Nodding, I shrug. “I’ve tried, but he’s not answering.”
Vanessa shakes her head and pulls her lower lip into her mouth. “Hmmm…”
Hmmm… What?
Shit. I shouldn’t put her in the middle of things. That’s not fair to her.
Wanting to let her off the hook, I quickly add, “You know what? Never mind. Just tell him I stopped by.”
Sympathy fills her face as she shrugs. “I will. Sorry for my idiot brother.”
Idiot is right. If something’s wrong, he needs to talk to me. Not avoid me like the plague. I can’t help him if he’s not honest with me.
As I walk back to my place, I can’t help but wonder what the fuck is going on.
Vince isn’t in class on Thursday either. His phone has been turned off because it goes straight to voice mail the few times I’ve called. When I text, my messages remain unread.
Panic and fear that something is wrong has me on edge. I’m half-tempted to reach out to Vanessa, but I’m not that desperate… yet. But I’m close.
Something must’ve happened between the time I fell asleep early Sunday morning. When he left, I swear things between us had never been better. He’d spent hours devouring my body and letting me happily reciprocate. I just don’t get it. What the fuck happened?
It’s also not like Vince to ghost me.
Wanting to give him the space he needs, I’m trying to be patient and let’s be honest, it totally sucks. He said something is going on with his family, but is there more to it?
Vanessa didn’t seem like there was an emergency.
Did I actually give her a chance to speak though? Replaying our conversation, I cringe because if I’d been the least bit patient, I would have a fucking clue as to what’s going on.
Knowing I have to work for the next three nights, I’ll give him until Sunday to come to his senses… then all bets are off. If I need to pull out full stalker mode to get to the bottom of this, I will. Something had to have happened, and I need to know if I’m to blame for something.
If this were with any other guy, I wouldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. I’d write it off and walk away without a glance. I don’t play games, and I certainly don’t wait around for someone who doesn’t feel the same way as me.
Vince is different. Our connection has been so strong. I know in my gut something has happened to cause him to flip a one-eighty on me. He’s loyal to a fault—and if something happened with his family, maybe he’s sorting things out. Who the fuck knows? Not me—because he’s ghosting the fuck out of me.
I growl in frustration as I go through the motions of getting ready for work.
My reality hits me smack in the face as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Fuck, there’s no way I’m gonna make it until Sunday to confront him. I’m possibly the least patient person on the planet. I miss him like crazy, and there’s an ache in my chest that won’t go away. I’m also pissed as hell that he won’t talk to me.
I confront things head on, and he’s not giving me the fucking chance to get things off my chest. It feels like a stack of bricks are piled on my chest, making it almost difficult to breathe. My need to see him and ensure he’s okay almost outweighs my frustration with him. Almost. I know something is wrong that he’s not telling me. But what could it be?
On autopilot, I drive myself to work and proceed to have the shittiest night possible. When I arrive, my manager mentions that one of my co-workers called in sick so it will just be me and him slinging drinks. On a typical night, that would be rough, but tonight I’m so stuck in my freaking head, I seem to fuck up at every turn.
“You okay, Syd?” Garrett asks when I spill the third drink of the night down my shirt.
Groaning, I admit, “This day can’t get over fast enough.”
“As soon as we’ve gotten the line under control, you’re welcome to take a break if you need it.”
Shit, things must be really bad if he’s offering to cover the bar by himself for a while.
Pull it together, Syd.
Focus. Just fucking focus on the task at hand.
“I’ll be okay,” I mutter as I remake the bachelorette party’s drinks I’d spilled.
I manage to work another twenty minutes or so without incident, until the nasally voice of Fucking Brad is brought to my attention. “Hey, beautiful. I’ll have a rum and Coke.”
Just ignore him and do not engage, I repeat as a mantra as I make his drink.
Sliding his drink across the bar because there’s no way I want to risk contact with him, I go through the motions of saying, “That’ll be four-seventy-five.”
The cheap, cocky bastard he is holds up a five-dollar bill but doesn’t hand it to me. Then smirks. “If I let you keep the change, can I get another date with you?”
All the pent-up emotions from the day boils into rage in an instant. Without a second to think through the consequences, I fling the contents of his drink in his face as I practically scream, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
He blinks as if he’s actually surprised by my actions and wipes away the brown liquid dripping down his face. He starts to sputter, “You… you…”
He’s so fucking lucky there’s a bar between us, or it may have been my fist coming at his face. Before he can get another word in, I point my finger in his direction and yell above the music. “You have some fucking nerve even showing your face in here. You think I’d go out on another date with you for a quarter… A FUCKING QUARTER? You… big tipper you… You. Are. An. Arrogant. Asshole,” I spit out each word as if it were its own sentence. “You’re such a fucking cheapskate… And don’t even get me started on the fact that you’re the epitome of a deadbeat dad. I feel sorry for the child that has to share your DNA. Don’t you EVER ask me out again, or even talk to me for that matter.”
Seeing Asher approach and knowing he’ll have my back, I continue, “Get the fuck out of this bar, Brad. You’re no longer welcome here.”
Asher’s got a good six inches and about fifty pounds on Brad. Brad sees him coming but shakes his head, letting him know an escort will not be needed. He slinks off toward the door, and I inhale a calming breath.
When I turn, Garrett’s eyes are wide, and his hands are raised as if he’s either showing he’s defenseless, or about to lunge after me, if I try anything on him. “Everything okay, Syd?”
I think it’s time I take that break.
I nod slowly as I look around the bar. Quite a few eyes dart quickly away as if they don’t want to draw my attention. Guilt crashes over me for causing such a scene. “He uh… expected to go out with me for letting me keep his change as a tip. He thought a quarter was sufficient.”
Garrett’s mouth drops to almost the floor as his eyes bug out. “And you only threw his drink at him?” He looks in the direction of the door, and I swear the protective guy that he is wants to go after Brad himself.
God, I love having friends like him.
Asher’s deep voice is right behind me as his laughter escapes. “Ha… Damn, he didn’t even let me kick him out. For the record, Syd, you’re worth way more than a quarter.”
Rolling my eyes at his lame attempt to bring levity to the situation, I mutter, “Gee, thanks.”
Garrett chimes in, shaking his head as he looks to Asher, “I don’t even think a Benji is worth a date with that douche-canoe. Our girl here is priceless,” he says as he pulls me in for a side hug and squeezes me tight.
I hug him back.
God, I needed this. He may be my boss, but we’ve worked together long enough to consider him a friend as well.
“Thanks,” I mutter.
His dark eyes lock with mine and holds my gaze until he finds what he’s searching for. “You sure you’re okay, Syd?”
Nodding in assurance, I assure, “I’m good. But I think the line that’s stacking up, could use some attending to.”
Knowing I won’t budge in admitting anything could be wrong with me, he rolls his eyes. “Let’s get to
it then.”
32
Vince
When I get home from studying on campus Friday evening, Vanessa meets me at the door, her hands on her hips and an accusing expression. “Vinny, what the hell is going on?”
Not sure what she’s so upset about, I ask, “What do you mean?”
“Uh… Sydney stopped by on Tuesday saying you hadn’t been in class, and if I had to bet, I’d say you’ve been avoiding her all week.”
“Why do you say that?” I deflect. There’s no way she knows what I’ve been up to.
“Oh, I don’t know. You’ve been in a miserable mood all week. You’re here in the room, but your mind is elsewhere. I’ve been watching you mope around all week when you think I’m not looking.”
Hell, she’s not wrong. “I… Uh…” I stammer as I don’t know what to say.
When her hand reaches my shoulder, her frustration disperses. “Vinnie. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
Sighing heavily, I ask, “Where’s Jules?”
“Well, if you’d paid any attention this morning at breakfast, you’d know she was staying the night at her friend’s again.”
Really? How had I missed that?
“What about her stitches?” I ask in concern. Should she be staying over at a friend’s when she was just hurt this week?
“Vince. She’s fine. If you’d actually been paying attention this week, you’d see the only one who seems to be out of sorts is you.”
I open my mouth to say something but close it immediately when I’m at a loss for what to say.
Reaching for my hand, Vanessa pulls me to the couch.
Shrugging off my backpack, I lay it beside us on the floor as I join her.
“Talk to me, Vin. We don’t keep secrets, and it’s killing me to see you this upset.”
I should’ve known I can’t keep this from her. She knows me better than anyone on the planet and keeping secrets is like expecting the sun not to return each day.
Exhaling heavily, I finally admit, “I think I fucked up, Van.”
“With Sydney?” she asks for clarification.
“No… I mean… yes… but I fucked up with you and Jules first. I’m so sorry.”
Vanessa’s hazel eyes fill with confusion. “What do you mean?”
God, where do I even begin?
“I wasn’t here for you. If I hadn’t been so selfish, Julia might never have been hurt.”
“Seriously?” Her head rears back with uncertainty. “What the hell have you been doing to consider yourself selfish?”
“I’ve been so preoccupied with Sydney, that I haven’t been here like I should for you and Jules. You needed me, and I wasn’t there.”
“Uh… if I remember correctly, you were at the hospital within a half hour of us arriving. You spent the entire day with us, and you’ve been here every night since.”
“But I wasn’t home when she got hurt. I always get up with her while you’re getting ready, and I was with Syd.”
Van’s hand flies to her mouth as she inhales sharply. “Ohmigod, Vinnie. Do you somehow blame yourself for Julia’s accident?”
Uh, of course I do, but the look on Van’s face tells me I shouldn’t say it aloud, so I just nod.
“Vince, no one could’ve predicted she’d climb on the counter and fall off. She’s done it a million times. I’m sure she’ll do it again. That wasn’t your fault.” Then she stops for a second and stares into my eyes looking for some unknown answer to a question she has yet to ask. “Wait… why do you consider that selfish? Dumb luck, yes, but selfish? What does Jules’ accident have to do with you being selfish?”
Though it’s hard to admit, I manage to whisper, “I’ve been spending so much time with Syd.”
“Uh, last I checked, she’s your girlfriend. Of course you should spend time with her.”
“But that’s the point. I’d been off having the time of my life and when your world fell apart, I wasn’t there for you.”
“Uh…” She looks utterly confused. “When exactly did my world fall apart, Vin? Last I checked, Jules and I are doing fine. Sure, she has a mark that may be there for a while, but we aren’t falling apart. Is that why you’ve ended things with Sydney?”
Fuck, just the mention of her name makes my gut ache. I miss her so fucking much. Avoiding her has been the worst form of torture. But I need to get past this, if I’m able to do what’s best for her in the end.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back into the couch. “She deserves better than me.”
Vanessa’s tone changes from concern to annoyance in an instant. “Vincent Daniel Larson—I love you more than life itself, but you are an idiot.”
What the fuck? “Why?”
“You’re so in love with Sydney, it’s made you stupid.”
I blanch at her unexpected words.
Yes… I am stupid, but do I love her?
Fuck… without a doubt, I do. But that’s why I’m trying to let her go. If I can’t be the one she needs, then I need to let her go.
“What?” Vanessa points an accusing finger at my face. “What’s going on in that thick head of yours?”
“I do love her, Van. But I also love her enough to let her go. I can’t be the type of man she deserves. I can’t always put her first.”
Rubbing at the pain in my chest that never seems to end, I exhale heavily and allow myself to miss her as I stare at the floor beneath us.
Vanessa’s quiet for a moment, and when she’s been unusually quiet, I risk looking at my sister.
Unshed tears well behind her thick lashes, and her lip quivers.
Fuck, tears are always my undoing. It wrecks me to see her upset.
Vanessa’s voice is stronger than I expect after she takes in a slow breath. “I know you’ve made sacrifices to be here at CRU with Julia and me, but I’d never want to stand in the way of your happiness, Vin. You’ve always put us first. Is that why you don’t think you deserve to be with Sydney?”
How do I admit this and not make her feel worse than she does?
But knowing I can’t keep anything from her if I tried, I admit, “I don’t know. Maybe?”
Reaching out to squeeze my hand, she says, “Vince, you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. I’m certain there’s room in there for you to love all three of us.”
“But I wasn’t there the day you and Julia needed me most,” I finally admit the guilt that had been crushing me for the better part of a week.
“God, you’re such a doofus. But I will always love you for it, Vin,” Vanessa says as she shakes her head in disapproval. “You may not have been here the second the incident happened, but you’ve been there for me when I’ve needed you most. Newsflash, Vince… kids have accidents. As much as we’d like to be there to prevent them, we’re not. From my understanding, kids can be accident prone as they gain their independence. All we can do is be there for them, to pick up the pieces. Was Mom or Dad there when you broke your arm at wrestling practice in middle school?”
“No, I was just with the team. What’s your point?”
Rolling her eyes, she sighs at my apparent idiocy. “I know deep down you know this, but I’ll spell it out for you. Accidents are just that… accidents. You can’t put us in protective bubble wrap and expect us to gain independence and fly on our own either. Mom and Dad didn’t do that for us, and I’m not about to do that to Julia.”
Then she cringes at some unknown thought. “You… uh…didn’t break up with Sydney, did you?”
Did I? No… but she’s likely to dump my ass the next time I see her. My chest tightens, and I rub at it in hopes of relieving the pain. But it’s no use. There’s a gaping hole where my heart belongs.
“Not technically,” I admit as I realize just how much of a dick I’ve been. “But I’ve really fucked up.”
“You did this after Mom and Dad’s accident. You pushed everyone away. God, Vince, please don’t do this to Syd. I like her for you.”
“I like her for
me, too,” I admit. “But I haven’t spoken to her all week, so it may be too late.”
What would I even say anyway?
“Vin, it’s never too late to apologize. If she loves you the way I think she does, she’ll forgive you. She’ll soon learn you can be an idiot sometimes and know when to call you out on it.”
Fuck… call me out on it…
I swear Vanessa’s channeling Mom when she says, “What are you waiting for, Vinny? You know you love her.”
“Yeah, I do,” I admit as I pop off the couch and pace across the living room.
Glancing at the clock, I know she’s just started her shift at the bar. Maybe if I could just see her, I could apologize.
But will she accept it? That’s the bigger question.
Stopping mid-pace, I close the distance between Van and me. “Thanks for everything, Van.” Leaning in, I kiss her on the cheek and rumple her hair like I always do. “I love you. But I’ve gotta go make things right.”
I just hope I’m not too late.
33
Sydney
I feel Vince long before I see him. The bar’s crowded, but I swear I know the moment he’s stepped inside. My spine crackles with energy as a sense of warmth sends tingles from my head to my toes.
The moment my eyes meet his, I feel them reach the depths of my soul. His eyes are dark in this lighting, but I can tell from just a single glance, he’s spotted me as well.
I’m frozen in place as he closes the distance between us. He’s as gorgeous as ever, but as he gets closer, I see he hasn’t shaved for the past week, so there’s the start of a beard growing. Dark shadows are a predominately new feature under his eyes as if he hasn’t slept since Sunday either. His hair looks disheveled more than usual, like he’s been pulling on the ends. It practically stands up on its own.
My heart aches at the sight of him.
“Uh… Miss? Are you gonna finish making our drinks?” my current customer asks as she waves a hand in front of my face, breaking my concentration from Vince.
Vince: Book Two of the Perfectly Independent Series Page 26
