"It's okay for you. I'm in the public eye. My fans will kill you when I pack on a zillion kilograms and can't fit on stage."
"Yeah? Well, that's too bad for you. You can have a salad and watch me scoff myself stupid."
I smiled to myself as I picked out my outfit. I put on a cherry patterned sundress with a halter neck and flared skirt. I’d bought it ages ago, thinking it was really cute but it wasn’t really appropriate to wear to work and I’d only been to the bar and the gym for the last year. It wasn't healthy to be stuck in the bar all day and night but then it had improved my Galaga game out of sight.
Until Holden ruined that.
“Wow, if you’re going to dress like that, we might not make it to the carnival. We might...”
“Shut up. You promised me a carnival and there’s no going back on that.”
I poked my tongue out at him and shoved him toward the door.
We walked together to the train station. It was only twenty minutes to the carnival grounds. The sun shone and Holden slipped his hand into mine as we walked. I squeezed it tight and we both turned to each other to smile, the memories of our younger selves floating in the air.
When we got on the train, two girls sat down opposite us. They nudged each other and giggled. I tried to ignore them but Holden smiled.
"Can we get a photo?" one of them asked.
Personally, I'd have told them to fuck off and stop bugging me but Holden agreed. They even asked me to take the photo for them. You'd think that would be enough. I mean, it was obvious that Holden and I were together and wanted to be alone but they kept asking him questions.
"I've loved you since your first album," the shorter one said. "I knew you'd be a star because you're so awesome."
The other one giggled. "She really loves you. I do too but she's obsessed. She wanted to get your name tattooed on her stomach."
"You could sign my belly and I'd get that tattooed there." She lifted her top to expose her stomach.
I put my fingers in my mouth and made fake gagging noises but the three of them ignored me while they hunted for a pen for Holden to use. They only had a ballpoint that wouldn't write on her skin.
Meanwhile, the train pulled up at our station. I stood up and grabbed Holden's arm.
"Oh, you're going to the carnival," the shorter one said. "So are we."
She nudged her friend which made it obvious that they hadn't planned on going there until they knew we were. "Maybe we could find somewhere that has a Sharpie so you can sign me."
The two of them followed us off the train. I waited for Holden to say something but he didn't. Screw that. I didn’t want my day ruined by a pair of tagalong groupies. It wasn’t even like they were silly teenagers with no sense. They were old enough to know better.
I walked off. If Holden wanted to hang around with them, he could but I didn’t have to put up with it.
Holden ran after me. "That was a bit rude, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, it was. They should've quit after they got their photo."
"No, I meant you. That's not the way to handle things. That’s not how I want people to see me."
I spun around to face him. "Did you want them trailing us all day? They weren't going to leave us alone."
"Yeah, but being snarky is not going to impact on you, is it? It's not like you're going to get people posting all over social media about what a horrible person you are. Well, you might after that but no one cares if a bar manager is bitchy."
I walked off, hands trembling.
He grabbed hold of me. "It's nothing but the truth."
"So, you're better than me now because you're a big star and I'm just a bar manager? I work hard, Holden. I might not have fans and groupies. And I might not make millions of dollars but I work damn hard and you should respect that."
I folded my arms and dared him to challenge me. I’d have no problem punching him if he said anymore. Fuck him, if he thought he could look down on me.
"Hell, I didn't mean it like that. I know you work hard but I don’t have the freedom you do. I just mean there is a way to handle these things. If you act the wrong way with fans, you can do a shitload of damage."
Just as he said that, a camera clicked nearby. Holden spun around and smiled.
I wasn't sure I could handle this but he put his arm around me and we walked on.
"Smile," he said in my ear. "I don't need reports of me having a domestic in the news."
"Maybe we should just go home if it's going to be bad for your image." I kicked the ground as I walked, dust clouds rising up.
"Carlie, don't be like that. I want to have a fun day with you. It'll get better. Promise."
I tried to smile but the shine of the day disappeared. I wasn't sure if I could get that back. He put his arm around me, though.
We paid to go into the carnival and headed for the rides. At least we'd be safe once we got on a ride. No one could interrupt us or take photos.
“Rollercoaster?” Holden grinned extra bright as though that could fix things.
We got into the carriage and the attendant came over to check the fastenings.
"Are you Holden King?" she asked. "I love you."
Luckily, the ride started before she could gush any more. I just hope she wasn't too star-struck to do her job probably because it'd sure be bad for Holden's image if we got flung to our deaths at a carnival.
The carriage clacked its way up the tracks and my stomach clenched. As we paused at the top, I grabbed Holden's hand. He squeezed tight. Really tight. Scared as fuck.
As we flew down, his face turned white as chalk. Ha, that wasn't even a big drop.
"Scared?" I asked.
"Nope."
"Liar."
We climbed for the next drop and he gripped me so tight, I thought he'd cut off the blood supply to my fingers. I screamed on the way down, the fun coming back to me.
When the ride finished, Holden put his arm around me again. I think it was more to support his trembling legs than to be near me.
"That was fun," I said. "Let's go again."
"Or not."
"Party pooper."
We looked for something tamer for Holden to enjoy.
"Shooting gallery. I'll win you a big stuffed toy."
Even with the dodgy way they set those things up, Holden would win. He always won. It'd been his special skill before he ever started singing.
"And what the hell would I do with it? We'd have to carry it around all day then it'd sit in the corner of my room gathering dust. I'd feel like I couldn't throw it out but I'd resent the fuck out of it. Why don't they have useful shit on those things instead of crappy stuffed teddy bears?"
Holden laughed. "You never change, do you?"
No, but you do. That's what I thought but I didn't say it. This Holden who was nice to annoying freaks and thought too much about his image, he wasn't the guy I'd known.
Since we were near the shooting, I looked at the prizes, meaning to make fun of them. I noticed a tacky plastic ring on the stands. The sort of thing they give kids when they totally suck.
"Win me that," I said. "Win me the ring."
I knew Holden couldn't do it. He couldn't lose on purpose any more than I could, but he walked up to the seedy old man and slapped his money down.
He shot three times and missed each time.
The old guy laughed and grabbed the gun back.
"Wait, I want my prize."
"No prize for losing, mate."
"It says every child wins a prize."
"Yeah, well you're no kid."
"I want the ring. Give it to me or I'll tell every kid that comes over here how you rig your targets. Trust me, mate, you don't want that."
The old man got the ring and shoved it at Holden. "Take the crappy bit of junk then, no skin off my nose."
Holden grinned at him then got down on his knee. "Carlie, will you do me the pleasure of being my wife?"
I laughed, glancing around to see if anyone noticed.
"Get up and stop clowning around. You'll get grass stains all over your knees."
He grabbed my hand. "I'm serious. I want you to marry me. I won this for you with my own efforts."
Hell, he really meant it. His eyes pleaded with me. I expected him to start laughing and tell me it was only a joke.
“Don’t be an idiot, Holden. Do you want your fans seeing this?” I made myself laugh.
He jumped up. “There are people watching? Seriously?”
He glanced around as though he’d only just remembered we were in public. I knew that would make him see sense.
“I’m going back on the roller coaster. You coming or are you going to be a big sissy?”
I ran off, leaving him behind, because that was the only way I could deal with this. I had to keep things light. We were just playing around. There was nothing beyond this day. No future, no tomorrow. Just this moment.
We’d have our fun then he’d disappear just like this carnival. All that’d be left behind would be an empty field with junk food wrappers blowing across it. And that talk of forever was as rigged as the shooting game. The targets looked easy but they were slightly off balance and always out of reach.
Chapter 23
“YOU DON’T REALLY WANT to go to the bar? We can go anywhere. Let’s go somewhere nice for dinner. Anywhere you want?”
“Ergh, no. I have a belly full of sugar and processed meat. If I go out to dinner, I’ll be queasier than you were on that spinny ride. I really thought you were going to hurl.”
He grinned. After his stupid efforts with the ring, he’d been fine for the rest of the day. Luckily, the train was pretty much empty on the way home. No one to bug us. We sat together, rattling back to reality.
“Just for one drink. I want to make sure the place is okay.”
“You have trust issues, Carlie.”
“Aint that the truth.”
I didn’t really want to open up that discussion though, so I slipped my hand into his and rested my head on his shoulder and pretended to nap until we got to our station. But the pretending became real and he shook me awake when we came to our stop.
The weather had cooled down when got off the train. He took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I wanted to stop him but it comforted me to wear it and it was damn cold in just that flimsy dress.
“Okay, we’ll go to the bar for one drink. Then we have to go back to my hotel room.”
“Sounds fair to me.”
I wanted to make sure things were okay with Drew. Even though I’d given him his job back, I didn’t want anything going wrong. And if people didn’t turn up for their shifts, I wasn’t sure that Sally would let me know. All number of things could go wrong at the bar without me there.
He put his arm around me as I walked but it seemed awkward, like we were a step out of time with each other. I didn’t want to pull away and make an issue of it.
I put my hands in the pockets of his jacket to keep them warm. Something touched my fingers in the right pocket. The stupid ring he’d won at the carnival. I slipped it on my finger, not even sure why.
If I let myself, for even one moment, fall into a dream of what it would be like to marry Holden, I’d fall forever. It wasn’t possible. It was fine to dream about supporting someone when you’re a kid but what would I do? Trail around with him while he toured the world? Be that woman sitting in the corner, watching on.
What if we had kids? He’d be off traveling and I’d be stuck at home, constantly obsessing that he was with someone else. It wasn’t a picture that I could put together.
Everything seemed fine at the bar. Alex and Jackson in the corner, Mark behind the bar, a bunch of regulars sitting around drinking. A typical night.
We sat down at the bar and I called Mark over to get us drinks.
“Hey, Carlie, since you’re here, can you relieve me? I’ve not had a break yet,” Mark said.
“No, she can’t. I don’t even know why she’s here. She’s having a night off.” Alex scowled at me. “Call someone from upstairs.”
“It’s okay. It’s not like I’m doing anything.” I jumped up.
Holden shot me a look of annoyance but what did he expect? This was my job and it was only for five minutes. It wasn’t like I’d be working all night.
Fuck what Holden thought, anyway. How was this different than him leaving me standing around, like a dick, while he signed autographs and posed for photos?
I hung up Holden’s jacket then grabbed an apron from behind the bar.
“Really, you don’t have to do this. I might start imposing a ‘no coming to the bar on your night off’ rule for you and Violet.”
“Yeah, and then she’d be spending more time with Razer,” I said, just so he’d get that look on his face like he’d sucked on a lemon.
He didn’t say anything but I knew he didn’t take it well.
I pulled Holden a beer, then checked things were right behind the bar. Mark had everything in disarray, so I had to put the stock back in the right places. He knew better than to move things around. There was a system and it wasn’t his weirdo system either.
When I looked up, some girl had settled herself in my seat beside Holden. Blonde curly hair and a low-cut dress. Another fan wanting a photo. Mostly, in the bar, the customers were too cool for that kind of thing. They treated Holden like he was a regular guy, at least to his face and were too cool to ask for photos or any of that shit.
The blonde wasn’t a regular, though. I bet she’d just come in because she’d heard he hung out here. Stalker groupie type.
I walked to that side of the bar but he ignored me. Even if he was annoyed that I’d said I’d work for five minutes, his behavior just wasn’t on. He wasn’t actually paying attention to the other chick either and, when I got closer, I realized he had out his phone, texting someone.
I chewed on my nail, waiting for him to fix this.
“Get me a beer, will you?” the girl said.
“I don’t think so,” I told her. “Your type isn’t welcome here.”
Holden glared at me but I was fucked if I’d serve her. She could go somewhere else to drink. Like he’d said earlier, I didn’t have to be nice to the general public, especially the general public who flirted with him. I was just a bar manager, not some hotshot rock star. I had no public image to care about.
I waited for him to get rid of her but she just giggled and rubbed his arm. He kept on texting. Why the hell did he just sit there instead of telling her he was with someone?
Sneering, she looked up at me. “Why are you just standing there? Get my drink.”
“I want to make sure you aren’t doing anything inappropriate,” I said through gritted teeth. “I think you need to leave.”
The girl had taken her hand from his arm but, from the way she moved, she’d put it on his leg.
“It was nice meeting you but you probably should leave,” Holden said. He turned so that his body was away from her. “I’m kind of busy right now.”
“Just one photo,” she said with an exaggerated pout that made me want to slap her.
Surely, we could have one drink without someone hassling us. The blood started pounding in my ears but I ignored it. I’d stay calm and deal with her.
“Don’t you have any friends here?” I said with a fake smile. “Maybe you should run back and join them?”
Before I could say any more, a guy came to the bar for a round of drinks. I had to serve him.
“Quiet night, tonight,” he said.
I grunted and glanced back at Holden. She still sat there.
“Guess it’s Monday, people don’t like coming out on a Monday.”
I handed the customer his beers, still watching Holden. The chick hadn’t moved. Even though Holden did nothing to encourage her, it drove me nuts. I didn’t want to get all territorial but she obviously couldn’t take a hint.
Holden put his phone back in his pocket then walked around to join Alex and Jac
kson. She followed him.
When I finished serving the guy, I spun around.
“Oi, you, leave him alone.”
Holden rolled his eyes but she was being a nuisance.
It was way past time that Mark should be back. I wouldn’t do him a favor again, that’s for sure. That stupid plastic ring dug into my finger. I wanted to take it off and throw it at Holden. What had that all been about, anyway? Some stupid, spur of the moment thing that meant nothing. It was an ugly ring and I didn’t even want it.
“Just one photo.” Her voice became a grating whine.
“Okay, then I’ll let you get back to your friends. I don’t want to waste too much of your time,” Holden told her.
I knew he was trying to be nice but he didn’t have to be “on” all the time. He could be more assertive about getting rid of her. All these fans had ruined our day together but this one was definitely the worst. She had a predatory look in her eyes that showed she wanted far more than just a photo. Why did he have to be so fucking nice to people?
Someone tapped on the bar and I turned to serve them. That meant I had my back to Holden.
All I heard was Jackson’s voice. “Listen, love, you’ll wanna watch yourself. See that woman behind the bar, you don’t want to get on the wrong side of her.”
Jackson wasn’t wrong. The blood rushed to my head. I’d known when I got back with Holden that things wouldn’t last long but I had no intention of letting some bitch be all over him while I watched.
“Watch it,” the customer said.
Huh? Oh, I’d overflowed the beer glass. I grabbed another glass from the tray and started again. Then Mark returned, laughing to himself about something.
“Hey, Carlie, want to hear a joke?”
“No, I fucking don’t. Five-minute break, more like five hours. Why are you always taking advantage of people?”
I flung my apron at him. I’d pull Holden out of here by the arm if need be. Coming to the bar had been a bad, bad idea. We should’ve just gone home to be alone without his adoring fans.
Before I could grab Holden though, the chick draped herself all over him.
“Just another photo.” She brushed her lips against his neck. “A sexy one this time.”
Rock Star Returns: Carlie's Story (Access All Areas, #2) Page 11
