Burn for Me

by Lea Coll

  “They sure were.” Then he grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine like it was the most natural thing in the world. I glanced at him and he was staring ahead, a smile on his face. Biting my lip to remind myself that this was real, I enjoyed the feeling of his hand in mine. I could get used to this.

  We ate at one of the restaurants with outdoor seating that allowed dogs. He asked about my family and I told him about Kristen and her passion for dance, that she’d open a dance studio downtown. How I hoped it would be successful.

  “So, why are you single?” Logan asked after we’d eaten. “I haven’t seen you date anyone. You’re smart and beautiful.”

  I smiled because he’d noticed. “By choice, I guess. I don’t want anything getting in the way of my career.”

  He considered me. “Have you always felt that way?”

  “My parents always pushed me to get good grades and to dream big.”

  “So you haven’t dated anyone seriously? I find that hard to believe.”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “I dated someone all through law school and then we broke up when I decided to move back to the Eastern Shore.”

  “You didn’t want to do the long-distance thing?”

  I tucked my hair behind my ear, shifting my eyes away from his. “We just weren’t right for each other.”

  “And it took three years to figure that out?”

  I winced at his words, but I saw nothing but genuine interest on his face. Like he wanted to know me. “This is starting to feel like a cross-examination.” When he merely smiled, I said, “Let’s just say, I thought things were fine and he didn’t. We didn’t have the same vision for our future.”

  “Ah.” He looked like a man who’d just figured out something important.

  My eyes narrowed on him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I’d kept things purposefully vague.

  “He wasn’t good enough for you.”

  That was not what I expected him to say. I thought he’d tease me about being dumped and how that must have stung my ego. I didn’t expect him to be so perceptive. I still expected the worst from him and was surprised when he showed me something else. “Why do you say that?” I asked softly.

  “He was intimidated by you. When you’re with the right man, he won’t walk away. He won’t be afraid of your success. You’ll push each other to be better.”

  I got chills when he said that. He could be describing us. Did he think we’d be perfect together? I wanted to ask, but it was too soon for those kinds of questions. “What about you? What’s your dating history?”

  “I didn’t know we’d finished with yours, but okay. I told you I had long term girlfriends, but you’re the only woman I’ve ever pursued.”

  With that statement, any remaining worry I had about Logan being a ladies’ man was gone. We walked home, holding hands, watching Bailey stop at every street lamp to sniff and mark his territory, and I pointed out Kristen’s studio space when we passed. I opened the door to my apartment and let Bailey off the leash. He bounded to his bowl, noisily drinking the water.

  “You’re thinking too much again,” Logan said, closing the door behind him and gently pulling the keys from my hand.

  How did he know me so well already?

  He placed the keys on the table by the door and stepped closer to me. “I want you, Ashley. I like you. I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it, believe it, feel it, and then I’ll show you.”

  It was as if he knew exactly what to say to me to get me out of my head and focused on him. His words unleashed something between us, his lips came down on mine, demanding, and wanting nothing between us, we pulled off our clothes. He paused to grab a condom from his jeans, then lifted me into his arms, and backed me up against the wall. In one stroke, he was inside me to the hilt and my head fell back against the wall as he began to thrust inside me. It was frantic, fast. I could feel the slap of his thighs against me with each stroke, the tight grip of his fingers on my skin, the bounce of my breasts from the force, and the cold, unyielding wall behind me. The angle caused friction on each stroke, making me frantic for more.

  As the orgasm built, he said between breaths, “You’re the only one—it’s only ever been you.” It was like he was slamming the truth into me with each thrust. This was real. I was special to him. I was more than enough. I’d never felt anything so right in my life.

  THAT MONDAY, I WALKED BACK to my office from the bathroom when Jillian called my name. “I need to talk to you. Close the door and have a seat.” She gestured to the chairs in front of her desk.

  I closed the door and slowly sat, not sure why she needed to speak to me. I hoped the partners hadn’t already discovered my relationship with Logan. Was it that kiss in my office?

  “Richard assigned me as your mentor. I’m sorry I haven’t discussed it with you sooner, but I’m not in the office often and don’t really have time to mentor a new attorney.”

  Relieved it wasn’t about Logan; I didn’t correct her. I wasn’t new, but she seemed irritated that she had to mentor me at all.

  “I saw you on Saturday night with Logan.”

  Shit. This was exactly what I worried about. My relationship with Logan would ruin my chances for the position. “He just drove me. We weren’t—” I was about to say together even though that wasn’t true and even Richard mentioned the no-relationship rule that night.

  “Let me finish. There seemed like there was something between you. If one of you gets this partner-track position it’s against office policy for you to date.”

  “I know.”

  “These are the most crucial years of your career.” Then she paused, studying me. “You need to decide what’s more important—your career or a relationship.”

  It was on the tip of tongue to say I wanted this position because partner was always my goal, but did I want it more than I wanted Logan? I’d wanted to have a successful career for as long as I could remember. Be independent; earn my own money. This thing with Logan was new. Who knew what would happen between us? But the road to this job was clear—work hard and don’t make mistakes.

  “You have a good shot at getting the position. So, it’s something you need to think about. Is it a good idea to start something with him now?”

  A thrill shot through me at her words about the position, but at the same time it was dampered by the reality. Most likely one of us would get the position and any relationship would be forbidden. It was a good reminder after this weekend about what was at stake.

  “Think about it.”

  This was the reminder I needed. I had to make a decision soon.

  I smiled at Logan as I walked past his office knowing there was no way I could walk away from him. He’d fucked me against the wall last night but it was so much more than that—his words and actions were raw and beautiful. I sat at my desk, the paperwork Kristen gave me for the high school reunion open in front of my keyboard. It seemed like an impossible situation.

  THANKFULLY, I WAS MEETING the girls tonight at Annie’s Wine Bar. I didn’t think I could face Logan without sorting through my feelings, and Jillian’s words still rang in my head, causing a tension headache.

  Stella clapped when I came in the door. “Yay! I’m so excited to hear all of the details.”

  “You talked, huh?” I asked Emma.

  “Hooking up with Logan is big news,” Emma said.

  “Oh my God, keep your voice down. You’re going to ruin my reputation. I’ve been putting that guy down for years and now I’m sleeping with him.” I was teasing but I still didn’t want private details of my dating life broadcast to the restaurant.

  “You’re the only one shocked by this. We’ve been waiting for this day,” Stella said.

  I pulled out the chair and sat down, bracing myself for the questions.

  “So, what’s the deal? Are you enemies with benefits? One and done?” Stella asked. “Inquiring minds want to know.”

  “I’m not sure.” Logan w
as amazing, but I was afraid to get my hopes up with the no-relationship office policy hanging over us.

  “Oh, no. You’ve fallen for him. You completely, one-hundred percent fell for Logan. The guy you accused of being a womanizer,” Emma said.

  “He’s different with me.” I didn’t think I could explain how profound it was. He had revealed the man behind the charming façade and that man was irresistible.

  “He picks his teeth and burps at the table? How different are we talking?” Stella asked.

  I laughed. “No. He’s not the smooth playboy with me.”

  “He got you without any moves?” Emma asked.

  “Oh, he has moves no one else has ever seen.” The image of him fucking me against the wall came to mind. He’d made an impression. I got warm all over thinking of him telling me he’d show me with his words, his actions, whatever it took for me to believe that we were real.

  “Are we talking sex moves?” Stella asked.

  I groaned. “I’m telling you he slowly inserted himself into my life.”

  Stella chuckled. “Sorry, you said ‘inserted.’”

  I smiled. “I can’t have a serious conversation with you. Logan helped me train for the race, nursed me when I was sick, supported me at work, and encouraged me to adopt a dog. He’s opened up my eyes to him, to life outside of work.” I could take care of my health by eating right, exercising, I could take a sick day every now and then, and I could adopt a dog now if I wanted, not wait until I’d achieved some level of success at work. He made me see all that, and that my existence, working in all of my spare time, was not living. “I don’t think I can put it into words. He’s amazing.”

  “Oh shit, he’s like the real deal,” Stella said. “I’m going to be the only single one now.”

  “Sawyer’s single,” Emma smirked and everyone laughed because quiet Sawyer was no match for Stella, who was the center of attention wherever she went.

  “We can’t date though,” I said. I wanted to know what my friends thought I should do. I liked to analyze every possible outcome, especially in this case, because it affected my job. “The office has the no-relationship policy between partners and subordinates. One of the partners pulled me aside today to remind me of the rule and that it’s likely either Logan or I would get the position.”

  “That’s a tough decision. You’ve always wanted to be partner but if Logan is the guy for you—” Stella trailed off.

  “Just because this weekend was amazing, I have no guarantee it will continue to be that way,” I said.

  “It’s possible. Love is always a risk. Just when you think you have this amazing mature man, they go and pull the rug out from under you,” Stella said speaking of her own experiences. “Do you really trust him?”

  “I do.” I trusted him when he said his feelings were real, but I didn’t know how he wanted to handle the office situation. I hated to have a conversation this early in a relationship about where we stood, but I didn’t see how we could avoid it.

  “All you can do is see where it goes,” Samantha said. “It’s too early to have all of the answers. Don’t jump to conclusions like I did with Jack.” Samantha had pushed Jack away, assuming he’d leave her for a job. She apologized and everything had worked out.

  “The other issue is whether I want to work at this firm. The only female partner, Jillian, made partner and was told she still needed to make the same number of billable hours with small kids at home. She wanted to stay home with them, so she works nights to keep up.” I didn’t know if that was something I wanted for my future.

  “I know firsthand how a workaholic parent affects a kid,” Samantha said. “How would you manage a family and work?”

  “All of the male partners have stay at home wives, housekeepers, nannies, etc. They need a team of people at home so they can focus on work.” I knew how Samantha had struggled with her father being absent most of her childhood due to work. Did I want that for my kids? “Should I hold off with Logan until the probation period at work is over?” It was the last thing I wanted to do.

  “That’s a tough one. I don’t think it’s good to ask for space this early in a relationship,” Emma said. “It sounds to me like Logan is invested. It would hurt him if you broke it off.”

  We hadn’t labeled anything, but it seemed serious. “This thing with Logan feels more stable than work right now. I have no idea if I’ll even be working there once the probationary period is over.” Or if I even wanted to. It didn’t seem like the best place to work longterm. Not if I wanted a life outside of work and a family one day.

  “I know you feel like you have to take any available position since private firm jobs are so hard to find, but the firm has to sell itself too. I’ve been asking around, and the billable hours are way higher than at other firms,” Emma said.

  I was so used to proving myself—to my parents, school, work—I hadn’t even considered that when I interviewed for the position.

  “Are you happy working there?” Samantha asked. “Justin made my life miserable when I worked for him. Maybe you should keep your options open.”

  “I’m not happy. I don’t even need to think about that. The salary at my old job was lower, but otherwise, the hours were decent, co-workers friendly, and the work challenging.”

  Unfortunately, my talk with the girls did nothing to alleviate the headache which formed during my meeting with Jillian. Did I want to be in Jillian’s position in ten years? It wasn’t as appealing as it once was.

  KELLI POPPED HER HEAD INTO my office the next afternoon instead of using the intercom, to say, “Hey, there’s a Callum Gray on the phone for you.”

  Why was Logan’s father on the phone for me? I didn’t have any cases with him. “Why does he want to talk to me?”

  “I have no idea. He’s holding for you.” Then she left.

  I picked up the phone. “Ashley Cook.”

  “Good afternoon, Ms. Cook. Cal Gray here. I’m the managing partner at Gray, Gray, & Posen. My father started the firm, hence Gray & Gray.”

  “What can I help you with?”

  “The reason I’m calling is that my father is retired now and Mike Posen died a few years ago. So I’m the lone partner here and I’d like to talk to you about a job opportunity.”

  Excitement shot through me at the prospect of someone recruiting me. “Me?” I couldn’t help but squeak out.

  “I know what you think because it’s on my mind too. Why am I not talking to Logan?”

  “Right.” It was a good thing Logan was still grabbing lunch and couldn’t eavesdrop on this conversation. I had a sinking feeling he would not like me talking to his dad.

  “Look, I’ll explain everything, but I’d like to talk in person and not on the phone. Can you meet this evening at The Fish House?”

  I looked at my calendar and my stack of work. It wasn’t a good idea to speak to Logan’s dad without him knowing, but I was curious to hear his offer. “Is seven okay?”

  “That’s perfect. I’ll see you then, Ms. Cook.”

  It was the first time I’d ever spoken to Logan’s father and I knew nothing about him except he’d cheated on his wife. I didn’t know if I’d made the right decision by agreeing to meet with him, but I knew I should be exploring all possible job opportunities.

  Logan dropped a brown take-out bag on my desk, causing me to jump, my heart thumping. “Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you. I grabbed some lunch for you.”

  “Thanks. But you didn’t have to grab my lunch. I packed.”

  “I get the impression you’re going to be eating dinner here too, so save your lunch for later.”

  “Thanks, Logan.” He was thinking of me and my needs, while I talked to his dad behind his back. I debated telling him, but he got so angry when the subject of his father came up, and I knew without a doubt he wouldn’t like me speaking to him.

  “Before I forget, I wanted to ask if you wanted keys to my place?” At his raised brow, I added, “So you can take Bailey
out whenever you need to.” I hadn’t meant the offer to be a declaration of our relationship, but he smiled as if it was. I pulled the spare keys out of my purse.

  “Good idea.” He took the keys from my outstretched hand and winked. “Back to the grind.”

  That evening, I walked to the Fish House, located on the waterfront, scanning the restaurant. I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn’t see anyone else I knew. I saw Cal at the bar, and he nodded to me and placed his drink on a high-top table nearby.

  “Thanks for meeting me, Ms. Cook.”

  Shaking his hand, I said, “Nice to meet you.” I searched Cal’s face; he looked similar to Logan but with no twinkle in his eye, no dimples. I had a feeling what you saw was what you got with him.

  I sat down across from him and ordered water since it was a work meeting.

  “The reason I wanted to meet with you is that I’m the only senior attorney now and I need someone who wants a job with the potential of being partner one day. Not everyone is capable of owning or running a business. It takes a specific person, one with drive and determination. I spoke with John Raymond, your old supervisor at the public defender’s office, and he raved about you. He said it was your goal to be partner and that you’re a hard worker.”

  I couldn’t get the confrontation between Logan and his dad at the fundraiser out of my mind. “It is my goal, Mr. Gray, but I’m concerned that if I took a position at your firm, your son would eventually start working there and take over the firm. That’s how it should be, but I need to look out for myself.”

  He sighed. “Honestly, I want him to work for me, but he refuses. I don’t know why. He interned with me until his third year of law school and told me he intended to work for me after he graduated. Then at the last minute, he got a job at the state’s attorney’s office and said he needed to prove himself outside of my firm. I can respect that, but now he’s working at Gunner. At this point, I can’t count on him ever coming to work for me.”

  I knew exactly why, but it wasn’t my place to tell Mr. Gray.