To Love a No Good Nigga

by Phoenix Williams

  “Why not wait until he calls you?”

  Sucking her teeth, she said, “Because I want to establish from the beginning that our contact will be on my terms. You can’t let these men think that you’ll follow wherever they decide to take you. You have to show that you have control over the situation or you’ll end up miserable.”

  Amen, I thought. I let Sparrow finish telling me about this new guy and the rest of the hoes while trying to keep my opinions to myself. It wasn’t like I had room to talk. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. If anyone’s house was glass right about now, it was mine and I knew that eventually it would all come crashing down around me.

  Chapter 12

 

  Hours—and a few drinks—later I found myself doing something had I never done before, lurking. I opened the door to the seedy establishment and took a deep breath, immediately regretting it. The stench of weed, stale liquor and body odor assaulted my nostrils as soon as I stepped into the hole-in-the-wall club on the city’s west side. This definitely wasn’t the type of place that I usually frequented, but then again I wasn’t there for pleasure. I was looking for my husband.

  Looking around the club, I found his trifling behind back in the corner surrounded by his goons and some ratchet looking whores. Dean was so busy grinning up in some chick’s face that he didn’t notice me. But his right hand man Piccolo did, and from the widening of his eyes, he knew all hell was about to break loose.

  Normally, I behaved in the classy manner that my mother taught me. I never raised my voice at my husband, nor did I interfere with his business. I always tried to be calm and rational as I spoke to him in a dignified manner. But sometimes a woman had to pull her clown suit out and let her man know she wasn’t one to be trifled with.

  Tonight was that night for me. That was why I tracked his ass down, drove forty minutes into the city and was standing there shooting daggers at him with my eyes at two in the morning. Lifting my head high, I stormed across the room towards Dean and his crew. Before I could even make it halfway, Piccolo grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

  As soon as we were outside, I snatched my arm from him. “What the hell is your problem, P?” I hissed.

  “Not here, Ray. You can’t do this here.”

  “This doesn’t concern you,” I said, looking into his hazel eyes.

  “That’s where you’re wrong, sexy,” he said, pausing to light a cigarette. “If you go inside there and cause a scene you’ll affect business. Dudes will start clowning D and thinking he’s a joke. When people think you’re a joke, that’s when they want to mess with you. That means I will have to start busting skulls around here. I’m not down for that.”

  “Last time I checked that was your job, Piccolo. If you’re not happy with it why don’t you leave?”

  His harsh laugh made me flinch. “Aww Princess, you still haven’t learned have you? You don’t get to leave this life; the money and the power are too intoxicating. Now you, baby,” he paused to let smoke out of his lungs. “You can leave any time you want,” he said softly.

  Silently, we stared at each other. The orange glow from the street light hit Piccolo at an angle, making him look like a bronze statue. His hazel eyes glittered like marbles as they perused my frame. I’d be a fool to say that I wasn’t attracted to him. He was just as tall as Dean, had the same complexion and dressed in the same manner. However, it was his quiet strength and his subtle gentleness that drew me.

  Unconsciously, I leaned into him and lifted my head. My lips begged to be kissed by him. I wanted to feel his strength, needed to absorb it, store it for later when I was alone with my demons. I was so close that I could feel the heat from his body and his breath against my face.

  He wrapped his fingers around my neck and drew my head closer to his. A moan escaped my parted lips as he rubbed his nose along my jaw line up to my ear. “Go home Raven,” he whispered and gently pushed me away.

  He leaned against the building, watching as I got into my white on white Range Rover. I started the engine and grudgingly pulled away from the curb. I was in no hurry to get home to be alone in my cold bed. I would have gone to one of my sister’s homes, but I was in no mood for them. Sparrow was probably “entertaining” one of her many men and Robin was probably counting down the days until she reached menopause.

  Twenty minutes later, I reached our condo in the Loop. I could’ve made the trip back to our home in Plainfield, but I didn’t want to make the drive with so much on my mind. Piccolo and I had almost made a grave mistake. Fortunately, he had enough sense for the both of us.

  Dean only asked two things of me: honesty and loyalty. Wasn’t that ironic? The two things he demanded from me were the same things he refused to give. Piccolo and I both knew the consequences for being disloyal to Dean was death. Well, at least for Piccolo. Dean wouldn’t kill me. He’d beat my ass, disfigure me, but he wouldn’t kill me.

  Walking into my fifteenth floor condo, I set my Birkin bag on the marble end table. I picked up the remote and depressed a button. The wall length drapes lifted and the illuminated sites of the Loop were before me. I had been to Paris, New York, Japan and Los Angeles, but there was nothing like Chicago when it was lit up.

  Stepping out of my silver Prada heels, I let my pedicured toes sink into the lush white carpet. I picked up my babies and walked into my private closet to put them away in their original box. I stripped out of my skin tight jeans and blouse and made my way to the shower.

  I piled my hair on top of my head and removed my makeup as I waited for the steam to fill the bathroom. Stepping into the shower, I finally loosened the reins and allowed my emotions to run free. I was angry at Dean’s lack of respect towards me, fed up with his infidelity and sickened that I had allowed myself to be in this situation. I was bursting with a deep sense of longing. I was twenty-nine years old, married and surrounded by a loving family yet I always felt alone.

  Closing my eyes, I willed the hot water to rinse away my worries and loneliness. Images of Piccolo’s handsome face flashed before my mind’s eye. Instinctively, my nipples hardened, breath caught in my chest and my pussy throbbed. Of their own accord, my hands caressed the twin peaks into painful points.

  “Can I help you with that?”

  A scream lodged in my throat when I quickly turned and realized that it was Dean. He stripped from his expensive suit and joined me in the shower. He didn’t bother to wait for my response since I never denied him anything that he wanted. Maybe that’s the problem, I thought to myself. All thought fled my mind when I felt his hot mouth encase my nipple. I closed my eyes and let him give me the pleasure that I needed.

  Pushing my small breasts together, he pulled my nipples into his mouth, sucking until I moaned earnestly. Kneeling in front of me, he kissed my pubic bone before diving deeply into my sensual waters. Dean’s mile long tongue stroked and tasted everything from my clit to the crack of my ass. I writhed uncontrollably on his face, silently pleading that he wouldn’t stop. He continued his oral assault until he was licking cream from his chin and my body was slumped against the shower wall.

  Gathering me in his arms, I wrapped my long legs around his narrow waist. Dean roughly pulled my hair back, forcing me to look him in his eyes. His eyes said everything that I needed to know. I had better not come looking for him ever again. As usual, I conceded to his demands.

  Gripping my thighs tightly, he plunged deeply inside me. Groans escaped both of our lips. No matter how hard he acted, my pussy always brought Dean to his knees. This was his and his alone. I had never let another man so much as look at it and he knew it.

  We worked our hips against each other, trying to wring pleasure from one another. The sounds of water hitting the marble, skin slapping skin and melodious moans created a sensual symphony that I couldn’t handle. Reaching down, I firmly cupped his balls. His hips pumped into me harder and faster signaling his orgasm. My
walls clenched around him repeatedly, milking him for everything he had. We came together. My name was screamed from his lips while my heart screamed Piccolo’s.

  Chapter 13

 

  “I do believe our baby sister is in love.”

  Glancing at Robin from behind my dark Ray Bans, I smirked. We had just left Sparrow’s house and were now driving down the expressway towards Chicago for some shopping. “Girl please, Sparrow doesn’t know how to love.”

  “That’s not true. Everyone knows how to love, Ray. And if she doesn’t maybe Isaiah can teach her.”

  I rolled my eyes at the skyscrapers outside my window. “You’re forever the romantic, Robin. Doesn’t that ever get tiring?” I asked.

  Robin was always the one to believe in soul mates and true love. I didn’t believe in mess like that. I believed that you met someone, developed feelings and worked at making a life together. If it worked then great, but if it didn’t you moved on to the next person.

  “No, it doesn’t. There is someone out there for everyone,” she said.

  “You think this guy Isaiah is ‘the one’ for Sparrow? I don’t. I think he’s just another notch in her belt,” I grumbled, folding my arms across my chest.

  “What’s wrong, Ray?” Robin asked me.

  I considered lying just so she would stay out of my business, but I knew that she wouldn’t leave it alone until I came clean. “I think Dean’s cheating.”

  “Aww, for real,” she said. Her sarcasm wasn’t lost on me.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, turning completely in my seat to stare at her profile.

  Sighing, she hesitated briefly before answering, “Raven, Dean’s been cheating on you for years. I thought you knew, so that’s why I never mentioned it.”

  “Why didn’t you say something to me?”

  “Every time either Sparrow or I would mention Dean, you would cut us off. You would say, ‘I know what my husband is and what he does, so you bitches can mind your own business.’ After a while we got tired of trying to tell you. Seriously though Raven, you cannot sit here and say that you didn’t know. Chicago is big but it’s not that big. Plus, Dean doesn’t strike me as the super slick type when it comes to cheating. He’s just like Daddy, sloppy as hell.”

  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I finally admitted to myself what I had known all along, Dean was cheating on me. The evidence had always been there, but I chose to ignore it. Piccolo’s words came back to me. “You can leave whenever you want.” Was that what I wanted? Did I want to leave my husband? Did I want to start over all by myself?

  Turning back in my seat, I again focused on the scenery whizzing past. I didn’t have the answer to any of those questions, but I knew I needed to find them soon. I couldn’t keep going like this, pretending everything was okay while I was slowly dying inside. There was no way that I could continue to live in quiet misery with a man who didn’t truly love or respect me. Especially, since I wasn’t sure if I even loved or respected him anymore either.

  Yeah, I had some shit that I needed to figure out, a lot of questions to answer as soon as I was able. The real question wasn’t what if I was going to leave my husband. It was whether or not Dean would let me go.

  Chapter 14

  Two months had passed since I had left Dean. We weren’t officially divorced or separated, we were just taking a break. I needed him to see that I was serious about not taking any more of his shit. I kept the house in Plainfield while he stayed in the condo in the heart of Chicago.

  From what I heard, he hadn’t been using our time apart to evaluate our marriage. In fact, he was having hoes over to the condo every night. That made me angry. Here I was keeping my body clean for him and he was out with dirty bitches every night. Sparrow told me that I needed to go out and meet someone new and finally I was taking her advice.

  I had received an invitation to an art gallery opening on Chicago’s north side and I planned to make my debut as a semi-single lady. I dressed in a cream colored cashmere turtleneck sweater mini-dress, a wide chocolate belt and chocolate over the knee Alexander Wang boots. Chocolate pearls draped down my chest and matching earrings adorned my ears. The last thing for me to do was the hardest. Raising my left hand, I slipped the three carat ring off my third finger and set it in my jewelry box.

  Thirty minutes later, I arrived at the gallery and gave the valet my keys. I stepped inside and was greeted by the low hum of those discussing art, negotiating prices or just trying to be seen. Beautiful portraits, landscapes and abstracts hung on snow white walls and easels, illuminated by strategically placed lighting. I moved across the polished oak floor from one painting to the next, keeping a mental note of which ones I wanted while sipping champagne.

  “What’s a beautiful woman like you doing here alone?” asked a deep, velvety voice behind me.

  Turning around, my breath caught in my chest. “Piccolo?”

  Placing my shaking hand in the bend of his elbow, he leaned down and whispered, “In the flesh, baby girl. But around these parts you can call me by my government name, Pierre.”

  “I didn’t know that Piccolo wasn’t your real name,” I said as we passed by paintings and patrons.

  He paused and faced me. Staring into my eyes, he placed a wayward lock behind my ear. “There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Raven.”

  “What are you doing here? Did Dean send you to check up on me?” My defenses were up. A man like him didn’t attend events like these without a purpose.

  “Don’t flatter yourself, baby. Dean doesn’t even know I’m here. One of the artists is a friend of mine and I came to support. I saw you standing there looking sexy as always and decided to keep you company.”

  “So, Dean has nothing to do with this?”

  Piccolo’s…Pierre’s…whoever’s grip on my arm tightened as he pulled me into a secluded alcove. The dim lights created shadows across his face, making him appear even more handsome.

  He gently pushed me against the wall and placed his hands on either side of my face. Leaning closer, he pressed his upper body against mine until he was the only thing in my line of sight. The fabric of his lightweight wool suit brushed against my exposed skin on my legs and caused me to shiver with excitement.

  “Let’s get something straight, sweetness. Dean doesn’t control me. In fact, in the next few months that name will be a distant memory.”

  “What does that…”

  “I wasn’t finished.” Waiting until I was quiet, he continued, “Right now, I’m getting my shit together but what I want you to know is that you are definitely on the list.”

  “Oh.” My heart was pounding furiously. I was certain he could feel it through his suit jacket.

  “Since the day I met you there’s been this connection.”

  I wouldn’t deny that.

  “Dean doesn’t deserve you.”

  I wouldn’t deny that either.

  “I’m not asking you to divorce him and marry me. All I am asking Raven is…allow me to show you a world of possibilities. Let me show you a world where instead of your control being stripped from you, it will be your choice to give it freely.”

  As quickly as he had appeared he was gone. The loss of his body heat and his words sent a chill through me. Piccolo had done what Dean had never been able to do, mind fuck me. There was a fine line between manipulation and mind fucking. Dean manipulated me. He used my naiveté to mold me into what he wanted me to be, give him what he needed and to achieve the success he desperately wanted. He did all of this by eradicating me of my control, self-esteem, and voice.

  Piccolo…Pierre mind fucked me. As I looked back, it was obvious he had been doing that from the start. He had used his quiet strength to draw me in and leave me wanting for more. Without touching me, he made me ache with desire with his caressing gazes, soft spoken words and gentle demeanor. He encouraged me to be better, calmed me when
things didn’t go my way and protected me when the shit hit the fan.

  Dean tried to force his way into my head and dominate it. Pierre patiently waited for me to let him in and once I did, he didn’t try to dominate the space but instead he occupied with me. Yeah, I was mind fucked and God help me, my body wanted to be next.

  Taking my phone out of my clutch, I called the only person I knew could help me. “Sparrow, can I come over?”

  “Yeah, Ray, I’ll be here.”

  Forty minutes later I was sitting in Sparrow’s living room, relaxing on her sofa in front of the fire. I had just told her about the events leading up to tonight, the confrontation at the club, the conversation with Robin and the encounter at the gallery.

  “So…what do you think BB?” I asked her, calling her by her childhood nickname.

  “Don’t call me that!” she said with exasperation. “First off, you were really sloppy out in front of the club. Dean could have caught the both of you at any time and you both would have been dead. Second, we all know that Dean’s a cheating sack of shit. I saw him around town once with some chick and told him that if he was ever out in public with any woman besides you and I heard about it, I would chop his dick off and shove it up his ass.”

  “You’re always so eloquent, Sparrow.”

  “Third, if I were you I’d sleep with Piccolo…Pierre. That man has had it bad for you since the day he became Dean’s business partner.”

  Gazing into the fire, I whispered, “Can I tell you something Sparrow and you promise not to tell anyone?”

  “Yeah, Ray.”

  “Dean’s not a business executive.” Pausing, I took a deep swallow of my wine. “He’s a drug dealer.”

  “No shit, Sherlock,” she stated sarcastically.

  Ignoring her interruption, I told her everything I had kept to myself over the years. I told her how we had met, how I financed his first big lick, how I stashed the drugs for him and created a false company for him. I told her how Piccolo/Pierre wasn’t a business partner but Dean’s right hand man and enforcer. I told her how I wanted to leave Dean but I was afraid I’d never be free from him. By the time I was done spilling my soul and unleashing my demons Sparrow was wearing a shocked expression.