Coming out of my revelry, I stammer, “I…uh… yeah… sorry.”
I focus my attention on making the amaretto sour and rum and Coke for the couple in front of me. Then I collect their money after handing them their drinks.
By the time I finish, Vince is behind them, waiting patiently in line.
We’ve been relatively slow for a Friday night, but the line remains steady.
When he has my full attention, I hear his husky voice over the live band playing on the stage. “Hey, Syd.”
Not knowing what to say, I keep things casual by asking, “What can I get for you?”
Then I get a little irritated. He’s had all week to come to me. He chooses the bar as his first point of contact?
Apprehension clouds his face, but he says, “Can we talk?”
“I’ve been trying to talk to you for the better part of a week,” I say harsher than I intend, but my point is made.
Pushing his hands into his pockets, he rocks back on his heels. “I deserve that…”
He stares at his shoes for a moment before drawing his eyes up to meet mine. Damn, he’s gorgeous. But he needs to know he’s not getting let off the hook that easily. “You’ve ghosted me for nearly a week, Vin. Then you show up at my place of work and expect to talk?”
“I can explain…” he starts, but I cut him off when another customer stands behind him.
“Look. I’m busy. I’ll give you a call when I feel like getting around to it,” I respond snarkier than I should. But dammit, I’m hurt. I’ve shed tears for this man, and he doesn’t get to just waltz in here with hey, can we talk and get away from it.
Shaking his head, he looks completely defeated when he says, “I guess I deserve that, too. I’ll… uh… just be on my way then.”
Oh. My. Heart.
I swear the sound of it breaking can be heard over the music that fills the room.
Before I can say another word, he turns on his heels and briskly walks away.
And like the fool I am… I just watch him go.
God, I’m such a bitch…
For the rest of the night, I go through the motions, but my heart just isn’t in it. No, it left with the man whose heart is broken nearly as much as mine. For as long as I live, I don’t think I’ll ever get over his hopeless expression of despair. This is so much worse than not hearing from him for the past week. I’m fairly certain Vince was here to explain his actions.
Fuck… Fuck… Fuck… why am I so stubborn?
Knowing I can’t very well try getting out of closing after last night’s fiasco, I set my mind to the task at hand to finish out the night as quickly as possible. But of course, time moves like molasses in January.
By the time I leave the bar, it’s nearly three o’clock. Everything in my being tells me I should just go straight to his house. If it weren’t for the fact that I’d be waking Julia, I’d consider it. I’m that desperate.
When I get inside my apartment, I know there’s only one way I’ll be able to fall asleep. Reaching into the cabinet we keep the hard alcohol in, I pour three fingers of Maker’s Mark and down it quicker than I should. I bought it for a special occasion, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My throat warms as it slides down, and the hints of butterscotch and spice are left behind.
Knowing it won’t take long for it to have its desired effects, I head to the bathroom to shower off the grime from the night. By the time I finish my shower, I feel slightly more relaxed. Slipping between my sheets, I make one final wish before I drift off to sleep.
Please let me fix this.
The next morning, I awake to the sound of one of my roommates in the kitchen. I’ve been tossing and turning for the better part of the last hour, so I toss the covers off and join whoever’s in the kitchen.
To my surprise, it’s neither Abby nor Chloe in the kitchen, but Drew.
“Good morning, Syd,” he says as he pours some coffee from the pot. “Want some?”
“Sure,” I reply, reaching for a cup in the cupboard. “Is Abby up?” Maybe she can help me un-fuck this situation I’ve got myself into. I look in the direction of her room, hoping she’ll join us soon.
“Uh… not even close. Is there something I can help you with?” Drew asks as he sits at the table to eat the cinnamon roll I’d baked yesterday morning in my despair.
“I… uh…” How do I even begin to explain the mess I’m in?
With an easy grin, Drew puts down his fork and stares at me for a moment before looking at the sweets I’ve stashed on the counter. “Don’t get me wrong, Syd, I’ll never complain about your baked goods, but is something bothering you… you know… since you’ve turned the kitchen into an upscale bakery this week?”
Sighing heavily, I flop into the chair across from him and soothe myself by holding my warm mug between my hands. “Yeah… I’d guess you could say there was. But it’s a long story.”
He shrugs. “I’ve got time and two working ears. DeShawn and Grey say thanks for the treats, by the way. We’ll never turn them down, but I’d rather you made them for happier reasons.”
“Where do I begin?” I ask more to myself than him. But he answers me anyway.
“My best guess is the beginning,” he says patiently before taking another bite of the gooey roll before him.
Knowing I need to get this off my chest or I’ll explode, I unload the entire story on him. I start by explaining how things had been perfect last Saturday night and led up to Vince’s departure Sunday morning. I don’t go into specifics, but he gets the gist of my state of mind when Vince left that morning. Then I explain how he ghosted me all week, and end with Vince showing up last night.
“I still can’t believe I sent him away,” I practically whine at the end. “I mean, I miss him so much, but my anger got the best of me, and I lashed out at him. I have no freaking clue what pushed him away to begin with, but what if I’ve missed my only chance to get back together with him?”
Scratching at the back of his neck, Drew hesitates before saying what’s on his mind. “You know, Syd, I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships, but are you aware that Abby almost dumped my ass before the championship game?”
“What?” This is news to me.
“Yeah. Apparently… she had it in her mind that we couldn’t be together because she’d gotten into the school of my dreams, and I hadn’t. She even went so far as to try to push me away. It was fucking agonizing. Trust me… but maybe this is something of the same nature. Maybe he did have a family thing going on. Abby’s mentioned he transferred here to be here for his sister. Maybe something came up with them, and he felt conflicted with you. I know what it’s like to keep your eye on the prize and not want to lose focus.”
“But wouldn’t that mean I should steer clear of him and not get in the way?” I ask, not understanding his point. How is this supposed to encourage me?
I rub at my chest and push my cup of coffee away.
“You’re missing the point. It wasn’t until Abby and I communicated clearly that we got our priorities straight. Go to him… tell him how you feel… then if it doesn’t work out, you’ll know you’ve done everything you can.”
Hope shines for the first time in this bleak morning.
Popping up from my chair, I take a step closer and surprise Drew with a hug. “You know what, Drew? You’re right. I’m gonna head over to his house right now and set things straight. Thank you.”
“Anytime, Syd. Anytime.” I hear as I rush to my room to change my clothes.
When I get to Vince’s house, it’s dark. Not a light on or signs of anyone awake.
Knowing it’s nearly nine, I’m sure they’re awake, so I ring the doorbell and eagerly wait.
For nothing.
I ring it once more… still nothing.
Pulling out my phone, I call him. It goes straight to voice mail.
Maybe they’re at the diner?
Hopping in my newly- fixed car, I zip down the street to the diner.
Not spotting Vince’s Jeep in the parking lot, I don’t give up hope. Maybe Vanessa’s working, and she’ll tell me where he is.
Thankfully, I spot Vanessa as soon as I walk through the doors. Once she’s finished with a customer, I get her attention. “Hey, Van, do you happen to know where Vince is?”
“I, uh… thought he was with you? I haven’t seen him since last night. Though I did go to bed early to be here by six this morning. Hmmm…. Have you tried calling him?”
Nodding, I sigh, “Yeah. He wasn’t at the house either.”
“When Vince likes to think, he often goes for a drive.”
A drive? God, could it be that easy?
Reaching in, I hug Vanessa for the idea. “Thanks, Van. I think I know where to find him.”
“Okay?” She giggles as if she’s questioning my sanity at the moment.
Maybe she is, but I’ve got a good feeling I know exactly where he is.
34
Vince
I’m skipping rocks into the river when I hear the most beautiful voice call my name. It must be a figment of my imagination because why would Sydney be here at this hour? Knowing she usually sleeps in, I’ve apparently reached a delusional state. Let’s face it—I miss her desperately.
I get why she didn’t want to talk yesterday. She had every right to send me packing. I’ve been a complete dumbass and deserved to be kicked to the curb. Who the hell would waste their breath on someone who couldn’t bother to reach out for nearly a week?
I never expected last night to be easy, but being completely dismissed stung. I at least thought she’d let me stick around and grovel or something.
“Vince?”
My spine tingles as I turn, hoping like hell my mind isn’t playing tricks on me.
Just the mere sight of her makes my breathing easier. Her long, red hair blows in the wind as her pace quickens.
As much as I want to close the distance between us, I’m frozen in place. A mixture of shock and uncertainty war with each other, rendering me speechless. I can’t afford to fuck this up. I’ve been so miserable this week without her, and I hope her being here means she’ll listen and forgive me.
“I’m so glad I found you. I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
Really?
Instead of voicing my shock, I admit, “I’ve been here since dawn.” After tossing for most of the night, I gave up and left so I could avoid Van. I wasn’t ready to admit I’d struck out, and misery doesn’t always love company when said company can be a know-it-all sister.
“What’s going on, Vin?” Sydney asks, wrapping her arms around her torso.
As I look at her beautiful green eyes, I’ve missed her more than I could grasp before this moment. I clearly see she’s had just about as much sleep as me. Dark circles I’ve never seen before rest on her cheekbones.
Clearly, this past week hasn’t been easy on either of us.
Forcing myself to concentrate on her question, I shrug. “Couldn’t sleep so I went for a drive.”
“I mean… what’s really going on? Why the disappearing act?”
How do I even start? Looking to the sky as if it holds all the answers, I suck in a deep breath as I search for the words.
“When I got home Sunday morning, there had been an accident.” I still cringe at the memory.
“Ohmigod, Vince, was it serious?”
“It’s fine now, but at the time, I had no idea what had happened. There was blood all over the kitchen. What made matters worse was my phone had died, so Van couldn’t get a hold of me. I was a complete wreck.”
Sydney reaches for my hand and suggests, “Let’s find a place to sit.”
The moment her hand entwines in mine, the hope I’d been squashing resurfaces. The tightness in my chest loosens as we take a few steps up the riverbank and sit on a large boulder.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Vince? I could’ve been there for you and your family.”
“I know that, now. But at the time, I had this overwhelming sense of guilt for not being there when they needed me most. Here I was—off having the time of my life—and Jules got hurt.”
Syd retracts her hand immediately. “You blamed me?”
Oh, fuck.
“No…” I cut off that thought in an instant. “Not at all. I blamed myself for being selfish. For allowing myself to have a life. You see… for the past… well, since my parents’ accident, I’ve done everything in my power to put Van and Jules first. Being with you… well… that’s the first time I’ve done something for myself.”
“So… you do blame me…” She stares at the water below as my heart thunders in my chest.
“No…” Reaching out, I cup her chin so she can be clear of my intentions. “I didn’t blame you in the slightest. And I still don’t. This is all on me, Syd. You know the night my parents died, I’d been partying with my friends…” Pulling in a deep breath, I admit my embarrassing truth. “Well, somehow through it all, I had this fucked up notion that the only way we’d survive is if I didn’t allow myself to truly find happiness.”
Syd raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. Sensing her obvious confusion, I force myself to continue, “You see… I thought I was happy before I’d met you. Now, I know without a doubt, I was merely content at best. The thing is, Syd, as you and I’ve gotten closer, you’ve made me wish for things I’d never dreamed of.”
“Really? What’s that?” she asks with genuine curiosity.
Looking at the water, I let everything I’ve been holding onto off my chest. “For the first time ever, I fell in love and was happy beyond belief. I allowed myself to hope for what my parents had. To have a partner in life who pushes me to be better. But of course, I’m stupid and pig-headed and threw it all away because I didn’t think I deserved it.”
When I finally glance in Sydney’s direction, her mouth hangs open.
Fuck. That’s what I thought. I did throw it all away.
Shaking my head in defeat, I look to the sky to gather the strength I need to get through whatever it is she’ll eventually say. I can’t even look to confirm my reality because the thought of losing her completely makes my stomach feel as if it’s been lined with lead.
Syd’s sassy tone doesn’t disappoint. “Are you kidding me?”
Still not able to look, I mutter, “Nope.”
“Vincent Daniel Larson, if I didn’t love you much more than you irritate the fuck out of me in this moment, I’d smack you back to reality.”
What?
Slowly, my eyes open, and I force myself to meet hers.
Did she really just say what I think I heard?
Needing confirmation, I sputter, “W… What did you just say?”
Sydney’s finger points at my chest, and the fire within her comes to life. “First, you don’t get to decide how I react, Vince. You don’t deserve to play the martyr, but most importantly, why the hell do you think those things you want aren’t obtainable?”
Taking a moment to process her words, I lose my chance to respond.
“You haven’t thrown things away… at least not as far as I’m concerned, but if you’ve changed your mind… well… then I guess you’re entitled to.”
Her confidence wanes for a split second before she’s back in full force. “You know what? You’re right, you are stupid if that’s what you choose to do.”
My voice is thick as “I don’t” slips out.
“Wha…?” she starts, but it’s my turn to interrupt.
“I don’t want to lose you. I love you more than I could possibly imagine. I’m miserable without you, Syd. I’m so sorry for putting you through everything this past week. Will you please forgive me?”
“Oh, Vince… there’s nothing to forgive—because you’ve done nothing wrong. Though, I’d rather you didn’t push me away, I understand why you felt you needed to. I should’ve talked to you last night, but I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now—I’m a bit stubborn, too.”
Standing, I pull he
r to me so that we’re chest to chest. “I’ll make you a deal, Syd.”
Syd’s beautiful smirk sends a direct bolt to my heart. “Oh, yeah, what’s that?”
God, I love this woman.
“Since neither of us can guarantee we won’t be stubborn, let’s just agree to call each other out on it. I’ve always had a strong belief that family sticks together through thick and thin.”
Sydney blinks. “But… I’m not… your family.”
Shaking my head, I realize she’s missed my point, so I spell it out for her. “You may as well be. Besides, if I have anything to say about it, it’ll only be a matter of time.”
Syd’s mouth drops open, and her eyes bug out.
I can’t help my smirk that I’ve rendered this beautiful woman speechless.
“Did you… are you…” she sputters.
“Not yet,” I say with confidence. Then I assure her with, “But you’ll be the first to know when I do.”
Sydney’s beautiful smile practically splits her face in two. “I think I can live with that.” She pulls me in for the best kiss of my life.
When we pull away breathless, Sydney reaches for my hand. “As much as I love this place, are you ready to get out of here?”
“I could be persuaded to leave,” I tease. But God knows, I will follow this woman anywhere.
Epilogue
Vince
Seven Years Later…
“You can do this, Syd,” I encourage, knowing she’s exhausted. “Push…”
Rage flashes across Sydney’s beautiful and exhausted face as she squeezes the fuck out of my hand. “You did this to me,” she groans as she gives in and does what I ask.
Apparently, my lovely wife has been in labor for the better part of the day but wanted to make it to her baby shower before admitting this was actually happening. Well, the joke’s on her, not that I’d ever tell her that. Her water broke just as everyone arrived, and we had to rush to the hospital. Unfortunately, after we arrived, she was told it was time to push—so we’re past the point of being eligible for an epidural.
Vince: Book Two of the Perfectly Independent Series Page 27
