Nobody

by Tiana Laveen

  “Heeeey! Merry Christmas, man. You got the wrong house though.” The man started to shut the door but then Jessica shoved the guy out of the way and twisted her lips.

  “Marvin, move! He ain’t got the wrong house. Come on in, Kane.”

  The man burst out laughing.

  “Shiiid, Jess, you ain’t tell me in advance. I didn’t know.” He shrugged and walked away.

  “Hey, baby,” She kissed him and closed the door. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m good.”

  She gave him a suspicious look.

  “Really? Are you sure? There are a lot of people here. Loud, crazy people that I love.” She giggled. “It can get a bit overwhelming.”

  “I’m good! I’m serious!”

  “Okay,” She leaned in close to his ear. “Here are some pointers. If my cousin Ronnie try to get you to play dominos, don’t!” He chuckled at that. “He’s a sore loser and is not against pullin’ knives on people once he is liquored up. Don’t eat Aunt Thelma’s dressing. Only eat my mother’s.”

  “How will I be able to tell the difference?”

  They made their way through the house.

  “Her’s is hard and dry. You could break a tooth off eating it and it got so much salt in it, you’ll swell up three times your normal size within the hour.” He burst out laughing. “My cousin Anthony, who goes by the name, ‘Black Lion’ now,” she rolled her eyes, “might try to get you to discuss racism and White supremacy. Avoid it. He’s a Hebrew Israelite and it’s a set up. He’ll try to make an example out of you so he can show off and if you’re smarter than him, which I’m bettin’ you are, then he’ll get mad and resort to Hotep quotes and other mess ain’t nobody tryna hear.

  “My friend Alicia and her sons are here. She has a mouth on ’er. Whatever she says, don’t take it personal. She does everyone like that. Melissa will be here soon. I showed her your picture and she knows obviously by now that you bought me that car she’s been itchin’ to get her narrow tail in. She’s gonna ask you to hook her up with one of your brothers or cousins; she already told me. Don’t. I’ll never get rid of her then. I’ll tell you the rest later.” Once in the kitchen, they placed the drinks on the counter together. “Hey, Mama! This is Kane!”

  A slender black woman with long salt and pepper wavy hair and red and green clothes turned towards them while holding a stick of butter in one hand. The woman’s cheeks plumped up just like Jessica’s and her dark brown eyes twinkled.

  “Hi, Kane! So glad you could make it, baby!” The woman opened her arms and he fell right into them, loving her embrace the second she hugged and squeezed him. The woman smelled like cinnamon and nutmeg. She pulled back and squeezed his wrists. “My Jessica has told me so much about you. So happy to finally meet you.”

  “I’m happy to meet you too, Ms. Franco? Ma’am, I’m not sure what you prefer to be called.”

  “Mrs. Earnest. I still go my married name, honey… second husband who passed away. Jessica’ father was Mr. Franco. He’d passed on, too.”

  “I understand. Mrs. Earnest…” He shot a glance at Jessica and noticed her smile had faded. She was busying herself with putting the drinks in a cooler. Turning back to Mrs. Earnest, he clasped his hands together. “Can I help with anything?”

  “No, baby. Just go on and enjoy yo’ self.”

  Jessica placed something in the refrigerator, closed the door, then looped her arm around his.

  “Are you still okay? One to ten?” she whispered.

  “Three. I’m fine, baby.” He kissed her cheek and her smile said it all. Jessica began to make the rounds with him, introducing him to several family members and friends.

  “This is my boyfriend, Kane. Sarah… Glen…”

  For the most part everyone was pleasant, but he was prepared either way.

  Jessica pulled him to the side. “I just want to tell you that you look and smell amazing.”

  “Thank you!” He opened his jacket and spun around, making her laugh. “I have on an ironed button-down shirt I picked from the recesses of my closet, some nice khakis I haven’t worn in ten years, and my shiny kicks that came via Amazon prime! Nothin’ is too good for my girl!” She playfully slapped his shoulder, then took his hand. “You look beautiful, too.”

  She had on a fitted red dress that came down to her ankles and had a split. It looked mind-blowing on her and she’d paired it with some gold accessories.

  “Thank you, Melissa made me wear it.”

  “Well, she picked out something real nice, if you ask me.” He bent down and kissed her. When he turned around, he could feel eyes on him. Many pairs. One man with long dreads and a colorful shirt and pants stepped forward.

  “Salutations, brotha…”

  “Hello.” Kane extended his hand for a shake, but the man just stood there.

  “Anthony, don’t start any mess,” Jessica warned.

  Ahhh, this must be Black Lion.

  “Jessica, settle down.” The man put up his hand. “I just was saying hello to your little friend here.”

  “Little? Anthony, your behind is only five-seven. Kane is six-five so I think you’ve got it twisted.”

  The man ignored her and kept glaring at him as he stroked his chin.

  “I know it’s none of my business, but Jess is family. Now, I don’t believe in race mixing, but I’m aware I can’t tell Jess what to do. I just want to know what are your intentions toward my cousin, man? Something isn’t right with this and whatever it is you’re up to, you need to understand she has family that cares about her so if, uh, you try something slick, it could very well cost you your life.”

  “Anthony! If you don’t shut up! Out here threatening people. Leave Kane alone. Where’s Myra? You need to be worryin’ about your own family instead of who I’m dealing with.”

  “Myra is fine.”

  “Myra is probably waiting to draft up divorce papers.”

  Her cousin turned his glare to Jessica, but only for a moment.

  “Your name is Kane, huh? Now why would your parents name you that? That’s not something you name a child. The story of Jesus is a fable, just like this silly pagan holiday of Christmas.”

  “And yet you’re here anyway.”

  “Oh, we got us a smart-lipped White guy today, huh, Jess? Let me tell you something about me, Kane.” The man’s eyes narrowed as he pointed to himself, his chin high. “I don’t pray to a White Jesus. Pale-skinned devils with stringy hair and blue eyes aren’t a God, but I’m sure your family praises that image, don’t they? I wonder how they feel about you datin’ my cousin? I bet they ain’t overjoyed, ’specially seeing she is definitely Black.” He chuckled and rocked back on his heels, as if that last line was some sort of punch line, a joke to be enjoyed by all.

  “First of all, my—”

  “Kane, you don’t have to respond to this mess.”

  “Jessica, I’ve got this.” He smiled at her, then at Black Lion.

  “First of all, my name is not spelled like the Biblical Cain. It’s spelled, ‘K.A.N.E.’ I was named after my father’s best friend who’d died fighting in the Iran-Iraq war.”

  “I don’t care nothin’ about that Arab and White man’s war! We had no business even gettin’ involved with that shit! It was greed from White people once again. Oil!”

  “He was a half Japanese, half Hawaiian war veteran. He wasn’t White, Anthony.” The man’s complexion reddened. “Kane is actually a very old name in some other cultures and pre-dates the Biblical version, so my name has absolutely nothing to do with the Bible. Second, I respect whatever faith it is you have, but that has nothing to do with me. Your beliefs are a personal matter between you and whatever deity you worship.”

  “Oh, it’s got everything to do with you! See, your ancestors are the reason for the season, right?” Black Lion smirked. “You benefit from this circus.”

  “Anthony, damn! Leave this man alone! Shit!” Jessica’s brother Corey called out. He walked up to them with a devil
led egg he’d smuggled out of the kitchen in his hand. He took a bite of it, smacked his lips, then swallowed. “Always startin’ some shit. He can’t help that he White, just like you can’t help that you’re annoying.” Pockets of laughter burst out. “Don’t nobody wanna hear all that mess tonight, no how. Don’t worry about him and Jess. They grown!” Corey turned to walk away.

  “Corey, that’s right, walk away from any intellectual conversation. From something to edify your people.” Corey rolled his eyes and began to speak to someone else standing beside him. “You are a lost sheep! As for you, Kane, you all invented this bullshit such as the Easter Bunny, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, all that shit. Those aren’t holidays for my people. They are for your people. You created them. We’re nothing alike. I’m from the motherland.”

  “You ain’t from no motherland, Anthony! You from right here in Houston!” someone shouted, followed by guffaws.

  “Actually, Anthony, Valentine’s Day is not—”

  “I’m not going to be rude to you because you’re a guest here in my aunt’s house but you can’t school me. I’m well in the know! You’re genetically inferior, and someone needs to tell you all the truth. I can explain it to you, if you’d like.”

  “No thanks, I’m good.” Kane smiled and shook his head. “Hey, since you know everything, and I’m apparently an idiot, I’d hate for you to waste your precious time on me. So I rule this conversation officially over. Power to the people.” He shot up his fist. A few people who must’ve been dipping burst out laughing, pointing at him. “If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to get some of that pagan wine behind you on the table and some of that pale skin pumpkin pie. Oh, wait! That’s sweet potato pie! Which I much prefer. I like my chicken seasoned by the way, as well as my pie and my women, too.”

  He and Jessica sauntered away from the man, hand in hand.

  “You gone get enough of puttin’ your mouth on people, Anthony!” some woman shouted as she sashayed about with a wine cooler.

  “Here comes another loud mouth, hair-hat-wearin’ moral-less woman! You ain’t family. Who invited you here, anyway?” the man snapped.

  “Yo’ daddy, bitch ass nigga. I’m here every year, but you’re so busy throwin’ around big words in the wrong context, you illiterate Egyptian pharaoh wannabe, that you’re distracted, too busy delivering fake news to notice me on an annual basis. Dusty ass.”

  “Stay outta grown folks’ conversations and mind ya business, Alicia.”

  “You’re lucky I came at the tail end of this pot you’ve been stirring ’cause you know I woulda lit into you like a match. Messin’ with my girl’s boyfriend… You found out he wasn’t wit’ the shit and now you’re standin’ here looking stupid. Ain’t nobody scared of you, Cowardly Lion.”

  “Don’t you have a seventh husband to work on, Alicia?” Anthony chuckled.

  “Don’t you have a yellow brick road to shimmy down with Dorothy, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man?”

  “Go waste some more money on that horse hair on your head, throw our cash away to the Chinese.”

  “I think you’re just jealous that I can get more spouses than you.” She cackled. “Ain’t you the same man talkin’ about polygamy and wantin’ multiple wives ’nd shit but you only have five dollars to your made-up, cartoon-character, black-soap-and-shea-butter wearin’ name?” The room roared with laughter. “Don’t you have a GoFundMe right now, talking about you’re building a nation? But you’re supposed to be a Black kang? Black kings don’t have GoFundMe campaigns, potnuh! They work. Beggin’ ass.”

  “Alright now! You two stop all of this!” someone said.

  Jessica said nothing. It was more than evident she was quite used to these colorful showdowns at her family gatherings.

  “Go bust it open, ho!” the man yelled, practically beating his chest and ignoring the person trying to be a peace keeper. “In there teachin’ kids with the White man’s education system. You’re a disgrace!”

  “Honey, I make money, an honest, honorable living and teach our Black boys and girls to read and do math. I bet you couldn’t even pass a third grade spelling test! Go get a job, broke mothafucka! You talkin’ about you’re a vegan now but I bet you’ll be caught eating the mac and cheese and greens wit’ ham, just like last year. Pretend ass woke negro. Y’all make me sick.” More laughter ensued. “Newsflash, Cryin’ Lion: Lions aren’t vegetarians. They eat meat. And you know I come for blood, so don’t come for me, Anthony. I don’t play nice and you can’t compete. I handed you your ass in high school, and I’ll do it again while wearin’ a dress and a Jesus piece! Merry Christmas and as for me and mine, we serve the Lord! Heeeey!”

  The woman turned on a dime, opened her arms, and hugged Jessica real tight.

  “Needless to say, this is Alicia. At this point, no true introduction is needed,” Jessica stated with a smirk.

  Kane burst out laughing. “Nice to meet you, Alicia.”

  “Nice to meet you, too! Damn, you are handsome! You didn’t tell me how handsome he was, Jess! Whew!” She gave him a hug and stepped back. “He looks like Brad Pitt, doesn’t he?”

  “He does not look like Brad Pitt, Alicia.” Jessica chuckled.

  “Oh I know who he looks like! He favors Orlando Bloom.”

  Jessica peered at him, as if reviewing him for the first time.

  “You know what? I’ll give you that. I see a bit of a resemblance… back when his hair was longer.”

  “See?! Anyway, I am so happy to meet you, Kane. Did you meet—”

  “Who wanna play Dominos?! We need a couple more people. Ahhh! Yo! Jessica’s man. You wanna play?”

  “NO! He doesn’t want to play, Ronnie!”

  Kane shook his head. This was too much… in a good way. Just then, Jessica’s mother appeared and the music was turned off.

  “It’s time for dinner, y’all! We’re doing buffet style. Fix your plate and your children’s, too. No kids under thirteen up in there, please. My brother Thomas is going to say grace and then everyone can line up.”

  Like a herd of buffalo, people began to stampede, ignoring the fact that she said grace would come first. Kane understood why. He’d seen some of the food already, and smelled it. His stomach growled in anticipation. The dessert table was already prepared and the beverages sat right beside it. The main feast was to happen in the dining room where two tables were lined up with red, white, green and gold striped cloths covering them. Poinsettias decorated the surfaces. There were smaller tables in the kitchen, living room and a tight parlor area, so enough seating to go around.

  A man with a baritone voice started a prayer.

  “Father, in a world where so many are hungry, may we eat this food with humble hearts. In a world where so many are lonely, may we share this friendship with joyful hearts. Bless it for the nourishment of our bodies. Bless each and every person in this house tonight, dear Lord. May we rejoice together and remember that this is your birthday, not our own! Amen.”

  Everybody said their Amens.

  “Uncle Thomas, the man who said the prayer, is my favorite uncle,” Jessica whispered in his ear as they got in line. “I love him to death! Such a good man.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck, showering her with affection, without a care for who stared or watched.

  “Is he? What makes him your favorite?”

  “Well, when my father died, he stepped right in to help. I was very close to my father and took his death quite hard. Like I told you a long time ago, he died when I was only eight. Uncle Thomas was always around, but eventually, he left. He had to move to New Orleans for business. I missed him so much. I was so glad when he returned to Texas when I was about nineteen or so.”

  “What about your stepfather? Did he kind of fill some of the void? I know that no one can replace a father or favorite uncle, but I imagine he provided some sort of comfort?” She stiffened in his grip, then relaxed. He felt the way her body seized up, the muscles tightening. She clasped his hand, as if trying
to keep cool by holding onto something. “Baby?” He nestled his head against the back of her neck as they inched forward in line.

  As he stood there confused for several seconds, the truth dawned on him. His damn heart broke in a million pieces. He grasped her fingers and squeezed. She vibrated against him and squeezed back. He knew the way this woman spoke, the way she moved. He could read her like mail… like shadowy, foreboding trees and bits of broken glass slicing him open and leaving words still unspoken in a trail of blood. She was the writing on his heart. The rain on the window.

  “Baby…” he repeated, bringing her closer and showering the back of her neck with kisses. This time, he wasn’t waiting for a response. He was simply trying to let her know that he understood. Perhaps she was vulnerable being around family, remembering, feeling. He let it go and said no more, but kept a tight, protective hold on her until they’d reached the kitchen and began filling their plates. Moments later, they were sitting side by side at one of the dining room tables, enjoying themselves. ‘Before I Let Go’ by Maze & Frankie Beverly came on as they sat down.

  Uncle Thomas was drinking a bright red beverage and kept lamenting old times. He had the entire room going. Jessica looked at the guy as if he were the epitome of good times. He could see why.

  “Hey, Kane! We’re not scaring you too bad, are we?” The big man with the booming voice chuckled.

  “No, Sir! I’m having a great time.”

  “That’s good! You’ve got a beautiful woman right there.”

  Jessica smiled.

  “I know. I really love and appreciate her.” Kane leaned in and kissed her cheek, and her skin flushed that color he loved so much.

  “Jessica is my favorite niece!” There was an uproar as Jessica laughed, enjoying it no doubt. “Sorry, she is!”

  “Uncle Thomas, that ain’t right!” someone protested. He shrugged.