"I haven't seen Gina for a few days," I said to him. "Do you know what she's up to?"
"How would I know? She'll come in if she wants to." The words were fired at me like shotgun blasts.
I handed him his whiskey, hoping that would shut him up. If he was going to bring up my private life, he could expect the same. He took the drink and went back to reading his book.
When Holden actually came in, it was a bit of an anticlimax. He didn't even stop to say hello, just followed Alex upstairs but somehow, having him in the building, made me super aware of everything I did. I was skittish as a kitten. Every sound grated on my nerves and I even turned the music down. Usually, I liked it loud enough to give me energy while I worked.
"Should I stack the glasses in the dishwasher?" Drew asked.
"Are they dirty? Well then, of course you bloody should. How long have you been doing this job now? Long enough to know that the dirty glasses go in the dishwasher, surely."
I usually made an effort to be patient with Drew. He tried hard, even if he wasn't always the sharpest knife in the drawer but I couldn't stop myself from snapping at him.
"Whoa, sorry for asking." He started stacking the dishwasher.
"And that's another thing, Drew. I'm the bar manager here now. I'm your boss. You can stop with the backchat. Is it too much to ask for you to do your job with an iota of competence?"
I glared at him and he didn't look at me. That was fine with me. He could show a bit of initiative once in a while. Stacking the dishwasher wasn't really a decision you needed to consult on.
"You're being a bit tough on him, aren't you?" Jackson said.
"You lay off too. You're a customer, you don't even work here. So keep your nose out of it."
After that, the bar became silent. No joking around and no gossip. Suited me fine. An occasional customer came to the bar but otherwise, I played around with my phone and tried to pretend it was just another night at the bar. The music coming from upstairs was just normal music from a regular band. The air in the bar was the same as usual and my heart didn't race like a bandit.
Drew gave a few wistful glances at the stairs. If I wasn't in such a bad mood, I'd have told him to go up and watch them jam. He'd have been happy sitting there watching and he had hardly anything to do. But I didn't say it and he didn't ask.
When they finished upstairs, Alex and Holden came down to the bar. I tried to ignore them until Alex made a snappy remark about the lack of service. He knew what going on but he still had Holden in there. Of course, I wouldn't be jumping up and down to serve them. What did he expect?
"Two beers, when you're ready," he added.
He could've come behind the bar and helped himself but he wanted me to serve him. It was a power trip for him. I knew that it was my job but surely, I got a free pass when things were this uncomfortable.
I poured the beers and sat them down in front of Alex. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to charge Holden or not but figured it was better not to.
“Can you get a copy of the guest list sent off to my management in the next couple of days?” Holden said to Alex. Not that I was listening in or anything.
“I guess. Is that necessary?”
Whoa, a bit of a pissing contest going on there by the sounds of it. But, of course, Alex would back down. He needed Holden a lot more than Holden needed him.
“They want a final veto on anyone invited. I’m sure that was in the contract they sent you.”
“I guess that’s okay. But the invitations have been sent out. I’m sure there is nothing out of order...”
“Even so, they’re picky about my image and how I’m seen in the media. The hard-core rocker thing can only go so far. They’ll just look through the list to make sure there’s not going to be anyone who’ll give us negative press. I’m sure you’ve already thought of it but it’s easier to give in and let them think they are doing their job.”
Holden held his mouth tight as he said that. He was doing the chummy thing that he did when he wanted his own way about things. I knew that act well. He was damn good at it. He finished with his moonbeam smile. Not as strong as his sunshine one but more intimate and personal. It always caught me off guard.
"So, what do you think?" Jackson asked.
I jumped for a moment then realized he meant the new sound desk.
"Not bad, not bad at all," said Alex.
"Yeah, it's a pretty sweet set up. We are going to sound fantastic when we play." Holden had nearly finished his beer but I’d not be rushing over to top him up.
Jackson nodded.
"How about getting up and playing a song with us? I've got time to learn it if you pick one of your old ones."
With that, the bar hushed. Was Holden being a dick or just oblivious? Maybe he'd been so far up his own arse for the past few years that he'd not had any idea what happened in the rest of the world.
No one would dare ask Jackson to play. Not ever.
I waited for Jackson's reaction. Some kind of explosion or lashing out. Jackson just raised his glass to his lips and drained it dry. Then he stood up, threw on his jacket and walked out of the bar.
I'd never known Jackson to leave before closing in the entire time I'd worked there.
"What did I say?" Holden asked.
I just rolled my eyes. He could work that out for himself. Or maybe go on the internet occasionally and find things out. Then he wouldn't go around putting his foot in it.
He sat talking with Alex for quite a while. I poured them occasional drinks and tried to stay down the other end of the bar as much as I could. Drew hovered around them, wanting to join in.
"Get back to work, Drew."
He screwed up his face but didn't say anything. Our talk must've gotten through to him. Even if he wasn't busy, there was no need for him to make a nuisance of himself.
Then Alex had to leave. I figured Holden would go with him. They seemed to have become instant buddies. They were both serious about their work and loved their music but there had to be more to it than that. How did Alex get Holden to agree to play? That was very strange.
Alex left though and Holden still sat alone at the end of the bar. I allowed myself a brief glimpse. He leaned forward resting his elbows on the bar. The lights shone down, giving the effect of a halo around him, but he sure was no angel.
He nodded for another beer. "Aren't you going to ask how I am and what I've been doing for the past few years? Aren't you curious?"
"I have no interest whatsoever."
"Come on, princess, I'm sure as hell curious about how you've been getting on."
"I have a boyfriend. We're serious. And he'd kick your arse if he heard you calling me princess. Get yourself another rock princess, babes." I spat the "babes" at him as though it was a curse. "And if you ever write another song about me again, I will break your fingers. One by one. Snap, snap, snap, snap. Then I might pull out your vocal cords for good measure."
"Have you listened to the words? Really listened. I wrote that song for you, a message for you. I thought it might get through to you."
I shot him a look, wondering if he’d even listened to what I'd said.
"I haven't listened to it because my boyfriend wouldn't like it." I'd started it now so I had to keep the pretense up. Although I doubted I'd fool him. He only had to ask anyone in the bar and they'd tell him different.
"That's his loss. It's a fantastic song."
So that's what he wanted. For me to say his song was good and give him a pat on the head. He would sure learn different because I hated that song so much. It was an invasion. Dragging our lives into the spotlight without even telling me.
"Whatever. Drew, can you take over for a while?"
I might be doing the stupidest thing ever but I needed to get away from Holden and I really needed a cigarette. What could go wrong anyway?
Chapter 11
I DRAGGED ON MY CIGARETTE, reluctant to go back out there. When I did, I'd have the whole force of Holden to dea
l with. I only had so much self-control before I either fucked him or killed him. It could go either way with how he made me feel.
I couldn't deny that there was something simmering under the surface but it was just lust. He had the road map to all my secret places and he knew how to use it. Not just the physical places on my body that he'd use to drive me mad — the back of my neck, the insides of my wrist, the backs of my knees—there was also the mental stuff. The looks that melted me and the way he'd pause just a little too long when he talked, loading his words with so much meaning beneath the surface. He was like the Google Maps of Carlie but it was all just manipulation and deceit.
If I killed him, maybe it'd be for the best. Much better than the fall out if I fucked him. I might get jail time but it'd be a first offense with time off for good behavior. If I fucked him, I’d be in jail for life with no parole and no escape.
I sat at Violet's desk, swinging around in her chair. She'd left the place so tidy. I guess she was as bored as she'd said.
"Carlie! Carlie! Help!"
My stomach clenched. What the hell had Drew done?
I rushed out to the bar, hoping he hadn't set the place on the fire. If Alex's new sound desk got hurt, there'd be hell to pay. I scanned the room. There were only a couple of people sitting in the corner and a loner on the couch. It sure looked weird not to have Jackson sitting at the bar. Everything seemed fine, though. No flames, no explosions.
It must've been something major though because he yelled like a little bitch.
I spun around and, shit! Beer sprayed everywhere. Drew tried to control the beer tap and Holden tried to help him but that beer turned into a fountain.
Beer drenched Drew. Holden hung back but beer sprayed over him too.
I ran to fix it, my feet squelching on the floor.
"What's going on?"
I lunged for the tap. It sprayed up at me as I tried to get near it, stinging my eyes, but I had to ignore it so I could fix this mess. I gave it a hard yank and that turned off some of the flow, enough for me to disconnect the pipes.
"I wasn't sure which way to turn it and it seemed to get stuck."
Even the sound of his voice annoyed me. How hard was it to look after a bar for five minutes? He whined as though he'd been the one wronged.
"You can't use a beer tap? But you've been shown."
Drew stared at the floor. "I wasn't sure. I panicked."
"Get the mop, Drew."
The place was a mess. I'd have to explain to Alex why I'd left Drew in charge and I couldn't even blame it on not having anyone else to cover me since I didn't want him knowing that the staff had been flaking on me. The blame laid squarely on my shoulders, but Drew didn't help matters. Surely, I could leave the bar for five minutes without chaos breaking out.
Before Drew got back with the mop, Holden grabbed a pile of bar towels to help clean up. My apron stopped a lot of the beer from wetting my clothes but my hair was soaked and beer dripped down my legs. I stunk like hell.
Holden took one of the towels and mopped my leg. Backed into the corner, I didn't even try to stop him. He patted the towel against my thigh and I raised my leg so he could get it all.
Fuck, he stood so close to me. Even with the beer stench, I could recognize that familiar smell of him. Even now, he smelt like a country boy, in a good way. Clean and outdoorsy. That smell lunged straight to the weakest part of my heart.
His hands on my legs, with his firm touch, created another flood of memories. All those moments when we weren't angry and fighting or hurting each other. There’d been good times.
He rubbed the towel against my leg, drying me off but making me wetter. As he rubbed, his hand closed around my waist to get traction. He squatted so that he could clean me up better and his breath toyed with the flesh on my thigh.
A moan escaped me without any intention on my part. He was trying to help but he did things to me I couldn’t resist. At least the canvas apron hid my rock-hard nipples.
I had to move away. I inhaled, trying to draw strength.
He gave me that curled lip smile and I reached out, wanting to entwine my fingers in his hair. I could lose myself in him. I didn't have to worry about the future. I knew what the future would be. I could just go for it now. Letting myself have the ecstasy of his body one more time. My brain closed down as my other senses took over.
Then the mop bucket clanged.
Drew.
My hand froze about an inch from Holden's head. What had I been doing? I tried to jump back but there was nowhere to go.
This was wrong. Too wrong. I'd fallen so easily, let my guard down. I couldn't let him near me, not for one second.
I pushed Holden away and got out from behind the bar to let Drew clean up. Holden lingered a minute then followed me, sticking close. He thought he'd won me over. As if I could forgive him that easily. I'd been temporarily insane, that was all.
I gulped. Holden almost devoured me with his eyes. My body flushed. I had to get a grip on myself. I was stupid. So stupid. I knew I couldn't trust him for a minute but I'd let him get that close.
The burning need had nowhere to go. I couldn't escape. I couldn't shut the bar before closing time. We'd already lost enough money.
I went back behind the bar, snatching the mop off Drew.
"Jesus, Drew, can't you even mop properly? You've had enough practice."
He started to say something but looked at me then backed away. The fear in his eyes made me angrier. I needed to take back control of this situation.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked.
"Just get your stuff and go. I'll get someone who can do the job properly. Don't bother coming back."
Drew grabbed his backpack from the shelf. His sniffling attempt to hold back his tears almost made me reconsider but I couldn't. If word got around that I was a soft boss, the staff would walk all over me. That would be the worst thing I could do. Still, he was so pitiful as he walked out.
But I'd done the right thing. I couldn't even trust him for a minute. I needed dependable staff, not an irresponsible kid. I grabbed the mop and slapped it against the floor.
Still, a cold, heavy stone settled in my belly.
Chapter 12
THE BAR WAS SILENT after Drew left. The silence you get after someone loses their shit and no one knows what to say or if it’s appropriate to say anything. The few remaining customers snuck out the door, so it was just Holden and I. And a whole bunch of tension.
I picked up the iPod dock to change the music. It didn’t need changing but I needed to focus on something to settle my mind.
"Do you still love rockabilly?" he asked.
"Maybe."
"I bet you do. You're unchangeable. Like a rock. Deep down at the core, you'll always be the same person, Carlie. Steady and true."
What was he implying? That I wouldn't change into someone who hated him? He could rethink that idea. I just gave him a nod but that didn't stop him talking.
"I bet you even have those old records."
That much was true but instead of answering, I did a circle around the room, collecting up the dirty glasses.
Holden jumped up and cleared the tables on the other side. I had to thank him because my manners overruled me.
The bar was lonely without Violet and Jackson and Drew. Just another bar. I put on some electronica just to prove I could change and turned the music up to make it harder for Holden to talk to me. Every time I turned though, Holden still sat there, ogling me.
“That’s really creepy, you know.”
Holden laughed. “I guess it is. But you won’t talk to me so what can I do but look.”
“You could leave.”
He finished off his drink and I thought he’d go but instead, he turned his gaze from me.
“Have you ever been home?” he asked. “Do you visit your parents?”
That surprised me. I was waiting for more of the “Carlie, I need you” talk. There was something on his mind, that was
for sure. I poured him a whiskey without him asking for it and poured myself one too.
“Never. Not once. Not for Christmas. Not for their birthdays. I call them once in a while but I never visit.”
I didn’t mention the fears, that if I set foot in that town again, I’d be trapped there like in some nightmare. The kind where you try to run but the weeds tangle around your feet and you can’t move.
I didn’t mention it because I didn’t need to. Holden knew. He probably knew better than I did.
He ran his hand through his hair.
“I can’t, even if I want to. I’ve been told. My management have told me no contact with my family. They want the whole dirtied-up country boy image but not that dirty. They thought about changing my name when they looked into my background but figured King is common enough to avoid any connection.”
“Well, you wanted to leave them behind.”
His grin was wry. “That’s for sure. But it’s different when it’s forced on you. I got a message from Tommy the other day. Something’s stirring up back there. You know what they get like at times. It might end up being bad. Family feuds don’t end well.”
Tommy was Holden’s cousin. It surprised me that they kept in contact but he was the best of a bad bunch.
“More reason for you to stay away, I reckon.”
He nodded his head but didn’t say anymore. He just stared at his hands.
At the end of the night, I told Holden to go.
"Finish your drink, I'm closing up."
He put on his coat and left. I watched him walk out, wishing I’d been able to say more. The family thing weighed heavily on him and there was no one else he could talk to about it, I knew that much.
What did he expect, though? That I’d put an arm around him and tell him it’d be okay? I couldn’t let myself get involved.
I took my time closing up and getting everything ready for the next day. Eventually, I had to leave the bar and lock the door behind me.
"So, what are you up to now?"
As I expected, Holden waited for me outside. He moved closer and my heart pounded.
Rock Star Returns: Carlie's Story (Access All Areas, #2) Page 6
