Modern Flirtations: A Novel

by Catherine Sinclair

  CHAPTER VIII.

  Several meetings now took place at Sir Arthur's for the purpose ofconsidering what plans would be best adapted to secure the safety ofMrs. and Miss Smythe, till the dangerous madman who persecuted themcould be secured and confined, on all which occasions Captain DeCrespigny attended, as he rather enjoyed the excitement and interestwith which the story filled up his vacant hours, and, careless of theimpression he believed himself to be making on the affections of MissSmythe, he felt some solicitude respecting her safety, while heexpressed ten times more than he felt, and observed, in his usualoff-handed style, that this was not the only man whose head she wouldprobably turn; but in his own case, though she had almost put him outof his senses already, yet he would rather make an end of himself thanof her.

  Caroline drily thanked him for his obliging intentions on her behalf,and after a lively dialogue, in which the gay huzzar actually excelledhimself, in his fervent expressions of admiration and regard, he tookleave, rather wondering to think how he had been led on in professingso much, and giving himself a lecture as he rode home, on thepropriety of beginning to "back out," seeing that he was gettingrather beyond his depth. Still there were several of the reasons formeeting next day, usual with those who have a natural desire toimprove an agreeable intimacy, a song to be practised, a drawing to beadmired; and Miss Smythe having made a sort of promise to let CaptainDe Crespigny sit to her for his picture in the character of Dromio, asshe was an admirable artist, the offer became irresistible. He hadnever yet entered their own house, as meetings were always hithertoarranged at Sir Arthur's; and a slight feeling of curiosity likewisehelped him to the agreeable conclusion, that he must for once, andonly once, call on the "Smythes," were it only to ascertain what sortof establishment they had.

  Punctual to the appointed hour, Captain De Crespigny's groom rang aconsequential peal for his master at the gate of Rosemount Villa, suchas had not been heard there since bells were invented, and after aconsiderable delay, the door was opened by a shabby awkward-lookingIrish girl, speaking with a powerful brogue, who curtsied with anappearance of most preposterous respect to Captain De Crespigny as healighted, and pointed up stairs, begging him to walk in, but withouthaving an idea apparently that she ought herself to usher him into thedrawing-room.

  Being always pretty confident of making himself welcome, Captain DeCrespigny advanced, and in his usual gay, humorous tone, announced hisown name at the drawing-room door, while he threw it open and entered.To his surprise, he now found himself in a small, not very splendidlyfurnished apartment, stretched on the only sofa belonging to which,there lounged, in solitary indolence, with a quite-at-home look, ayoung man whom he had never seen before. His aspect and dress wereequally singular, presenting that happy mixture of the ruffian andgentleman, not very uncommon in Ireland. Attired in a militarygreat-coat, he wore a most preposterous pair of whiskers andmustachios, long, coarse, and dirty, which looked as if they had beencurled over knitting wires. Taking the last remnant of a cigar out ofhis mouth when the visitor entered, and showing not the smallestsurprise, with a smile which betrayed a set of dingy, decayed teeth,and a very disfiguring squint, he watched the approaching step ofCaptain De Crespigny with a _degag_ look of indifference, saying, in atone of easy familiarity,

  "Och! sure! I always knew a milithary man, for he enters with his liftfoot first! Many deserters who would may-be have escaped, but thethrick betrayed 'em. A curious fact! Will ye be pleased to sit on yourfour quarthers, Captain?"

  A smile of contempt and ridicule curled on the haughty lip of CaptainDe Crespigny, while he proudly drew back, saying, in a tone of greatreserve, and with the very slightest possible _soupcon_ of a bow,"Excuse me, sir, I must have mistaken the house!"

  "Arrah! not at all! not in the very laste. Sure! I'm here for thepurpose!" exclaimed the stranger, starting up from his recumbentposition with astonishing agility, and closing the door. "Isn't itrelations we shall be before long, and why should we meet asstrangers?"

  "Relations! what do you mean, sir? Here is some ridiculous blunder!"replied Captain De Crespigny, turning contemptuously on his heel."Allow me to pass! Good morning!"

  "Well! relations or connexions, it's all one," continued the Irishman,with a look of easy good humor. "My aunt, Mrs. Smythe, dropped me aline to say I would be wanted about the settlement, though, for thematter of that, there is not much, I fancy, on either of your parts tosettle. More gold on the outside of the pocket than the inside,Captain! Hey! excuse me! but as my aunt says, in the matther of money,we take the will for the deed!"

  "You must be slightly deranged, sir," interrupted Captain DeCrespigny, in a tone of angry perplexity; "I have heard that a madmanis loose about this neighborhood, and I need not go far, I see, tofind him."

  "What! Hey! Sure you're not going to forswear all, or say thing youhave said to my pretty cousin, Caroline. We do make short work of ourcourtships in Dublin, sure enough; but when my aunt told me thismorning how soon you had come to the point with Caroline, and nothingleft but to fix the day, I laughed ready to kill myself, and says I,'you beat all Ireland to sticks!'"

  "No more of this folly, sir!" exclaimed Captain De Crespigny, withrising irritation, and in his most peremptory tone. "Detain me hereone moment longer, and I shall send you a shorter way down stairs thanyou ever tried before!"

  "Och, murder! you'll excuse me, sir, but I've not been dipped in theShannon for nothing! This must all be settled as gintlemen usuallysettle these affairs in our counthry! Sure you met my cousin at SirArthur's many a time, and you'll not be afther denying that sheconvarsed with you every day for a matther of four hours!"

  "Perhaps she had that honor, but what then?"

  "Why thin, sir! such things as you said, from such a gintleman, arenot easily to be forgotten!"

  "You are pleased to be complimentary!" replied Captain De Crespigny,turning round his magnificent head with an air of bitter contempt;"but what of that?"

  "I heartily wish," continued the Irishman, with a still strongerbrogue than before, "that every young lady who meets with a gintlemansuch as you, had a cousin like Paddy Smythe to take up her cause, andI am as little to be thrifled with as any man in Ireland! The tonguethat deceives me or mine shall never spake again. I have exchangedshots before now on a slighter occasion!"

  A momentary pause ensued, during which Captain De Crespigny frownedand bit his lip, in angry embarrassment, while, with a look ofunutterable contempt and disgust, he eyed his companion, who thrusthis hands into his ample pockets, and paced up and down the room withrapid strides and determined emphasis. At length, stopping opposite tohis irritated companion, he eyed him for some moments with a look ofstern reproach, saying, in a stronger Irish brogue than ever, and witha torrent of indignation, which gave almost the dignity of eloquenceto what he uttered,

  "You think there are no feelings in the world to be consulted but yourown! perhaps we may prove this a slight mistake! I have married sevenof my cousins already to officers quarthered in our neighborhood atLimerick, and Caroline is the last! Captain Mortimer was introduced toMary at the top of a country dance, and engaged her for life before hereached the bottom. Lieutenant Murray gave his arm to Bessy for thefirst time going down to dinner at Mrs. Fitz-Patrick's, and offeredher his hand before the fish was off the table! We understand thesethings very soon in Ireland! and I would shed every drop of my bloodbefore Caroline shall be disappointed!"

  Captain De Crespigny began now to feel seriously annoyed at his ownposition! Not having lately been quartered in Ireland, he hadforgotten how such affairs are managed there, but at this moment athousand recollections crowded upon him, of warnings he had receivedfrom his brother officers respecting the prudence and circumspectionto be exercised beside the Shannon, though most of what they said, hadbeen listened to with the same incredulous attention usually bestowedupon stories of ghosts and witchcraft. Here he was, however, snaredlike a fly in a spider's web, though without a single doubt of his ownpowers to escape, and with no stronge
r objection to call out thisinsolent ruffian beside him, than the publicity and ridicule he mustinevitably incur, if involved in a vulgar every-day duel with ahot-headed Irishman.

  Seeing that the affair was likely to take a graver turn than he hadimagined, Captain De Crespigny now slowly and resolutely strodetowards the hearth-rug, and turning his back to the fire, in thatattitude peculiar to Englishmen, calmly and sternly looked in the faceof his insolent companion, whose lip became compressed with an air offierce determination, while his dark eye glittered with a triumphantsmile, and in an attitude of perfect _nonchalance_, he returnedCaptain De Crespigny gaze for gaze, while leisurely resuming hislounging attitude on the sofa. Neither gentleman seemed at allinclined to recommence the discussion immediately, and both lookedequally angry, till the Irishman at length opened a pocket-book, towhich, he frequently afterwards referred, with a business-like air,and in a tone of conscious triumph, saying,

  "Will you be afther denying all you said to my cousin only lastnight?"

  "I deny nothing, Sir, except the right you or any human being canhave, with what I choose to say, five minutes after it has beenuttered!" replied Captain De Crespigny, almost delirious with rage,and drawing in his breath between his clenched teeth, while theIrishman eyed him with provoking coolness, and merely muttered inreply, while still referring to the pocket-book,

  "That is not our way in Limerick! Scarcely one of my cousins had acase like this! Breach of promise! Sure it would fetch a verdictto-morrow; but the shortest way is the best! Why, Sir! you told mycousin, poor girl! that you wished there were not another man on theearth, in case she might prefer him to you!"

  "But luckily there are many, or she would have little chance of ahusband!" replied Captain De Crespigny, almost beside himself withrage. "I have said the same thing a thousand times, to a thousanddifferent young ladies, without expecting them ever to think of itmore!"

  The Irishman looked away for a moment, as if some irresistible feelinghad come over him, which he could scarcely suppress, and with a slightquiver in his voice, as if on the very eve of laughter, though CaptainDe Crespigny was too angry to notice it, he sang, while looking out ofthe window, these words, with a very marked emphasis,--

  "Erin, oh! Erin's the land of delight, Where the women all love, andthe men they all fight."

  At length, Captain De Crespigny, losing all patience, followed hisantagonist to the window, and said, in a tone of angry command,

  "Let there be a truce to this most contemptible farce! If you are agentleman, which I very much doubt, send any respectable friend--a manof honor, if you happen by chance to know such a person--to mybarracks, and before to-morrow I shall find, if possible, someblundering Irishman who can understand you, to settle this absurdaffair."

  "That may soon be done," replied Mr. Smythe, "if I am not satisfiedwith your intentions."

  "Intentions!" re-echoed Captain De Crespigny, in a frenzy of contempt."My intentions were merely to amuse myself for an hour or two with arather pleasing young lady, and----"

  "Rather pleasing!! you may be proud of your gallantry!" replied theIrishman, with more real indignation in his voice, than it had yetexhibited. "Perhaps, Sir, being the lady's cousin----"

  "It is no matter who you are! I am not here to be questioned like amember before his constituents. I did not know the young lady had arelation on earth."

  "The more shame to you, Sir, for meaning to deceive her!" replied theIrishman in a tone of stern reproach. "If I were to get all Irelandfor holding my tongue, you should hear the truth. But maybe you wouldbe after giving me satisfaction in another way. I'm not such a wildbeast as to thirst for blood, it can be done with pen and ink!"

  Captain De Crespigny fixed his eyes with stern contempt upon his freeand easy companion, who passed his fingers through his long bushy wig,stretched his legs upon the sofa, and spoke with a yawning voice,while he added in a careless off-hand way, "If my cousin could only bepersuaded you meant nothing from first to last, there's an ensign inthe 42d, with very good prospects, she might have for the asking! Hereis a paper. I prepared it in case you might object to the match; andif you'll only sign this assurance that you meant nothing, for thelady's own satisfaction, you are a free man. It will save us both adeal of bother and fighting. A man who has fought a dozen times likeme, may go out once too often; and my pistols are all at Dublin!"

  Captain De Crespigny paused a moment, irresolute what to do. It was acondescension quite intolerable to have another moment's intercoursewith such a man, and to sign any paper at his request, seemed almost adegradation; but then he saw before him a long vista of vulgarannoyance from this forward Irishman. He was aware that hundreds ofgentlemen would laugh if the story got any publicity, and that dozensof young ladies would feel themselves aggrieved if it becamecirculated that his attentions had been so very marked to an obscureMiss Smythe.

  The tea-tables, the newspapers, the club, and the mess, were all to bedreaded; and seeing that the Irishman had, with an air of perfect_nonchalance_, buried himself behind a double number of the "Times,"which he seemed to be attentively reading, Captain De Crespigny glancedhis eye over the paper, and finding that it contained only a short andsimple declaration that he never had intended to marry the young ladyintroduced to him by Sir Charles Dunbar, he hastily signed his name,tossed the paper contemptuously across the table, and with infinitedignity, strode out of the house.

  Great was his surprise, when descending the staircase, to hear, in theroom he had so recently left a simultaneous burst of smotheredlaughter from several persons. He could not be mistaken! It seemedeven as if there were female voices in the number; but almostbewildered with anger, and happy also to escape, he hastened onwards,threw himself on horseback, and galloped for three hours before he hadregained any portion of his usual equanimity.

  Had Captain De Crespigny followed his first impulse, on hearing thelaughter behind him, it would have been to retrace his steps andre-enter the drawing-room of Mrs. Smythe, when his astonishment wouldcertainly not have been small to see Henry De Lancey laughinglydisencumbering himself of his whiskers, wig, and mustachios, whileMrs. Smith exclaimed, in accents of almost convulsive risibility,

  "Well done, my adopted nephew! You deserve to be my heir! I have oftenheard that my old aversion Louis De Crespigny's exploits wereinimitable in his line; but we needed such a specimen as this. Ibestow the fright upon him with all the pleasure in life!"

  "I only hope, if we ever, in the course of years, meet again, that mycousin will not recognise me," added Caroline, smiling. "It was notparticularly flattering to see Louis in so much alarm! Yesterday,however, when he saw me last, I was certainly looking my very worst."

  "Your worst is better than the best of anybody else," exclaimed Henry,in a tone so exactly resembling that of Captain De Crespigny, thatMrs. Smythe started, and looked round with alarm; while Caroline andyoung De Lancey burst into a simultaneous laugh of frolicsome glee,and continued the dialogue during several minutes, with great spiritand vivacity, till Henry suddenly became conscious, that in imaginingthe words of another, he was gradually betrayed into expressing hisown real feelings, and that, too, with a depth and fervor whichsincerity alone could have dictated.

  Checking himself in a moment, while the color rushed to his face,dyeing it red to the very roots of his hair, and instantly recededagain, he took a hurried leave of Mrs. Smythe, and turning to Carolinewith a quivering lip, he said, in a voice which none but herself couldhear, "I must not say in jest what I feel in earnest! Farewell! Thereare wishes known only to my own heart, and never to be realized, whichI must try to forget. You go to-morrow, and we shall probably meet nomore! Forgive me, then, if I say, that so long as I live you shall befirst in my most respectful and devoted affections; and death only canever make me forget you."

  Before Henry left the ante-room, being in search of his hat, he foundit laid beside an open portfolio on the table, which, having, in hishaste, accidentally thrown down, he began hastily collecting itscontents, wh
en his surprise was great, on turning up one sheet of thedrawing paper, to find there a finely-executed sketch, done with allthe skill and spirit of an accomplished artist, representing thevenerable head of Sir Arthur; and on the same paper--could it bepossible!--an almost living representation of himself. The likenessvery much flattered, he thought--exceedingly flattered; but still itcould be no other; and the picture dropped from his hand in thetransport of his delight.

  Henry again returned to the portfolio, hurriedly turning the leavesover; and amidst a variety of superbly-finished miniatures, he foundhis own countenance over and over again grouped in animated contrastwith that of Sir Arthur. His heart throbbed with joy, when, afterhastily turning to the title-page, he discovered, according to hishopes and wishes, the name of Caroline Smythe; and he leaned his headon his hand, contemplating that name in silent ecstacy, whileindulging for one moment the pleasing, but perhaps presumptuous hope,that he had been remembered with unacknowledged partiality, and thatthe secret was here portrayed with her own pencil.

  He was about then to withdraw, when suddenly the raised and irritatedtones of Mrs. Smythe became unavoidably audible to him, from the roomhe had so recently left, saying, in accents of angry remonstrance,

  "That look of girlish joy when he comes, and the sadness of your eyewhen he departs, might betray it to any one less interested thanmyself; but he has met few ladies hitherto, and on his part it is amere boyish fancy, which, if properly discouraged, will of itself wearout."

  Henry had fled to avoid hearing what was not intended for him, beforeCaroline replied, in a low, agitated voice,

  "I think and hope you are mistaken; but his constancy anddisinterestedness shall be tried and proved. I would rather any manshould cut my throat for money, than marry me for it. A girl offortune, like Midas, turns all who look on her into gold; and I am nota gem to attract many lovers, without a very brilliant setting. I havea romantic desire to be chosen for myself alone--a vain dream perhapsnever to be realized, unless young De Lancey prove constant. If not, Imean to declare war upon all mankind--to be a perfect Captain DeCrespigny for flirtations!--to talk to gentlemen, ridicule, mortify,and humble them!--to do everything, in short, but love or marry anyone of them!"

  Though Caroline spoke these words in a tone of lively _badinage_,there was a tremulous bitterness in her manner, as she turned away,and contemptuously threw upon the table a massive gold chain which sheusually wore, saying, "Lovers! I'll get fifty, and break the heart ofevery one of them!"

  When Captain De Crespigny next visited Portobello, during a reviewof his regiment, he was surprised to see the well-remembered windowsof Rosemount Villa closed, and a ticket suspended over the door,intimating that it was "to be sold or let, furnished or unfurnished;entrance immediately; rent moderate!" and with a feeling of relief hedismissed the whole affair from his thoughts, and the whole family ofSmythes from his memory for ever, while humming one of his favoriteairs,

  "It is good to be merry and wise, It is good to be honest and true; It is good to be off with the old love, Before you be on with the new."