The Wretched

by Brad Carsten

  It took another hop towards the box, and then it was under.

  Kaylyn pulled the string. The rabbit jumped and the box fell. Kaylyn stood staring at it for the longest time, wanting to go and look, but afraid that she'd missed. She hadn't seen anything darting away, but they were quick, and she may have missed it. She crouched next to the box, listening, but couldn't hear anything. Was he there?

  She pressed her head to the ground and slowly lifted the box. At first, she didn't see anything, and her heart sank, but then the small nose appeared at the opening. She gave a small squeal and dropped the box in excitement, and then apologised over and over in case she'd hurt it.

  Running back to the manor, her heart was bursting with joy, and once inside, she let it out to explore her bedroom. The way it scampered around, sniffing everything reminded her of Master Binkly the great explorer. “Master Binkly,” she declared. “That's what I'll call you, and together we'll have some grand adventures.”

  The floorboards creaked in Master Kempsdane's room, which meant he was getting up. With a jolt of panic, she hurried around the room trying to catch Master Binkly. She finally got him into the large chest at the foot of the bed, where he could cuddle into her stockings until she could come back to see him again.

  “Now keep quiet,” she whispered. “I'll keep you some fruit from breakfast, and will be back as soon as possible, okay? Just be quiet incase Master Kempsdane hears you.”

  Master Kempsdane's door opened. His footsteps creaked along the passage.

  “Remember,” she whispered, lowering the lid. “Keep quiet.” She barely had enough time to dive back into bed and pull the covers over her shoulders, when Master Kempsdane entered the room.

  “Good morning,” he said, as he went over to open the curtains. “We have a lot to get through today, starting with trade routes.”

  Kaylyn stretched, pretending that she had just woken up, and then she heard the scratching sound coming from the chest.

  Master Kempsdane frowned, and Kaylyn began scratching her leg with her foot. “There must have been a mosquito in my room last night. Ooh, my leg itches.” Again, there was that scratching sound and Kaylyn scrambled out of bed and began dancing from foot to foot.

  “Kaylyn, are you okay? You seem—well, not yourself this morning.”

  “Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm just ready to start my lessons, that's all.” She took his hand and led him to the door. “Now, if you'd excuse me, I would like to get changed.” She closed the door and fell back against it. “Phew, that was close.” She hurried to the chest to see what Master Binkly was doing in there, and he looked up at her with those big innocent eyes.

  “You need to be more careful,” she said. “You almost got us caught, and then you'll have to go and live in the ground again, and when winter comes, you'll be freezing cold. Just try to behave while I'm gone.” She felt like a mother scolding her child, and her heart swelled with pride.

  Before she left, she blew Master Binkly a kiss. “I love you,” she said, and that made her feel all giddy inside. Oh, she finally, finally had a living thing of her own.

  Downstairs, she swallowed her breakfast of cheese, ham and eggs, and every time Master Kempsdane's back was turned she'd put something in her pockets. “Slow down,” Master Kempsdane complained, “or you'll start hiccuping. Your food's not going anywhere.”

  “I'm just looking forward to lessons today,” Kaylyn said. “I'm ready to learn.” By the time breakfast was over, she could hardly contain herself. She excused herself from the table, and ran upstairs leaving Master Kempsdane behind wondering what in Fate's name had gotten into her.

  She emptied her pockets into the chest and realised that she had brought way more food than Master Binkly could ever get through in a week. “Just pick your favourites, and I'll try to get you some more of those things. Lessons only last a few hours, and I'll be back as soon as I can.” He gave her a sorrowful look, and she sighed. “Okay, I'll let you run around the room until I get back, but try to behave yourself, okay?”

  She tried to catch Master Binkly to let him out, but even with nowhere for him to go, that wasn't easy. “I know this is a strange place,” she whispered. “You must be used to the grass and the sand and having other rabbits about, but you'll love it here. I know you will, and we'll be best of friends.”

  Kaylyn couldn't concentrate on her studies that day, and more than once, Master Kempsdane had to call her out for fidgeting. “I've never seen you like this,” he said, as he rambled on about trade agreements and the kingdom's allies, and Kaylyn felt like she was sitting on nails.

  That night, Kaylyn excused herself after dinner saying that she was tired, but she really wanted to spend the evening playing with her new friend.

  She sat on the floor, waiting for Master Binkly to approach her. She desperately wanted him to trust her. He would, in his own time, but it just seemed to be taking so long.

  She tried to get it to sleep in the bed with her that night, but it hopped off, and instead nestled down in the corner of the room.

  “Good night, Master Binkly,” She whispered as she cuddled into her blankets, contently. That night, she had the best dreams she'd ever had.

  The next day she filled a small carton with sand and brought it some fresh water and a bowl of milk. She didn't know if he would like milk, but she wanted to do something special for him.

  Days past, and Kaylyn grew more and more attached to Master Binkly.

  Master Kempsdane became worried when she'd disappear to her room every night, and even checked her for a fever, but Kaylyn threw him off the trail by telling him that she was reading the tale of the red flags, and couldn't wait to see what happened next.

  She sat on the rug in the middle of the room talking to Master Binkly, telling him of all the wonderful places they would visit together and the people they would meet along the way. She even read him a few passages out of her book to give him a taste for adventure.

  Every time Master Binkly ventured close, she'd reward him with a raisin. He seemed to love those. She did as well, but they were in short supply and so she kept them all for him. Well, she may have snuck one or two for herself, but most were for him.

  The day finally came when she stretched out a hand and he didn't try to hop away. She gently tickled his soft, furry head, and she wanted to cry she was so happy.

  She was worse than ever at her lessons, and Master Kempsdane eventually sent her to the corner until she learned to behave herself, but she couldn't help it, she just wanted to get back to Master Binkly and see if he'd climb up into her lap this time. She wanted to get him used to her before winter arrived, as she simply couldn't bear to see him freezing in the corner of the room.

  That afternoon, she raced upstairs excitedly.

  “Master Binkly,” she whispered, kicking off her shoes. At first, she couldn't see him, and she wondered if he was hiding somewhere. She looked under her bed and giggled when she spotted the ball of white fluff on the other side of the night frill. “There you are, Master Mischief. I've brought you your favourites. Raaaaaisins. Lots and lots of raaaaaisins.” She dug them out of her pocket as she skipped around to the other side of the bed. “This evening we've got a—” the raisins clattered to the floor, and Kaylyn covered her mouth and screamed.

  Master Binkly lay on his side, twitching, in a puddle of blood. Blood stained his perfect white fur, and it had been smeared across the floorboards. One of Master Binkly's legs looked like it had been ripped off—it was hanging by a thread, and he was—Kaylyn shut her eyes but she couldn't get the image out of her head—he was eating into his own side. Even above her screams, she could still hear the flesh ripping apart.

  Master Kempsdane burst into the room, and Kaylyn threw herself into his arms. He saw the rabbit on the floor, and he suddenly understood her behaviour over the last few days. “Kaylyn, you can't have animals near you. You know that. Gaharah is too strong in you. Oh Kaylyn, that was a foolish thing to do.”

  He hel
d her as her body trembled like she was breaking apart.

  Kaylyn couldn't breathe, she couldn't scream. She fought to get free of his arms, and when she did, she ran.

  She had hidden her father's pendant outside in the barn. She ripped up the loose floorboard and pulled it out of the small space along with dust and cobwebs. If she didn't cast now, she felt like she'd explode. She had killed master Binkly. By bringing him into her life, she'd killed him. She wailed as Gaharah flooded into her. More and more. It hit the pendant and the world froze around her.

  She hadn't used the pendant since leaving the palace, so she didn't even know if it would work, but she was desperate to see Kael again.

  The air swirled, forming around the familiar figure. He seemed so much older than when last she'd seen him—and tired. His eyes were sad. Kaylyn threw herself at him, but she hit that invisible wall.

  “Kael,” she shouted. “Kael. Why did you leave me? Why!” She beat her fists against the barrier.

  Her brother sat down, cross legged and reached out his hand towards her. She wanted to take it, more than anything in the world, but she couldn't, so she screamed until she couldn't anymore, and then she curled up against the barrier, feeling Gaharah pulsing through her until she fell asleep.

  She woke up two days later to Master Kempsdane wiping her forehead with a damp cloth. Her stomach heaved from the effects of drawing so much power, and her head felt like it was going to explode.

  She later learned that when Master Kempsdane found her, there was nothing left of the barn but its foundation. Everything else had been incinerated.

  She lay in bed without speaking, and only got up when Master Kempsdane told her that he planned on burying Master Binkly out in the garden with his friends, and needed someone to help him.

  ***

  When Kaylyn was thirteen, she climbed the Will tree for the hundredth time to watch the carriages pass like ants on a windowsill. Some were shiny and sleek, and others looked like rough wooden boxes. She imagined what it would be like to leave the manor, to run and never look back. She'd reach the road, and a handsome stranger would stop to pick her up. He'd be on his way to his village—A small village where the people weren't rich, but they were happy. She imagined arriving to a festival, with laughing and food and excited children running through the legs of the villagers. A small band would be playing, and the man would take her away from everyone else, where they could still hear the music, and he'd dance with her. They'd talk, late into the night, and dance, and he'd kiss her under the stars. Her lips tingled, but Master Kempsdane's voice, calling her for her lessons, ripped her out of her bubble. She was just a forgotten girl sitting all alone in a tree—alone for five years—alone for the rest of her life. Gaharah oozed up her throat into her mouth—she could taste it. She screamed silently, not wanting to draw Master Kempsdane's attention, and she squeezed the branches until her fingers hurt. The bark turned gray, like old wood and that spread up the branch. Her throat constricted, and she couldn't breathe. When was it her turn to be happy? When would she find love?

  Sound began to swirl around her, mixed with Master Kempsdane's calls for lessons. She loved him dearly, but she couldn't deal with him right now. His voice sounded like nails in her head. She covered her ears, but that only made her heart beat louder; a heart that felt like it was ripping out her chest.

  Why was she cursed with this life? She hadn't asked for it. She hadn't asked to be a wretched. The thought grew stronger until she couldn't breathe, like a hand was closing around her throat.

  Why did she take the time to brush her hair and make herself beautiful if no one would see her? She ripped the clip out of her hair and slammed it into the tree, over and over again. It splintered, and a piece of it cut into her hand, but she couldn't feel it. It was like her hand had fallen asleep. She scraped the point up along her arm. It tingled and blood formed small beads along the line. She couldn't tell Master Kempsdane how she was feeling, but perhaps if he saw it, he'd realise that she was hurting, and she needed to know that someone cared.

  “Kaylyn,” Master Kempsdane's voice swirled around her. She didn't remember climbing down, but she was sitting on the ground hugging her legs, and he was holding her. The grass for ten yards around the tree had died and shrivelled.

  “I know it's hard,” Master Kempsdane was saying, “but you cannot allow your emotions to surface, or Gaharah will destroy you. That's the only way to control it.”

  “How can I not feel anything? If I knew how, I would do it, but I don't know how. Master Kempsdane, I don't know how. And every day it's just getting worse.”

  “You keep yourself busy. You don't think about things. You just keep your head down, and you grind out each day, and that's how you survive.”

  “I'm trying, but the harder I try, the more I think about things. I wish I was like you. I wish I could turn off my feelings, but I can't.”

  “You have to try. When you start dreaming of a life away from this manor, you have to cut it off quickly, before it takes hold. This isn't forever, Kaylyn. This is just until Prince Thomwyn can get control of the land again, and then you'll have a place in the palace, but right now, he can't worry about you as well. He's fighting a war, and he can't worry about someone coming after you to use you as leverage against him. I know it's hard, Kaylyn. You're becoming a woman, and your body is changing. Your emotions are all over the place, but you have to find a way to control it. For your brother, for the kingdom, you have to find a way.”

  Kaylyn did what Master Kempsdane asked of her, and she kept her mind busy on her lessons, from the morning until she went to bed, but the smallest cue could set her off. It could be the smell of the butter bulb flowers outside the window, or while she was brushing her hair, and she'd spiral down to the darkest places. Desperate and out of options, Master Kempsdane finally contacted Madam Hollis for help, who began arranging for the scraels to be sent to the manor. It didn't stop Kaylyn from casting, but at least it would minimize the effects.

  ***

  Kaylyn hadn't touched the pendant for years. What happened to Master Binkly was burned deep into her mind, and she was afraid of the same thing happening to her brother. She didn't know if he was real, but she often lay awake at night thinking about him. It wasn't until her seventeenth birthday that she took the pendant out again.

  She put on her favourite dress and pinned up her hair. Nobody would see her, but she wanted to feel beautiful, and special. She went down to the bottom of the garden, while the sun was still setting and sat there pretending that she was waiting for someone to come and whisk her away from this place. By seventeen, most of the woman in the capital were already spoken for. By twenty, there wouldn't be any men left to choose from, and that was only three years away.

  She touched the scrael around her neck, and sighed. No, she wasn't thinking about that tonight. Tonight, she was seventeen; she was three years a woman.

  She slipped the pendant out of her pocket and stared at it for the longest time. Her brother had always been her rock, or perhaps it was just the thought of him always there, watching over her like a guardian angel. She had delayed using it for many years now, in case she hurt him, but she was seventeen tonight, she could control Gaharah much more than she could when she was younger, and... she sighed. She missed him so dearly, her heart ached with it.

  She drew a small thread of power, and directed it at the pendant, but stopped short of touching it. What if it had all been in her mind? What if she had never seen him after all?

  The thought had come to her many times over the years, which was another reason she'd put off meeting him again. That way, she could preserve the illusion of him, because it was nice to think that her brother was always there, watching over her, but if it was all just a lie, then she'd be truly alone in this world. She had to know, and more than that, she had to know why he left her. She had delayed this moment for the longest time, but she was no longer a child, and she had to figure out who she was.

  With
a deep breath, she touched the pendant with her power and the world froze around her. The gentle breeze stopped abruptly; the sound of insects cut off. She stared ahead, pleading under her breath for something to happen, and then the air shifted, and her brother fell to his knees. His armour was tattered, and sweat and dirt stained his face. He pulled at the armour around his neck to get some air.

  Kaylyn ran to him, but as before, she hit into an invisible barrier. He shouted for her to stay back. She couldn't hear him—the words swirled in an out, distorting, but she could see him.

  “Kael, what's happening?” She cried. “What's happened to you?” she suddenly regretted the years that she'd left him there on his own.

  He was shouting something, but she couldn't make it out.

  “I can't hear you? What's going on? Kael what happened?” He used his sword to get to his feet again, and he teetered on the spot, and his words became clear.

  “Hide the Amulet. Don't use it again. Hunters are looking for it. They're looking for you.”

  Hunters? She'd read about hunters in stories—these creatures that could take the shape of a man, that could undo threads of time, but they were children's tales. “Kael, I can't leave you.”

  “You must.” Fear entered his eyes, and he turned, holding his sword out in front of him. “I'll keep them back but you have to go.”

  “I can't leave you—not without knowing that you'll be okay.”

  He spoke but his voice was fading out again. All she could make out was: “It's too dangerous.” and “They're looking for you.”

  “I can't just forget about you,” she shouted. But he was backing away. “Please don't ask that of me.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks.