“I know...” He shook his head. He hadn’t come here to fight with his mom. It was his life to live, and these were his choices to make. “Mom, it’s nothing. It just won’t work out between us. That’s all.”
“Come. Sit.” Heather led the way to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair.
Billy followed his mother’s lead and pulled out the chair opposite hers. He picked up a ketchup bottle that was still on the table, then put it back down again.
“Spill, sweetie,” she said earnestly.
“Mom, this isn’t worth it,” he countered. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings—”
“Son, I’m a grown woman. I raised you! I throw men your size out of the bar on a regular basis. Now, tell me what’s the problem.”
Billy sucked in a deep breath. “It was hard growing up,” he said quietly. “Really hard. I know that it was no cakewalk for you, either, so I’m not trying to judge you or anything...”
“You are, but go on,” she said with a small smile.
Billy sighed. “I always felt like your boyfriends were more important than I was. You worked hard at your day job, and then you dated. A lot. And I got left in the dust.”
“I always made sure you had food on the table, new clothes to wear...” Her voice trembled slightly. “You have no idea how close it came to having the electricity shut off on us!”
“I know, Mom,” he said. “You worked hard. It’s more than that, though. I needed more. I slipped through the cracks at school, and I felt like the same thing happened at home.”
“Because I dated?”
“I’m sure it’s not quite so cut-and-dried,” he conceded. “But you wanted to know why I can’t start up with Gracie. Well, from my side of it, it’s because I need to be here for Poppy. I need to make sure she gets all the attention she needs. She’s been through hell and back, and somehow she’s still got a smile on her face. Well, I’ve got to protect that smile.”
“By not dating,” his mother said.
“By focusing on her!” he retorted. “Mom, last night I read a book with Poppy for the first time, and she had to tell me what most of the words were. I’m functionally illiterate. No one caught that.”
“I tried, son!” she said, tears in her eyes. “I did my very best, and you think that because I had romantic needs that I failed you?”
“Yes!” he exploded. “How many guys did you introduce me to? How many nights did you go out, leaving me with the neighbor to look in on me? Mom, you made a choice—and I wasn’t your priority!”
“You damn well were!” she said, her voice rising. “Do you know why those men didn’t stick? Because of you! Because I saw something in them that made me think twice! Yes, I was lonely. Yes, I needed love and comfort, and forgive me for not putting that kind of burden onto my child! There are women who do, you know. They treat their sons like husbands in some twisted, emotional way, and I wouldn’t do that to you...”
“I didn’t realize that,” he said quietly.
“My first boyfriend when I was a teenager—his mom was divorced,” she said with a sigh. “She leaned on him for everything. All he wanted was to be a regular kid, with a girlfriend and a band...and his mom needed him for everything, from emotional support to being her date to her work functions. She replaced the man in her life with her son. And it wasn’t good for either of them. When I had you, I swore I’d never do that. If I needed romance, I was going to look for it—and I was going to find emotional support from men my own age!”
Billy sighed. It looked like they were all reacting to something, didn’t it? Something didn’t work, and everyone grimaced and veered left, looking for a better path.
“I’m glad you didn’t do that, Mom,” he said with a low laugh.
“Thank you,” she said with a sad smile.
“And I’m not going to do that to Poppy, for the record.”
“I know that,” Heather said quietly. “Here’s the thing, kiddo. I was looking for the kind of man who could love you just as much as I loved you. I wanted a man who’d stand by us, respect us both and be a good role model to you as you grew up. I didn’t find him, but that’s what I was looking for. And now I’ve found a good guy, son.” She wiped her eyes and went on. “He’s everything I was looking for back then, and more. He’s kind. He doesn’t want to get between me and my son, either. He understands when I need to take care of my other relationships on my own... He’s adoring, but not smothering. He’s handsome...and...” She winced. “He asked me to marry him.”
“Oh...” Billy let out a long breath. “Yeah?”
“This morning.” She smiled hesitantly.
“Congratulations, Mom,” he said, his throat thickening with emotion. “Wow. He seems like a good guy.”
His mother...getting married. It was what she’d wanted all this time, and he was happy for her. But he was also a little heartbroken, and he couldn’t explain why.
“Son, I was wrong to put so much of my energy into finding some romance,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry... To think I wasted all those years with men unworthy of being your stepdad. And I find him now!”
“Hey...it’s the past,” Billy said, reaching out to squeeze his mother’s hand.
“I just wish I’d found him when I was young like you,” she said softly. “The right one...that match is worth the time you put into it. I do believe that. And the right woman won’t take you away from Poppy—she’ll love that girl just as much as you do.”
Except Billy had found the woman to both fill his heart and Poppy’s. He’d found her years ago and never realized what a gift she was in his life. And Grace didn’t trust him to love her like she deserved to be loved...because he’d been a blind idiot before.
* * *
“YOU PROMISED ME one day together,” Connie said, leaning against the doorframe of her daughter’s bedroom.
Grace wiped a tear from her cheek and turned away from the open suitcase on her bed. “Mom, I need to get home...”
Her heart ached in her chest. She’d cried for the best part of the morning. She’d told herself she wouldn’t grieve for this man twice, and yet here she was doing just that. Loving him was a miserable mistake that she kept slipping into, even when she knew better.
“You are home!” her mother countered.
“You know what I mean.” Grace tossed another folded shirt into the suitcase. “I need to get away from here—”
“From Billy, you mean.” Connie came into her room and sank onto the edge of the bed. “You’re running from your feelings.”
“I’m not.” Grace sighed. “Fine. I am. And I have every right to. Now he loves me, and it still won’t work!”
“He loves you? Did he say that?” Connie flipped the suitcase shut and caught Grace’s hand. “Sit down and talk to me!”
Grace sniffled into a tissue, then sank onto the bed, next to her mother. “It won’t work.”
“But...”
“He told me last night. We talked about it. We’re in love with each other, but he’s focused on being a good dad right now, and me... I don’t trust him.”
“To be faithful?” her mother asked, frowning.
“Right now I seem like a good thing because he’s overwhelmed as a new dad. I’m Poppy’s teacher, and I can support him in getting her settled. But I don’t want to be that—the friend who slides into his life because he needs a mother for his child. I need to be more than that—the one who fills his heart because of who I am, not what I can offer him.”
“You’ve changed, though,” her mother said quietly.
“Yeah?” Grace asked sarcastically. She looked at herself in the mirror above her dresser. Just her face was visible—eyes puffy, hair pulled back in a ponytail. “I look the same as I always did...”
Sad, she realized. She’d spent a lot of years being sad, and hoping for more but nev
er getting it.
“No, dear, you’re different,” Connie said matter-of-factly. “You’ve deepened, matured. You changed the way you dress, the way you do your hair, the way you face the world.”
“And I wake up makeup-free!” she retorted. “How can you say that clothes make any difference in who I am?”
“Because they show how you see yourself!” Connie retorted. “Three years ago, you saw a fat girl in that mirror. You tried to hide in your clothes, and you loved a man who never saw you.”
The words stung, and Grace winced. It was how she felt, and yet she’d still hoped for more with that handsome cowboy. Silently hoping... It had been stupid.
“I’m no thinner, Mom,” she said, tears choking her voice.
“Neither am I, but you no longer dress like you’re trying to hide,” Connie said, leaning forward. “You dress like the beauty that you are, and frankly you demand a whole lot better treatment from the world around you! I’m so proud of you, baby, because you finally see yourself the way you are!”
Grace sighed. “The way I am...”
“Beautiful.” Connie’s eyes misted.
“I learned that from you,” Grace said, shooting her mother a wobbly smile.
“And you’re being a little hard on Billy right now.”
“I don’t think so,” she said with a sigh. “I want what you and dad have. I want a guy who sees the beauty in me like dad does in you. I don’t want to be dieting for the rest of my life. I want to be living!”
“Amen,” her mother said with a small smile. “Have you asked for that?”
“Asked...” She shot her mother a confused look. “I shouldn’t have to.”
“Yes, you do. Here’s a painful truth,” her mother said, her tone firming. “We all want someone to see our value when we don’t see it in ourselves. But people don’t—not at first. A lot of times, we have to ask for what we want. Your dad doesn’t read my mind—I tell him what makes me happy and what ticks me off. I tell him exactly what I’m worth, in so many words. Your father is a wonderful man, dear, but give me some credit, too!”
Grace laughed softly. “Sorry.”
“You changed while you were in Denver, and Billy noticed because he saw the woman that you finally decided to be! He didn’t notice the woman in you when you hadn’t found her yet, either!”
“I was still a woman!” Grace retorted.
“A woman, yes, but not this woman,” her mother replied. “The woman who takes pride in her appearance and works her tail off for the stuff she cares about. This isn’t about weight—it never was! This woman is willing to walk away from the love of her life if she can’t be sure of that love lasting. And I can’t judge that... Only you can. But if you’re holding yourself back because it took him ten years to see the woman you are... Well, it took you thirty years to get here, too.”
Grace smiled weakly. “It’s complicated, Mom.”
“I know.” Connie rose to her feet. “But you might want to forgive him for falling in love with such a lovely creature. You’re truly breathtaking, inside and out. Take your mother’s word for it.”
Grace stared at her mom for a moment, then swallowed hard.
“You promised me a day together,” her mother added. “And I’m not giving it up.”
“Fine.” Grace sighed.
“Get dressed,” her mother said. “We’re going to look nice. Together. Mother and daughter.”
“All right, all right,” Grace said, and her mother left the room, closing the door behind her.
Was it possible that her mother was right? Was it as simple as asking for what she wanted? Grace wasn’t willing to bet the rest of her life on it. People had their types, and people didn’t change something so fundamental about themselves. Even if she asked him to.
CHAPTER TWENTY
BILLY PUT HIS truck into Park and sucked in a stabilizing breath. His mother’s words were still ringing in his ears. The right woman won’t take you away from Poppy—she’ll love that girl as much as you do.
Billy looked at the Beverly house—so nicely kept, so appealing. He’d always been mildly jealous of the way Grace had grown up, but now he realized that he’d had it better than he’d thought. At least he had a mom who loved him. She might have messed up, but she’d had a lot of hurdles.
Billy got out of his vehicle and started toward the house, but before he got there, the side door opened and Grace appeared in the doorway. She was wearing boots, a creamy sweater and no coat. She came outside a few steps into the crunchy snow and wrapped her arms around herself. His heart squeezed inside his chest at the very sight of her.
He stopped just short of pulling her into his arms, and looked down into those clear blue eyes.
“Hey...” he said softly.
“Hi.” She hitched up her shoulders against the cold. “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”
“Nope.” He grinned as he took off his coat and settled it around her shoulders. The brisk wind whipped through his shirt, but he wouldn’t be distracted by it. “I’m supposed to be right here. I couldn’t let you leave without...” His smile fell. “Gracie, you know I love you.”
“I love you, too. I have for years. It isn’t enough!” she said. “I’m the easy way out right now—”
“Easy?” he said with a short laugh. “You call this easy?”
“I’m here. I’m convenient.”
“You’re not convenient. Your life is in Denver!” he retorted. “And if you think I’m here because I need a mom for my daughter, you’re way off.”
“Plus, I thought you said you had to focus on Poppy,” Grace said, tugging her hand free.
“I’m not dating around. If it’s not you, then I’m just going to be a single dad. That’s it.”
He looked toward the window, where Grace’s mother stood watching them. Great. An audience. “I talked to my mom like you wanted me to, and she made me realize that the right woman makes all those problems go away. If I’m with the right woman, she’ll love Poppy like I do. There won’t be any competition. If I’m marrying her, then we become a family.”
“Marrying?” Grace whispered.
“You’re it, Grace,” he said softly. “There’s this kids’ book my mom gave me when I was pretty young. Obviously I never read it back then, but I did read it with Poppy.”
“You read her a story?” Grace said, tears springing to her eyes.
“Yeah. Well, Poppy helped me a lot, but we got through it together. But there’s this part that talks about how the mom’s life is completely changed when the child comes along. She sees the world differently. When Poppy came along, my life turned upside down, and it’s not going to go back again. I’m a dad now. The whole world looks different. So I didn’t see you before—not fully—and I can’t change that. I can’t take it back. But I can tell you that I’m not the same guy I was before, either. I’m...a dad.”
“I don’t want to be the one you choose for rational reasons over—” she began, and he closed the distance between them, covering her lips with his. He kissed her long and deep, pulling her close against him. When he pulled back, she looked up at him blearily.
“I want you,” he whispered. “I want all of you. I want a wife! I want a life partner. I want you by my side when Poppy is grown and out of the house and starting her own life. I am asking you to be Poppy’s mom, but I’m also asking you to be my soul mate, my resting place, my partner in all of this. I’m asking you to come home to me, and to let me come home to you. Grace, my whole world is tipped upside down, and you’re a part of that. You make me a better man.”
“What about what I want?” she asked, her voice firming.
“What do you want?” he asked, searching her face.
“I want you to be sure of this—absolutely sure. I want a man who puts me and our child first. If things get hard between us,
I want you to come home and talk to me about it. Me, no one else. I want date nights. I want thoughtful gestures...and I want you to tell me what you’re feeling and going through, and not hide it from me.”
“Done.” A smile tickled the corners of his lips.
“And I want compliments,” she said. “Daily. That’s something that matters to me. My dad always tells my mom how beautiful she is, and I want that.”
“I don’t compliment you?” he asked with a small smile. “That’s one thing I do pretty well, I think.”
“I’m just putting it out there,” she replied. “For the record.”
“Okay, well, you’re beautiful. You’re smart. You’ve got this way of seeing the world that makes me think, and I like that. You’re kind—have I told you lately how much that means to me? And, Gracie...you’re perfect. Inside and out. I wouldn’t change a thing. And I mean that. Not a thing.”
“You’re sure about me?” she asked softly.
“I’ve never been more sure in my life, Gracie. Does this mean...?”
“What about our jobs?” she whispered. “I have a full-time teaching position waiting for me in Denver, and you’re so good at what you do here... If we’re getting married, we have to figure this out!”
His heart was hammering hard in his chest, and a grin broke over his face.
“I don’t care. Wherever we go, as long as we’re together, we’ll find a way,” he said. “I’ll go to Denver if that’s what you want. Or if there’s a way for you to stay here, we can settle down in Eagle’s Rest... Just tell me that was a yes!”
Grace’s eyes brimmed with tears and she nodded. “That was a yes.”
Billy gathered her up in his arms and kissed her all over again. He felt a flood of relief, like his heart had finally come home.
“I love you...” he whispered.
“I love you, too!”
“We need to shop for a ring,” he added with a grin. He looked up at the window again, and this time he saw Connie with tears in her eyes and her hands clutched in front of her heart. Yeah, he had her mom’s support, at the very least.
Falling for the Cowboy Dad Page 22
