Already Gone

by Diane Benefiel

  She hoped Logan hadn’t told her brother everything that had happened. She wondered if Logan was angry with Brad for not telling him about Lily. But there was a more important issue than her personal drama to relate to Brad. “Lazlo was here. He’s looking for Logan.”

  “Where? At your cabin?”

  “Yes. Logan had described him, so I figured out who he was. He drove up with another man, said he was looking for someone who worked for him who had gone missing before the storm. I’m betting he was talking about Logan. He gave me the willies.”

  “Did he threaten you?”

  “No. I played dumb, said I hadn’t seen anyone, and suggested he call nine-one-one if someone is missing. I think he’s suspicious though because he noticed large-size footprints in the snow.”

  “Damn it. Anything else?”

  “No, my dog barked at him and scared him off.”

  “What dog?”

  “My new dog. She’s part Lab, part German Shepherd mix and she’s beautiful. She put the fear of god into that man.”

  “Well, good. Now you can pack up yourself and your dog and go to Mom’s for the night.”

  “He left, Brad. If he thought I knew anything about Logan, don’t you think he would have challenged me on it? Instead, he drove away.”

  “From what Logan said about the guy and the reports I’ve read, he’s as nasty as they come. I don’t think I could predict how he’d act. Pack an overnight bag. I’ll send an officer to pick you up.”

  She didn’t want to leave her cabin, but she wasn’t stupid. “I’ll go, but I’ll drive myself.”

  “If I have someone drive you. I’ll know for sure you got to Mom’s safely.”

  “I’ll call you when I get there, big brother.”

  A voice sounded in the background, and Brad must have covered the receiver to talk because his voice sounded muffled. He spoke again, clear this time. “I’ve got to go. Emma says the airline is scheduling flights into Reno. I intend to get on one of those. Drive yourself, but don’t forget to call me when you get there. And let Mom know you’re coming.”

  Maddy sighed as she disconnected. She patted Sophie on the head as she slipped the phone into her back pocket. “Come on, baby. We’ll get you your dinner, then it’s off to Mom’s.”

  Despite the unexpectedness of the plans, Maddy wasn’t sorry. Spending some time with her mother meant Maddy could tell her mom about Logan. Of course, Maddy would skip the part about waking up in Logan’s arms, but her mom would want to know about Logan discovering the picture of Lily. Since Trish had argued strongly that Maddy tell him, she’d most likely be happy with the news.

  Maddy filled Sophie’s dish, mixing kibble with the canned meat and setting it down for the dog to eat while she went upstairs to pack a bag.

  Opening the café the next morning, doing her early morning baking, making cappuccinos and lattes for her customers, all helped to center Maddy. But worry about Logan nagged at her, and she hated that. Especially since the choice she’d made all those years ago not to tell him about her pregnancy or the birth of their daughter no longer seemed as justified as it had even a week ago. She didn’t think her decision was exactly wrong, but it no longer seemed quite so right.

  She arranged double chocolate butterscotch muffins in a white bakery box and handed them to the woman who wore a cheerfully colored scarf that looked home knitted. “Have fun at your book club, Mrs. Chastain.” Forcing a smile sucked because it felt like lying.

  “We’ll enjoy these muffins, for sure.” The older woman narrowed shrewd eyes. “Are you feeling okay, Maddy dear? You look a little pale.”

  “I’m fine. Really,” she added when her first-grade teacher didn’t look convinced.

  “Why don’t you join our group? I know you like to read, and we could use some younger members. Ida Montes is bringing her granddaughter to today’s meeting.”

  “I’ll think about it. Thanks for the invitation. You have a nice time.” Maddy’s smile faltered as the door to the café closed. A glance at her watch told her it was nearly two o’clock. Business had been slow as the cold kept many folks indoors. She’d close in an hour, but didn’t want to go back to the cabin. She’d need to, if for no other reason than to let Sophie out. But she didn’t want to be alone, because being alone meant too much time in her own head, too much time for self-recrimination. Maybe she’d go to her mom’s again.

  The phone rang in the back room at the same time the door opened.

  “I got it,” Mariana called.

  Two figures came in, both clad in knee-high boots and colorful beanies.

  “Emma.” Maddy dashed around the counter to engulf her friend in a hug. “When did you get back?”

  Emma pulled off her beanie and shook her head to let her rich brown hair fall over her shoulders. “Before noon. We got a flight into Reno, and when Brad heard the highway coming south was open, he didn’t want to miss the window and have it close again, so we set out as soon as we landed.”

  Dory shed her gloves, stuffing them in a pocket. “I think it’s warmed up to a whopping thirty degrees out there.” Dory’s teal green beanie matched the trim of her parka perfectly.

  When Emma unzipped her coat, Maddy patted her belly. “Look at your baby bump.”

  Emma laid a hand over the little bulge. “There’s no denying it now. And guess what? I felt junior move, a little flutter. Brad was tickled to pieces. He talks to the baby all the time.”

  Maddy pulled Emma into another hug and found herself tearing up. “I’m so happy for you both. You and Brad are perfect for each other, and you’ll be terrific parents.”

  She pulled a tissue from her pocket and noisily blew her nose.

  Dory narrowed dark eyes fringed by sooty ashes. “What’s wrong? You teared up, and you never tear up. Are you broody?”

  “I’m not broody.” Maddy turned determinedly to Emma. “Was Hawaii everything you’d hoped it would be? I love the pictures you sent. I never thought anyone would get Brad to Hawaii, much less in the water and snorkeling.”

  Emma shook her head. “I’ll tell you about Hawaii, but later, because I agree with Dory. Your spark is gone. What’s wrong?”

  So much for putting up a positive front. “It would be simpler to ask what’s right.”

  “Time for an intervention,” Dory announced. She fished in her wallet and laid some bills next to the cash register. She stepped behind the counter and snagged three ceramic mugs and handed them to Emma. “Emma, fill these with hot water and pick out the tea bags. I’ve got my eye on these scones.”

  “You don’t need to pay, Dory.”

  Dory held up a hand like a crossing guard. “Are we friends?”

  “Of course we’re friends.”

  “Good, because friends don’t take advantage of friends. You run a business and can’t be giving away your product.” She plated the cranberry orange scones. “Give yourself a break and sit down. Tell us what’s troubling you, why you’re broody.”

  “And if it’s girl talk and you’re not ready to include your brother, you better get started,” Emma warned. “Brad said he’d come by to pick me up in about half an hour.”

  Emma set down the steaming mugs and slid into the booth, Dory sitting next to her.

  Eyeing the duo from across the table, Maddy sighed. “I’m not broody.”

  “So you say, but something is going on, friend, and your besties are here for you.” Dory remained ever positive and upbeat, despite her own problems.

  Maddy’s shoulders slumped and she gave up the fight. “You’re right, I am broody.”

  Mariana stepped out from the back kitchen, distracting Maddy with her happy smile. “That was Belen on the phone. She said to tell you thank you, and she’s with her sister in Sacramento.”

  “Well, that’s good news at least.”

  Mariana stepped up to the counter as a customer came in.

  “Who’s Belen?” Emma asked.

  “A young woman who needed help. I came across
her on the road early in the morning a couple of days ago. The temperature was below freezing and she wasn’t dressed for that kind of cold. I picked her up and brought her here.”

  “Oh no.” Emma tone held a wealth of empathy. “She’s one of the women Brad was talking about. She must have escaped from the gang.”

  “You know about this?” Dory asked.

  “Brad told me. He said a human trafficking organization was using the eastern side of the Sierras as a route to transport their victims north. Was she involved with that?”

  “Belen didn’t tell us a whole lot. She was scared. But there was a police raid on a cabin holding a bunch of women,” Maddy explained. “We’re guessing she had escaped from there.”

  “She’s one woman safe, at least.” Dory’s own experience with a violent husband made her particularly sympathetic. She focused on Maddy. “Now tell us why you’re broody.”

  Maddy stared out the window, trying to organize her thoughts. Lights sparkled in shop windows up and down Main Street, and snow blanketed the scene, making Hangman’s Loss look like a Currier and Ives painting. It was people like Logan and Brad who kept it that way, who risked their lives to root out the stain brought by the smugglers who profited by victimizing innocent young women.

  She glanced at Dory and Emma, and realized her friends were waiting her out. She pitched her voice low. “Logan and I—”

  She glanced up as the bell over the door tinkled once again, then ducked her head to whisper. “We had sex.”

  Dory’s brows disappeared under the fringe of bangs. “Oh. My. God. You and I’d-rather-punch-him-than-speak-to-him Logan Ross had sex?”

  “Shh.” Maddy glanced at the new customer and relaxed when the woman, obviously paying Maddy and her friends no mind, bent to peer into the display case while chatting with Mariana.

  Emma’s expression turned thoughtful. “Had sex or made love?”

  Maddy groaned. “That’s the problem. I don’t know. Probably the latter, or I wouldn’t be so churned up about it.”

  “I’m not surprised since red-hot sparks sizzle between you two whenever you’re within ten feet of each other. Does he know you’re angry with him?”

  “He’d have to be totally oblivious if he doesn’t.”

  “You tried to slug him more than once at the Founders’ Day Picnic,” Emma added. “That’s a pretty definite sign someone’s angry with you. But then he kissed you, and that was a smokin’ kiss. It’s no wonder you’re broody. You have a lot to brood about.”

  That hot spring day had gotten even hotter when a dripping wet Logan had pulled himself out of the dunk tank and kissed her senseless. “I don’t know what I am. But that’s not all.”

  “That’s huge all by itself.” Dory blew across her mug to cool her Earl Grey before taking a sip.

  “He found out about Lily.”

  “Oh, Maddy.” Emma reached out to grasp Maddy’s hand, and Dory laid her hand on top of the two.

  Beyond her immediate family, Maddy had only shared with Dory, and now Emma, that she’d been a mother for a short time. The pain had been so huge that other than with a few people, she hadn’t been able to talk about it. The result being that only those closest to her knew she’d had a daughter.

  Dory leaned forward. “How did Logan find out?”

  Maddy squeezed her friends’ hands, then disentangled herself to lean back against the seat cushion. She hadn’t known the tears were there, but the tightening in her throat signaled her limited control.

  Swallowing a sip of tea and letting the warmth ease the tension inside her, she started at the beginning. In a quiet voice, she told her friends about bringing a nearly frozen Logan into her cabin, trying to get him warm.

  “I had to get him out of his wet clothes, and it turns out he had a scrape on his head.” She didn’t think Logan would want people to know he was FBI even if his cover was blown, so she didn’t mention the gunshot wound. “The electricity was out, so I get the fire going, get him on the floor in front of the fireplace, get blankets. Peel him out of his clothes.”

  “Ooh, that’s exciting.”

  She sent Dory a quelling look. “He kept his long underwear on.”

  “Okay, not as exciting.”

  “So I’m trying to get him warm and the next thing I know, we’ve fallen asleep. And when I wake up, he’s staring at me with this look that makes me want to lick him like a lollipop. Then he kisses me. I thought my brains were going to leak out of my ears, because that man can turn me inside out with a kiss. Then I remembered.”

  “Remembered what?” Emma paused, scone half way to her mouth.

  “That there was a framed photo of Lily on the mantel. He hadn’t seen it because it was dark, but I had to get it out of sight. I jumped up and grabbed it, then ran upstairs and got the one off my nightstand and hid them both in my dresser.”

  “And he doesn’t question why you’re having this freak-out?”

  “He did come upstairs, but I think he was still too out of it to try to figure out why I was acting like a crazy lady.”

  “So if he didn’t see the picture, how did he find out?”

  “He didn’t find out then. Sex happened first.” She slumped back in her seat, rubbing a thumb across her forehead where tension was building into a headache. “He was exhausted. I guess hypothermia does that to you. And plus, with the electricity out, there’s not a lot to do, and it was cold in the cabin. The only source of heat was the fireplace, so we both ended up sleeping on the rug in front of it. Then I wake up and Logan is cuddled against me, and I—”

  “Sorry, but wait.” Dory held up a finger. “Is he spooning you, so that, you know, his parts are nestled behind your parts? Or is this side-to-side cuddling? Or front-to-back cuddling, like with him on his back and you snuggled into him?”

  “I’m not discussing parts. I draw the line at that.”

  “Not even a little bit? You could use euphemisms if you’re shy.”

  Maddy couldn’t help but laugh, while Emma exclaimed, “Dory.”

  “Come on, you can’t hold back on me. Both of you are getting laid, and I’m not getting any. I told you I don’t miss it, don’t want it. But I may have been lying a tiny bit. So give me a break.” Dory managed to make her expression forlorn. “I have to live vicariously through my friends.” She eyed Emma. “You’re spared from giving details of your sexy times because Brad is Maddy’s brother and he acts like a big brother to me most of the time, so I actually don’t want to hear the details.”

  “Praise Jesus,” Emma murmured, and Maddy snickered. Her spirits lightened, and she decided spending a few minutes with her girlfriends was exactly what she needed.

  “Come on, Maddy, a few details,” Dory pleaded.

  Taking pity, Maddy said, “Okay, yes, we were like two spoons. And he was, ah, obviously enjoying the situation.”

  Dory sighed. “That’s sexy.”

  “Oh god, was it sexy. And then…” Maddy motioned with her hand.

  “I bet Logan is good at sexy times.”

  “He is, and that’s all I’m going to say about that, other than I wish it had been only sex, but I know better. It was more.”

  “Spoilsport. But what I don’t get is why he was tromping around in a snowstorm, and without proper winter gear. That’s not smart, and Logan is a smart guy.” Dory’s question was logical, but Maddy couldn’t tell her the truth without breaking her promise.

  Emma dunked her teabag up and down in her mug, then shot Maddy an understanding look. She guessed Brad had told his wife that Logan was FBI. “There is a reason, but I promised not to say.” At Dory’s frown, she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “I promised.”

  “Okay, promises are sacred. But my curiosity is peaked.”

  “I get how the sex happened,” Emma commented, “but how did he find out about Lily?”

  Maddy replayed in her mind that moment when she realized she’d given herself away. “We were totally cut off. The electricity was out. Phone li
nes and the Internet. When the power came back on, he asked if he could check for Internet service on my laptop. I’m all ‘sure, no problem.’ I didn’t think about the desktop photo on my computer until he sat down. It’s a picture of me holding Lily. She’s smiling her drooly smile, and showing her two bottom baby teeth.”

  Maddy sighed. “He had that moment of realization that I’d had a child. I’ve never seen someone look so shell shocked. Once he guessed she was my daughter, he asked where her father was. He thought I’d gotten pregnant by some other guy. I must have given myself away, because then he sat there, stunned, and asks if she was his.” Maddy rubbed her eyes. “She looked so much like him, that dark hair and eyes the exact same shade, not quite gray, not quite blue. I don’t see how he could have missed it for even a second. And I had to tell him she’d died, that she was in heaven. I didn’t expect his grief, but it was there. In a single minute, he’d had a daughter and she’d been taken away. That’s a lot for anyone to process.”

  “That’s a lot for you to process, too.” Dory took another bite of scone. “How do you feel, now that he knows?”

  “Confused. Guilty. I didn’t expect the guilty. He left me before I even knew I was pregnant. And he didn’t want me to be a part of his life any longer. He had cut me out completely.”

  “Did you try to find him when you realized you were pregnant?”

  “No. He went on this road trip before reporting to boot camp, and no one could get in touch with him. Plus, I was so, so mad at him for breaking up with me. I made Brad promise he wouldn’t tell. It was tough on him, but my brother keeps his promises.”

  “But you said you feel guilty,” Emma murmured.

  “I do, because of that look on his face when he realized Lily was his. I guess I’m wondering if I was selfish for keeping her to myself, for not sharing the joy she brought.” Maddy sipped her tea, hoping its warmth would melt the ice that had formed deep inside when Logan had walked out the door the last time.

  “What did you tell him? Did you explain what happened with her?”

  “I didn’t have a chance. He went outside to get away from me. Take off, don’t talk about it, bottle up your emotions and keep the lid sealed, that’s his go-to response. He used to get in fights when he was a boy, so I think when he realized that beating up on people when you’re pissed will get you a one-way ticket to jail, he decided sucking in the anger and walking away was a smarter option.” Maddy sighed. “So there you have it, the source of my broodiness.”