To Love a No Good Nigga

by Phoenix Williams

  I took a deep breath and sat in the nearest chair. Shock was all I could feel as Blue detailed everything that had gone down over the last decade. Nothing was left out-- how he worked for Dean, how Pierre came to be a part of my life, and the events of the last few months. I knew Blue was up to something when he first came to town. I just didn’t know that he was playing the role of avenger.

  When his story ended, he kissed my cheek and left the room, Ty and Cedric trailing behind him. Silence filled the space between Pierre and me. I watched him nervously pace in front of me. I let him stew for a few moments before I granted him mercy.

  I stood in front of him and wrapped my arms around his muscular frame. Tears rolled down my cheeks. It was finally over. I was done. I was done being with Dean. My parents’ relationship no longer had the stronghold it once had on me. I was able to finally love a man without desperately clinging to the lies he told. I knew I deserved better and I finally had it.

  I was a free woman. I was free from my insecurities. I was free from fear of being without a man. I was free to love who I wanted without the threat of retaliation hanging over my head. Most importantly, I was finally free of Dean. I knew it wouldn’t be forever. He would eventually be released and come looking for me, but, for now, life was good.

  Chapter 59

  ROBIN

  Men could make even the sanest woman lose her natural born mind! That was exactly what happened to me. These last few months had been pure hell. I had lost a baby, the man I thought I loved, my career, my reputation, and any resemblance to sanity. I was at rock bottom, but at least there was nowhere else to go but up. Walking around my empty house, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  If I worked hard then maybe I could have a normal relationship with a man. I hoped that man was Cedric, but only time would tell. I had to work on me and my sanity first. I had serious issues. My parents’ dysfunctional relationship had affected me more than I had ever realized. I wanted a normal family life at any cost and it almost landed me in jail or the insane asylum.

  My jealousy of my sisters’ relationships had eaten away at all rational thought. I desperately wanted what they had. I knew one day I would get it, but only if I learned to love me first. I deserved more than to be someone’s last resort or plaything.

  I felt bad for Princeton, but at the same time he helped bring this on himself. Had he not used and abused me then maybe things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. I knew that this situation was far from over. I would have to see him and Anita again at court hearings. I just hoped I would be able to handle it when the time came.

  I sighed deeply. I didn’t want to think about that shit at the moment. It had taken up too much of my thought process to begin with. Picking up my last suitcase, I looked around the house one more time. Interestingly enough, I didn’t feel not one ounce of sadness. In fact, I felt relief and the sort of anxiousness one feels before something great happens to them. I stepped out the front door and locked it, placing the keys in the lockbox Ced had installed on the porch.

  I got in my car and rode down that block for the last time. The road ahead was clear and brightly lit like my future while the view in my rearview mirror was dusky like my past. I turned off the block onto the main street, leaving the dark and sorted past that had screwed me behind.

  Chapter 60

  SPARROW

  Lies and sex…the roots of all my problems. Correction! They were the roots to all of my problems. Wrapped in Isaiah’s arms I felt nothing but total peace. Lord knows I didn’t think it was possible.

  If you would have told me three months ago that things would end with me on top, I would have called you all kinds of crazy. I started off with a stable full of hoes, a stalker, and a man I didn’t want to give my heart to. Now I had a wedding to plan, a family to build, and wonderful life to look forward to. Now, if only the nightmares would go away. I felt horrible about Sherry, but I wasn’t surprised about how things turned out. She was mentally unstable. The thought of what she had almost pulled off still gave me chills.

  I pressed my body closer to ‘Zay’s and was rewarded with the tightening of his arms. I pushed the negative thoughts of the last few months from my mind and focused on the future. I had less than two months to plan a wedding. I moved the wedding up to accommodate Raven’s growing belly. I didn’t want her water to break and her and the baby to steal my spotlight on my day.

  Life was crazy. I was now enjoying the one thing I had run so hard from all of my life. Love. I didn’t know how I survived before. I couldn’t imagine my life without ‘Zay and the love we shared. I couldn’t even remember why I ran so hard from him and us to begin with.

  I guessed I was so afraid of becoming completely absorbed by Isaiah like my mother was with my father. I knew now that it wasn’t possible when you trusted the right man. When two people loved, respected, and enjoyed each other they helped each other be the best individual they can be. They didn’t use love as a weapon but as a tool to build a blessed life together. They helped heal the scars incurred through life’s lessons and provided a barrier to future hurts.

  I knew now that no matter how much I ran I would have ended up right here in Isaiah’s arms. I deserved more than fleeting moments of lust. I was done with that. I was done with running from my fear. I was done running from my past. I was done running from love. I was done running from my destiny.

  I sighed deeply. Two months was a short time to plan a celebration, but if anybody could do it then it would be me. It was going to be done in typical Sparrow style: loud and vibrant! Yeah, I had a lot of work to do and more than likely a lot more drama to deal with but it would all be worth it to finally be Mrs. Sparrow Bird-Catcher.

  Chapter 61

  BLUE

  I settled back in my plane seat with Robin by my side. I ignored the interested glances of stewardesses and passengers. Pulling my phone out, I put my headphones in and turned the volume all the way up. I closed my eyes. The flight from Chicago to New York couldn’t end fast enough. I couldn’t wait to get home even though I would be returning to Chicago in a few months for Sparrow’s wedding.

  After months of hard work I was finally on my way back home. Dealing with the Lady Bird’s bull hadn’t been a cakewalk. If I was any other man, I would have been having nightmares but I was a soldier so it wasn’t anything to me. I would lock this adventure away deep in my dark corners soul with the others.

  I kind of did feel bad for Princeton. He had run the wrong game on the wrong woman. Unfortunately for him, he handled it the wrong way. Yeah, Robin could, and should, have handled it better too. Trapping a man never worked out in anybody’s favor. But he shouldn’t have put his hands on Robin. He had better be counting his lucky stars that he was in police custody and not walking around the streets otherwise Cedric would have taken care of him with or without me.

  I hoped Cedric and Robin could finally get their shit together and make it work. Only time would tell. I wasn’t as opposed to it as I would have been years ago. I knew he would make my sister happy and that was what mattered most to me. I was sure they could make a life together if they really worked at it. Everyone needed love.

  I wasn’t looking forward to going home to a cold bed. Nothing helped ease the stress like pair of creamy thighs, but I’d have to wait on that. I couldn’t call any of my young lady friends to occupy my bed with Robin living with me. That would be awkward as hell.

  I also felt bad for Sherry. She needed help but she decided to take matters into her own hands. Lord only knows what would have happened if I hadn’t been there that night. We would have been planning BB’s funeral instead of her wedding.

  Baby Bird was getting married. God help ‘Zay! That man didn’t know what he was up against. Sparrow didn’t know when to sit her ass down and shut the hell up. She never listened and always thought she was right. I guess love really was blind. I just hoped l
ove was also deaf because damn that girl had a mouth on her!

  As for Dean, I knew that situation was far from over. If there was one thing I knew about Dean, it was that as long as he was breathing he would always get his revenge. He didn’t care how long it took. He would wait patiently until he could extract his pound of flesh. All I could do was sit back and patiently wait for the day that Dean would no longer be a threatening presence in all of our lives.

  I was happy that Raven was finally free to love who she wanted. I couldn’t help but chuckle. She was beyond shocked when she found out that I had orchestrated the implementation of Pierre in her life. They were good together. He understood her, loved her, and would protect her. I knew P would make a great father. A way better one than his and mine combined.

  That only left me and Ty as the lonely ones in the bunch, but I had feeling that wouldn’t be for much longer. Something was telling me that the woman I needed was out there and I just had to bide my time. I knew for sure that once I found her there wouldn’t be shit that would stand in the way of us being together. As for Ty, well, there some things about his past he needed to work out before he settled.

  Taking a deep breath, I let the lyrics of Kanye and Jay-z take me away to Paris. This chapter was finally closed. I could finally get back to real life. I put Blue Bird back in his cage and released Dr. B. Maurice Bird. Time would tell if I would have to ever let Blue loose again. Knowing my sisters, I would say the chances were very likely.

  Chapter 62

  EPILOGUE

 

  JAY BIRD

  I took another sip of champagne as I watched my baby girl dance with her new husband, a flurry of white surrounding her feet. In a room decorated in pale gold and royal purple, she stood out amongst the elegantly dressed crowd. The elaborate chandeliers caused the crystals in her gown to sparkle. She looked like a fairy princess, a couture Glenda the Good Witch. I couldn’t help but shake my head. Sparrow knew she shouldn’t have worn white. She was no virgin. From the huge smile on his face Isaiah didn’t seem to mind.

  The love that they shared was evident in every movement. One would have to be blind not to see it and have a heart made of stone not to feel it. They had written their own vows for the ceremony. Tianna had shed tears during Sparrow’s vows but Isaiah’s made her weep.

  He grabbed my baby’s hands and said with a reverence that even the coldest heat could feel, “In a wasteland of ordinary people we somehow found each other. Amongst the rubble we became extraordinary. With nothing but the hopes passed down from generations of loveless souls we soared amongst the clouds. Men, in their ignorance, have tried to possess you. I do not want to possess you. I want to stand by you, to hold you, and to love you beyond eternity.”

  There wasn’t a dry eye in the house, mine included. I had never been overly romantic, but even I kissed my wife deeply after that moving declaration. I had always liked Isaiah, but at that moment I knew my baby was in good hands. I couldn’t ask for a better son-in-law.

  To her left, Raven and Pierre slowly rocking side to side to the beat. Her stomach separated them from completely embracing one another. Raven was about ready to pop that baby out at any moment. Her swollen stomach stuck out so far it was a wonder that she could see in front of her. Pierre waited on her so much and I couldn’t help but laugh at Ray’s ever growing annoyance. I knew that he would protect her and my first grandchild.

  Pierre had done everything in his power to provide a stable and loving home for Ray and the baby. Their home was filled to the ceiling with happiness and love. That was a far cry from the loneliness that seemed to be as much a part of Raven as her natural beauty when she was with Dean. I wasn’t exactly sure what Pierre did for Dean in the past, but none of that mattered now. What mattered was that they were building a life and starting a family, a family that he wouldn’t ruin with infidelity and lies.

  I glanced across the room and my gaze collided with Robin’s. She waved and I waved back. She and Raven both were a vision in purple and gold. I was so proud of her progress. She had come a long way. Her anxiety, jealousy, and guilt had given way to hope. She still had a lot of work to do, but I had to give her credit for at least trying to better herself.

  I felt an enormous amount of guilt for being a bad example of the way a man treated the woman he loved. She had fallen in love with a man just like me, a man who only cared for himself and no one else. Princeton Tillers was learning a valuable lesson: karma was a bitch and her last name was Bird.

  With two of my daughters spoken for, I truly hoped that Robin would open herself up to the possibility of happily-ever-after. I also hoped that she would learn to trust soon and give Cedric another chance. A man could only wait for so long. Unlike my wife, I wasn’t opposed to them being together. It would take a strong man to tame a Bird woman and Cedric looked like he was the right man for the job.

  A high-pitched laugh grated on my nerves and I turned in its direction. It was the young woman Blue had brought with him. I shook my head. My son certainly knew how to pick them. Yeah, I said my son. I had always known Blue was mine. I just didn’t want to admit it. He was right. It was easier to think Tianna was doing the same shit as me than to accept the fact that I didn’t deserve the family I was blessed with.

  Blue was a certified genius, but when it came to matters of the heart he was as simple as puzzle with two pieces. It wasn’t entirely his fault. He had learned from the best. He was following in my footsteps of running from love. From the exasperated expression he wore I think he was starting to realize that his choices in women were lacking. I just hoped he would spend his time in Vegas in a few weeks evaluating his personal life choices. He didn’t need some young bimbo. He also didn’t need any of these black socialites that were staring at him. He needed a grown woman who could appreciate and understand the dark sides that made him who he was. One that had that sexy combination of street and book smarts, just like his mother.

  Blue’s friend, Ty, was on his right and he wore this forlorn expression. My heart went out to him. He had loved Sparrow for so long but it didn’t work out. I knew the reasons why but that wasn’t my story to tell. I just hoped he and Blue would find love. They deserved it after everything they had been through.

  Tightening my arm around Tianna’s waist, I brought her closer to me. Damn, she was beautiful. To think I had spent so much time cheating on her.

  After the confrontation with Blue and Tianna’s ultimatum, I tried to make a real effort at being a better husband. I even started going to counseling to eradicate myself of the demons my mother’s actions had cast on me. I had run so long from the love my wife had to give me, so afraid that I would lose myself in it. So, finally, I stopped running and just let it wash over me. It was as if seeing life in Technicolor for the first time, like being released from prison after twenty years and smelling a rose in the springtime sun. It was great to just bask in it and allow it to encompass me. I wasn’t saying that everything was perfect but things were damn sure better.

  That was the same with everyone in my family. Robin and Blue were doing well in New York. Raven was planning her wedding to Pierre as soon as her divorce was finalized from Dean and she gave birth. Sparrow and Isaiah were thinking about starting a family of their own. Tianna and I were getting back on track and I was being a better father to all four of my children. With any luck the Lady Birds wouldn’t get into any more trouble and there would no more late night calls to Blue to rescue them.

  Looking around the crowded ballroom, I smiled. Yeah, things were better for Bird family. I just hoped they stayed that way.

  ANITA

  Fire and ice. That was what engulfed me. Fire from the liquor I drank nonstop and ice from the depression that filled me to bursting. Life sucked. If it wasn’t for the need to use the toilet then I would never get out of bed.

  Pulling myself out of the bed, I ran a hand through my mussed
hair. I took another sip of the bourbon I cradled to my chest. The bottle empty, I tossed it in the corner with the rest. The clanking of glass on glass gave me a headache. Tears ran down my face and despair filled me.

  My life was ruined and it was all Robin Bird’s fault! I knew Princeton had affairs. In fact, it was me who told him he could do it during the holiday season. I considered it somewhat of a Christmas present. I just assumed he would use protection. I guess what they said about assuming was true.

  I didn’t agree with him putting hands on the pregnant bitch or killing the baby with an STD, but for her to ruin my dreams and aspirations was unforgivable. I had dreams of the Governor’s mansion and I was well on my way before she dashed Princeton’s political success before it even began.

  I had done everything in my power to secure Princeton’s political achievements. I played the role of happy homemaker, I had the little brats, I kept his secrets, and I used my family’s money and influence to secure his political endeavors. I had even hired Robin to redecorate so I could keep an eye on her. I sacrificed for my husband. I’d done things that would have had even him looking at me sideways.

  I did all of this and what did I have to show for it? Not a God damned thing! My husband was behind bars, my children were living with my parents, my yard was full of media, and my reputation was tarnished. All of our family’s dirty laundry would be aired in the public. More and more women were coming forward stating they had affairs with Princeton. Most I knew about, some I didn’t. All of them were beautiful women who looked nothing like me.

  I wasn’t insecure. I knew why Princeton married me and it wasn’t for love. He saw me as a come up, a person to help him achieve his goals. I saw him as a way to validate myself. Did we ever love each other? I didn’t know. Did it even matter?