Rock Star Returns: Carlie's Story (Access All Areas, #2)

by Starr, Candy J

  I got through the level easily and then the next. I kept going until I was sure I'd gotten so far ahead of Drew that he'd never catch me.

  My phone rang. I'd left it behind the bar but, with no music playing, I could hear it easily. Well, the call could go to voicemail. That was the whole point of voicemail. There was nothing so urgent that I needed to interrupt my game. I should've turned the bloody thing off before I started but now I blocked it out.

  I hadn't lost it, I was still the champion. No one could come close.

  Shit, I'd died.

  "Nice try, Carlie." Since when did Drew be so patronizing?

  I glared at him to let him know that cracks like that would get him a clip around the ears.

  A couple of customers came into the bar. I jumped up to serve them while Drew played.

  "Don't worry," said Alex. "I'll look after them. Can't disturb your game."

  I wasn't sure if he meant that in a sarcastic way or not but I sure as hell sat back down.

  "Thanks, Alex."

  He saluted me and walked over to the bar. I should've told him to grab my phone but I didn't want to be in the middle of checking it when Drew died.

  He'd gotten to level 10. I grinned. That was his hell level. No matter what, Drew struggled to get past it. When he was just playing for kicks, he'd ask me to do it for him. I don't even know why he had so many problems with it. It wasn't particularly challenging or that much different to the other levels. He just had a mental block with it.

  I prepared myself to take the controls and finish this game off. I guess, even if Drew finished, I should offer him his job back for playing well, despite his loss. That would make me feel better about beating him and, well, we did need him around the place. I'd been too quick to dismiss him and too proud to admit I'd been wrong. I'd taken my personal feelings out on him and probably contributed to the problem by leaving him in charge while I snuck off for a cigarette.

  Drew let out a satisfied sigh. The little bugger had gotten through the level. He’d nearly caught up to me. I wiped my forehead.

  Luckily, he died before he got quite up to my level.

  "Sorry, Drew, but you know I'm not holding back," I said.

  "I wouldn't expect anything else from you," he said.

  I hunched over the table, ready to play. I'd gotten over all my shitty emotions now. I was strong. I'd go for the jugular.

  "Hey, I thought you were working, not playing games."

  I glanced up for just a moment when I heard Holden's voice. A split second but that was enough. Dead. Game over for me.

  But Drew still had to catch me.

  I stomped over to Holden. He tried to hug me but I pushed him away.

  "You made me die."

  "It's just a game."

  "It's never just a game."

  I didn't want him hugging me or acting like we were anything more than enemies in front of people. I gave him a look to say to keep it on the down-low. He grinned and winked at me. Winking was not even good. Us talking was not good. The wink did give me a fuzzy feeling, though.

  I tried to walk off but he grabbed my arm. "I'll pretend all you like but, when I get you out of here tonight, I'm going to fuck your brains out."

  That sent a rush straight through me. I should've told him to fuck off. He couldn't just assume I'd sleep with him again. The trembles going through my body told a different story.

  Luckily everyone was too busy watching Drew to notice. He was about to die, I could feel it. He’d die and I’d win. That was the way this went.

  I snuck another look at Holden.

  "I can't stay long but I wanted to see you," Holden said quietly and he smiled like the sun breaking over a dark land.

  "Okay, you've seen me," I said but I couldn't stop glancing at him. The lust rays beamed from my eyes and hit the ones coming from him. Knock off time couldn't come quick enough. I wanted him.

  "Fuck yeah!"

  Was that Drew swearing? Hell, what'd happened? I ran over to the table.

  No fucking way. I'd lost? How? I glanced back over to Holden. He'd done it to me. He was my Galaga kryptonite. I shot him a look of anger but he did that curled lip grin that got me in the stomach every single time. What was a game of Galaga compared to that?

  Drew jumped up from the machine. I hope that meant he was leaving to enjoy his victory but no such luck.

  "I beat Carlie at Galaga, I beat Carlie at Galaga. I am the champion. I am the best." He did a stupid little dance move as he ran around the bar. “I beat Carrrrrlie. I beat Carrrrrrlie."

  "Catchy little song," Holden said.

  "I beat Carlie and Holden loves my song. Oh yeah." He threw in a hip shake. "Today is the day Drew rules supreme."

  I didn't even try to punch him. What was wrong with me? I'd become soft. I was no longer the same Carlie.

  Chapter 21

  "SO, YOU AND HOLDEN are back together? He wouldn't be interested in playing another gig here, would he?"

  Trust Alex to be going for the best angle for him out of the whole situation. It'd taken exactly five hours and fifteen minutes for the news about Holden and me to get around the bar. That was including Christos who spent most of his time passed out on the bathroom floor. And, since then, they’d all talked about nothing else.

  "Ask him," I told Alex. "Do I look like I'm his management?"

  "No need to get snappy. I thought you'd be a bit less snarky now you're getting some."

  I snatched an ice cube and threw it at Alex's head.

  "Oww, that really hurt."

  "Yeah, be grateful it was just an ice cube and not my boot, you sexist pig."

  I grinned. He deserved it after that crack. To be honest, Holden made me so happy that it scared me. Happiness is a trap. Sure, it's fine for a while but eventually, you have to crash back down to earth. Things with Holden had been too good. But they were only that way because I'd put myself into a bubble of denial.

  "Anyway, Carlie, if you intend on ditching work so you can go touring the world with your rock star boyfriend, can you let me know in advance so I can replace you?"

  "You can't replace me, Alex. You could scour this entire planet and nowhere would you find never find a better bar manager than me."

  "She's definitely been in a better mood since she got back with Holden," Jackson said.

  "Shut the fuck up, Jackson. You too, Alex. The pair of you. If someone is in a bad mood, maybe it's because they are surrounded by jerks, not because they need the cock. So put a sock in it because I have plenty more ice here and I'm a good aim."

  "I mean it, Carlie. You have to think about these things."

  Alex could say that but that was the exact thing I didn't want to do — think about the future and what this relationship meant. I wanted to float on the surface with Holden.

  "Yeah, sure thing. Although, I can't see me rushing off any time soon."

  Even though they were jerks, it was easier to deal with Alex and Holden than with Violet. To the point that I considered giving up smoking so that I wouldn't have to go into her office and face her questioning. That lasted for two hours.

  "I know what you're going to say," I said to her. "Let's just pretend you said it and go on from there."

  "How do you know what I'm going to say? You tell me, Carlie."

  Bitch.

  "You're going to say that I'm making a big mistake and that I should be careful. That Holden was a big cheating bastard in the past and that a man-whore leopard doesn't change his spots that easily. That I'm stupid and need to watch my back or I'll be hurt again, only this time will be even worse, I'll be hurt so bad that I'll end up a big mess that needs to be scraped up off the floor and put back together to become anywhere near functional."

  I sighed.

  "Actually, I was going to say that if Holden makes you happy, maybe he deserves a second chance. He seems to be really crazy over you. Maybe those things you thought I was going to say are things you are telling yourself."

  Damn her
. That made too much sense. I didn't need that kind of analysis of my love life. I'd fallen into her trap.

  "We have no future," I said.

  "You don't know that. If you'd asked me a short while ago, I'd have told you that Razer and I had nothing together and look how that changed. You have to open yourself up to possibilities."

  "Actually, I did ask you and you said just that but, just because you have the happy-happy love juice going through you, doesn't mean everyone else is going to get what they want."

  "I think you have plenty of happy-happy love juice going through you, yourself. You are using condoms, right?"

  I nodded. Even after Shun saying that Holden didn't screw around anymore, I wasn't putting myself at risk. I'd need more than his say so.

  Holden said he had a phone-in interview at 6.00 and he'd come into the bar after that. Since everyone knew now, I was fine with that. Except at 6.30, the butterflies in my stomach made me feel sick. He wasn't just coming into the bar to hang out or be a nuisance. He was coming in as my — my something that wasn't yet defined.

  How long did an interview take anyway?

  I guess longer than half-hour. I had to stop stressing.

  Then the bar got really busy and I couldn't keep checking my watch. If Holden did come in, I probably wouldn't spot him anyway.

  Finally, around 9.00, I got a chance to catch my breath. I scanned the bar for him. He wasn't around. I grabbed hold of Drew.

  "Have you seen Holden?"

  Drew would've spotted him if he'd come in, since he was all over the place. Also, he was crushing on Holden.

  "Nope. Is he coming in tonight? Cool."

  Shit. Surely it didn't take three hours to record an interview. Even if they were running late. I mean, Holden could run on at the mouth a bit but not that much. It didn't mean anything. He might've got caught up doing something. I tried to push the evil thoughts from my mind. No matter what time he came in, I'd be sweet and happy.

  I kept on with my work, trying to avoid thinking about it.

  When I looked down, I realized I'd chewed my nails down to the quick. My little finger actually bled. I needed a cigarette. I got Mark to cover for me and went to Violet's office. She was upstairs so I had the place to myself. I lit up my cigarette, figuring I'd take my time. Even if Holden came in, he'd stick around. I wasn't at his beck and call. I checked my phone while I dragged on my cigarette. No message, nothing at all.

  I took a deep drag then crushed my cigarette into an empty can.

  When I walked out, Holden still wasn't around. I put my phone into my pocket instead of on the shelf where I usually kept it.

  The customers downstairs started to die down a bit. Most either drifted upstairs or headed home. The bar needed cleaning, though. I'd never noticed before how much crap had built up under the sink. It was gross. I scrubbed and scrubbed until it looked as bright as new. Then I restocked the bar and polished every single glass we had.

  "Settle down, girl," Jackson said as I handed him another drink. "You're a wound-up ball of stress."

  "No, I'm not." But, as I said it, I automatically raised my nail to my mouth.

  He was so late, he probably wouldn't even bother coming into the bar at all. I prepared myself not to see him. I'd be fine with that. If the next five customers ordered beers, then that would mean he'd come in.

  A girl walked up to the bar.

  "Two vodka and Cokes, thanks."

  "Wouldn't you rather a couple of beers?" I asked her. "Vodka and Coke will rot your guts."

  She rolled her eyes. "No, I want vodka. My guts are fine."

  "You arguing with me? Are you drunk? If you are, I can't serve you. We have laws about responsible service of alcohol, you know."

  She turned to her friend and shook her head. While she did that, an old guy came to the bar.

  "Beer, thanks love."

  I ignored the girl to serve him but she stood there, waiting.

  "Listen, I want two vodkas. I'm not drunk and you're just being weird. So, serve me my drinks."

  I folded my arms. She couldn't force me to serve her. Before I could say another word, Holden walked in the door. I grabbed a couple of glasses and rushed her order. Then I ignored him. I wanted to check the time. I wanted to jump the bar and hug him. Or punch him. I wasn't quite sure which one. Maybe a punch-hug.

  He walked up to the bar but I didn't look at him. He could wait until I was good and ready.

  "Hey, Holden," said Drew, sitting down next to him.

  "Hey Drew, get back to work. You're still on shaky ground."

  Drew scowled at me as he got up.

  "So, how's your night been?" Holden asked.

  I wanted to smile nicely and act like I didn't care that he'd wandered in so late. It wasn't like we were dating or anything. We were sleeping together and he'd talked a lot of fancy words, that was all. Still, my mouth worked without being connected to my brain.

  "Really fucking shit if you must know. Where have you been? I thought you were coming in after your interview."

  Nice way to sound like a nagging wife.

  "Oh yeah, sorry. Shun called after the interview and we got talking..."

  "Fine." I turned away from him. Maybe I should go out the back and get the restock done.

  When I walked out, he followed me.

  "Are you shitty with me?" he asked. "I said I was sorry."

  "Well, Holden, sorry doesn't cut it. You can fuck up a thousand times and say sorry every time but you know what makes that believable? Not fucking up in the first place."

  He grabbed for me but I pulled back.

  "What's wrong, really? It's not like we had definite plans. I’d have just been sitting around the bar, waiting for you to finish. It's work, Carlie. You know that. Things come up. Shun had some amazing ideas for the new album and we had to talk through them."

  "Like what?"

  God, I hated myself but part of me wanted to get actual confirmation from Shun that the two of them had been talking and it wasn't just Holden running around.

  "Are you ever going to trust me? Is that what this is about?" His voice echoed around the storeroom. I shut the door so we couldn't be heard in the bar.

  "I want to, I really do."

  "But you don't."

  "But I don't."

  Then the silence stretched out with only the music from the band upstairs breaking it. I couldn't lie. I didn't trust him. That was facts.

  "I don't know how I can convince you, Carlie. I can't check in with you every five minutes. I can't wear a tracking device —"

  "Well, actually, you could." I managed a wan smile.

  "Other than that, I have nothing but words to convince you."

  I should've put it all out there then. He had more than words. He had his actions. It wasn't fair to expect this all-or-nothing reaction from me. I wanted to be with him but it'd take time, a lot of time, before I'd be comfortable with him. Second chances don't come that easily and they don't come without work.

  Even though I knew that had to be said, I bit my lip and looked into Holden's eyes. Instead of talking, I pulled him to me and kissed him with a violent passion that surprised even me. My mouth would be bruised but I needed the reassurance of his body. Talking could wait. I had to have him. He responded with the same roughness, kissing me so deep that it felt like we'd crawl into each other's skins.

  He backed me against the wall and grabbed my arms, holding them over my head as his body ground against mine. His hard cock rubbed against my leg until I arched my back towards him, wanting him inside me.

  "Carlie? Are you busy?"

  Fucking Drew. Could the bar not survive five minutes without me? A quick fuck in the storeroom, that's all I wanted. Hard and fast against the wall.

  "Ignore him," Holden whispered, sliding his hand under my skirt.

  As his fingers crept into my panties, I suppressed a sigh.

  "Be there in a minute," I called. The bar could wait.

  Chapter 22
r />   I'D TAKEN THE DAY OFF work because I could do that. We laid in bed, Holden’s arms wrapped around me and my head resting on his chest.

  "A whole day to ourselves, what are we going to do with it?" Holden asked. "Do you still love rollercoasters? I saw some posters for a carnival, we could hit that up."

  I loved that he remembered shit like that. Shit that I'd even forgotten myself. It'd been years since I'd gone on rides. Suddenly, the memories flooded back.

  Going to the carnival with Holden as friends, and him slipping his hand into mine for the first time. I’d tried to hide my smile from him but I’d shone brighter than any of those carnival lights. I’d squeezed his hand tight and we’d both turned to each other at the same time and knew from that moment on, it’d be impossible for us to be just friends.

  "Are you sure about the carnival? I seemed to recall someone who was scared shitless and ended hurling his guts up."

  Holden laughed. Fully laughed, convulsing even.

  "Hell yeah, that was some ride. We can stick to the tamer stuff. That'll be fine."

  "Screw you, Holden. You stick to the kiddie rides. I'm going hard. It's no fun otherwise." I punched him for good measure.

  I could handle the rides, even the ones that have you flipping around in the air, defying gravity, but there was one ride that scared the shit out of me and had my stomach churning all over the place — and that was this love ride Holden had me on.

  All this sunshine and rainbows and being together like we fit, that was scary as hell.

  "You could make a picnic for us," Holden said.

  "I'm not a picnic-making kind of girl, you know that. I'm more the scoffing down junk food until my stomach can handle no more kind. I'm going to eat every fried thing I can lay my hands on and then follow it up with sugary junk. That's my plan."

  Holden poked my belly.

  “You don’t look like you eat too much junk food.”

  “Yeah, because I train hard. I burn a million calories a day.” To be honest, I didn’t eat junk food much but, if I had the chance, I sure would.