Heart Ripper

by K. A. Merikan

  David couldn’t help himself and took a deep breath. “No. I tried to, but I like meat too much.”

  “Then what do you have for me, little bunny lover? Rabbit stew?” whispered Raja, tickling David’s neck gently. It felt so nice David curled his toes over the cold tiles and took his time to hug Raja.

  “No, I’ve got either tomato-ish stew with chicken, or I could make pasta for it, and… mix it all up.” He took a deep breath, unsure if his offer sounded appetizing. “It sounds weird, but I promise it’s good!”

  Raja smirked and patted David’s ass. “Sounds good. Where did you learn all this? Didn’t your mommy cook for you?” he asked and opened one of the cupboards as they walked up to the counter.

  David groaned. “I’m not a kid, you know. I have a job, and I need to know how to take care of myself. My mom… taught me.” It felt so exhilarating to just be with another man in the kitchen and casually touch each other. And not just in passing, by accident. A real man was interested in him. A man, not a guy as young as him. This was amazing.

  “The kid stuff too? You have younger siblings?” asked Raja as he reached into the cupboard and took some nuts from an open bag.

  David nodded and pulled out the plastic box full of stew from the fridge. “A younger sister. I was really keen to help. Do you have… any siblings?” he asked carefully, remembering halfway that the topic of Raja’s family might be a painful one, but he couldn’t take it back anymore.

  Raja chewed on a cashew and shrugged. “I don’t know. My parents adopted me when I was still a baby.”

  David blinked. It was shocking to hear that parents who wanted a baby so much that they adopted one would reject it and send it to cruel therapy just because Raja was gay.

  “Oh, okay. And your adoptive parents had no other children?” David took enough stew for two portions out of the box and put the bowl in the microwave.

  “No. At least they didn’t have any ten years ago. I never spoke to them since they sent me away.”

  “I’m so sorry.” David ran his fingers over Raja’s tattooed forearm, and a shiver went down his spine. “You were on your own for so long? No other family?” David hated to think that his parents would reject him too, but Mom kept in touch even with Hunter, and he was a Satanist. Surely, being gay wasn’t that much worse?

  Raja browsed through the cupboards casually. “Maybe I have one back in India. Who knows? No way for me to find out, and sharing the same blood doesn’t make people family anyway.”

  “Did they adopt you there?” After all, Raja could have been born and adopted in the US.

  “Yeah. Somewhere in the north of the country, but they didn’t really tell me much about it. Who knows if I was actually an orphan with all the corruption going on in some of the foreign adoption systems.” A smile appeared on Raja’s face as he opened the cupboard with liquor.

  The microwave beeped, and David took out the bowl of food. “Did you ever want to travel there? See what it’s like?”

  Raja opened one of the liquor bottles and smelled it. “I don’t know what the point would be. It would be as exotic to me as it would be for you. I don’t even know any Indian people. I mean, there was this one kid in my school, and I casually met some, but that’s that.”

  “Did you never want ugh… get to know your heritage?” David’s ears burned with the fear that what he was saying would sound racist. He hoped he made sense.

  Raja took more bottles and put them on the counter. “I never thought about it. It feels weird that the way I look and where I’m originally from should somehow determine my culture. I’m not ashamed of how I look like or where I’ve been born. It just pisses me off that other people see me as an outsider, just because I’m not white. My culture growing up was going to church every Sunday, country music, and barbecue.”

  “Will you promise not to laugh if I tell you something?” David’s smile widened, and he put both steaming bowls on a tray before walking to the sofa.

  “I can’t promise anything before I hear it,” said Raja, who followed David with a whole bouquet of bottles. Would they be drinking? David hadn’t prepared for that.

  “I really like Bollywood movies. My mom was fine with me watching them when I was younger, because she thinks they’re more wholesome than a lot of other movies available.”

  Raja put the bottles down with a loud clang. “Please, don’t tell me you’re into me because I look like one of the actors?”

  David snorted. “No! It’s not like that at all. You… are attractive for a whole lot of other reasons.” He gave Raja a bowl of stew with a smile.

  Raja relaxed into the sofa, keeping the bowl close to his chest for several moments. “What reasons?”

  “You’re just milking, aren’t you? I could tell you all day what I like about you.” David filled his mouth with the stew.

  Raja laughed and shifted closer to David before raising the bowl to his face and smelling it with a small smile. “I don’t know... I guess I’m curious what someone with your background sees in someone like me.”

  David looked at his food, but leaned to Raja as well, all the way until they touched. “Are you kidding me? I’ve never felt as myself as I do with you. I don’t have to pretend things around you, and that’s… new.”

  Raja picked up a spoonful of the stew and blew some air on it before taking some into his mouth. He complimented David, but then went on with the topic at hand. “Your upbringing... it was pretty strict, wasn’t it?”

  David gave him a quick glance, afraid Raja would laugh at him. “On the surface, it sort of wasn’t, but deep down, there were always many restrictions. I went to a Catholic school, I could only hang out with the ‘good kids’, I had to learn to play the piano, even though I didn’t like it. I had parental blocks on the Internet until… recently.” He felt himself flush at the memory of all the dirty movies he’d seen in the last month.

  “Well, that’s pretty shitty,” said Raja with a slight frown. “So no porn for you?”

  “It’s embarrassing. Now that I live with Hunter and work at the shop, I feel like such an idiot sometimes. Like I’m missing context for things people say. And porn is… intimidating. It’s like I want it, but then it’s almost too much.”

  Raja sighed and took his time chewing before he looked back at David. “Porn’s just a fantasy most of the time. It’s not like real-life sex. Those people do what they do for a living.”

  “My mom made a big deal out of any sort of nakedness, sex-related stuff, or swearing, and I think”—David dared to look into Raja’s eyes—“it didn’t really work out the way she’d intended. Bad words only excite me more. When you said all those filthy things to me the first time, my mind couldn’t compute. It was like I was sexually combusting.”

  Raja’s nose flared, and he watched David for the longest time. “You know I don’t mean those things I say, right? Never let anyone say them like they mean them,” he said, continuing to eat his food.

  David put his head on Raja’s shoulder. “Thanks. I… wasn’t sure sometimes.”

  Raja stroked the rim of his bowl, chewing the food he had in his mouth much longer than necessary. “I’m not like that. It’s just dirtier. More fun. That’s what it’s all about,” he said in the end, glancing at David with his dark, hypnotizing eyes.

  David nodded. “It is. It’s very sexy. It makes me tingle all over.” He rubbed his cheek against Raja’s arm, looking at their faint reflection in the big black flat-screen TV across from the sofa.

  “I noticed. Your cock was so hard when I called you a slut for the first time.” Raja chuckled as he finished his food and put the bowl on the coffee table. “You eat this shit up, church boy.”

  David sighed at the fond memory. “I think I like the fantasy of being promiscuous, even though deep down I know I never will be.”

  Raja nuzzled David’s temple, stroking his arm in a way that set David’s skin on fire. “No. But some people might try to make you that way,” he said with the se
xiest of smirks.

  “Some people might even succeed.” David put his empty bowl away. He was with a man, and didn’t feel weird or dirty at all. It felt right. As if this was exactly where he was meant to be.

  Raja grinned at him and picked up one of the bottles. He poured some of the liquor into one of the glasses David left there earlier and smelled its amber-colored contents. “You want to drink to that?”

  David licked his lips. Yet another illicit thing he shouldn’t be doing. “Yes.”

  “You’ve never had any alcohol, have you?” guessed Raja, taking a little sip from the glass.

  “No. It’ll be my first time.” David couldn’t help a giggle. Raja treated him like an adult.

  “Okay, then I think you should start with something milder. Wine?” asked Raja, picking up the bottle Asty had offered David once.

  “Classy.” David laughed and leaned in to give Raja a kiss. “You wanna watch a movie?”

  “Sure. What do they have? The Exorcist?” chuckled Raja as he poured David a small amount of the red liquid. He clearly didn’t want to get David drunk, and it was so considerate of him that David couldn’t help but smile as he took the glass.

  “How about some… Bollywood?” David grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. “I could show you my favorite.”

  Raja clanked his teeth against the glass. “Sure, feel free to educate me about my ‘heritage’,” said Raja, and David wasn’t sure if he was being playful or slightly irritated. Second after second, he was convinced it was the latter.

  “No, no, I’m sorry. Maybe we could watch a gay-themed movie or anything else you like?” he mumbled.

  David sank into the sofa and had some more wine, embarrassed to the bones. Was he wrong to even offer watching Bollywood? Maybe he should have avoided the topic altogether? Would Raja hate him now? Would he leave?

  Raja raised his brows. “No, put on your favorite Bollywood. I’ll tell you if I hate it.”

  “Now I don’t want to,” David groaned. “You’ll laugh at me. And I feel awkward. I didn’t want to… educate. I just like them. They’re colorful, and the songs are pretty, and everything’s so intense in them.”

  “Just put it on and stop whining.”

  David huffed and finished the wine. It was… nice. A bit sour, and had an aftertaste that was new to him, a kind of alcoholic smell, but pretty good all in all.

  “Okay, okay!” He got the remote and turned on the TV. One of David’s favorites was still in the DVD player since the last time he watched it, so he turned it on, now anxious if Raja would appreciate it at all. What if Raja hated David’s taste in movies? Would that be a deal breaker?

  The movie started with a colorful dancing scene in the streets, which introduced the handsome, bike-riding hero and his life goals, which included partying and picking up pretty women. Shirtless, the protagonist stormed through town with his friends. There was drama ahead, but Raja seemed more preoccupied with the visuals.

  “Now I see what you like about those movies. That guy is seriously ripped!”

  David bit his lip and poured himself more wine. “It’s not just that! He dances so well. But yeah… he’s hot,” He admitted guiltily. Having this conversation made him feel so shallow.

  “They all dance well. Is this like their answer to musicals?” asked Raja, who poured himself a bit more of the same liquor as before.

  David cuddled up to him and pulled Raja’s arm over his shoulders. “I suppose, but only if musicals were the most popular Hollywood movies, not the action, or comedy ones. I think it’s because the Bollywood blockbusters… they have it all. There’s action, drama, romance, comedy. It’s just so great!”

  “Oh, there will be some fighting?” Raja put his arm over David’s shoulders, and it was fun to sense his fingers tapping the rhythm of the song on David’s skin. He finally felt whole. As if he’d been lost, and Raja had found him.

  “Of course! This guy’s a badass.” David gave Raja’s fingers a quick kiss.

  They watched the movie unfold, and David was elated to see Raja get into it. The story was simple enough, with two families at war, Romeo and Juliet-style, but there was just so much energy in the spectacle, with colors so vivid David felt transported to another reality altogether.

  Seeing the banter between the characters made him think about how he and Raja flirted, how even if the world was against them, he could just jump on the back of Raja’s bike, and leave everything behind. He drank more wine and squeezed Raja’s hand. His emotions were all over the place tonight, and admitting to himself that he was in fact gay was one of the reasons.

  The movie was daring for traditional Bollywood standards, with the main couple actually slipping into bed together for a slow makeout session. The scene was surprisingly romantic with the characters visible through a sheet of transparent muslin, and now that he had experienced sex himself, the atmosphere was getting to David on a whole new level.

  “They’re totally fucking off-screen,” said Raja.

  “No they’re not!” David slapped Raja’s thigh. “Why would you say that?”

  “See the way they look at each other? The movie won’t show it, but they’re boning already. Maybe they did it in that garden when they hid from her mother at night,” said Raja, wiggling his eyebrows. “She’d slap him otherwise for touching her the way he does now.”

  “You’re making it dirty.” But David had to laugh. “Sometimes it’s worth waiting.” He thought back to the time when he got his purity ring. Back then, he didn’t understand what it would imply, and he’d been confused about what counted as sex and what didn’t, but he still felt that it would matter whom he’d actually have full-on sex with. That maybe he was being too hasty tonight, even though he really liked Raja.

  “You think?” Raja stared at him with an expression so guarded David wasn’t sure what to make of it. “You never know what you’re gonna get.”

  “In what sense?” He was feeling giggly, and it had to be the alcohol unwinding his tongue. “I’ve already seen your dick so I know.”

  Raja’s face relaxed, and he pulled David closer for a sweet long smooch. “Because life is complicated. You’re so lucky.”

  “I guess.” David put his legs over Raja’s lap. “I’m trying to be good, but it’s so hard to help myself, you know?”

  “I know. There’s this hot guy, who wants you, and you don’t want to say no.” Raja pulled David close and kissed his lips again. The music gained momentum in the movie, but David wasn’t interested anymore. He’d seen the movie ten times already.

  He nodded. “Maybe it’s easier for straight people, because the girl will usually hold back…” His head spun with the words ‘want you’.

  Raja slowly pushed David back on the sofa, his dark eyes sparkling with interest. “But you’re not straight. You’re very gay, right?”

  David swallowed. He’d never said it out loud. Until tonight, he hadn’t even decided whether he was in fact gay or not. “I am gay,” he whispered and ran his hands over Raja’s chest. So unbelievably sturdy to the touch.

  “And you know what’s one of the gayest things one can do?” uttered Raja when David was already flat on his back.

  “What?” David’s breath hitched, and he let his fingers wander to Raja’s beard, which slowly lowered over David’s crotch.

  Raja looked down, and a smirk colored his flushed face. “Sucking cock. I think you should push down your pants now.”

  “Oh, my… wow.” David stilled, watching Raja as if he were the only person who mattered in the world. He did just take a shower. “Are you sure? I mean…” He didn’t know what he meant anymore, because arousal streamed down his body, making it hard to think.

  Raja laughed out loud. “Are you really asking me if I want to suck your pretty pink cock?”

  David gasped. Was it pretty? “Yes, I mean, I’m clean, I just took a shower, so it should be fine.” His body was screaming for him to shut up and take whatever Raja was offering.

&nbs
p; Raja grinned and roughly pulled down David’s pants, zeroing his eyes in on David’s still soft dick. But he didn’t stop there and pulled everything off David’s legs, tossing both the pants and underwear across the room. “That’s better.”

  “Oh, oh…” David couldn’t find the words. There was no time to be embarrassed. He just went for it.

  Raja’s face burned David’s inner thigh when he nuzzled the sensitive skin and tickled it with his beard. Lips and tongue soon followed, and David shuddered when Raja slowly moved his attention up, closer to the rapidly hardening dick.

  “Should I— do you want me to talk dirty?” he uttered, excited beyond belief to have a man like Raja between his legs, the thick beard, a token of his masculinity, tickling David’s thighs.

  Raja mouthed David’s dick and roughly pushed apart his legs. His hair was already dishevelled from moving his head against David, and it looked hot beyond belief, as if Raja was drunk on David, not the alcohol he’d had. “No. Do you want to?”

  “No,” he said breathlessly. “I like it when you do it.” He wasn’t sure if he should, but in the end he put his legs over Raja’s shoulders.

  Raja looked up at him, and something inside David twitched with arousal when he watched the handsome face between his wantonly spread thighs.

  “People like different things,” whispered Raja, and when he leaned forward, his warm breath caressed David’s balls.

  “I’m pretty sure I’d like a lot of things you do.” David’s heart began thudding, and he half closed his eyes, watching the wet dream unfold in front of him. He would never forget this night. What had he been thinking when he told Raja to go earlier?

  “Like what?” Raja crooked his lips and slowly pulled out his tongue before trailing it slowly up David’s balls.

  David moaned, curling his toes. At least he hoped he wouldn’t come too soon this time. “You’re not making it easy to think.” Another man. Sucking him off. So good.

  Raja groaned, and his lips sent little vibrations all over David’s nuts. His cock was already stiff, and it actually rose slightly from where it lay on David’s stomach when Raja suckled on the sac.