Achieve

by Chris Friesen

  The tendencies of those with low Agreeableness can be a great strength in sports and business for obvious reasons. It can also backfire if you are not careful. Too much skepticism, cynicism, and questioning of those who are in a superior position, like your coach or manager, can lead to resentment and simply being disliked. Similarly, while being low on Agreeableness can be adaptive in sport and business, it’s usually not very adaptive in close relationships, or in your family life where being skeptical, untrusting, and competitive are usually the opposite of what is called for.

  I’m personally somewhat low on Agreeableness. When I was primarily working as an independent evaluator in the fields of forensic and medical-legal psychology, being average-to-low on Agreeableness was a strength. Many of the people I was evaluating were trying to lie and manipulate or fake psychological problems for money or other benefits. It really helped me to be somewhat skeptical, logical, and tough-minded and not passive, naive, or overly trusting. These traits helped me do my job very well.

  However, this same set of traits was not at all helpful in my personal and family life. Many of us are often not as aware of our traits as we think we are. I became aware of this tendency in myself with the use of a similar personality measure to the one in this book and with some prompting from my better half. This self-awareness allowed me to catch myself being too disagreeable at times, and then to purposely take it down a notch.

  If you are low on Agreeableness, then you need to be aware of and tone down your skepticism, cynicism, competitive nature, combativeness, and even immodesty in circumstances where these are not helpful to you or those around you. You need to be aware that you may come across to others as rude, arrogant, disrespectful, and even manipulative at times. These tendencies will get amplified when you’re stressed, tired, and overworked. It may be worth letting others know when you need space and time alone, as this can often be enough to get some perspective.

  If you are low on Agreeableness and high on Extraversion, then you may be a good leader in certain situations, given that you are likely dominant and self-assured. You would enjoy making big decisions and directing and managing others. But as noted earlier, most effective leaders are also highly motivated, self-controlled, open, and don’t experience too much negative emotion.

  If you are low on Agreeableness and high on Motivation, then you are likely to be ambitious and have high standards for yourself and others. If you have this profile, then you may be at risk of becoming confrontational when things or people get in the way of your goals. This combination is common in those who are successful climbing their way to the top of a sport or field when you have to be a little ruthless.

  One problem that is strongly related to Agreeableness is hostility and anger control. Whether you feel a lot of anger and hostility is primarily determined by your standing on Negative Emotions. Whether you express your anger is usually a function of where you fall on the Agreeableness spectrum, however. If you’re low on both of these dimensions, then you may be a bit cold and callous. You don’t get mad, but you do get even. You’re probably good at registering wrongdoings done against you, but are able to keep your cool and respond when the time is right. This combination of traits can get you into serious trouble if you’re not careful.

  The ‘Type A’ Personality

  You may have heard of the concept of the “Type A Personality.” This was developed by two cardiologists in an attempt to validate their perception of the types of patients who appeared to develop coronary artery disease or CAD. Those with “Type A” personalities were conceptualized as being competitive, ambitious, impatient, aggressive, fast-talking, highly organized, status-focused, and workaholics. Newer, more sophisticated research by psychologists showed that it was really only the tendency towards hostility that predicted heart disease.

  If you’re high on Negative Emotions and low on Agreeableness, then you are likely at least somewhat temperamental and hostile in that you get pissed off pretty easily and aren’t afraid to let others know. This tendency can not only be bad for your relationships, it can also be bad for your heart. Letting others know when you’re upset is usually a good thing. But it can become problematic when you lose your composure and do something you regret. You may also take a long time to come down once you’re set off.

  From a neuropsychological point of view, this is most likely related to what is commonly referred to as the “amygdala hijack”, a term coined by Daniel Goleman, whose books popularized the concept of Emotional Intelligence.25 Recall that your amygdala is a set of almond-shaped structures deep within both sides of your brain that are responsible for negative emotions such as fear and anger. An “amygdala hijack” occurs when your prefrontal cortex is not able to suppress your negative emotions produced by your amygdala, which essentially “hijacks” your prefrontal cortex’s ability to think rationally.

  Steve’s Turnaround

  Many high achievers I’ve worked with have this profile of high Negative Emotions and low Agreeableness. For example, Steve was a high-ranking military officer who came to see me because he felt that his high levels of stress, which he attributed to what he perceived to be his co-commanders’ incompetence, were interfering with his ability to perform up to his potential. He originally wanted to get some advice on how to “put some of them in their place.”

  It turned out that Steve was high on Negative Emotions and low on Agreeableness. Steve had a bad habit of getting so angry with others at work that he would “see red and lose it.” Although he didn’t get violent, he would go into a tirade and be angry for hours. He would essentially fall victim to the amygdala hijack and do and say things he later regretted. He also found that he had a hard time calming down and functioning effectively after one of his blowouts.

  After discussing Basic Personality Tendencies and having Steve complete a personality measure, he began to realize that a lot of his anger and stress were generated from within himself. He admitted that he had a number of colleagues who also faced the same problems, but did not react the same way he did. Without this realization and understanding of his own personality tendencies, Steve would never have made any further progress toward his goals.

  Steve and I worked together for a number of months using the strategies discussed in the upcoming books in this series. We were able to lower his Negative Emotions set-point and help him identify strategies to ensure that he didn’t fall victim to amygdala hijacks as often. After doing so, Steve no longer felt like a helpless victim to what was happening around him, and was able to regain control of his life and make progress on his real goals of protecting his country.

  Key Takeaways

  The Basic Personality Tendency of Agreeableness refers to our general attitude toward others, ranging from being trusting, open, altruistic, cooperative, modest, and sympathetic to being skeptical, guarded, self-protective, competitive, proud, and tough-minded.

  If you’re high on Agreeableness, you’ll do well in team environments, given that you’re likely a good team player due to your tendency to be trusting, helpful, and easy to get along with.

  High Agreeableness can work to your disadvantage when the situation calls for competition over cooperation, or when you need to be skeptical in your dealings with others who are not looking out for your best interests. In these circumstances, those with low levels of Agreeableness have the advantage.

  If you are high on this dimension, you are at risk of being taken advantage of by others. You may be susceptible to sacrificing your own needs, health, and interests in an attempt to please others, or to taking on others` problems.

  Being low on Agreeableness can also be problematic, since too much skepticism, cynicism, and questioning of those who are in a superior position can lead to resentment, being disliked, or worse.

  Similarly, being low on Agreeableness is usually not very adaptive in close relationships because being skeptical, untrusting, and competitive are usually the opposite of what is called for in such relationships.
>
  If you are low on Agreeableness and high on Negative Emotions, you’ll be prone to be angry and hostile, which can wreak havoc on your relationships and health. This pattern can lead to an “amygdala hijack,” which can literally shut down the rational and logical part of your brain, and lead to very bad decisions.

  Resources

  The Owner’s Manual For Personality At Work: How the Big Five Personality Traits Affect Performance, Communication, Teamwork, Leadership, and Sales by Pierce Howard, Ph.D. & Jane Howard, MBA: http://goo.gl/OGwh9S.

  Chapter 8

  Motivation/Self-Control

  Motivation/Self-Control:

  I tend to be:

  Extremely High Very High High

  Self-controlled

  Disciplined

  Competent

  Goal-oriented

  Ambitious and driven

  Detail oriented

  Organized and planful

  Efficient

  Deliberate (take a lot of time to make decisions)

  OR

  I tend to be:

  Low Very Low Extremely Low

  Unsure of my abilities

  Inefficient

  Turned off by schedules

  Disorganized

  Undisciplined

  Low in ambition and drive

  Avoidant of big and ambitious goals

  Very spontaneous (make decisions without too much thought)

  Recall that the Basic Personality Tendency of Motivation/Self-Control contrasts those of us who are sure of our abilities, organized, detail-oriented, disciplined, goal-oriented, ambitious, and deliberate, with those who are more spontaneous, unsure of our abilities, inefficient, disorganized, undisciplined, and lacking ambition and drive.

  If you fall in the middle between high and low Motivation, some of the information related to both extremes will apply to you. You will at times need to improve your motivation, discipline, and ambition. At other times, you may need to pull these back a little and make sure you aren’t getting overly perfectionistic, focusing on the wrong things, or burning out. You’ll need to be keenly self-aware of these potential pitfalls if you want to make sure you’ll achieve your goals.

  High Motivation

  If you are high on Motivation, you have higher levels of ambition and belief in your ability to accomplish your goals. You’re probably good at putting up with pain in the present in order to achieve a long-range goal.

  This is related to your brain’s executive system. Having a strong executive system means you are good at motivating yourself to do things, controlling your emotions, inhibiting impulses, staying focused, and organizing and planning. Consistent with this, research has found a positive correlation between Motivation and the size of the left lateral prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain that controls our ability to self-regulate.26

  If you are high on this dimension, then you don’t need much help getting motivated to do things that are difficult, as long as you know it’s in the best interests of you or your team, company, or family.

  As noted earlier in this book, if you are high on Motivation and low on Negative Emotions, you have the personality makeup of a prototypical high achiever. You’re likely driven, competent, and self-controlled and rarely derailed by inevitable setbacks you face along the way. You have a significant advantage when it comes to achieving big goals.

  Danger Zones

  If you’re high on this dimension and high on Negative Emotions, you are ambitious and driven, but may have a hard time dealing with the unavoidable failures you’ll have to confront on your journey to achieve your goals. You will be at increased risk of setting unrealistic and perfectionistic standards. So make sure you’re focused on the right things and that you don’t become overly perfectionistic in your expectations for yourself.

  Don’t get me wrong here; you want to have high standards. Many of the high achievers I work with learned from a young age that developing discipline and strong work habits helped them achieve goals. They also learned that, if they raised their standards for performance — the number of goals they can score in a season, grade point averages, or income — they rose to the occasion and achieved goals by meeting their new standards.

  The drawback of this approach is they internalize this method of increasing standards to achieve goals and eventually hit a ceiling as they get better and better. At this point, a professional hockey goalie might get angry at himself every time a goal is scored on him and does not get a shutout, his new standard. Or a writer beats herself up if she gets two bad reviews on Amazon.com despite having 50 good reviews!

  Given their new unattainable, or at least unsustainable, standard of perfection, their belief in themselves can deflate every time they fail to live up to it. This mindset is a recipe for failure. You need to be aware of this and realize that perfectionistic standards are now hurting, rather than helping you.

  If you are high on Motivation, you can end up working too hard and burn yourself out in the false belief that more is better. You’re at risk of workaholism. You may become so focused on getting things done that you neglect other areas in your life that you value, like your health, relationships, family, and even just taking time to relax, play or enjoy a hobby. You’re probably a planner by nature, so you should consider scheduling some down time, along with time with family, friends, and hobbies. Many of the stress-management strategies in the upcoming books in this series will also be important to develop.

  You may also be at risk of missing the forest for the trees, or getting lost in the details. I’m definitely high on Motivation and can say that I have fallen victim to working really hard without taking a step back to make sure I was working hard on the right things.

  One example of this was my work in the forensic psychology and medical-legal arena. I started doing this type of work in graduate school for a highly respected and sought-after forensic psychologist to gain more experience and to help pay the bills. I worked really hard and excelled at this. It took me a few years to realize that I was working really hard on the wrong things for me. I started doing the forensic work to broaden my understanding of human nature and to challenge myself by working with difficult people. I was repeatedly reinforced by getting more and more opportunities to do this type of work for more and more money.

  As time went on, I started to realize I was not following my original passions and reasons for entering the field of psychology. It took hard work and the use of many of the strategies in this book for me to wake up and realize I was heading down the wrong path.

  If you are high on Motivation and you too have found yourself working too hard on the wrong things, then the exercises in this book will be very important for you. These exercises should be repeated at least once a year, if not more often, to make sure you are on the right path. These strategies will help you stay focused on the right things.

  Low Motivation

  If you are low on the Basic Personality Tendency of Motivation, then you may struggle with staying disciplined, focused on your goals, and feeling competent at times. You likely have weaker executive abilities that serve to help you control yourself, stay focused, inhibit impulses, motivate yourself to do things, and organize and plan.27

  You may even have too much slow brain-wave activity in the front half of your brain, similar to that seen in most people diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD). Consistent with this, research by Stough and colleagues found, the personality dimension of Motivation was negatively correlated with slow, theta wave, brain activity in the frontal regions of the brain, which is often used as a diagnostic marker for ADHD.28 Research has also consistently found an association between the Basic Personality Tendency of Motivation and ADHD.29 Of course, although most people with ADHD are low on Motivation, most people with low levels of Motivation do not have ADHD.

  There is some evidence that we can improve executive functions such as our attention and working memory through things like cognitive brain tr
aining programs.30 There is even more evidence that if you do have too much slow brain-wave activity, this too can be improved with something called neurofeedback, which will be discussed in more detail in the upcoming books in this series. In fact, there is a lot of evidence that neurofeedback is effective in helping those with ADHD/ADD or tendencies toward such difficulties.31 I must note that I’m not aware of any studies showing changes in the Basic Personality Tendency of Motivation in response to neurofeedback. But theoretically, I believe it may improve certain aspects of this dimension such as attention, impulse control, motivation, and planning.

  Similarly, there is accumulating evidence that neurofeedback is effective in improving various types of performances such as musical performances and, especially, sport-related performance.32,33

  If you are a high achiever who is trying to do everything in your power to get to the next level, then you at least have to try a course of neurofeedback and see what happens. More on this in the upcoming books in this series.

  Low Motivation and Your Health

  If you are low on this Basic Personality Tendency, then you are also at the highest risk for negative health outcomes. Many of the diseases that affect us in the modern world are preventable to a large extent through things like diet, exercise, and avoidance of chemicals and carcinogens such as cigarettes and alcohol. These are all things that require motivation, willpower, and self-control to regularly engage in or avoid. Your standing on Motivation is a strong predictor of how long you’ll live.34 Also, those with low Motivation and high Negative Emotions are at the greatest risk for problems like gambling and substance abuse.35 Of course, this means that although many people with these types of problems have this personality profile, most people with this profile don’t have problems with gambling or substance abuse.