Passionate Wishes

by Barbra Campbell

  ***

  A week with Melody turned my world into a rodeo. Routines bucked free from long-established routines. Plans escaped the lasso I’d used to keep my life orderly. Namely plans for my heart. My burdens lightened when I got to see Melody or even talk to her. My worries eased when I had her to bounce ideas off of.

  I was hopelessly falling for her. Exactly what I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do. What I’d agreed couldn’t happen.

  I’d gotten used to Hailey and me being the family unit. Not many people moved in and out of Hopeful, so I wasn’t hopeful about having a girlfriend in my life, much less a woman who sealed voids I’d long ignored.

  But Paradise closed its doors when Hailey returned and Melody had to start setting up her classroom and making lesson plans.

  Pretending I hadn’t explored every square inch of Melody’s skin and made love to her more in a week than I’d done to anyone the entire rest of my life could have killed me, but I was used to hard work and heartache.

  Intimate moments were saved for when we were alone. We didn’t even hold hands in front of Hailey, although she might have caught us staring at each other enough to suspect something was going on.

  She didn’t mention it.

  Hailey focused even more time on practicing. I couldn’t place what made her singing better, but I heard the improvement and she filled me in on the skills she was working on.

  But her wild streak didn’t diminish. And honestly it wasn’t all that wild, but I’d hoped her elevated interest in music would calm her spirit. The cops let me know otherwise. They didn’t like to arrest local kids and generally called the parents as long as curfew was the only problem.

  The prevailing mentality in our town was that parents needed to decide on the discipline for their kids. Things like shoveling horse manure and mending fences were common consequences, as was getting grounded, which Hailey currently had the displeasure of being.

  Without a car or the privilege of leaving the house, Hailey had to call Melody. She wouldn’t be able to attend her private lesson, but she would have to pay Melody for the lesson she should have attended.

  The ensuing cold shoulder didn’t seem to take into account the alternative possibility of missing a lesson because she was sitting in a jail cell or had a court date. Teen logic at its finest.

  Melody invited me to her house to talk about Hailey and the invitation held suspicious undertones since we decided to be secretive with our relationship. An effort to provide the town’s gossips as little to feed off of as possible.

  I’d gotten spoiled by our days together. There was no other way of looking at it. Unless of course I outright admitted I’d fallen in love. But Melody seemed happy with our arrangement and her job. I didn’t want to rock the boat.

  Sitting on a separate chair from me near her crackling fire, she said, “Taking music away from Hailey isn’t the answer.”

  “It got her attention. She told you she’ll pay for the missed lessons, didn’t she?”

  “Yes, but music’s her passion. It keeps her centered. Without it, she’s likely to act out even more.”

  “She’s mad I made her visit her mother.”

  “It may not be my place, but why does Hailey have to see her mom? From what both of you have told me, the woman’s toxic.” Her comment overstepped a line I hadn’t realized existed.

  Yes, Hailey’s mom was toxic. Yes, Hailey was old enough possibly to have a say. But I guess I’d wanted Hailey to have a mom. When did that become a bad thing? “She’s her mother, and Trish only asks Hailey to visit one week out of the year.”

  I leaned back and crossed my arms. Melody had no idea how hard it was to be a single parent. She was going to rip my heart apart enough, I didn’t need her telling me how to raise my daughter. Or worse, fill my daughter’s mind with ideas she didn’t have the right to plant, and turn me into the bad guy. I couldn’t risk her ruining my last year and a half with Hailey before she set off on her own life.

  “Isn’t seventeen old enough to have some say in that?” Melody offered a weak smile I didn’t return.

  "Kids have to learn respect for authority and dealing with situations they don't like. I only have so long with her then she's on her own." How much of my defensiveness was from facing the departure of not one, but two people I cared deeply about?

  I stared out the window and watched a kid run up to the wishing well and toss a coin in. Wasted money.

  Melody cleared her throat. “Is there something else you can do for her punishment that doesn’t involve her music?”

  Too antsy to remain seated, I stood and clenched my fists. Time to deal with this now. "It's easy to pass judgment when you're not a parent. Why don't you stick to teaching and I'll stick to raising Hailey."

  Melody’s shoulders slumped with my harsh tone and angry words. I missed her smile and the lightness in her eyes, but if I let everyone with an opinion dictate how I raised my girl, there’d be no coherency in my life, and I’d done a damn good job. On my own no less.

  Her eyes were wide, brows furrowed, and she clasped her hands in her lap. “I don’t have kids. You’re right. But I was one, a lot like Hailey. I had dreams most people told me I’d never achieve. Hurtful comments are burned into my memory. Things like what her mom says. And the more people told me I should pursue something worthwhile, the more I rebelled.”

  “I’m not telling her she can’t pursue music.”

  “But you’re not appreciating how much it means to her. I can’t tell you how many kids are forced to attend lessons. Hailey not only shows up willingly, she’s prepared, she pays for them herself, she’s the most driven teen I’ve ever seen. Going to a music lesson isn’t the same as hanging out with friends. Your actions and your words aren’t in sync.”

  My jaw clenched and I fought back the tide of anger growing in my chest. I didn’t need to be told how to parent. If I hadn’t had practice choosing my words carefully, I would have given her a piece of my mind. I fished my keys out of my pocket. “You’ve said what you wanted. It’s time for me to leave.”

  Letting myself out, I cursed my weakness. I'd let my guard down, let Melody into our family, and now she was telling me how to run it.

  The neighbor watched when I slammed the door to my truck. They could add lover's quarrel to their gossip topics, and I didn't give a shit. I'd been perfect long enough. A couple of weeks of indiscretion were forgivable.

  What was a big city girl doing teaching high school choir in our small town anyway? I browsed my mental record of our conversations and realized I’d been so enamored by her, I hadn’t questioned what truly brought her to Hopeful. If that was her idea of making it as a vocalist, she was the wrong role model for Hailey.

  Chapter 6

  Melody

  My first day of teaching should have filled me with excitement, but before meeting most of my students, I’d already pissed off my star student’s dad.

  I’d only heard from Brandt once since he stormed out when I overstepped and gave him parenting advice. Our one communication was a text message where he told me he was calling our relationship off.

  It wasn’t even supposed to be something that had to be called off, but I’d gotten too attached to him in the weeks I’d been in Hopeful. Spending Christmas morning in his arms watching the snowfall had been the best Christmas ever. How had my fling run amuck?

  My attachment to Brandt was the problem. It snuck up on me, blindsided me that I’d fallen hard and fast. When we had a week of playing house, I’d felt like we had something real. He truly listened to what I said and turned idle comments into sweet gestures. I learned about cows, horses, types of hay, and all the different ways we innately read each other intimately.

  But the package deal of his life revolved around Hailey. Our heartfelt conversations had given me a sense of ownership that I didn’t actually have.

  I saw myself in her and I’d kind of gone Mama Bear, wanting to protect her from all the naysayers. Something no one had
done for me.

  Brandt reminded me he was the alpha. I had no claim to Hailey other than being her teacher, one of many.

  The bell rang and students began filtering into the classroom. Taking a moment to greet each student, the implications of getting a bad reputation in a small town hit me hard. With any luck, the kids would be more worried about who was having sex in their own age group and not who their teacher was banging.

  As each day passed and I was thankful our misstep hadn’t affected Hailey.

  I’d hoped I’d get to see Brandt at Meet the Teacher night, but he didn’t show. A national contest, Teen Voices, was coming up and I wanted to talk to him about it. The kids had to send in an audition tape with their parent’s permission and if selected, they’d be asked for another submission of diverse material, and if they passed that level, they got to audition in person. Scholarship money and visibility were on the line.

  Other than Brandt, the parents must have been curious about the new teacher because over half the parents stopped by. My mind was a blur of faces and names, many of which I’d seen and heard around town, and could finally start piecing together.

  When the evening wrapped up, I called the one parent I’d been eager to see, feeling a touch desperate for hoping he’d be the next one to walk through the door all evening. Why couldn’t I be more grateful for everyone who showed up?

  My call went to voicemail.

  I hung up.

  ***

  The likelihood I wouldn’t run into Brandt in a month had to be pretty slim, but it happened, almost as if he’d avoided me.

  Hailey had been heartbroken when she told me her dad didn't want her to enter the contest. Was there any harm in sending an audition tape? If nothing else, she would learn the process.

  Other than Brandt’s cold shoulder, adjusting to the school teacher routine came pretty naturally. I liked teaching a lot more than I’d expected. There were a couple of dedicated students in every class and it helped me overlook the kids who were in choir because they didn’t know what else to take for an elective.

  Meanwhile, life continued without Brandt, and being the new single girl in town made me popular with the men, but I turned down their offers. Untangling whether I was more hung up on Brandt or worried about getting a reputation left my mind in turmoil.

  The beginning of a new day found Hailey running into my classroom before the first bell. She was talking so fast her words were jumbled. “I can’t believe it. Guess what I got!”

  She didn’t have her books, only her phone which she was flailing in front of me. I took her hands attempting to calm her down. “Take a breath. What’s going on?”

  With her hands contained, her energy had to find a way out and she started bouncing. “I got the email. I made it to the second round. You have to help me pick the types of music they requested.”

  “Wait? You entered the contest? I thought your dad wouldn’t let you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “He signed the form on the last day. But don’t tell him about this, I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet. I literally just got the email while I was in the hall waiting for class.”

  “Your dad’s not talking to me.” The words were out before I thought about them, but I managed to stop myself from saying anything else. No sense killing her excitement with stupid problems.

  Her head dropped. “I wish you guys would make up. He doesn’t even want me to talk about you.”

  I put an arm around her. “Hey, not your fault. Don’t worry about what’s going on between your dad and me. Go tell your friends the exciting news and come in during your lunch break if you want to get started selecting music.”

  “I’ll be here. Thanks.”

  “No need to thank me, you made it through round one all on your own.”

  “The lessons helped. I understand the intention of the pieces a lot better the way you teach.” She was halfway out the door as she finished then darted down the hallway.

  Chapter 7

  Brandt

  Avoiding Melody had been painfully difficult. I’d left the grocery store on two occasions when she was there, and one trip to get my hair cut was a near miss. If I hadn’t seen her through the window I would have parked and walked in.

  Telling myself I could handle being in the same room with her was one thing, but I couldn’t look her in the eyes without dredging up all the feelings I had for her. How long would I stay raw?

  I’d tried to create an environment where she and Hailey could have their thing and I wouldn’t be a distraction. It didn’t prevent me from thinking of Melody non-stop though.

  The one time Hailey asked about Melody and me, I cut her off and told her it was over. Melody was leaving after the semester, so there was no reason to try to match-make. I couldn’t tell if sadness crossed her face because she had been vying to have a mom active in her life, or if it was just because she’d personally miss Melody.

  I’d wondered if that had anything to do with Hailey willing arranging to visit her mom over the summer. Maybe Melody had tried to explain my side to Hailey. She might not be my as undermining as I’d thought.

  Because my latest grocery shopping trip had been cut short, the cupboard and fridge were bare. Instead of grabbing a quick sandwich, I had to run into town for lunch. I phoned my order to the deli so I wouldn’t have to wait.

  At the stoplight, I noticed there were a lot of teenagers out of school then it hit me, it was the last day before Spring Break and the school gave the kids a half day.

  I was glad I’d called ahead because the deli was packed. Heading straight to the front, I was able to avoid the line.

  Peeking around the corner for an empty table, I saw Hailey. Starting her direction, I realized she was eating with Melody. How often did they hang out that I didn’t know about? Guess I’d successfully stayed out of the way.

  Running into Melody had been inevitable, but I wasn’t ready. A strange mix of excitement and hesitation filled me. Better to let things stay finished and eat my lunch in my truck than risk revealing how much I missed her.

  But, they spied me before I could retreat. Melody smiled and diverted her eyes. There was something about them I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Damn.

  The well of happiness at seeing Melody morphed into irritation she might be offering more helpful advice. Better to cut in and remind them who paid the bills.

  I stood next to the table and exchanged pleasantries. I couldn’t deny the energy between the two of them. I wanted that in my life, even if it was short-lived. Then I picked up on Hailey’s nerves, but who could blame her with the way I’d been acting.

  I asked to sit with them as if they might turn me down, and they welcomed me. The damage of my idiocy wasn't irreparable.

  My farce of protecting Hailey had been ridiculous. She was sitting there having lunch with her teacher instead of with her friends. That choice spoke volumes. And I was planning lunch alone instead of with someone I cared for deeply.

  Lately, I'd felt that Hailey wasn't talking to me as much as she used to. Seeing her with Melody, it became painfully clear why. She had Melody. A mother figure. Isn't that what every girl needed. Her mom sure wasn't up for the role.

  There was no adult reason I couldn’t keep Hailey’s trust and be friends with Melody. There was also no possible way I could forget the things Melody and I had done in private. My guilty conscious told me everyone knew, but no one had said anything. Would resuming a relationship with her tip the scales?

  Sharing a meal with them felt right. Something had to give. I had to get over myself.

  Hailey excused herself to get another napkin.

  Melody glanced my direction and I could practically see a glow creep over her face.

  “I’ve missed you,” rolled off my tongue before I could stop it.

  She rubbed her fingers over my hand. “I’ve missed you too.”

  “Do you have any plans for spring break? You could come over for dinner.”

 
Melody sat back, pulling her hand away. “I’m leaving for the airport in about an hour. I scheduled some gigs back home, re-establishing myself.”

  “Of course.” I had no right to feel hurt, but her words broke something inside of me. I suspected it was my heart. Trying to avoid that line of thinking, I changed my thoughts to Hailey and felt like Melody was betraying her. Why? We all went into this knowing she’d be here one semester.

  Melody leaned forward again and grabbed my hand. "Anyway, I'm proud of Hailey. We're set to video chat two lessons while I'm gone since she's nervous, but I assured her there's plenty of time when I get back to polish her performance. She's a natural."

  Hailey had never been nervous about choir performances. I racked my brain for the date of her next concert. Had she cut me out of that conversation too or had I been too busy getting cattle from their winter pasture to their spring grazing to keep up? I pulled out my phone and opened the calendar. “When’s the concert?”

  Melody laughed. “Not the concert. Her trip to New York. For the contest.” Melody’s words got slower and slower as she picked up on my confusion.

  Hailey walked up to the table and froze as Melody finished.

  "I'm sorry, Dad. I was going to tell you." Her eyes glistened and my mind raced back to the only contest I remembered her mentioning. Wasn't it online? What was Melody saying about New York? A couple of bizarre conversations with Hailey popped into my head. She had a lot of explaining to do.

  My chest tightened. “Get three doggie bags.”

  Based on Melody’s surprise, it was unlikely she knew I was out of the loop.

  Hailey rushed to the counter and returned with the three bags.

  “We’re discussing this in private,” I said.

  Hailey stood by her seat and folded the paper around her sandwich and chips without sitting.

  I became aware of the prying eyes from other tables and left while Hailey and Melody exchanged worried glances, but heard them follow behind me.

  We sorted out that Melody had walked to school and the deli so I drove everyone to her house. Her parenting advice might not be welcome but I needed her side of whatever this scheme was and we had a small window of time before she left for the airport. It was the most silent two-minute car ride I’d ever experienced, other than Hailey crying.