“Kenzie?” Nicholas knocks on the door, pulling me from my memories of this morning.
“I was just going to come to find you,” I open the door to find him standing there, wearing a pair of casual shorts and a short sleeve shirt.
“Oh? Everything okay?”
“Can you help me? I can’t reach...” I hold up the bottle of lotion.
“Of course. Where did you want…?”
“I think I should lay on the bed, if you untie the straps it’ll make it easier for you.”
“Okay, sure.”
I climb on the bed and lay on my stomach, Nicholas follows me, putting the lotion and towel next to me. With my chest pressed against the bed, I reach behind me and untie the straps of the bathing suit to make it easier for Nicholas. He seems to have difficulty finding a comfortable position and finally ends up sort of straddling my thighs.
“Wow that’s cold,” I hiss when he first pours some of the lotion on my back.
“Sorry.”
Instead of pouring more lotion directly on my back, he pours it into his hands and then rubs it on my back which warms the lotion a bit so it doesn’t feel so cold. Whatever is in this lotion is amazing because it instantly numbs my sunburn.
“Can I ask you something, Kenzie?”
“Sure,” I answer although I’m a little hesitant.
I don’t want him to ask something about this morning—I don’t want to hear that he regretted what happened between us. I never expected to wake up practically on top of Nicholas, but it felt so nice to have his arm around me holding me close to him. I’m still not sure how we went from him kissing me, to full blown making out. I don’t know how it happened, but it felt so… different than anything I’ve ever experienced before.
I’ve never felt so connected to someone as I did to Nicholas this morning. My only fear is what that’s going to mean over the next two years. The thing is, after everything that Nicholas has already done for me… I can easily see myself falling for him. Hell, I think I’m half way there already. I’m scared to death where that will leave me in two years when we get a divorce.
“How come it doesn’t bother you when I touch your scars? I mean… how come it doesn’t cause… what happened the other night?” his hands pause over my lower back, just above the waistband of my bikini bottoms.
The way his hands are positioned, his fingertips are barely touching one of my more prominent scars. I know where each scar is and what caused each one; I can never forget they are there or how they got there.
“I don’t know. It’s never bothered me when someone touched them. I hadn’t realized that having my hands held would… do that.”
“Are they all from your… ex?”
“No, actually most of them aren’t. There’s a few, like this one,” I take his hand and lower it to my hip where there’s a V shaped scar. “It’s from where I hit the corner of his desk. This one,” I bring his hand to the middle of my back, “is from a bookshelf. The small, really light ones over here… those were from a mirror breaking against my back.”
“God, Kenzie… I swear if I ever get my hands on that bastard…”
“He’s not worth it. Trust me, he isn’t worth anything.”
“You have other scars…” he says a few minutes later. He continues to rub the lotion onto my back, even though I’m pretty sure he is already covered ever section of my back already.
“This one,” I pull my bikini bottoms down about an inch so he can see the dotted scar. “One of my mother’s boyfriends… or maybe it was a husband, I can’t be sure, hit me with one of her belts.”
“Fuck.”
“I was six, maybe seven, it was the first time one of her men hit me. I… knocked over his bottle of beer when I was dragging my blanket on the floor heading to my room. He flipped out. He grabbed the first thing that he could reach which was my mother’s studded belt… he… held me down, lifted up my nightgown and hit me with it.”
“What did you mother do?”
“She told him to stop and sent me to my room.”
“She didn’t kick him out?”
“No, you see he was her meal ticket. She wasn’t working, so she couldn’t just pack us up and leave; she needed him.”
“God, I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing you can do. It was what it was—like I said, it was a long time ago.”
“What happened to her?”
“My mother?”
“Yeah… you had said you never saw her after... that night.”
“She’s dead.”
“Oh… I’m—”
“Please don’t say you’re sorry again,” I sigh. “A few weeks after she… after that night, I came home from school one day, did my homework and just before I was about to go to sleep, a cop knocked on the door of the trailer. They were killed in a car accident in Florida the week prior and had only just learned that I existed to inform me.”
“How did you manage when they were gone? You were so young…”
“It wasn’t like I was used to having someone take care of me, so it wasn’t very different from I what was used to. I ate the little bit of food we had in the trailer, trying to make it last as long as possible. I received free breakfast and lunch at school, so I really only had to worry about dinner. There was stale cereal in the cabinets, and a few boxes of stuff I was able to make. I don’t know how long it would have lasted if the cop hadn’t come that night.”
“What happened after that?”
“He was obviously surprised to find me living there alone, so he had to call child protective services. I spent a few nights in a group home before they found a living relative who would take me in.”
“That’s how you ended up on the west coast?”
“Yes, my… grandmother lived in California. She caused the rest of the scars you see on my back—”
“FUCK! Didn’t you ever get a break?”
“No,” I admit. “I mean… not really. When I went to college things were much better; I only had to deal with my grandmother when I came home on school breaks.”
“But then you lost your scholarship.”
“I did,” I shake my head remembering how close I was to my ticket out of her house, only to have it yanked from me. “It was like the universe was playing an evil trick on me. I was right there…”
“Only to have it taken away from you,” he finishes my sentence. “Your grandmother couldn’t help you cover the tuition?”
“Oh, she could if she wanted to; the lady had more money than she ever knew what to do with.”
“Why didn’t she pay for it then? Even if it was just to get you out of her house? I mean… it doesn’t sound like she wanted you there to begin with.”
“She didn’t. She only took me in because she was afraid of how it would look that she let her only granddaughter grow up in the foster care system rather than come to live with her. She never let me forget that she didn’t want me there. She wouldn’t pay for my education because as she said, it wasn’t her responsibility. She took care of my basic needs: I had a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear. That was where her responsibility ended.”
“God, Kenzie...”
“She hated me and she made sure I knew it. I think she hated my mother so much that she took her anger out on me. I couldn’t do anything right as far as she was concerned. My grades were perfect in high school, perfect, Nicholas, as in a 3.9 GPA, yet it wasn’t good enough. She punished me for anything and never believed anything I said. If I came home late from school because one of the activities ran over, she would insist I was out with a boy. She always told me I would end up like my mother; no man would ever love me and I would be good for nothing but a fuck.”
“Kenzie—”
“You want to know the irony of that? I’m not even good at that!”
“What? What do you mean you’re not even good at that?”
SHIT! I didn’t mean to say that part aloud—he wasn’t supposed to hear t
hat. I don’t say anything, not wanting to even go there with him. Nicholas shifts off of my back and lies next to me in the bed, still rubbing my back.
“Kenzie….Kenzie….please talk to me,” he shifts so he is a little closer to me. I’m too embarrassed to look at him; I still can’t believe I said that aloud. “What makes you think you aren’t good… in bed?”
“Because… that’s what… my ex… would tell me… constantly,” I whisper, still not looking at him.
“Your ex?” I nod. “The man who supposedly loved you, who wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, told you that you were bad in bed?”
I never realized how ridiculous it sounded until Nicholas said it, but what he said was still the truth.
“Kenzie…”
“The first time we slept together… it… everything seemed fine. But then he… he had a problem… finishing. He kept…” I can’t believe I’m seriously having this conversation with Nicholas. “He couldn’t keep going… he told me it was my fault. At first, he said it was because I was fat and ugly, but then… then he started saying it was because I was a horrible fuck. That I didn’t know what I was doing, that I wasn’t making it enjoyable for him, that I didn’t turn him on…”
“Fuck, Kenzie,” I can hear the anger in Nicholas’s voice and his body tenses next to me. I never wanted him to know these things. I never expected there to be a reason for him to know about this part of my life. “Surely the other guys you were with—”
I shake my head, embarrassed even more.
“There weren’t any other guys…” I whisper in admission.
“This asshole is the only man that… you’ve ever…?”
“Yeah.”
“Kenzie, come here,” he tries to pull me closer to him, but I’m lying on my stomach so only my side is pressed against his. His fingers comb through my hair and he slowly urges me to turn my head so I’m facing him. I’m so embarrassed—I can’t look him in the eye. I never told anyone those things; I told all the counselors about the physical abuse, but I was always too embarrassed to tell them the rest. How do you tell a perfect stranger that you suck in bed? “Trust me, the problem was all him and not you.”
“You don’t know that,” I shake my head.
“I do,” he lifts my chin up so I’m forced to look at him. “This morning… that proved just how wrong he was.”
Except, he had no issues the first time we were together either, but I don’t say that. I want to believe Nicholas, but his voice is always going to be in the back of my head haunting me. When you get told something over and over again, how do you not believe it?
“If I ever get my hands on him, I swear I’ll make him pay for what he did to you. I hate that even years later he still has you doubting yourself.”
“It’s not that different from what your ex did to you, Nicholas.”
“It’s very different. She never… she never made me second guess my performance. She didn’t have a reason to.”
“Maybe not but she did things that still make you second guess yourself.”
“No—”
“Nicholas, face it, both of our ex’s did a number on us. Combined with our pasts… it really makes us quite a pair.”
“Maybe that’s what makes us such good… friends: we have so much in common in that sense.”
“Maybe.”
“I swear, Kenzie, I will never let anyone hurt you again.”
“You can’t guarantee that, Nicholas,” especially in two years when we go our separate ways. “I don’t want to dwell on the past; we can’t change what happened. Right now, I want to focus on being here and enjoying this amazing place you have brought me to. This trip has been nothing I ever expected; please don’t let what I said ruin it.”
“Nothing could ruin this trip.”
He leans down and kisses me gently on the lips; it’s awkward at this angle. I want to move to be closer to him, but since my bathing suit top is still untied I’m very limited as to how I can move.
“How’s your back feel?” I’m thankful for the change in topic.
“Much better, thank you. I think I’m going to get changed.”
“I’m going to check my email before coming to bed.”
Before leaving the bedroom, Nicholas grabs my silk robe off the bathroom door and hands it to me. Getting changed into my pajamas, I feel much less confident than I did last night. I hate that I let him get to me while Nicholas and I are here; I hate that I have scars that made those questions come up. I hate that things were going so well since we’ve been here, and then I let him get to me again.
I’m tempted to go find the clothes I wore on the plane and just sleep in those. I don’t, though, because that would mean that he would win again. I need to stop letting him get to me. His voice isn’t always there, but when it is, I have to fight to get rid of it. Instead of finding something else to wear, I go through the nightwear that Susan packed for me and find one that isn’t too revealing. Some of the outfits she packed… wow… I don’t know that I’ll be able to wear them on this trip. They’re absolutely gorgeous, but I don’t see myself wearing something that is completely see through to bed. Maybe if this was a typical honeymoon, but it’s anything but that.
I slip on a light grey nightgown along with the matching thong that it comes with. Looking in the mirror I start to feel a little better; the outfit is obviously designed to complement a woman’s curves. Like the one I wore last night, the top of this one is all lace, but instead of it being a band that covers my chest, this one is more like a bikini top. The lace covers my breasts, thankfully ensuring my nipples aren’t too obvious, however, it has a plunging neckline that leaves the dress open between my breasts. The thin, light fabric comes together under my breasts and ends just at my upper thigh. It’s a little shorter than what I wore last night, but there’s not much I can do about that. I throw back on my silk bathrobe, not wanting to walk around the villa in this outfit, before heading out to the main area.
“We’ve made the front page of nearly every gossip site in and around New York,” Nicholas says when I finally find him sitting outside on the patio.
“Oh? Good or bad?” After the conversation we just had I’m almost afraid to ask.
“See for yourself,” he hands me his laptop and pats the daybed so I can sit next to him.
“We never thought we would see the day… New York’s own, billionaire playboy, Nicholas Parker is married!!! We thought this was a joke, that someone had hacked into PFS’s email server, however, we have confirmed the news with PFS’s chief operating officer Alexander King, that the company’s CEO, Nicholas Parker, is in fact, married. Alex confirms that he was in attendance for the nuptials which occurred sometime last week. PFS released a statement confirming that Nicholas Parker and Mackenzie Rose, the beautiful woman he has been seen with for the last few months, were indeed married last week. Other than Alexander King confirming the marriage, no one at PFS would answer any of our questions or return our phone calls. We have to wonder… what led Nicholas Parker to suddenly change his ways? What is it that Mackenzie Rose has, that no other woman has? How did she finally get the billionaire playboy to settle down? And why so quickly? Could she be pregnant? Could that be the reason for the quick marriage? Rest assured, New York, we are on top of it and will be watching to see if a baby bump appears in the very near future!”
“Oh God, they think I’m pregnant,” I burst out laughing. Of all the things I thought they would say about me, suspecting I was pregnant was not one of them. If only they knew that pregnancy wasn’t even a possibly, considering Nicholas and I haven’t had sex!
“Most of the articles are like this one; a few actually published the picture that was included in the press release,” he clicks on the laptop and another window appears with a picture of us. The picture looks amazing: it was one that was taken during the ceremony and is at such an angle that it includes both the rocks and ocean. What surprises me the most about the picture is how… authe
ntic Nicholas and I look. I remember standing before the officiant, not being able to concentrate on anything he said because Nicholas was all I could think about. I remember being so nervous the morning of our wedding; not because I was questioning my decision to marry him but I was worried that the press and everyone wouldn’t believe we were getting married because we loved each other. What’s interesting is in that picture, neither of us looks nervous at all. In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I would think the picture was taken during a real wedding. I think what surprises me the most, is the way Nicholas is looking at me in the picture; I try reading into it further, but I’m not really sure what it looks like. Maybe it’s just a look of appreciation for what we are doing? Or gratitude?
“I think the picture my PR department used for the press release was a good one,” Nicholas says.
“It turned out nice,” I agree.
“The sky is so clear out here at night,” Nicholas says after a few minutes of silence. “I’m usually so busy in New York, I don’t get a chance to look at the stars very often. When I came out here, I was waiting for my laptop to start up, I laid back and just looked at the stars.”
“It is really clear.”
“Here, lay back,” he puts the laptop on the table next to us before moving over so I can lay back with him. Lying here, listening to the waves crashing in the background, looking at the stars above us… it’s so easy to forget the real world exists. It’s as if we are the only two people in the world—that our pasts don’t matter.
Chapter 15
Kenzie
“It’s so peaceful out here,” I sigh, looking up at the perfectly clear sky. “It’s hard to believe that anyone else is on this island right now.”
“It was one of the things that caught my attention when my travel agent recommended this island. They only have fourteen couples staying here at any time, even when you consider the staff that work here, it doesn’t add up to very many people. Especially with how large this island is. She recommended a few other places, but I didn’t think they could compare in terms of privacy that this place could offer. They were all nice, don’t get me wrong, but some just seemed like you were right on top of the other guests. I wanted us to have a chance to get away from reporters, or even other guests, who might want to sell our pictures and stories about us to the press.”
The Arrangement Duet Box Set Page 47
