Amanda Lester and the Red Spider Rumpus

by Paula Berinstein

  “Then go home.”

  “Can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  His face contorted into one of his famous pouts. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Try me.”

  “He likes it here,” said Editta, her face beakier than ever. All the changes in the other kids made Amanda wonder if she looked different too. She was always so busy she’d never bothered to check.

  “And you,” said Amanda. “Your parents are going crazy. Why don’t you go back?”

  “I like it here too,” said Editta. “It suits me.”

  Amanda didn’t want to point out that her original reason for running off with the Moriartys, Nick, was no longer there so she said, “Thrillkill won’t punish you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I’m not worried about anything,” said Editta. “I’m happy.”

  This attitude was so perplexing that Amanda didn’t know what to say. But David was an easier target.

  “Are you happy, David?” she said.

  David looked at Blixus, then Editta, and said, “Sure. Why not?”

  “I thought you wanted to be a detective. Your dad was a detective.”

  “My dad was awesome.”

  “So why don’t you want to be like him?”

  David didn’t seem to have a good answer for this. The poor kid was still as mixed up as could be. Amanda felt sorry for him.

  She fixed him with as kind an expression as she could muster. “Do you want to be a criminal?”

  Now David was a deer in headlights. He looked around the chamber, then down at his toes and said, “Criminals aren’t as bad as I thought.”

  Editta smiled triumphantly. This was insane. What could possibly convince these kids that it was better to be a criminal than a detective Amanda didn’t know. Maybe Blixus practiced hypnosis or something.

  “Give it up, Lestrade,” said Blixus. “They told you: they like it here. Just leave them to it. Anyway, while we’re waiting for my son and your other boyfriend to show up, I’ve got a surprise for you. We’re going to hold a little contest. Editta, why don’t you tell Amanda all about it?”

  Editta circled Amanda and began.

  “As you know, Blixus is going to be the next King Arthur.” Amanda just about choked. These people were living in Fantasyland. “King Arthur had many knights. You remember the round table.”

  “Ours is going to be way bigger,” David interrupted.

  “Yes,” said Editta. “We’ll be more magnificent than Camelot. But in order to do that, we need knights. So we’ve put out a call for candidates to come and compete.”

  Amanda was gobsmacked. Blixus had obviously lost his mind and was taking the kids along for the ride.

  “They’re all coming to a festive area on the surface,” said Blixus cryptically. “Very medieval.” Amanda hoped he’d offer enough information for her to figure out where they were.

  “It’s going to be awesome,” said David, using his favorite word again.

  “He’s correct,” said Blixus. “Do you want to know why?”

  Amanda glared at him.

  “Because we’ve asked them to come up with the best way to eliminate the detectives,” he said, and winked at her. Winked! This was a cruel, cruel man.

  Amanda had had just about enough of this. She knew she shouldn’t talk back to him but she couldn’t help it.

  “You will never, ever destroy the detectives,” she said.

  Blixus just about lost it. He threw back his head, showed his perfect teeth, and laughed as if he’d never stop. Editta joined in, then David. The noise was so loud it brought Hugh running.

  “What’s so funny?” he said, but no one could stop laughing long enough to explain. He looked from one of them to the other, shrugged, and left.

  When at last Blixus stopped laughing, he stood next to Amanda, tousled her hair, and said, “You’ll make a lovely daughter-in-law.”

  “What do you mean?” said Editta, looking at him sharply. “Why are you saying that?”

  Blixus turned to her. “Amanda and Nick of course.”

  Editta was aghast. “No! He’s mine.”

  Blixus laughed. “He’s out of your league, Editta. Give it up once and for all.”

  Wrong thing to say. Editta snarled and lunged for him. He caught her easily, swung her over his head, and put her down hard. She started to cry.

  “Not this again,” said David. “What’s so great about that guy anyway?”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” said Editta.

  So it wasn’t all lovey-dovey in this group after all. This was good to know. Amanda could use the divisions among them to advantage, just as she’d once exploited the tension between Nick and Blixus. She’d just have to find the right moment.

  “At any rate,” said Blixus, “the contestants will arrive in the morning, so I suggest you make yourself comfortable while you wait.” He reached into a jar that was sitting on a table behind him and pulled out a piece of something. “Fig?” he said, offering it to Amanda.

  The next morning Blixus bound and gagged Amanda and took her up to the surface to watch the festivities. The ruins of an old abbey sat atop the tunnel where she’d been held. The area looked remote, with no habitation or other sign of human presence as far as she could see.

  She wished with all her heart that Nick and Holmes would not come looking for her. With all the potential “knights” in attendance, plus who knew how many of Blixus’s goons, it would not be safe. Even if they brought reinforcements, she didn’t want them there. It was one thing for the police to tackle Blixus, but considering the damage Taffeta had inflicted with her guns, she did not want the boys anywhere near there. If anything happened to either of them, she wouldn’t be able to bear it.

  Not that they’d know where to look. Even Nick had no idea where Blixus had gone, and he was familiar with the criminal’s ways. Amanda wondered if she were even in England. She had no idea how long she’d been out cold. For all she knew Blixus had flown her to France. Anything was possible, except that if Blixus expected the boys to turn up, that was unlikely.

  That was it, wasn’t it? If Blixus expected them, he’d have made it easy to find him. But if that were the case he’d undoubtedly have set a trap of the worst kind. Would the boys figure that out, or would they rush in headlong, most likely to be killed?

  She had to warn them, but how? She was completely immobile. Even if she could sneak away, which was impossible, she had no phone. A mirror to send flashing lights into the sky? If only. Blixus had taken her bag and she didn’t even know where it was.

  Perhaps she could persuade David to change his mind. Editta was probably a lost cause, but David had always been weak. The problem was that she couldn’t speak. Could she get David’s attention and entice him to remove the gag? It was worth a try.

  She started to struggle and moan. Editta caught sight of her and nudged Blixus, who turned around and checked on her. Oh no! Not him. She wanted David. She went quiet again and the criminal turned away.

  Was there a song David particularly liked? She could hum it. That might get his attention. Think! The idea of David and music didn’t quite gel, but maybe there was something she could pry out of her subconscious. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember what David was interested in, period. He’d liked that camel Sidebotham had installed for a quiz, and as she remembered he seemed interested in weapons—swords, was it? Was there anything else? She was appalled to discover she’d spent all that time around him and had no idea.

  She was getting nowhere, and now that the contestants were arriving she was unlikely to get any of them to look at her either. There was quite an assortment of them, from the hulking muscle man in the doublet (was he kidding?) to the diminutive dark-haired woman in a flak jacket to the handsome little person in a parka, all apparently wanting to end the detectives and revel in Blixus’s glory.

  What if she were to pretend to have a fit? Surely someone would come over to her then. She
couldn’t expect it to be David, but maybe they’d loosen her gag and she could say something—call David over perhaps. It was worth a try.

  She took a deep breath, tensed her muscles, and shook herself as hard as she could. Within a few seconds her neck was hurting but she had to keep going. She moaned and screeched as loud as she could until Blixus turned around.

  “Go shut her up, Editta,” he said.

  No! She wanted David. But Editta was coming over and David wasn’t even paying attention.

  When Editta reached her Amanda kicked as hard as she could, hitting Editta in the shins. The girl yelped, slapped her in the face, and ran back. She touched David on the shoulder and he turned around. It was working. She kept kicking and moaning and rattling until Blixus said, “David?”

  Excellent! David came trudging over but kept himself clear of Amanda’s flailing limbs. “Cut it out, Lestrade,” he said. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

  Amanda stopped abruptly. He wasn’t going to come close with her striking out like that. She tried to speak through the gag. “David” came out as “Mm mm.”

  Miraculously he understood. “What do you want, dummy? Do you need to go to the toilet? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

  Amanda nodded vigorously.

  “I’ll get Editta then.”

  “No!” Amanda tried to say through the gag, although it came out “Blmf.”

  “Well I’m not taking you,” said David, who for some unfathomable reason seemed to understand everything she was saying.

  She tried throwing her head around. Maybe that would get him to understand that she wanted the gag off.

  “You have weird hair, you know that?” he said, and went to get Editta.

  The toilet was one of those portable outhouses and Amanda was completely put off by it. But maybe she could say something to Editta that would get through to her.

  She tried the same routine as with David and got just about as far.

  “What are you on about, Amanda?” said Editta. “Sorry I slapped you, but you shouldn’t have kicked me.”

  Amanda tried to look down at the gag over her mouth. It made her cross-eyed.

  “Sorry,” said Editta. “Blixus wants you gagged.”

  Amanda moaned and whined.

  “I can’t.”

  More moaning and whining.

  “Are you trying to tell me something?” said Editta.

  Amanda nodded.

  “If you promise not to bite me I’ll hold up the gag and you can tell me, but no tricks.”

  Amanda nodded again.

  Editta came close, stuck her finger under the gag, and pulled.

  “Nick will die if you don’t warn him,” Amanda said. “You don’t want that, do you?”

  “Is that what you’ve been wanting to say?” said Editta, and let go. “I don’t care about him anymore. He’s a loser.”

  Amanda was gobsmacked. How could Editta have done such an about face? She’d sacrificed everything for that boy and now she didn’t care if he lived or died? If that was the case, why hadn’t she gone home?

  “Do you think I’m stupid, Amanda? I don’t enjoy being miserable. I’ve been over that jerk for ages.” She was lying. She’d just said Nick was hers.

  Amanda tried to speak.

  “Why am I still here?” Amanda nodded. “Blixus is my king. He’s the future. The detectives are weak. I want to be on the winning side.”

  Amanda let her shoulders drop. She felt utterly defeated. It was obvious that Editta had lost her mind, if she’d ever had one to begin with. Now that she thought about it, the girl had always been a bit strange. Maybe she just hadn’t noticed how strange until she’d run off with the Moriartys.

  “To tell you the truth, I can’t wait for Nick to show up,” said Editta. “I want to see him get what’s coming to him.”

  Amanda struggled but Editta laughed. She untied her feet and led her back to the viewing area, warning her that if she tried to run away she’d regret it.

  The contest was about to begin. The candidates had lined up under the flags Blixus had hung and would present their ideas with no visual aids, no electronics, not even a megaphone. They would simply address him and attempt to persuade him on merit. At least that was the plan. Amanda was sure there would be a lot of buttering up as well.

  The first contestant rose and faced Blixus. He was a young black man with a Scottish accent and a fancy medieval getup. Amanda thought he was pretty attractive for a criminal. But when he opened his mouth and presented his plan to drown the detectives in elephant poop dropped from helicopters, Blixus called, “Next.”

  The second contestant was a young woman with hair so blond it was almost white. She looked no older than high school age and Amanda wondered if she had seen her at the Schola Sceleratorum. Full of confidence the girl stepped up to the podium and said, “Invite them somewhere and kill them.” Before she could get any further Blixus said, “Next.”

  The next few contestants were also summarily dismissed. With suggestions like poisoning the detectives’ water supply, setting snakes on them, a Trojan horse, and killer plants, Blixus was rapidly becoming restless. One of them even proposed turning the detectives’ sky to eternal night. Amanda heard him say, “This is the best we’ve got?”

  But then a tall man dressed in black stood up. There was something about him that made everyone gasp. Whether it was the way he carried himself, his scary clothing, or pheromones it was impossible to tell, but people looked at him as if he were a celebrity. And then Amanda saw why. It was Banting Waltz!

  What was her mother’s boyfriend—husband?—doing there? Professor Scribbish had described a look that had passed between Waltz and Blixus at the Moriartys’ trial, but it had been so subtle he hadn’t been sure it had occurred. Obviously it had, though, because Waltz was walking around as if he owned the place and treating Blixus like an old friend. What had Lila gotten herself into?

  Waltz smirked and held up two pieces of paper. The Bible pages! He was going to give them to Blixus! Did he know about the secret writing? Had he been able to break the code? Whatever was going on, this wasn’t good.

  “Your grace,” said Waltz sycophantically. “I have here a secret weapon that will end the detectives forever. These are pages from the precious Detective’s Bible. Only a taste for now, mind you. If you select me you will have the rest.”

  Amanda gasped and so did David. Waltz knew where the rest of the Bible was? The detectives had scoured the landscape for months and had found no sign of it. How could he possibly have it?

  Unless . . . never. Lila wouldn’t betray them like that. Was it possible she had somehow found it and given it to him? She hadn’t even been teaching at the school when David threw it in the pit.

  Was it possible that Waltz had been hiding at the quarry and found the Bible after everyone had left? Amanda had never even heard of him then. As far as she knew her mother hadn’t known him then either. Or had she? She was still married to Herb Lester at the time, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know Waltz. He and Herb worked together. But why would Lila—no. It was unthinkable.

  There was another possibility of course. Waltz didn’t have the rest of the Bible and was faking it. But if that were the case, Blixus would find out and would not be kind. Did Waltz have enough gall to chance it or was something else in play that Amanda didn’t know about?

  Waltz continued his pitch. “My opponents want to use brute force, hackneyed methods that are long past their prime. We will use the detectives’ own secrets against them. My way is subtle, it’s powerful, and it will work.”

  Blixus seemed impressed, but as always he was cautious.

  “How do I know those pages are real?” he said.

  “Please, milord, examine them,” said Waltz, in a way that implied he was toadying and attempting to dominate Blixus at the same time.

  He strode over to Blixus and presented the pages. Blixus peered at them and ran a finger over the writing. He snatched the pages
out of Waltz’s hand and turned them over, then took his phone out of his pocket and examined them with a magnifier.

  “Hm,” he said. “Have you decoded them?”

  “Not yet, milord,” said Waltz. “She knows what they say though.” He pointed at Amanda.

  Blixus looked in Amanda’s direction. He snapped his fingers and said to Editta, “Get her over here.”

  Amanda was not about to let herself be used this way. Whatever they did to her she would resist. Not a word of what was in the Bible would escape her lips, even if they hit her.

  “Hello, my dear,” said Waltz in his smarmy way when Amanda was placed in front of him.

  Amanda blew a raspberry.

  “Cut it out, Lestrade,” said Blixus. “What do they say?”

  “I don’t know,” she lied.

  “Of course you do,” said Blixus. “I repeat. What do they say?”

  Amanda craned her neck and read out the gibberish on the page.

  “If you do not tell us what’s in the Bible at once, I will kill David,” said Waltz.

  “You wouldn’t,” said David.

  “Try me,” said Waltz.

  Great. Now Amanda had to choose between betraying the detectives and saving someone she loathed. Was it possible there was another way? She could make something up. Would they know?

  “We haven’t cracked it yet,” she said.

  Waltz reached in his coat and pulled out a blade. David’s eyes went wide and she could see a change come over him. It was as if he’d finally realized he was making a mistake staying with Blixus.

  Amanda glanced from David to Waltz to Blixus to Editta and back to David again, then said, “It’s about some spiders.” She could see Holmes’s face in her mind’s eye and felt ashamed.

  “Good,” said Waltz. “Go on.”

  She looked up at him. She wanted to smack that nasty expression off his face. “Red spiders. Very rare.”

  “What about them?” said Blixus.

  She ground her teeth. It was so hard to say this stuff. The knowledge wasn’t supposed to belong to him. “They make you tell the truth.”