Inhale, Exhale

by Matthews, C. L.

  I massage her clit with my thumb, stroking her with my finger in earnest. Adding the second finger makes her feel even tighter, like she’s clenching around me for dear life. I cannot imagine sinking my dick into her, watching her eyes roll back, listening to her cries. I want every single fucking one of them.

  Not even two minutes later, she’s coming, and her juices coat my fingers.

  “Fuck, you’re so sexy when you come,” I moan against her throat.

  Pulling my fingers out, I trace my tongue over them, sucking the juices I’ve wanted to taste since pumping into her. Her eyes heat, glossing over in a sex-haze; she’s red and flushed. I want to do this every day for the rest of forever just to see this expression.

  After licking them clean, I kiss her with tongue, making her squirm all over.

  “You’re so gross,” she comments, her nose wrinkling in distaste.

  “And you’re fucking delicious,” I retort, swiping my lips of all traces of her.

  She’s speechless with her mouth agape, and the confidence she once had dissipates. Closing her mouth, I hold her chin and kiss her with more passion than I’ve ever felt for any one person.

  And then I turn and walk away.

  That was our first encounter, and in the three months we’ve dated, she hasn’t mentioned it once. I never threw myself on her, and we never fucked, but I was okay with that outcome. Something about her made me want to drop everything and worship the ground she walked on. I wanted to make love to her and have babies with her. To just be with her.

  Hell, even now, I want to fuck her until she takes me back. Show her what she’ll miss, kiss her until I’m the only name left on her mind.

  Because jealousy’s a cunt, and I was her little bitch.

  Still her bitch.

  I want her back already, but until she stops being friends with my brother, I can't be with her. He'll ruin us. Toby wants her too much to let her go.

  If I even proposed she stopped being friends with him, she'd cut my dick off. Of that, I have no doubts. She's tough and not willing to be pushed around.

  I wonder if Ellie will get her to forgive me. She likes me more than she likes Toby.

  I was a total prick. It's only been a couple hours. Why does regret eat at me like this?

  I'm a mess. I need her.

  Pulling out my cell, I text Lo. I'm sorry I was a dick. Can we start over?

  If by start over do you mean dating me or that time you fingered me and then acted like it never happened?

  Now, she mentions it. Only took her being pissed to let her emotions fly.

  Ouch. She's not going easy on me.

  Texting her back, I respond, I'm a mother fucker. I never said otherwise, Peaches. Give me another chance?

  A mother fucker you say? she replies. Then I see another pop up. I'd hope you wouldn't fuck my mother. That'd be awkward. And really, we’re back to that peaches nickname?

  I laugh and realize my girl is one outstanding lady. Only two hours ago, I was a dick, and it's like it never happened.

  I think we'll be okay.

  I hope.

  I so fucking hope.

  Your mom wouldn't mind, especially if she saw what I'm packing, I joke.

  Ew. Don't be gross, Jase. I haven't even seen what you're packing, she responds with a winky face.

  Are you asking me out? I tease.

  Didn't we just break up? she rebuts.

  Only because I didn't see how stupid I was until I remembered our first night. Our first kiss...

  I'm not sure if it was that memorable, she texts, making me smile like that first time.

  It had been memorable, or she wouldn’t remember the nickname or the finger-fucking.

  Ouch... I tease.

  She’s the yin to my yang, and I want to see where we’ll go from here.

  Stop sending ellipses. They're not cute.

  Not like you. I’m smooth like butter, but she doesn’t like half-assed compliments. I prepare to send something better when her message vibrates in my hand.

  And now you're just being cheesy.

  I'll be the cheese to your Easy Mac any day, Peaches.

  And I would. I will. I’ll be anything and everything if she’ll have me.

  “Mr. Collins!” Ms. Alabaster yells at me. She marches to my desk and grabs my phone. “Detention, after school. Ms. Katherine's room.”

  “Yes, ma'am,” I accept, knowing full well if I argue, she’d make it more than one.

  She gives me a hoity-toity lifted chin before heading back to the board. I don't listen to her discussion. I can't stop thinking about the girl that I'm falling for when I don't even know what love is.

  If my parents are an example, I don't want that shit.

  Not at all.

  Their love is poison, a torturous blackness that eats their souls on a daily basis, and I want nothing to do with such sorrow. I want the sappy shit that is written in novels, told from an old couple, and seen in movies. I want Lo and the stupid happy ever afters I’ve always thought were childish. I want it all.

  Class is slow as fucking dirt. When it ends, I swear everyone practically races out. Getting my phone back takes some ass kissing and promising to never do it again, but I succeed, and with a last warning glare, she sends me on my way.

  My cell has several messages from Lo, but instead of reading, I go to her fourth period Trig class and catch her before she heads home. Sadly, detention beckons me, and I can’t be late. It’ll only be a quick pit stop.

  “Hey, Peaches,” I whisper into the crook of her neck, turning her around and kissing her with all I have.

  The anger, jealousy, lust, and pent-up worry goes into that single kiss. To be honest, it has me wondering where the fuck my balls went because I’m fairly certain they’re stashed in her bedazzled, blue ombre purse. Don’t ask how the fuck I know what ombre is because I couldn’t tell you.

  Jesus fucking Christ. I sound like a girl.

  Her lips are where I want to stay forever. If only I could kiss away the bad memories and make the good ones of us a permanent fixture.

  She pulls back, her lips puffy and fuckable. Her cheeks flushed in the best shade of red, and her eyes are wide and glazed over in a way I’ll never tire of. Fuck. How could I think life was going to be okay without her? It wouldn’t be. This is real. Even if we’re teenagers, I feel this connection, and I don’t think I’ll ever find it again.

  “Jason,” she breathes my name like a hymn. Her eyes are full of so much and undistinguishable at the same time.

  “Peaches,” I reply coquettishly.

  I don’t know where we go from here.

  “I thought you were drunk and forgot.” Lo bites her lip, looking everywhere but my eyes.

  Gripping her chin with my thumb, I brush the lip she’ll be sure to make bleed if she continues her habit.

  “You’re the sweetest fucking thing in the world. I’d never be able to forget you,” I profess, my eyes never leaving her scared ones. “This is real. This is us. And if you let it be, this is forever.”

  She watches me warily, as if she doesn’t believe me. Lo has weird visuals of what love should be like, which is odd because her parents are the epitome of soul mates. Right? She doesn’t believe in soul mates, or love, or anything that isn’t scientifically proven.

  “I-I...” she starts, her lip quivering, and I want to kiss away that warble, make that little shake forever disappear. “Okay.”

  “Okay?” I inquire, trying hard not to laugh. She’s so... Loren.

  “Okay. I’ll try to give whatever this is a chance.”

  I kiss her hard, her lips tasting of Red Bull and chocolate.

  “Deal.”

  Lo

  I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing, but once his perfectly plump lips are on mine, I’m a goner. He grips my face, his hands tangling into my long hair. The heat from his palms send the most thrilling chills down my spine, effectively curling my toes.

  Is this it? The moment
when he decided to finally pluck this cherry of mine as Ellie so eloquently put it? No, we’re at school. People would see. But this kiss, it’s different than all the rest. It’s consuming, demanding, and hungry. It’s a promise for more, a desperate plea for everything I have.

  Reluctantly, I pull away. It may be something he wants, but here is not the place to lose ourselves. His eyes are warring with something, and it’s probably what I’m feeling, that need to pull ourselves together and not do this here.

  “I’ve got detention,” he says, interrupting my thoughts.

  I laugh, wondering how in the world he ended up pissing off Ms. Alabaster.

  Cutting me off before I utter a word, he does that lilt of his lips, the one that makes him incredibly handsome. “She caught me on my phone.”

  “Ah,” I respond, realizing all too soon that I got him in trouble. “I’m sorry I—”

  He stops my sentence with his mouth.

  We’re doing a lot of PDA for my liking, so I push his shoulders halfheartedly, I can’t deny how much I love that he can’t stop kissing me, even if being on display for whoever passes by isn’t my favorite pastime.

  “Go,” I grunt, wanting—no, needing—him to go before I drag him to some abandoned place at the school.

  He winks at me, and I melt right there, wondering when I decided to flip from hating him to wanting him again.

  Being a teenager is the most confusing thing in the world.

  “Bye, Peaches,” Jase says with a chuckle.

  He lays a kiss on my forehead before walking away, and I think part of my heart leaps out of my chest and into his at that very moment.

  chapter twelve

  Lo

  Update: it’s graduation week. Tobe and I still aren’t talking. Jase and I are back on track, and he graduates on Wednesday.

  Tonight, my parents aren’t home. They’re back together, and they’re celebrating their seventeen-year anniversary late. It was last week along with my birthday. Ironic, no?

  I’ve invited Jase and a bunch of our friends over to celebrate the last of our finals. The year is nearly over, and Jase leaves for Brookewood University in a few months. The knowledge has me uneasy. It’s going to be hard for me to stay in this with him. He needs to focus. I need to focus, and he’s easily distracted by tits and a nice ass.

  I’m a prime example.

  I realize I’m being harsh, but he’s a guy. Hell, he’s the guy, the football player who can have any girl he wants, the one who takes what he wants and doesn’t apologize. And that scares me. He was so easily distracted the night I met him, and now, he’s leaving and could easily go back to his old ways.

  I’m sitting on my bed, still not prepared for our future and dwelling on everything per usual when Jase’s text comes through. I’ll be there in seven-ish minutes, babe. Be ready!

  I don’t respond. It’s unnecessary because he’s probably driving by now. Standing up and shaking off the fear that holds me back so often, I dress in the same dress I met him in. It’s fitting.

  Ellie’s preparing all the important stuff downstairs while I wait for my boyfriend. Boyfriend. Such a strange word. That’s exactly who Jase is though, my boyfriend.

  Knock. Knock. Knock. It sounds like someone’s beating down my door. The music isn’t even loud enough for that to be necessary.

  After I open the door, a drunken Toby stumbles through, and I barely stabilize him. He reeks of whiskey and bad decisions. I eye him, wondering what to do with this messy friend of mine.

  “Lo,” he slurs, his eyes grossly glossed. His clothes are disheveled and dirty, almost as if he hasn’t been home or been clean in days. I’d say it’s the passing of his dad, but we all know he’s just as happy as Jase.

  How did he get here?

  The anger bubbling inside of me rips out of me. He’s drunk and somehow is here. Like Brant, his selfishness guides him. His moral compass is whack and he needs to fix it before he hurts himself or someone else.

  “Did you drive here, Tobias?” I growl, my fists now balled at my sides so I don’t throat punch him.

  “N-no, Ja-ake drop-ped me off-f.”

  I want to smack him with some honor and take away his stupidity in the same motion. Instead, I lead him to the living room couch.

  He watches me, something sad in his eyes. “I-I l-love you, Lo.”

  I believe him, but it’s the wrong time, and Jase is who I want.

  “You’re drunk,” I reprimand, unable to feed his sorrow. It can’t be me. I can’t be who he wants. I’ll only break him.

  With as fluid motion as a drunk person can have, he grabs my face with fervor and kisses me. He tastes of booze, and it’s not appealing or welcome. I’m already pulling back, not reciprocating, when his body leaves mine in a quick movement.

  In front of me is my boyfriend, Tobe’s brother, Jase. He’s fuming, and if we were a part of Looney Tunes, he would have steam rising from his reddened ears, but his anger isn’t directed at me at all.

  “Why are you here?” he nearly spits in Toby’s face, his scowl full of hatred and disgust. “You’re no different than Brant, you know?”

  Jase doesn’t land a punch. He just holds Tobe by his collar and waits for some excuse.

  “You took her from me!” Tobe yells. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Toby look stricken with grief. You’d think I killed his dog.

  “She’s mine!” Jase returns with malice.

  “I wasn’t yours to have,” I scream at Toby, hating how these men think they have some hold over me.

  I turn to Jase. My frown reaches him too. “I’m only yours by choice, don’t pull any of that controlling bullshit.”

  His face softens. He nods releasing his brother.

  “Get sober, and stop being a person you aren’t,” I whisper to Tobe. I reach up to him on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “Be the man I know you are, and come find me when you rediscover that person. I’ll miss you.”

  “I-I love y-you, Lo. I’ll n-never stop,” Toby croaks, his voice cracking with his admission.

  He turns, and I notice Francis offering Toby a ride home. Hopefully, Francis wasn’t pregaming with the others. No, he wouldn’t offer to drive if he’s had anything to drink. He’s smarter than that.

  Jase sidles up to me, cupping my nape, swiping his thumb over my lips. I know he’s doing it to make me forget whose lips were just on mine, but it’s tender and loving rather than possessive.

  “I want these lips forever, Loren. Let me have them,” he demands in the softest manner.

  It’s more of a plea, and I’m not sure how the hell one responds to that. I push into him, hoping he takes the hint and kisses me.

  He does.

  Boy, does he fucking kiss me.

  Jase and I have shared many kisses in this short relationship, but this one is different than the others. It’s demanding, all-consuming, and angry. His tongue spears into my mouth, and he absorbs my moans. It’s a battle of our mouths, and I’m not sure if either of us will lose because we’re frantic, sloppy, and careless.

  When he lifts me, I’m mindless, wrapping my legs around him immediately. His abs rub across my panties, and it’s heavenly.

  Heat licks my skin, making me dampen and ready for him. I’ve never craved anything sexual until Jase came along. Yeah, I thought dudes were drop dead gorgeous and even had crushes on them, but this burning sensation where clothes are scratchy and claustrophobic? I’ve never experienced it before.

  He carries me upstairs to my room, and I’m not entirely sure how he did it walking backward. When he lets me down and then presses me onto my mattress, the nerves come. It’s no longer distracting without his lips, and my lungs forget how to pump oxygen.

  Inhale, exhale. Breathe.

  “Baby, baby, baby,” Jason coos, seeing my panic. “I’ve got you, and I’m never fucking letting go.”

  And then he’s breathing air back into my body with his mouth, bringing me back to life with each brush of his lips. When
our clothes are suddenly gone, I don’t question it. When his face finds its way between my legs, I scream. It’s so goddamn loud that I’m sure the entire party downstairs hears me cry out.

  His tongue strokes me, swirling and flicking the little bundle of nerves between my thighs. Each shudder that wracks my frame makes him kiss and suck harder.

  “Jase!” I scream as the orgasm takes over my entire body, making me whimper and spasm at the same time.

  His eyes meet mine, as hungry, desperate, and beautiful as the day we met. He slowly kisses up my body, his hot mouth feathering breaths across my sensitive flesh. When his mouth reaches mine and he strokes his tongue with mine, I moan. I taste myself. His entire chin, mouth, and cheeks are soaked from me. It’s the single most erotic kiss I’ve ever shared with him.

  “Peaches. I swear it’s fitting with how sweet you are,” he whispers across my lips. If it wasn’t dark, he would see how heated my cheeks are right now.

  “Jase,” I say softly, unsure of how to ask him to make love to me.

  “I’m going to love you now, Lo. Truly, insanely, and wholeheartedly.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Exactly,” he murmurs and gives a low, husky chuckle.

  He teases my opening, rubbing my release across my hole with his cock. He’s so large I know it’s going to hurt when he enters me.

  “Fuck,” he groans, sounding almost pained. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You won’t,” I lie, but I know he will. I’m a virgin. It’s always said to hurt the first time.

  He enters me, pushing in. Jesus, he’s huge. I feel him stretching, no, tearing me. There’s a pinching, a tightness, and then it’s gone. Jase’s cock feels like he’s ripping me in two. Tears trail my cheeks, dripping to my ears, and I can’t stop them.

  “You okay, Peaches?” His voice is pure gravel. He feathers gentle kisses on my face.

  “Yes,” I grunt, keeping my tears at bay the best I can.

  “Want me to stop?”

  “No.” And I don’t. Thankfully, my voice must have not given away from the stiffness in my chest.

  He pushes further in. “Breathe, Peaches. Inhale, exhale.”

  My heart flutters, beating rapidly with his words. My inner mantra coming from his lips makes me relax, my inner walls no longer tensing around him.