“I’m so sorry.”
“It is what it is…”
“When I was thirteen, we lived in this crummy run-down trailer,” I begin after a few minutes of silence. I need him to understand that my reaction was not to him necessarily, but was because of what he did.
“My… mother had moved us to Georgia to live with some guy she had met in a bar somewhere. She… my mother had a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol… and men. She jumped from guy to guy, bed to bed, house to house. We never stayed in one place for very long—when she got tired of a guy, she found a new one to move on with. Anyway, she moved us to Georgia with… Brett,” I cringe saying his name again. “He creeped me out from the day I met him. I didn’t like the way he looked at me. It was like he was imagining what was under my clothes. I avoided being there alone with him: I stayed after school as late as possible before walking home. They both worked odd jobs, so it wasn’t always easy to know when someone would be home or not home. He didn’t do anything… until one night—”
“What. did. he. do?” Nicholas’s teeth are tight together, and I can hear the anger in his voice.
“I was asleep in bed when they got home—it was really late, and they were drunk or high. I eventually fell back to sleep after I heard them go into their bedroom. When I woke up,” I take a deep breath and close my eyes, not wanting to say the words. “He was on top of me. My hands were… he held them above my head with one hand; the other was covering my mouth. He had my legs pinned with his; he was too strong for me to push him off of me.”
“Did he…”
“No, thank God,” I answer his unasked question quickly. “Although I have no doubt he was going to. I bit his hand, he yanked it back and slapped me. I screamed as loud as I could; finally my mother came to the room. It wasn’t until she asked him what he was doing that he finally got off of me. I crawled to the corner of the bed, against the wall, trying to get away from him.”
“What did she do? Tell me she kicked him out—”
“No, I wish. She told him to come back to bed so she could take care of him. I’ll never forget the look she gave me when she said that: she blamed me for what he did—”
“You were a child!”
“Before he left my room, he warned me that she wouldn’t always be able to protect me.”
“Did he come back into your room again?”
“No, in fact I never saw him or her again.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I came home from school the next day, they were gone. I didn’t think anything of it because it wasn’t unlike them to disappear for days at time. After about a week, I began to wonder if they were coming back. When I went into their room and saw that most of their things were gone, I realized they wouldn’t be coming back.”
“They just left you?”
“They did.”
“Kenzie… God, I’m so sorry,” he pulls me even closer to him. He just holds me and rubs my back for the longest time. “The nightmare last night… it was about that night?”
“Yes. I haven’t had that nightmare in years, not since right after they left.”
“I’m sorry, I had no idea—”
“You had no reason to think that holding my wrists would have caused… my reaction last night.”
“I’ll never do that again, I swear to you—”
“I trust you, Nicholas.”
Chapter 10
Nicholas
I wake up drenched in sweat with the blankets wrapped around me. I’m breathing heavy, and my heart is pounding; I fucking hate these nightmares. I hate that I can’t sleep through the night except for the rare occasion they don’t haunt me. The fact that I can’t share a bed with a woman has never bothered me, it’s just something that has always been a part of my life.
But now… I can’t help but think back to how it felt to sleep with Kenzie last night. Not after her reaction to… to what I did of course, but after we talked and I brought her back to my bed. She fell asleep so fast—I laid there watching her sleep for the longest time. I wanted to know what happened to her. I wanted to wake her up and demand she tell me. When she asked if I would tell her about my nightmares, I knew I had no choice if I wanted her to be open with me.
When she reacted to… to what I did, I assumed it had something to do with that shithead ex fiancé she had who enjoyed hitting her. I was floored by what she had told me about her mother’s ex and even more shocked by her mother’s behavior. I wanted to ask so many more questions, but once she told me that she never saw them again, my mind was immediately eased. There are still several that remain unanswered and unasked: how did she survive after they left? Who raised her if she never saw her mother again? What happened to her mother? Do we need to be concerned that her mother will try to find her once our marriage is announced? Yet, after we traded stories, I asked none of those questions. I didn’t want to press her too much, she always shuts down at the mention of her past or her family, so I figured it was best to table the conversation for another day.
Today, has reality hitting us smack in the face as we both prepare for the wedding. Today marks the official beginning of our new arrangement—until today, nothing has really changed between us except her moving into the penthouse. Today, everything changes. Today, Kenzie officially becomes my wife. In a few days, PFS will release a statement and a picture of us telling the world that our lives have changed. As petrified as I once was about this arrangement, I am oddly calm this morning. She’s spending the morning with my mother at the spa getting pampered before we exchange vows on the beach this afternoon. I take out my laptop and try to get work done before I need to get ready for the ceremony.
“You ready?” Austin bangs on the door.
“You’re early,” I greet him.
“We made great time.”
“Everyone get here okay?”
“Yup, Cara is with Mom and Kenzie now. Alex and Ella are checking into their room. Grandmother and Grandfather are getting settled as well.”
“Good. Glad everyone was able to make the flight.”
“You don’t look like you’re ready to get married—you’re not even dressed yet!”
“All I need to do is throw on my suit, it takes a few minutes to get changed.”
“True… true.”
“How are things, Austin? You… you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
“Eh… you know.”
“I don’t actually.”
“Do you know I haven’t been on a date in months?”
“Really?” For Austin this is like an eternity.
“Yeah.”
“Dry spell?”
“Not really interested in anyone. Of course, I can get a girl on my doorstep with a quick call, but…”
“You don’t want just a fuck.”
“Seeing you and Kenzie… I want that.”
“You want what?”
“Someone to love me the way she loves you. Someone to look at me the way she looks at you. Someone who cares about how my day went, about the work that I do. I’ve watched her at the dinners: she’s actually interested in what you’re saying, no matter what the topic is. None of the girls I’ve been with would do that—they probably wouldn’t even be able to understand any of it. You found an amazing woman, bro; I don’t know what you did to deserve Kenzie, but she’s absolutely amazing. And she loves you no less.”
“I’m very lucky,” I agree, but I don’t argue that what he sees is only a strong friendship between two people. I can’t tell him that; I can’t tell him that what he is about to witness is nothing more than an act to benefit two people. I can’t tell him that in two years this will all be over.
“You’ll find someone who loves you, Austin. If you want something more than a one night stand, you might want to start by picking up women somewhere other than a strip club or a bar.”
“Ha, ha.”
“All kidding aside, I’m happy for you.”
“Enough with this s
appy bullshit. Let’s do a shot!”
And like that the rare side of Austin is gone. He produces a small bottle of scotch from his pocket along with two shot glasses.
“Congrats, bro, you deserve this.”
“Thanks.”
After we complete our celebratory shot, Austin heads back to his room to get changed for the ceremony. I have a simple black suit hanging in the closet that I need to change into in a few minutes. We decided against a tux for the ceremony since the wedding was pretty casual. I’m about to get changed when my phone dings.
How are you? –K
About to get dressed. You? –N
Same. Hair and make-up are done. Loved the spa this morning. Thank you for arranging it. –K
Hope you could relax. –N
I did. It was very relaxing –K
My mom and Cara aren’t driving you too crazy, I hope? –N
They just went to get changed themselves. Your mom really seemed to enjoy the spa as well. Cara… is as bubbly as ever–maybe a little more than normal. –K
No surprise there. LOL –N
I better get changed. I’ll see you on the beach in a few minutes. –K
I find myself smiling at our text exchange without even realizing it. I’ve never really been one to text message; email sure, it’s a part of my day to day business, but texting is still kind of new to me. I like that it’s something I have with her. I find myself looking forward to the ding on my phone when she texts me. It tends to break up my day which is usually, otherwise, filled with meetings. I get worried that she is stuck in the condo all day; hopefully once the press dies down she can go back to the bakery or start taking the classes she has been looking forward to.
“Nicholas?” My dad knocks on my door just as I’m finishing putting my shoes on.
“I’m ready, Dad,” I say.
“I’m very happy for you, Son. You don’t know how proud your mother and I are of you. Not only do you run a very successful company, but you have found a beautiful woman who you love and who loves you back. Remember to make your marriage a priority: remember that Kenzie always needs to come first. Don’t take her love for granted—the type of love you have doesn’t come more than once in a lifetime. And don’t stop looking at her the way you do; that look, says everything about how you feel. Don’t lose that look.”
“I won’t, Dad.”
His words surprise me; I’m not sure how I look at Kenzie that would have him thinking that it shows how I feel. I care for Kenzie, deeply—she has easily become my closest friend especially in the last few weeks. Perhaps that’s what he sees? That must be it. He must be mistaking our friendship for something more.
“Kenzie will be leaving shortly, so we need to head down to the beach.”
I walk with my dad and Austin through the hotel and down the beach to the private area that is completely hidden. I was relieved when we walked down here yesterday and discovered the it was exactly like the pictures we saw online. It’s close enough to the hotel yet is private so hotel guests can’t see the area.
Carter is standing at the beach entrance along with several other members of the security team that have been hired specifically for today. Most of the guests are already seated including my mother and Cara. My grandparents, Alex and Ella make up the final members of our guest list. Although it was Kenzie’s idea for the small, private ceremony, I have to admit this is exactly what I would have wanted if I were to plan my real wedding. Not having the press here and people I don’t really know who want to discuss investment strategies with me is exactly what I would have wanted.
Just as the music changes to one that everyone recognizes, Kenzie makes her entrance and completely takes my breath away. I can’t tell you how long it took her to walk down the aisle or what any of the guests did as she walked past them. My entire focus is on nothing but her. She looks absolutely stunning in her white dress. It is simple yet elegant and completely Kenzie, all at the same time. Her hair is arranged up off her shoulders but has several curled pieces that fall around her face. She carries a bouquet of blue and white flowers which match the small flowers in her hair. She looks confident and sure of herself as she walks toward me. She looks like the woman I first met on the sidewalk so many months ago.
“Hi,” she whispers when I meet her just before the altar.
“You look beautiful, truly breathtaking, Kenzie,” I whisper before kissing her on the cheek and leading her the final couple of steps to the altar.
“Ladies and Gentleman, we are here on this beautiful day to witness the marriage between…”
I tune the officiant out and instead focus only on Kenzie, who seems to be doing the same thing I am. Her gaze meets mine and she smiles softly, squeezing my hand. She doesn’t seem nervous at all—she seems very relaxed which is reassuring. I was afraid that she would change her mind, especially when she spent the night alone last night. I thought perhaps once she had time to process what I did the other night, that she would realize that she didn’t want to do this any longer. Even though I hate the thought of her leaving, I wouldn’t blame her after the memory I triggered. Yet, here she is, standing before me and my family committing to follow through with the insane arrangement I proposed to her only two weeks ago.
“And now Kenzie and Nicholas will exchange their vows,” the officiant thankfully pulls me back to reality just in time for our part of the ceremony. Kenzie and I had picked out vows a few days ago and decided to memorize them rather than repeat after someone.
“Kenzie, today I promise you this: I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding and speak to you with encouragement. Let us be partners and friends, today and all of the days that follow.”
Kenzie repeats the vows to me, once again squeezing my hand as she says the words. We searched the internet for many hours before finding vows that we thought could fit our very unique situation. Too many vows focused on loving each other or being lovers. While this marriage may be an arrangement between the two of us, I wanted the words we exchanged to each other to be as true as possible. When Kenzie found these vows, it just seemed perfect for our situation. We have laughed together, comforted and supported each other and are truly partners in this arrangement we have.
We recite the standard lines as we exchange our wedding bands. Kenzie’s band matches her engagement ring perfectly, as they was custom made as a set. My band is simple: a band of white gold with today’s date inscribed on the inside.
“Kenzie and Nicholas, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”
I lean down, placing my lips on Kenzie’s, as my arms encircle her waist. I love how soft her dress feels when I touch her; I love that I can feel her soft curves beneath the dress. Her hands grasp my arms tightly when I gently coax her mouth open. Feeling her against me and how soft her body is, I’m tempted to drag her back to my hotel room right now, forgetting all about how complicated things would be between us in bed. I’m tempted to say fuck it all when the officiant clears his throat and I hear everyone chuckle. Kenzie’s face is a deep red as we pull apart from each other.
“Ladies and Gentleman, it is my great honor to introduce to you, for the first time ever Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas Parker!”
Our guests applaud as Kenzie and I walk down the aisle hand in hand where we meet the photographer who we hired for today. We spend the next hour posing for pictures before heading back to the small banquet room for dinner.
“Kenzie, Nicholas, I couldn’t be happier for you two,” my mom greets us as soon as we walk in. “I knew the moment I met you, Kenzie, that you were the one for Nicholas. Before I left that day I even told him not to let you get away. I saw how much you cared for my son, and I feel like we’ve watched you two fall in love since then. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to call you my daughter, Kenzie; welcome
to our family.”
“Vivienne,” Kenzie gasps before my mom hugs her tightly.
“Son, take good care of this amazing woman you have here. I’m so happy that you found someone who loves you for who you are. You have made your father and I so proud over the years, but today, watching you commit your entire future to this woman, couldn’t make either of us prouder of you.”
I have no words for my mother—guilt washes over me as I let her words sink in.
“Nicholas! Kenzie!” Cara greets us next, thankfully ending this guilt ridden moment.
Kenzie and I spend the next few minutes speaking with each of our guests before heading to the private table at the front of the room. We’re not having a typical wedding reception since our wedding was so small and casual. We will have dinner, Kenzie and I will dance and then cake will be served. Most of the important things will be done, but it won’t be several hours long like most wedding receptions are. In less than three hours, we will be back on the jet where we will take off for our honeymoon.
“I feel horrible,” Kenzie whispers after we sit down.
“What’s the matter? Are you sick? Do you need a doctor?” I’m immediately alarmed, she has never complained of not feeling well.
“Not that kind of horrible,” she assures me. “What your mother said…”
“I know and I’m sorry. I never expected her to get so emotional over this. I guess I didn’t think… I didn’t realize how this would affect all of them.”
“I hate that we’re lying to them. I hate that she’s already thinking of me as her daughter and in two years, she is going to hate me—”
“I promise you, when this is over no one in my family will hate you. I won’t let them think negatively of you, I promise.”
“You can’t guarantee that, Nicholas,” she sighs. “God, if they ever found out this was all a lie—”
“They won’t. They will never know that we lied to them. We’ve covered our bases, no one but you, me and Carter know what today was really about. I promise you, Kenzie, I will do everything in my power to ensure they know you didn’t do anything wrong. They will not blame you when we end this. I’ll let them blame me—”
The Arrangement Duet Box Set Page 43
