto a sliver of the past is a special sort of bondage. I’m triggered by a smell, a word, the way someone moves… jump at a touch. It’ll remind me of him. I hate him because he made me hate ME. The past is like blackness; it will never change. The dark is a constant. It owes us nothing but the story written on its back, just as it happened, verse for verse. I didn’t seek revenge for the past. I just watched karma unfold. And I laughed.

  I laughed knowing the secrets would be taken to the grave.

  I laughed in their faces, cackled loud like a hyena.

  I was called an ugly Black monster… all because I laughed. I had tears coming down my face as I succumbed to the mirth, doubled over, my rumpled stockings and frilly dress too big for my frame. The stares came, the pointing, the whispers, the condemnation. I laughed and cried, then cried some more… Ugly Black monster, huh?

  Sometimes the monsters are the people with the pretty faces. The angels are wrapped in different packaging… rough, bumpy skin that the world hates, raised flesh covered with scars carved by spiky bark and shattered glass… Tall, Texan, gorgeous White boys who play football, skilled Chess and Black music, chain smoke cigarettes, endure night sweats, fear swaying trees in the night, and invite ugly Black women into their homes with pure intentions… Black women who walk with their heads held high while garbage is thrown at their backs. Sometimes the garbage is made of words, and other times, it’s a curse, a laugh, a taunt…

  She shook herself out of her deliberations, got out of the shower, dried off and wrapped herself up in a robe. Once in the living room, she looked around at all the mess. Cups, used napkins and plates, empty wine cooler bottles, gold balloons and colorful streamers littered the place. The spicy aromas of grilled meats merged with the sweetness of buttercream icing. Melissa’s birthday party had been a success. Jessica had fixed all the foods she loved. She’d not cooked in such a long time because Melissa had taken over that duty.

  The party animal better known as her best friend was now passed out drunk on the couch with a smirk on her face. Light snores filled the air. One skinny yellow arm with a red fox tattoo hung one way, and her slender leg the other. She still wore her sparkly blue dress.

  Come on girl, get in gear. This house won’t clean itself up.

  She walked around with a big lawn trash bag, getting to work and cleaning as she went. Almost two hours later, she was finished. Only Alicia had offered to help before scooting out the door with an old grocery sack full of vanilla cake slices with chocolate icing, grilled BBQ chicken, collard greens, and loaded potato salad – the kind with the bacon bits and scallions that everyone adored. She and the boys had lunch sorted for the next day. Truth be told, Alicia had tried to help, to be a good friend. But she shooed the woman away and said she had it under control.

  In all fairness, she just wanted to be alone. Lana del Rey’s, ‘Lucky Ones’ played on low volume as she dusted the dining room table. She looked at a chair and paused. That’s Melissa’s purse. The vintage Coach bag had a blinged-out rhinestone hair brush sticking out of it. It was also filled with bits and pieces of her burnt orange ombre weave she’d just had done. Jessica wasn’t much into weave, but had to admit it looked nice on the woman. She picked the purse up and put it in the guestroom Melissa was using. When she opened the door, the strong smell of incense assaulted her nostrils. She sneezed and turned on the light.

  She didn’t go in Melissa’s room often to respect her privacy. To her surprise, it was clean and well organized, with the exception of the dresser which was covered with beauty products such as perfume, hair sprays and the like. Setting the purse down in a chair she turned to leave, but noticed the woman’s laptop on. The website browser was up and a little icon flashed, letting it be known she needed to update her iTunes. She stared at the screen for quite a long time. It called to her, but a little voice warned her to mind her own business.

  I respect her privacy. I shouldn’t go snooping through her things!

  But there was so much about Melissa she wished to know, such as: Was she really sending out resumes or just lying to buy more time? Some of their mutual friends had put doubt in her mind, stating that the woman was known to chase a man, or an opportunity, and was no stranger to a scheme, but Melissa didn’t seem the type to do her dirty like that. Regardless, why had she been there so long with little to no progress made? The packages from Amazon kept arriving, big and little boxes filled with Lord only knew what. Yet, the job offers were nowhere in sight.

  Temptation got the best of her and before she knew it, she was sitting in the wobbly chair, staring at the computer monitor. As she perused the various tabs Melissa had up on her Google Chrome browser, she took note of several high end online shopping stores, many of which had quite a few items in the cart.

  Look at this shit… I know she ain’t been getting a bunch of money from me to pay for all of this. Her many boyfriends must be taking care of the bills. She needs a retail therapy intervention. This don’t make a lick of sense.

  Rolling her eyes, she noticed the woman’s email was open. She took a deep breath and clicked on it. One by one, she read countless rejection letters mailed to Melissa.

  Thank you for applying… was how they all started. Wishing you well on your vocational journey… was how they ended.

  Most of them stated that Melissa was either too qualified and they could not pay her what she probably would want, or they wanted someone with more experience. The woman couldn’t win for losing. Jessica’s heart felt heavy. It truly did appear the woman had been busting her ass to get a job and even had gone to several interviews that might have been promising, only for another person to be picked for the job. In fact, she’d had an interview the other day that was almost a sure bet, but she hadn’t heard back from them. Perhaps that would be the one to pan out?

  Standing to her feet, Jessica left the bedroom feeling happier than ever that Melissa’s party had been a hit and she wasn’t trying to get over. All of their friends had come bearing gifts and it was just the perfect time to lift her spirits. Melissa had been there for her in the past and their friendship was unique. She could tell the woman the hard truth and she would take it well, while offering sage advice in return. She could be hardheaded and unable to fix her life, but she had a way of helping others, saying just the right thing at just the right time. Melissa could sometimes be an emotional mess, but it made her all the more lovable.

  She went to her bedroom to retrieve her cellphone. When she walked in, she noticed a tri-folded letter placed in the cente
r of her bed. She unfolded it and began to read it:

  Jessica,

  I’m writing this while I’m still sober. Tonight I plan to get Hennessey rocked right off my feet. I hate to burst your bubble but I found out about the surprise party a few days ago. If you are reading this, it means I didn’t chicken out on giving it to you and right now you’re out partying and dancing so the coast is clear for me to drop this and run. It means that, as usual, you have lit up my life and have a way of making everyone around you feel special. I don’t tell you often enough how much I love you and appreciate you. You’re the only family I have. You know that.

  My mother is dead – and you’re a sister of mine, even if not by blood. When I look back over my life, I see a lot of mistakes, but one of the best choices I ever made was becoming friends with you. That’s good for my soul.

  I received some more good news, too.

  Yesterday, I accepted a job offer. As you know, the other job I thought I had a couple weeks ago fell through. They wanted to pay me $10k less than what was originally offered. You’ve always told me to never settle. You told me not to marry Mick. I did. I should’ve listened to you but we all have to learn on our own, don’t we? I still love him, Jess, but I know he isn’t good for me. He’s a bad habit and I am taking steps to ensure I break that habit once and for all. Jessica, you may not believe this, but after being with you a few months I felt like you needed me here just as much as I needed a place to be. See, I noticed how lonely you were. You wouldn’t say it or act like it, but I would see you sitting alone at that big dining room table sometimes, just staring into space.

  I’d see you jump up and go whenever your mother, brother, or one of your other friends called and needed something. Even if you were busy. That’s what you do. You’re smart enough to not let someone use you, but too giving to just leave someone out in the cold. You try to find a middle ground. I love that about you. I look up to you, Jessica. Even after all these years, though I feel like there are parts of you that I don’t know. I don’t even think you’re intentionally keeping them from me; I just think you don’t consider those things important anymore, or maybe you don’t want to see their relevancy? I don’t know.