To Love a No Good Nigga

by Phoenix Williams

  PART III

  Chapter 34

  SPARROW

  The midafternoon’s sun beamed through the blinds of my office window. A few more weeks of winter and the oppressive cold would release its grip from the throat of Illinois. I was worried about Raven. Ever since I spent the night with her two days ago, her anxiety level had risen considerably. Add to that the fact that I thought Robin was pregnant, I was stressed.

  Two pregnant sisters, both of whom were keeping it a secret, and a stalker was all too much for one person to bear. Blue was still running around town “taking care of business” and trying to keep things under wraps from him and Isaiah had me losing sleep at night.

  The incessant ringing of the phone let me know that I was, once again, the only one in the office. “LadyBird Interior Designs, this is Sparrow. How can I help you?” Heavy breathing was the only audible sound on the other end. “Hello?”

  “Sparrow, baby, did you like the flowers?” the distorted voice asked.

  “Excuse me?” I asked, sorting through the stack of bills on my desk.

  “The black and red flowers, did you like them?”

  My breath caught in my throat and the letters slipped from my fingertips. “Who is this?”

  “I know how much you like flowers, roaring fires, and artwork so I sent you flowers, set a fire, and made you artwork on your office walls.”

  Panic gripped my heart tightly and my lunch threatened to resurface. “What do you want?”

  Bitter laughter floated through the earpiece. “I want the same thing you gave me, heartbreak.”

  “I don’t know who you are but all my hoes knew the deal when they got with me. I didn’t do anything wrong!!” Tears of rage and fear fell from my closed eyes.

  “Too bad I don’t see it that way, Sparrow. I’ll be seeing you.”

  The click of the phone let me know that the conversation was over. Sobs shook my body until I vomited on the floor. Tears blinded my vision as I cleaned up the mess and shut down my computer. With shaky hands, I locked up the office and drove home. I called Xavier with an update on the way and called Isaiah, asking him to meet me at my house. His car was waiting for me when I pulled up and I entered the house on shaky legs.

  “’Zay, where are you?” I yelled out.

  “In the kitchen.”

  Slowly, I walked the green mile to the kitchen and found the love of my life. He was 6’4” of melted chocolate with the greenest eyes and deepest dimples that I had ever seenGliding towards him, I kissed him deeply, emptying all my passion, love, and pain between his succulent lips. Breaking the kiss before I lost my nerve, I sat down at the island. “Baby, we need to talk.”

  Damn, those four words could ruin anything. Nothing good ever came after the words “we need to talk.” This was no exception.

  He sat next to me. “Sure, baby, what’s up?”

  Sighing, I wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt and prepared to spill everything that I had been hiding from him for almost a year. I could only pray that he would forgive me in the end.

  “I need to tell you something. Back when we first met, I was seeing three other men. I had what I used to refer to as my stable of hoes. It was basically a couple of guys I would see, they all knew about each other and were comfortable with it. I would keep them as long as they didn’t fall in love. As soon as they did, I would drop them like a bad habit. Now, I’m in trouble because I’m being stalked. I think it may be one of the ex-hoes.

  The house was set on fire, as you know since you were here. My tires have been slashed, black and red roses have been sent to the house and office since last year, and the office was vandalized. Today I got a call from the person, but the voice was so distorted that I couldn’t tell who it was.”

  Silence and the ticking of his jaw were the only response I got.

  “Isaiah, I am so sorry I lied to you.” I grabbed his hands. “Baby, please say something.”

  Snatching his hands from mine, he stood over me. “You played me, Sparrow.”

  “Baby, I didn’t play you…”

  “Naw, you fucking played me. You had me giving you my all and you were fucking three other dudes.” His face twisted in disgust and my heart twisted in pain. “That’s foul. You’re a hoe, Sparrow.”

  “’Zay please…”

  “Naw, fuck you. I’m not trying to turn a hoe into a housewife.”

  He started to leave and desperation took over me. My pride crashed and burned along with my heart. I grabbed at his arms and begged shamelessly. “Baby, please don’t leave me. I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry. I’ll do anything, just don’t leave me,” I cried.

  “Openness, trust, and honesty, those were the only three things that I had ever asked of you. I can’t do this shit with you, Sparrow. I can’t walk around looking like a fool and having my life put in danger because you’re loose.”

  Forcefully removing my hands from him, he stormed out the house and I crumpled into a pile of tears and anguish on the kitchen floor.

  Chapter 35

 

  RAVEN

  Opening my eyes, I stretched as usual, my hands connecting with glossy papers. All over the bed were pictures of me and Dean. There were pictures of us at one event or another, walking into the condo together and me leaving hours later, and of Dean coming into my house late at night.

  I looked at Pierre and could feel the anger wafting off of him, but worse than that was the heartbreak that lurked in his eyes. He sat next to the bed, a black satin ring box in his hands. My heart constricted and I knew I would never forget the look in his eyes as long as I lived. He placed the box in his pocket and stood to leave.

  I looked at Pierre and reached for him. “I can explain.”

  “Go ahead.”

  I bit my lower lip. “I can’t right now, but I will soon. I promise it’s not the way it looks.”

  “Really, because it looks like you’re fucking your husband.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Okay, then tell me the truth.” Silence engulfed us and tension thickened the air. “That’s what I thought. Just tell me one thing, is the baby mine?”

  I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Of course it is. Please Pierre, just give me a few weeks and everything will make sense. I promise.”

  He laughed harshly. “You want me to wait a few weeks? Ray, please.” He stood and I noticed the packed bags by the chair for the first time. “The crazy thing is that I still love you. All I want from you is the truth and I can forgive you, but you won’t even give me that.”

  “I can’t,” I cried.

  “Can’t or won’t? I risked my life and my family’s lives to be with you and you do this shit. I should’ve seen it coming though. While you were sleeping, I thought about all the things I would say to you, all the names I’d call you. Now, all I want to do is get as far away from you as possible, my heart can’t take anymore.” He stood and grabbed his bags before he leaned over me and kissed my forehead, the tenderness of the movement obliterating any resolve I had left. “Bye, Raven.”

  The front door closed and my heart broke into a million jagged pieces that stabbed my bruised soul. Anger, sadness, and self-loathing fueled my movements. I threw on the first dress I saw and matching heels, brushed my hair, and halfheartedly applied my makeup. I had to find Dean. Numerous phone calls and false starts later, I had tracked him down.

  My high heels pounded against the pavement as I walked across the sidewalk, fury in every step. My heart pounded in my chest, threating to explode. My eyes were swollen from crying until my tear ducts couldn’t produce any more liquid pain. A wave of nausea hit my body but I willed it down. Now was not the time especially since I was off to war. Dean had fucked with me one time too many.

  My destination in front of me, I prayed for strength. Things were liable to go all the way to the left and I had to be prepared for the worst. I was about to pull
one of Dean’s moves by coming unannounced. He had always said the element of surprise was the best way to win and I was about to put that theory to the test.

  Using my spare key, I entered his mother’s house. Laughter and loud talking could be heard coming from the back of the house and I moved towards that direction. I entered the room and all eyes landed on me.

  Gathering my strength, I walked straight towards a smiling Dean and slapped the shit out of him. Pure evil stared back at me and he wiped the light trickle of blood from his lip.

  Dean’s mother, Brianna, came beside me. “Raven, what is wrong with you, girl?”

  “I need to talk to your son.”

  “Baby, no matter what he did, and I’m sure it’s something small, you can’t just walk up in here and hit him. He’s your husband.”

  Anger filled me to the rafters. That woman was always taking the side of her baby boy. In her eyes, Dean could do no wrong. I was surprised she was even talking to me given the situation. Understanding dawned. Dean had yet to tell his family that we were getting divorced. I guessed he hoped that we would get back together. The joke was on him.

  Never taking my eyes from Dean, I repeated, “I need to talk to your son.” Catching the hint, Brianna and Dean’s two older brothers left the den. I waited for the door to close before I pounced. “You’re a piece of shit, Dean.”

  “Took you fifteen years to figure that out? You’re not as smart as you pretend to be.”

  “Shut the fuck up or I’ll slap you again,” I said, my hand cocked.

  Grabbing my wrist, he stood and brought my body flush against his. “Don’t do it, Raven. The only reason you’re not flat on your ass with a broken jaw right now is because my mother is here. Don’t press your luck.” Flinging my wrist down, he retook his seat. “What do you want?”

  “We made a deal, Dean. I would do this job for you and you would let me be with Pierre in peace.”

  He crossed his legs and leaned back, the pants of his grey suit rising over his ankle slightly. “No. The deal was if you did this job for me then I would let Pierre live.”

  “So, he can live but just not with me, huh?” I sat on the couch and watched how his eyes devoured the length of my legs made visible by my short purple dress.

  “Did you really think I’d let you two live happily ever after? How many times do I have to explain this to you? This isn’t a fucking movie, Ray. This is real life. As far as I’m concerned, he stole you from me. Men get killed for a lot less out here. He’s lucky to still be taking breaths.”

  Despair filled the open wounds in my heart and I willed myself not cry. “He didn’t steal me. I left on my own accord. Why can’t you just let me live in peace? I gave you fifteen years of my life. I helped you become who you are. Can’t you just give me that? Can’t you just let me move on?”

  Uncrossing his legs, he bent them and placed his elbows on his knees, his fingers holding up his chin. Looking me dead in the eyes, his voice took on a deadly tone. “You’ll never move on, Raven. I’m as much a part of you as you are me. I’m in your head. I’m in your body. I’m in your soul. You are mine. My imprint is all over you. No man who values his life will touch you. As long as I live and breathe, you will belong to me and I plan on living and breathing for a long time.”

  Chapter 36

  BLUE

  “So, what’s the news? Did you fix everything?”

  Looking into my father’s expectant eyes, I shook my head. “No, not yet but I’m coming close. Everything that I predicted would happen has come to pass. Now, I can focus on helping them fix their situations.”

  My father stood and paced his living room floor. At 60, he still was a striking man. His nut brown complexion was free of wrinkles. His brown hair had greyed around the edges, giving him a distinguished look. While most men his age walked hunched over, Jay Bird’s 6’6” frame was ramrod straight. Though he was five years from retirement, he looked as if he was in his early forties. It must have been all the young pussy that he was knee deep in all the time.

  “Blue, I didn’t call you down here to help them fix their problems. I called you so you could do it for them. Be a man and take care of it.”

  I rolled my eyes. Every time my father disagreed with me, he would question my manhood. “Look, I don’t have to be here. I took a leave of absence to take care of matters that have nothing to do with me, number one. Number two, if I just magically fix all of their problems then they will never learn. They will end up back in the same boat and I’ll be damned if I come back here.”

  “Aww, so you’re too good to come back home and help, huh? Well, then why don’t you take your bourgeois ass back to New York?”

  “Man, please. You know you need me here. That’s why you called me. You can’t even help your own daughters because you don’t even know them.”

  That got a rise out of him. “They’re my daughters of course I know them. Not sure about you though.”

  I ignored his dig and stood to my full height. “So you know them? Then you know why they’re in the mess they’re in. It’s because of you!”

  “Yeah, blame me. That’s what you’ve always been good at.”

  “It is your fault. You were so focused on fucking some young whore that you ignored all of us. You drove mom so crazy that all she could focus on was you and your hoes.”

  “I was a good father. I did the best I could,” he said, invading my personal space.

  “Sparrow is so afraid of being like mom that, until recently, she slept with any man with a dick and she perfected the ability to be emotionally detached. Raven was ignored so much by you that she fell for the first man to show her even a small amount of attention. Robin is so desperate for a ‘normal’ family life that she will get it at any costs, regardless of who she hurts in the process.”

  “I did the best I could with what I knew. If you kids couldn’t get your shit together that’s not a reflection on me.”

  I laughed bitterly. Jay Bird could never admit when he was wrong. “You’re an evil bastard,” I sighed.

  “Yeah, and you’re just a bastard.”

  Finally, we were going to address the elephant that had always been in the room. “Let’s take a blood test and find out.” He turned his back towards me. “That’s what I thought. You know I’m yours, but you’re too afraid to admit that maybe your wife is too good for you, that your kids are better people than you are, and that you’re just a piece of shit that is hell bent on sabotaging the beautiful life you were blessed with even though you don’t deserve it.”

  “Get the hell out of my house, you blue-eyed son-of-a-bitch.”

  Ignoring him, I grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the nearest wall. “Let me make myself clear, Jay. You need to get your shit together because if you don’t, I promise you, I will make a trip back to Chicago for one reason, to get my mother. I will not have you put her in the nuthouse because you want to keep your dick wet.”

  I released him and watched him gasp for air. We might have been around the same height, but I had about thirty pounds of muscle on him.

  I turned to leave before looking back at him. “Oh and another thing, if you ever question my paternity again, I’ll beat your ass. I don’t give a damn if you are my father. You’re not going to make me feel like an outcast in my own family anymore.”

  Grabbing my coat, I headed into the cool early March air, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew the feeling wouldn’t last. I had things to do, but first I had to talk with Robin.

  Chapter 37

  JAY BIRD

  I wasn’t as bad as my children made me seem. Yeah, I did some bad things but I wasn’t a complete ass. I loved each of them, including Blue. I just didn’t know how to show it. You see, things had never gone well for me in my life. I grew up dirt poor on the south side of Chicago. My old man was gone way before I had even taken my
first breath on this earth. My mother, well, she was a major bitch.

  I’d watch as men would fall all over themselves trying to be with her, gain her love. I’d also watch as she would use that love to get things that she wanted or needed. Then she would discard them as soon as she had gotten what she was looking for. It was sad really, so many men in and out of my home. Everyone knew about it and I suffered the consequences at school and on the playground.

  I remember one particular man who used to come around, Maurice. He was the only one who would take the time to speak to me and even hang out with me. I had hoped and prayed that he would stay around but as usual my mother put him out to pasture once she got what she wanted. I remember coming home one day after school and seeing him sitting on our stoop crying. I ran to ask him what was wrong just as my front door swung open and my mother let another man out. She looked at Maurice and sucked her teeth before telling me to get inside. After that day, I never saw him again and I knew that I never wanted to love a woman if all she was going to do was hurt me.

  Fast forward a few years and I met Tianna. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was what dreams were made of. The moment we met there was instant chemistry. It was like being struck by lightning. I didn’t want to be with her, but I couldn’t stay away from her. We dated for a few years and I hemmed and hawed about making a total commitment but finally I put a ring on it.

  After a few short years I realized marriage wasn’t for me. The same day that I came to her ready to hand her divorce papers, she handed me a positive pregnancy test. Robin was on her way. For years after that, every single time I was ready to give her a divorce, she would end up pregnant. After a while I just stopped trying and started cheating.

  Don’t get me wrong. I loved my wife, but I was afraid of that love. It was too strong, too overwhelming, and all-consuming. I never wanted those young girls I messed around with. They never held my attention past the sex. They didn’t intrigue me like Tianna. With my wife, I wanted to know everything, what she was thinking, how she was feeling. With those hoes, I just wanted to forget the insane amount of contentment that I found in my wife’s arms. To someone on the outside, it may have seemed crazy to try and reject something that most people were looking for. But I wasn’t most people. I was Jay Bird. A man so scarred by his mother’s actions that I tried to avoid the mistakes of her marks every chance I could get.