Heart Ripper

by K. A. Merikan

  Maybe this really was a dream, and he was about to wake up. That’s what sometimes happened. You think a dream is real, and then it gets weirder and weirder until you realize you’re actually dreaming.

  David glanced down his own chest again and the sight of the gold chain with a cross he’d gotten from his mom was like a slap in the face. There he was, dirty after he’d actually asked another man to fuck his mouth.

  “Oh… okay,” was all he could muster, and he pulled his shirt back together, so the tiny Jesus on the cross would stop giving him that accusing look.

  Raja grabbed David’s neck and nipped on it gently. “Call me,” he said before letting go and heading to the door. When David heard the lock open, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to beg Raja to stay or go.

  But Raja left without looking back. There didn’t seem to be a single doubt in his body. Confident and take-charge was everything David wasn’t.

  “No…” he moaned to himself when he looked to the cum-stained mirror again. He rushed to the door and locked it. He needed to clean up as soon as possible, and he would start with scrubbing his purity ring. This wasn’t actual sex. This was a slip-up. A dirty, sloppy mess that maybe did bend the rules, but didn’t break them.

  It would never happen again.

  Chapter 3

  “He swallowed it all like it was mother’s milk,” said Raja, purposefully referencing something that Blade could connect to the event they were attending. If the straight guy wanted to ask questions about gay sex, he needed to be prepared for all kinds of answers.

  Blade hissed and backed off. “That’s fucking nasty, man! With a face like that? You’re making this shit up.”

  Raja looked around to make sure no one was looking at them and pulled out a bit of David’s tie from his pocket. “Guys are easy as fuck. They all just want to get off the same way you do.”

  “What?” Blade frowned and stared at the tie with his eyes wide open. He believed Raja now. “This is insane…”

  Raja stuffed the tie inside his pocket and grinned. “It’s very real. You should try it sometime. Grindr is out there for everyone,” he said in a suggestive tone and batted his eyelashes.

  Blade sneered. “Oh, that’s just fucking disgusting.”

  “What’s disgusting?” said a familiar voice, and Hunter put his arms around both of their shoulders with a wide grin. “I hope you’re not talking about my baby boy? I mean, sure, he needs someone to change his diaper, but he’s still a cute little fucker.”

  Raja laughed and pulled the new father into his arms for a brief man-hug. “I see you survived the miracle of birth. Did you get sprayed by gore, Daddy?” he asked, patting his friend’s back. He missed Hunter since the guy transferred to the Detroit chapter, but even at this party they hadn’t had the time to reconnect either.

  Hunter slapped the back of Raja’s head. “I wasn’t actually in there. Asty didn’t want me to. But tell me how the club’s doing now. Smaller but better, I presume, prez?”

  Raja kept a straight face. Every time he was reminded of his position, he was bound to wonder whether he had enough experience to lead other men. When some of the former members rage-quit the club a few months ago over the patchover into Coffin Nails MC, everyone believed Spin, the oldest and most experienced member would take the reins, but he refused to and nominated Raja instead. Things went from there fairly quickly.

  “I’m definitely better off without the pussies who can’t take a gay man leading them, but we need to rebuild. Five men’s not enough,” he said earnestly.

  Hunter laughed. “You gotta find yourself a prospect. But make sure he’s not too pretty. Fucking a subordinate is still a no-go, right?” He patted Raja’s arm.

  Blade nodded. “Pretty true. And I’ve heard guys are super-easy, so the temptation would be there. Get an ugly fucker.”

  Raja snorted. “Pretty or not, he most likely would be there for all the pussy that you’re missing out on,” he told Blade and winked. “But we have some people hanging around that we need to do background checks on before any decision can be made.”

  Raja noticed David not far away, making his way to the door and looking much more proper than he had ten minutes ago, yet still a bit red-faced. To his surprise, Hunter waved at David, and when the boy shook his head with a frown, Hunter went over and pulled him closer by the arm.

  “You met my friends yet?” Hunter asked David with a grin and put his head in a lock.

  The floor crumbled beneath Raja’s feet. Hunter hadn’t said anything yet, but there was only one reason why he’d be so unceremonious with a preppy boy like David.

  Oh, fuck. He was so fucked.

  David looked everywhere but not into Raja’s eyes. “N-no, I don’t think so,” he mumbled but stayed put when Hunter let him go.

  “He’s my little bro, David. We’ve only reconnected a few months back. He needs to get laid. Get a few beers in him, and he’ll be wearing black leather in no time, right?” Hunter laughed and prodded David with an elbow.

  Raja was both disgusted with himself and sorry for David. Blade turned to stone next to him, and Raja shuddered, spotting a hint of black marker on David’s chest through the white shirt. He’d been so inexperienced that Raja wouldn’t be surprised if he’d popped the guy’s cherry tonight. David wasn’t out, and he clearly needed sex, but it was most definitely not the kind of sex that involved pussy.

  He couldn’t believe that out of all the guys Blade could have told him to fuck, he chose their friend’s precious younger brother. It was so wrong.

  He cleared his throat and forced himself to smile. “Raja,” he said and reached out to shake David’s hand.

  David’s fingers were trembling so hard Raja wanted to hold his hand longer just to help him get a grip. “David,” he muttered with his eyes firmly on Raja’s boots. He licked his lips nervously, and Raja could think of nothing else than how they felt around his cock and how greedily they drank his spunk.

  “Leather?” tried Raja after Blade introduced himself too. “He’s more the suit and tie kind of guy, am I right?” he asked, and the stripy tie burned him through the pocket of his jeans.

  Hunter looked to David and smiled even wider. “You lost the tie though. Good. You gotta loosen up a bit. You’re out of high school, and the summer is yours. You can have a drink with us and stay the night here if you want. Or are you afraid of Mom?” Hunter snorted and poked David under the ribs.

  Raja paled. He should have asked the boy if he was eighteen. He was... wasn’t he?

  “Are you a mommy’s boy?” Blade laughed and gulped down some beer.

  David squirmed under all the scrutiny. “No— I just have this thing to do…”

  Raja stared at him, unwillingly remembering how this boy had looked up at him with his bright green eyes and obeyed every word that came out of Raja’s mouth. Hell, he’d probably have let Raja fuck his ass in that bathroom. He’d have just bent over into the bathtub and take it. How was Raja to stop thinking about that tempting honeypot?

  “No need to be afraid of us,” said Raja with a fake grin. He sure hoped Hunter wouldn’t spot the number written in goddamn waterproof marker across David’s chest.

  David put his hands in his pockets and rocked slightly in his blue Converse. “No, I’m not, it’s just that I have a younger sister, Amy, and I promised I’d look after her tomorrow, so I can’t be home too late, and… yeah…” He took a deep breath.

  Hunter put his arm over David’s shoulder and leaned down with a broad grin. “Still means you could stay and get some pussy. I could point you the right way.”

  Blade snorted. “Yeah, I could too.”

  Raja caught David’s gaze for a moment and smiled at him, begging all the gods he didn’t believe in to intervene and have Hunter never find out about what happened in that bathroom. “Who’s taking him home?”

  “I’m fine,” David said quickly. “I can go back on my bike.”

  Blade raised his eyebrows. “You’ve got
a bike?”

  David looked up at Raja for a split second before staring at his shoes again. “A bicycle…”

  There was a brief silence among the loud crowd, but Raja couldn’t even laugh anymore. No matter how cute this kid was, Raja wanted him gone forever. He never fucked friends or their relatives. It was disloyal, and the sex hadn’t even been vanilla. He’d rubbed David’s throat raw and called him hot, dirty names.

  “Happens. It’s been nice to meet you,” Raja said in the end.

  David exhaled. “Yeah, so… I’ll be going.” He gave Hunter a nervous smile and Blade a quick wave before he was off.

  Hunter sighed once David walked off. “The kid’s too nice for his own good. Our religious nut job mother fucked with his head. I know he’s no biker material, but I want him to loosen up a bit. He’s wasting his best years.”

  Raja gave a slow nod. “Maybe he should get a job and move out,” he said, uncomfortable with the idea of David trapped in a house with a “religious nutjob”. Exploring on his own was what that boy needed. Maybe just not with Raja.

  “He does. He could take a gap year, live a little. It’s hard to get through to him, and it’s not like I’ve kept in touch with that part of the family.”

  Blade nodded with a serious face. “On the other hand, you wouldn’t want a kid like that to just go off the deep end.”

  “Yeah, you could ease him in,” said Raja, wishing this conversation would end already. Blade was not fucking funny. David was already past the deep end after he let Raja scrub his tonsils fifteen minutes ago.

  Hunter nodded, but turned around when his wife-to-be called him over to the door. “Gotta go. I’m gonna give him a lift home, it’s gonna take him three hours on that silly bicycle. Enjoy yourselves. More beers in the fridge.”

  As soon as Hunter left, Blade exhaled theatrically. “Whoa. Fuck me sideways. That was fucking messed up.”

  Raja clenched his teeth. “If you tell anyone, I’m gonna have Grim assassinate you.” The professional assassin who did jobs for the whole club was a force to be reckoned with, and while Raja was joking, he would not hesitate to pull Blade down with him.

  Blade raised his hands. “I won’t, I won’t. And it doesn’t look like the kid will be talking anytime soon.”

  Raja slumped against the wall and rubbed his face. “Fucking hell. It was so hard to keep my mouth shut once he started talking about getting the kid pussy... but if the boy doesn’t tell on me, I’ll keep his secret as well.“

  “You don’t think he swings both ways?” Blade wouldn’t rub the stupid smirk off his face.

  Raja sighed and shook his head, waving at Spin, who slowly approached them from across the room. A gray beard made him look like the stereotype of a biker, but he was healthy and athletic for someone over sixty years of age.

  “How’s business going?” asked Spin, and Raja looked at him, still rejecting the notion that he’d just fucked his friend’s sibling.

  “We haven’t been talking business. Everyone’s in party mood.”

  Spin stroked his beard with a huff and looked to Raja. “The party actually puts shit in perspective. Look at all the Coffin Nails from Detroit. They’ve got a new prospect, lots of hangarounds. They know how to party, and they know how to do business. That’s why I wasn’t against the patchover in the first place. But we have to live up to that. Become a strong chapter, not just… hang out with them.”

  Raja bit back the first answer that came to his mind. You should have accepted the nomination for prez then, but he chose not to antagonize his VP. He knew Spin meant well. They both wanted the same things for their chapter.

  “I know, but the Detroit chapter are the only members I know. We lost our previous operation, because the sellers only wanted to work with Head, may he rest in peace,” Raja said sarcastically. Head, their previous club president, had been the worst homophobic douchebag Raja had ever known, and that said something about the fucker. “We’re at square one, and the national rally is still months away. We need to have a serious talk about the angles we can take to become more independent. It can’t be just on me.”

  Blade nodded. “Problem is, we don’t have enough connections, and those take face time to build.”

  Spin’s forehead got even more wrinkled. “That’s a fair point. How about you go visit a few of the other chapters, stay over a few days, see if you can establish some connections?”

  Raja frowned. They were helping the Detroit club with a bigger operation at the moment, but he supposed he could trust Spin to take care of everything going smoothly. “Wouldn’t it be better if you went? I might be the prez, but you’re far more experienced than I am.” And it wasn’t false modesty. Raja wanted all the best for his club, and it terrified him that he could disappoint his brothers, fail as a president, and further add to the bulk of jokes about gays not being man enough to succeed in this kind of environment.

  “Yeah, and no offense, but it also might be easier for a straight guy to go do the bullshit meet-and-greet,” Blade said

  Spin instantly shook his head. “No. Raja is the future of this club. Anyone who has a problem with him needs to either confront him, or suck it up and accept he’s our prez. This isn’t the Rabid Hogs anymore. If you’re confident, and your fists are tough enough, men respect you. End of story.”

  Raja exhaled and held Spin’s gaze. The man seemed really confident that Raja could do this right. How could he disappoint that kind of trust? Maybe Spin was right, and Raja’s worries were a load of bullshit? He did need to meet new people if he wanted to stop being the little puppy at the feet of the Detroit club’s Doberman, no matter how well the two chapters worked together.

  “At least I know you can keep the operation going while I’m not here.”

  “Good! Me, Blade, the guys, we’ll manage easily.”

  Blade smiled and crossed his arms on his chest. “It’s not such a bad idea when I think about it. Gotta branch out, right?”

  Raja sighed and smiled despite the worry settling in his gut. “Absolutely.”

  He needed a drink.

  Chapter 4

  It was only yesterday that David had committed the biggest mistake of his life. He’d given in to the desires that should have stayed hidden for a reason. Sitting in his church and still smelling the holy water on his fingers, all he could think of were the despicably dirty words Raja had spoken to him. The way his dark pubes had tickled David’s nose when David let Raja push his cock deep into his mouth, and fuck it any way he wanted to.

  It would have been easy to just dismiss it as a sign of weakness and move on, but David was turned on even thinking back to it now. What happened during the party was a struggle that he’d lost, but not to Raja. To himself.

  Even sitting in Hunter’s car last night, he got so hard thinking about the way Raja had commanded him that he masturbated again as soon as he reached his bedroom, clinging to the faint scent Raja had left on his clothes.

  He couldn’t bear to sit with his family in their usual place at the front of the church. Nothing had changed about his parents’ behavior, but there was this distinct feeling in his heart that they could somehow smell Raja on him, that Mom would find a trace of spunk on David’s shirt or ask about the lost tie. He choked up, cuddling against the wall as he watched the statue of the Virgin Mary in front of him.

  He was so distracted that he couldn’t celebrate mass today. He wished it weren’t Sunday yet. In the morning, he’d asked his parents if they could go to church earlier so that he could attend confession before mass, but as he waited for his turn, listening to the vague shimmer of whispering inside the wooden box of the confessional, he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell the priest what he’d done. The priests were obliged not to reveal any details of confession, but how could David ever look into Father Peter’s eyes after this? He’d have to attend another church, one where no one knew him.

  David chewed on his lip, his mind jumping between the oh-so-fresh memories of strong,
warm hands, and listening to the liturgy. The reading wasn’t even in any way relevant to David’s problem. No matter how much he tried, he could find no way to link the story about Jesus feeding the multitudes to his current circumstances. Instead of mending his broken soul, the mass was agitating, and no matter how earnestly David believed in God’s existence, he could feel no divine intervention coming his way. He was all alone.

  Only that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to be. He discreetly looked down at his phone where, against all sanity, he’d entered Raja’s number before taking ages in the shower, scrubbing his body raw to remove the marker. Every second of that encounter in Hunter’s bathroom was etched onto David’s skin and would never wash away. Opening the belt buckle and revealing that thick, hard cock. Having Raja lick his ear and whisper obscenities. Curling his hands in Raja’s T-shirt and sucking on that hot dick until it spurted cum all over his mouth.

  David swallowed hard, still feeling the shadow of that experience at the back of his throat. Even if he was crazy and filthy enough to contact Raja, what would he write to him? If they ever met again, what would David say to him? He shouldn’t even be thinking about it. Maybe the whole thing was still nagging him, because he hadn’t confessed it to the priest, and the weight of his sin muddled his mind.

  He was startled when everyone around him stood up, and he followed their example, confused until he heard the speaker sing a psalm. He really shouldn’t be having such despicable thoughts here of all places. His mere presence was staining the house of God with the dirty thoughts that were seeping into David’s mind. He excused himself to the man sitting next to him and rushed toward the exit as quietly as he could. Even so, his shoes seemed to squeak against the floor, and he could physically feel the way the other attendees’ eyes were grabbing at his clothes. He was leaving the church before the liturgy of the Eucharist—yet another sin for him to confess in the future, both of them mortal—committed by choice.