Jon Smith

by Richard Proctor

  “How is she?” asked Doc.

  “She doesn’t look well.”

  Doc took his bag and went into the bedroom. Five minutes later he came out with a torn look on his face. Jon, Chris, and Amanda were sitting on the sofa just looking at him. Doc stammered for a moment then looked at the three of them.

  “Well I best tell you and as you kids are about grown you need to hear as well. We all knew as did Catherine that this day would come and well she is about at the end of it. Her lungs are filling with fluid and there is nothing I can do. Damn Cancer.”

  Chris and Amanda’s eyes began to well with tears. Yes they all knew the day would come but as a human being you don’t face that truth until it is in front of you. Jon was looking toward the fireplace with a cold stair.

  “Kid’s I want you to go in and see your mother. Tell her. Well you will know what to say when you get in there.” said Jon.

  Chris and Amanda got up and went into the bedroom. Catherine opened her eyes as she heard her children come in. The dark light of the cloudy morning supplied little light to the room, adding to the somber feel of the situation.

  “Come here kids and sit by me.”

  Chris and Amanda sat down next to their mother and tried to hold back the tears.

  “Now you kids have really grown up to be great and I am so proud of you. I remember when you were little and well, I remember.”

  She stopped for the moment and looked again at them.

  “You two have got to be strong for each other and strong for your father. He has a lot on his shoulders.” She gave a half laugh.

  “Listen to me, strong for your father; he is the strength of all of us and everybody else in the valley. Well you know what I mean.”

  “Yes mom we do.” said Chris.

  The three stayed together for a few moments more. Amanda and Chris held their mother’s hand and leaned over and hugged her. For Amanda she had always been prepared for this but even at this point it was hard, as it would be on any one. For Chris it was doubly hard. He had just gotten his mom back and now she was leaving. He tried to fight back the tears but couldn’t. Catherine looked at them both and smiled.

  “Now tell your father to come in here.’

  Chris and Amanda left the room and told their dad that mom wanted to see him. Doc looked at Jon to ascertain his composure but amazingly so Jon seemed together. Jon came into the room and knelt beside the bed, holding his wife’s hand. He looked at her deeply and smiled. Then his face strained into a sad contortion.

  “You know honey, I am sorry I left you and Amanda ten years ago. I am especially sorry now.”

  Catherine smiled at him.

  “Don’t judge yourself, you did what you thought was best and looking back I think what you did was best. Chris has grown into a fine young man and that is your doing. I am not so sure he would have if we had stayed back in that world. Now, please help Amanda in the same way. She needs to grow up strong like you.”

  “No honey, strong like you.” said Jon.

  Catherine began to labor more in her breathing as the end drew near. She squeezed Jon’s hand and smiled at him once more. He leaned over and kissed her on the lips and then her fore head. She spoke with her last breath.

  ‘Jon, I love you and I always will.”

  Jon watched as the chest ceased rising and her eyes closed. He sat in quiet, looking at her and the peace that settled over her face. Catherine Smith was gone, April 3rd 2021. Jon arose and went out into the den. He motioned for Doc to go in but the outcome was final. Doc came out a few moments later, tucking his stethoscope in his bag, I am sorry, she was a great lady. Chris and Amanda sat on the sofa, tears streaming down their face. Their mother was dead and the reality of it all continued to drive home. Jon went to them and put his arms around them to comfort them.

  “Kid’s why don’t you go back to Chris’s room, I have to speak to Doc.”

  Chris and Amanda went back into Chris’s room and shut the door. In their privacy they cried and cried as any one would do.

  “Jon, I will take care of Catherine. I will get her down to my place and take care of her.” said Doc.

  “I guess we should have the funeral day after tomorrow. It is going to take that time to get the grave ready and such. Besides, I think we just need a day here to be here.” said Jon.

  “Sounds alright. I will get some folks and take care of everything. Now go on back with the kids as I need to do some things and I think it best that you be away.”

  “Don’t you need help Doc?” asked Jon.

  “No, I think I can handle it.”

  “Ok, Ok Doc. Doc, you are a good man.”

  “So are you Jon.”

  Jon went back to the back bedroom and sat with the kids. Doc went into the bedroom and wrapped Catherine’s body with a blanket. He lifted her carefully and took her out to his truck where he laid her in the back. He went back in and retrieved his bag and headed toward the door. Before leaving he paused and looked back toward the den.

  “Damn it, damn it.”

  Doc then went out to his truck and headed toward his house. When he arrived he lifted Catherine out and took her back toward his examination room. He took great care with the body as he laid her out. There had been so few deaths in the valley until recently. The people had just gotten through burying Royce and Claire Johnson and now they would bury Catherine. He retrieved a body bag from the back and placed her in it and then took her out to a small out building to keep her cool until they could bury her.

  Doc then got in his truck and made the rounds in the valley. He stopped by Riley’s to let him know the news, and then Mort. He went by the Miller’s and JT’s and soon the entire valley knew about Catherine’s death. Several of the young men got together and headed up toward the party field. It was just beyond the field that there was some level clear ground that had always served as a grave yard. Catherine would be only the sixth resident ever buried there. The young men worked through the day and by evening had the grave ready for the day after.

  That night the Smith house was quiet. The family had eaten a small dinner and the kids, being exhausted from the strain of the day had gone to bed. Jon had too much on his mind and did not really want to crawl into his cold bed all alone. For years he had been alone and accepted that but when Catherine came back to him he loved nothing more than being in bed with her at night. He would snuggle up to her and hold her, some time to her complaint that it kept her awake. Now he would have no such comfort. Jon got up off the sofa and put on boots and a coat. He stopped by the cellar to get a bottle of wine, a glass, and an opener. He proceeded to the back porch where he lit a fire, sat down and began to drink and think. He thought about his life as a young boy in the South. He thought of the cloudy day in November when he came home from school and the cars where all around his house. He and his brother and sister where rushed upstairs to his parents bedroom where his mom told them that their Daddy had died.

  He remembered the call from his brother telling him that his mom had died and how he flew back home to her funeral. He remembered all the past. He wondered what his brother was doing as he had been unable to contact him after leaving and going off the grid. Fact was he did not know whether he was alive or dead. He figured though, knowing his brother, that he was alive and fighting the fight like he was.

  Jon stared at his glass and then the fire and at once his memories changed. He remembered that cute girl with the frumpy clothes that came into his work that day. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her and tried to think of a way to get her in a social situation. A couple of weeks later the office had a happy hour and the situation just presented itself. As the rest of the co-workers left, Jon and Catherine found themselves the last two. He asked her to dinner and before he knew it he was kissing her goodbye at her car. He then remembered the day they married. It was a beautiful day in May in the old sta
te of Colorado. He had never felt happier in is life. That happiness would only be compounded by the birth of Chris and Amanda.

  Life had all been good until the point that his politics and beliefs just took him over. Jon began to wonder if he had become too intense.

  “Did I cause all of this? Maybe it would have been best to just conform; at least the family would have been together for the past ten years.”

  But then the better part of him took hold.

  “No what I did was right, even Catherine said so.”

  He paused and looked at the fire.

  “Oh Catherine, I miss you.”

  Jon finished the bottle of wine and slunk back toward the bedroom. He was not looking forward to sleeping alone but knew he had to. He crawled into the cold bed and closed his eyes. The wine took its effects and Jon slept.

  The morning dawned bright and cold and the Smith family rose to face the cold reality of the dawn. Breakfast was somber as the three of them sat around the table eating.

  “Amanda, how is that leg feeling?” asked Jon

  “Oh it is getting better, mom had said.” Then she stopped.

  Jon paused for a moment and looked at the two of them.

  “Kid’s, we are going to have to face life with your mother gone and that doesn’t mean that we don’t talk about her and remember all the good times with her. In a lot of ways I feel like she is still with us.”

  Chris and Amanda looked at Jon and smiled. The days would be hard but the fact was that much was going to take place in the next few weeks.

  Later that morning there was a knock on the door and Jon opened it to the Miller’s and all of their kids. They had come to pay respects to Jon and family and had brought food. Moments later Mort showed up with some smoked venison. Within the hour some fifty people were in and about the house paying respects to the Smith family and making sure they were taken care of. The valley people always looked to Jon as their leader and now in this time of his need they showed up to help him.

  But Jon needed no help as he was as strong as ever, or at least that is what he was showing outwardly. He was a Southern man and did not show emotion. He was to keep it inside and show strength for all to see. He was the alpha male and to show emotion at this point would to him lessen him.

  Later in the afternoon the crowd broke up and the family was left alone again. Dinner was early as was bedtime. None of them really wanted the dawn to come because it would mean the day that Catherine would be buried. But they had to face the next day because of all things time marches on and cannot be delayed.

  The next morning came quickly or so it seemed. To mark the somber event of the day the sky again had turned cloudy and a very light dusting of snow began to fall. Catherine’s funeral was set for eleven that morning and the hours sped by. Jon, Chris and Amanda dressed in their nicest clothes and at twenty till eleven got in the truck and headed for the party field. As they pulled into the parking area the place was already full. Many of the valleys folk if not all were there and had made their way to the burial part of the field. The walk through the field was slow and tedious. Jon looked toward the mountain peaks and toward the woods. He was deep in thought as he walked holding his children close. Amanda was still on crutches and the trip through the snow was a bit difficult as Jon held her up.

  At last they came to the burial field and saw the grave. Catherine had already been interned and the dirt was already covering the grave. There would be no reason to do otherwise as there was no coffin and it was important to go ahead and complete the burial. She would be only the sixth person buried there since the valley was settled. One grave belonged to an older gentleman that had died about five years ago, one to a new born that only lived a few hours, and Mort’s Wife that had died one year prior. The other two were of course Royce and Claire Johnson, who had only been buried weeks ago. Wood crosses marked the six graves but to Jon’s surprise, Catherine would have a head stone that had her name carved in it. Jon knew that only one person in the valley could have done this, Riley.

  Riley was by trade a blacksmith and performed that function well for the valley folk. Whether creating fireplace metal or tools, he was a master. But he also had skill as a stone mason. He and Angus had been up for the last thirty six hours finding the stone and carving it. Riley had a deep appreciation of Jon and he wanted to show the Smith family just what they meant to him. Jon walked over to Riley.

  “Only you could have cut that stone and I am eternally grateful to you my friend.” said Jon.

  “Heck Jon, it is one of the least things I can do for you considering all you have done for me and Angus.”

  Dave was no minister by trade but was a deeply religious man and had always proceeded over all ceremonies that involved speaking to God. He spoke wonderful words of the life, death and then the resurrection. Jon was not really very religious but appreciated the kind sermon all the same. As the funeral ended all the valley people came up to Jon, Chris, and Amanda and gave their condolences. The crowd thinned out and soon all that were left was Riley, Mort, Doc, Jon, and the kids. Jon stood by the grave for a moment and then knelt and kissed the headstone.

  “It is only a brief goodbye my dear.” he whispered.

  Doc looked at Jon to make sure he was ok. But in the end there would be little any of them could do for him at the moment and as such they all walked back to their trucks and headed for home. Jon and the kids slowly walked up the front porch of the house and entered. The house had always been warm and friendly but now it seemed lonely and missing. Catherine’s return had changed much of Jon’s world and without her it would always seem very lonely. It is true he had left her but he had never stopped loving her.

  Chris and Amanda went back to their rooms to change their clothes as did Jon. As he took off his shirt he looked in the mirror and thought his face seemed tired. He then eyed the wedding ring on his finger. The ring had hung about his neck for the ten years before and he had only returned it to his finger when Catherine returned. He felt it best that it go back around his neck and so he retrieved the chain from a drawer and put the ring back around his neck. Jon then changed into a cotton Henley shirt and pants. He went out to the den and toward the one window on the side of the house that faced the wood pile. Amanda and Chris were now sitting on the sofa trying to amuse themselves with reading but having a hard time.

  Jon stared out the window for a moment and then turned.

  “You know I think I need to split up that tree we have cut up and add it to the wood pile.”

  “Dad it is late afternoon are you sure?” asked Amanda.

  “Yep I am sure.”

  Jon went to the closet and put on boots and grabbed a coat and pair of gloves. The door closed behind as he headed out toward the shed to retrieve the splitting mallet. Jon grabbed two large logs and set them up for splitting. He figured he would quarter them and then split them in eight and then sixteen. He took a good look at the cloudy sky and then slung the mallet for his first shot. He swung the mallet over his head and brought it down on the log. At once the wood split into two pieces. Jon walked to the right and repeated the drill twice and now there were four logs. He continued to work this wood until it was all nicely split.

  Jon set another large piece of tree trunk out and repeated the process with the precision of a machine. Getting warm he took off his coat and hat and laid them aside. He grabbed two more trunks and set them up and delivered splitting blows with speed and powerful ease. The strikes against the wood began to create a cadence that mixed with the smell of the fresh split wood. Amanda and Chris hearing the sounds went to the window to watch their father work. His powerful fifty nine year old body was performing the feats of a man much younger.

  “Chris, look at him, do you think he is alright?”

  “Yea, this is sometimes what Dad has to do to work through something.”

  Jon split the last two trunks
into multiple pieces and then grabbed two more. His power and speed was such a sight, a sight that would have done John Henry* proud. Jon blew through that trunk and prepared for the next. Sweat was pouring down his face and the perspiration was steaming up out of his shirt in the cold air. Jon eyed the next trunk and took careful aim as he brought the mallet down with a force that would open up the earth. But this time this piece of wood had a hard knot in it that Jon did not break. His mallet was turned away and bounced back up striking Jon on the shoulder. The blade cut through his shirt and cut a wound that began to bleed. The force of the mallet knocked him on the ground in the cold snow. There he lay a moment, dazed a bit but suddenly lost in the world.

  Amanda saw her father go down and grabbed Chris’ arm.

  “We need to go see about him.”

  Chris stopped for the moment, seeing that his Dad was alright for the most part.

  “No, let him be, let him be. Let’s go back in the den and let him finish.”

  Jon sat for a moment and looked ahead. He was oblivious to the pain in his shoulder and the blood that was slightly trickling from the cut. He only sat and thought about all that was before him. Then Jon Smith began to cry. He cried like he hadn’t cried in years as he shoved his face into his hands. The sweat, mixing with tears steamed on his face and flowed into his beard and hair. He cried for all he knew. He cried for Catherine, for the valley people and for everything that he felt was wrong. Then he sat for a moment as the madness began to leave him. He sat and looked ahead with a numb feeling. Then he heard something far off. Something that moved closer and closer to where Jon sat there in the snow and at once it came upon him and hit him with reality. It was but a gust of cold wind that preceded a cold front that would clear the skies. At that moment the sky parted above him and glint of late afternoon sun shown down on Jon. He looked at the thin patch of blue sky and could swear he heard some one talking.

  Jon Smith cocked his head and what he thought was speech was nothing more than a voice in his head that rang clear as if someone was standing next to him.