Face the Music

by Salsbury, JB

“About you and Ash?”

  And that is exactly the phrase I was trying to avoid.

  “She’s an amazing person,” Bethany says. “You’d be doing yourself a huge disservice by not at least exploring a friendship with her.”

  “We are friends.”

  She tilts her head. “Since when?”

  “Since—wait, what do you mean?”

  “Do you guys hang out like friends do?” She waits for my answer with lifted brows.

  “Well, no, but when we see each other, we’re friendly.”

  The edges of her mouth turn down. “That’s not the same.”

  “I have a lot going on at the church right now.” I don’t give details on the investigation because if it gets back to Jes, he’s sure to call in his cavalry of high-paid attorneys and I fear that will bring more attention to the case, as well as make me look guilty. Which, of course, I’m not. “Between that and Elliot, I don’t have a lot of time for friends.”

  “That’s a lie.”

  I sway away from her, offended. “No, it’s not. I don’t lie.”

  “Whatever,” she says with a hoity expression. “Justify it all you want, it’s still a lie. You don’t want to have time for friends. But you could if you tried.”

  “I know what you’re doing. You’re hoping we’ll hang out a few times and get closer and eventually something stronger than friendship will form between us.” The idea of that isn’t totally repulsive to me, which is a surprise. The idea of being in any kind of relationship with a woman other than Maggie has made me sick to my stomach since she died. “I am and always will be in love with Maggie.”

  “Okay,” she says.

  “That’s it?”

  “Yeah. I want what’s best for you. If being alone is best, then have at it.” She tidies up the coloring books and crayons from earlier in the night. “I feel like…” She looks thoughtfully at the table, then at me. “Didn’t you give a sermon once on how we weren’t designed to be alone?”

  “That’s not exactly—”

  “I remember it now. You said we were designed to live in community with others—”

  “And I do.”

  “‘It is not good for a man to be alone’ is what you had quoted from Genesis two, I believe.”

  I grind my teeth, frustrated by her memory.

  “And I’m pretty sure God wasn’t talking about getting a dog.”

  “I’m going to check on Elliot.”

  “You do that.” She sounds way too proud.

  I head toward Elliot’s room, grateful to get away from the heat of Bethany’s interrogation. She’s right, I did give a sermon on the topic of being alone and marriage and living in community with others, and she threw my words—no, God’s words—right back in my face. I can’t argue with—

  “Do you think I’ll ever get to have a mom?”

  My feet still in the hallway at the sound of Elliot’s question.

  Ashleigh makes a frustrated sound. “I’m sorry, midget. The book said Owl Babies, I had no idea it was about an owl mom.”

  “It’s one of my favorites,” Elliot says, then yawns. “Because at the end, the momma owl comes home.”

  “You’re killin’ me, kid,” Ash murmurs. “You know, not all moms are awesome. Some are complete dicks.”

  I cringe at Ashleigh’s choice of words, but I’m more interested in the content of her conversation. I lean in closer to listen.

  “Was your mom mean?”

  “She was. And although I haven’t spoken to her in, gosh… maybe eight years, I’m willing to bet she’s still mean.”

  “What did she do?”

  “Well…”

  Bethany finds me in the hallway, and I put my finger to my lips. She nods and joins me just shy of Elliot’s doorway.

  “My mom and dad had a lot of rules. Really hard rules to follow.”

  “Like what?”

  “Let me think… well, one thing I remember is I wasn’t allowed to watch TV or be on a computer unless it was for school.”

  “Not even Disney?”

  “Nope, not even Disney. I had to eat all the food on my plate for every meal, even if I was sick, and if I didn’t eat it, I found it on my plate at the next meal and the next and the next until I ate it.”

  “Even if it was Brussels sprouts?”

  “Yes, even those. Gross right?”

  I catch Bethany’s eye. She’s frowning, her expression matching my own. Ashleigh’s parents sound a lot like mine, but possibly worse.

  “My mom used to spank me for spilling water on the carpet. She was much harder on me than my dad.”

  “My dad sends me to time-out in the corner when I disobey.”

  “Time-out doesn’t sound so bad.”

  “Sometimes he puts himself in time-out.”

  What?

  “What do you mean?” Ashleigh asks.

  I’m dying to hear this. I lean in closer.

  “He sits for a long time, just staring at the wall. Just like in time-out.”

  Even as she says the words, I’m looking at mine and Maggie’s wedding photo hanging in the hallway. We were so happy, the future ahead of us. If I’d only known then that our happiness had a timeline. A very short timeline—

  Bethany softly clears her throat. When I look at her, I see I’ve confirmed Elliot’s observation. I don’t stare at just a wall—I get lost in photos of Maggie. For longer than I think Elliot even notices.

  “Here’s the thing,” Ashleigh says. “Most of the things kids hate, adults love. So you might hate taking a nap, but guess what? Adults love naps. And you probably don’t like coffee, but adults live on the stuff. Maybe your dad likes having time-outs. They probably make him happy.”

  Such a weird thing to hear the word happy said so sadly.

  “I don’t think my dad is happy. He’s always tired, and when he stares at the wall, he looks sad. He thinks about my mom a lot.”

  “He loves your mom very much. A woman should be so lucky to have that kind of love. You, little lady, take lessons, okay? Never settle for less than the kind of love your dad has for your mom. He’s a great man.”

  There’s a rustling of sheets, then the click of the light.

  “You better get to sleep or your dad might put me in time-out.”

  I smile.

  “Aren’t you going to pray?” Elliot says.

  There’s a moment of silence. I wonder if Ashleigh is going to call me in or make an excuse, but then I hear her voice with a softness I’ve never heard from her before.

  “Dear God, thank you for Elliot and the brave girl she is. Thank you for her dad and for the love he gives her, for the example he sets for her. Thank you for Aunt Bethany and how much she loves to spend her money.” She pauses. “And if you could find it in you, Lord, to give Jimmy Parker a nasty case of lice or athlete’s foot, we’d be forever grateful. Amen.”

  Bethany giggles softly and I stare at my feet, smiling.

  “Good night, midget.”

  My daughter yawns hard then whispers, “Good night.”

  Ashleigh heads out of the room but stops before leaving, looking back one more time with a soft smile. I fist my hands at my sides to keep from pulling her to me and hugging her hard. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the moment she just had with Elliot, for her honesty, and for giving my daughter an outlet. Elliot’s never opened up about these things to me.

  Ashleigh steps out into the hallway and sees us lurking. She jerks in surprise and whispers, “Jesus, shit!” Her hand on her chest, she breathes deeply. “You assholes scared the shit out of me.”

  Bethany loops an arm over her friend. “Only Ash can drop three bombs and one blaspheme in a matter of seconds.”

  “How long have you creepers been out here?”

  Bethany opens her mouth to answer, but I beat her to it with a, “Not long. Seconds only.”

  My sister-in-law shakes her head.

  Okay, fine, maybe I lie sometimes.

  Chapter Nin
e

  Ashleigh

  “Stormie!” I’m ripping through my closet on Monday afternoon, prepared to slaughter my roommate. Again. “Did you take my leather shorts!”

  Where the hell are they? I got them back from the dry cleaners last week and I swore I hung them up right here, between my assless chaps and leather halter.

  “Stormie!”

  “What?”

  I swivel my head around to find Stormie in my doorway, looking annoyed. Welcome to the club, bitch. “Did you take my leather shorts?”

  “I borrowed them on Friday, but I thought I put them back.”

  “Borrowed them for what?” We worked similar shifts at the nightclub on Friday. I would’ve noticed her wearing my favorite short shorts.

  She tilts her head as if to ask what do you think?

  My mouth falls open and I gape like a fish before I snap my jaw closed in irritation. “Don’t tell me you wore my shorts on a date.”

  “No, no.” She leans a shoulder against the doorframe. “You know I don’t date.”

  I fist a random piece of clothing in my closet to keep from lurching toward her and grabbing her by her hair. “Did you fuck in my shorts, Stormie?”

  It’s not really a question. By the look on her face, I knew the answer before I asked.

  “I’ll wash them for you.”

  “Dry cleaned. Twice. And what in the ever-loving hell made you think it would be okay to take my work clothes to screw some guy in?”

  She holds up a finger tipped with a long black fingernail. “I did not screw a guy in them. They’re way too tight. I took them off first.”

  I blink rapidly, my grip on the clothes keeping me grounded. “But you had them on before and…” I swallow a bit of bile that rushes up my throat. “After.” Ew.

  “Duh. Anthony went nuts for them, by the way. Even said I wear them better than you—”

  “Anthony?” Okay, now I do release the clothes and cross to her. “You had sex with Anthony?”

  Three nights after he had me to his house and tried to have sex with me, he had sex with my roommate?

  “Oh shit.” Her face gets serious. “You’re not into him, are you? I thought you guys were casual fuck buddies.”

  “No, we’re not that. We’re not any of those things.” Not anymore. So then why do I care? I don’t. Not really. It’s just… “Stop taking shit that doesn’t belong to you.”

  “I’m sor—”

  I slam the door in her face and lock it.

  She drives me insane! After spending the day with Bethany, I was reminded of how easy our friendship is. How easy she is to coexist with. She would never take something out of my closet, and if she was in desperate need to borrow something, she would always ask first and return it cleaned.

  Stormie already bugs the shit out of me. Remembering how good I had it living with Bethany has only put Stormie’s weaknesses under a microscope.

  I grab a pair of black-and-white checkered leggings, high-heeled booties, and a white lace bra and sheer black shirt. It’s not what I usually wear to work, but I’m going to hook up with Bethany for an early dinner and want to dress appropriately for Olive Garden.

  As for Anthony… well, it’s not that he slept with Stormie that bothers me. It’s that I couldn’t seem to conjure up even the tiniest bit of interest physically the last time we were together. Stormie doesn’t have a problem at all, which is infuriating. What the hell is wrong with me? It’s like my sex drive Thelma-and-Louise’d it. Boom!

  I take my time getting ready—putting in the extra hour to make my makeup perfect and curl my hair just enough to make it look natural—and finally get dressed. It’s nearly five when I leave the house. I work the late shift tonight, so I don’t have to be in until seven.

  My car slows as I approach Ben’s house. I’m nervous when I see his black Jeep Cherokee in the driveway. I knew there was a chance we’d run into each other tonight, but I never expected to feel this jittery.

  It’s been a long time since the thought of a man gave me butterflies.

  Just my luck the one man who manages to get me going is totally unavailable.

  I try not to think too much on why that is and pull my keys from the ignition, then make my way to the door. I knock twice and smile when the door opens, expecting to see Bethany.

  The good news is there’s nothing wrong with my sex drive after all.

  Ben smiles softly. “Hey, Ash.”

  Ahhh… why does hearing him call me Ash feel so good? “Hi, Ben.”

  We stand there for a few seconds, eyes locked, until he blinks and steps back to let me inside.

  “You look nice,” he says as I pass by him into the house. “Do you girls have big plans?”

  Elliot and Bethany are at the table, bent over what looks like homework or coloring pages.

  “I’ll be right there. We just have two more to finish,” Bethany says.

  I give her a thumbs-up. “Nope, just a quick dinner and then I’m off to work.” I look everywhere but at him because I can see he’s wearing exercise shorts and I don’t want to get caught checking out his package. “How about you?”

  “Nothing much.” God, why is he staring at me? I’m not looking directly at him, but I can feel his eyes eating me alive.

  “Any luck with the nanny sitch?”

  Bethany looks up from what she’s doing. Her gaze moves between Ben and me, and why is she grinning?

  “Yeah, uh…” He looks at Bethany then back at me. “We’ve had a bit of a development.”

  I focus on his hair, but that’s a mistake because ever since he started wearing it a little longer, I’ve wondered what it would feel like between my fingers as he kisses down my neck.

  My thoughts cut off abruptly when he steps into my space. “Could I talk to you? In private?”

  I can feel my heartbeat between my legs. That can’t be a good thing.

  “Sure.” I follow him to the hallway, and when I pass Bethany, I mouth, “What the fuck?”

  She shakes her head and shooes me to follow Ben. He pauses at his bedroom door, then seems to rethink his path and takes me to Elliot’s room. When the door clicks shut behind me, that pulse between my legs intensifies.

  Being in a bedroom alone with Ben Langley has been a fantasy of mine since we met. But I never imagined it with so many stuffed animals, Barbies, or a princess bed, which reminds me I’m not here for the reason I’d hoped I would be.

  My palms sweat as my sexual fantasy now feels a lot more like being stuck in the principal’s office. I’m almost positive Ben wants to talk to me about what Elliot and I talked about last night. She probably shared our conversation with her dad and he’s gearing up to scold me for my language or to tell me to mind my own business.

  He sits on Elliot’s bed, his hands braced flat on the mattress slightly behind him so he can lean back. “About last night…”

  I knew it. Fuck. Air squeezes from my lungs. “I’m so—”

  “Thank you.”

  If I hadn’t been wearing high heels since I was ten years old, I may have fallen flat on my ass, but thankfully I stayed upright even as the long stems swayed beneath me.

  “You are one of the most…” He seems to chew on the right word to use.

  Flakey. Immature. Unreliable. My brain continues to auto-finish his sentence with the most commonly used words to describe me.

  “Real woman I’ve ever known.” He chuckles. “No, you are the most real woman I’ve ever known.”

  “Are you fucking with me?” I whisper, then wonder where the hell that came from because I would’ve sworn I was speechless.

  He doesn’t laugh, but a light smile stays on his face. “No, I’m dead serious.” He leans forward, planting his elbows on his thighs, and looks me square in the face. “You’re amazing—”

  In a tenth of a second, my heart jumps.

  “With Elliot.”

  Not exactly the compliment I was hoping for, but knowing Ben thinks I’m amazing with his k
id might be a bigger compliment than him just thinking I’m awesome.

  “She’s a very special little girl. You’ve done….” I pause, knowing I’m treading in dangerous waters. “You’re a wonderful dad.”

  “Yeah, I, uh…” His cheeks take on the slightest bit of color. “I heard you say as much last night.”

  I pop my hands on my hips. His eyes follow briefly, giving me the sense that he enjoys looking at me but refuses to give himself permission to do so. Funny, I do the same. “So you did hear me last night.”

  He throws up his hands, smiling so big I can see all his pretty white teeth. I wonder what they’d feel like digging into my shoulder. “Guilty. I owe you an apology. I usually don’t lie, but after getting caught, it just slipped from my lips so easily.”

  Annnd now I’m staring at his lips.

  He stands and crosses to me. “I want to know if you’d be willing to help me out with Elliot until I find her a new nanny.”

  He cannot be serious.

  “It would only be a few hours here and there. I can get her to school, but I need someone to pick her up after school and keep her here until I get home. It wouldn’t conflict with your work schedule.”

  “How do you know my work schedule?”

  He runs a hand through his hair. Lucky hand. “Bethany told me.”

  “Ah, so this was her idea.” Of course it was.

  “She brought it up, but after last night.” His gaze settles softly on mine. “I’m convinced you are exactly what we need.”

  I suck in a tiny breath. “We?” I give him the opportunity to correct himself, to take it back, to fix his slipup.

  He grins. “Yeah.”

  Holy fucking shit…

  “See what I mean?” he says softly. “Real.”

  I cover my mouth, realizing I must’ve vocalized my surprise.

  “You can take some time to think about it. Bethany said she could stay through the week and—”

  “I’ll do it!”

  What? I will? I drop my gaze to the floor. What am I doing? I can’t be responsible for a human child. I can’t even keep a fish alive. As much as I like the idea of spending more time around Ben and even Elliot, I have no business caring for something so fragile and impressionable.

  “Are you sure?”