Beautiful Lie (Dirty Hollywood Book 3)

by Claire Raye

  Sadie’s smile widens as she kisses my cheek. “Of course I am. You’re going to be amazing at it too.”

  I stare back at her as I push my chair out a little and slip my arm around her, pulling her into my lap. She keeps her arms wrapped around my neck as she watches me, an easy smile on her face.

  I return the smile, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, chuckling a little at the two pencils that are once again stuck in her hair, holding it back. She’s so fucking adorable.

  “You can do this,” she says, her words quiet, but sincere. “You know that, right?”

  I give her a wry smile, my brow cocked as I look back at her.

  “What?” she asks.

  Chuckling, I reply, “Nothing. It’s just cute you telling me that and being all positive and motivational and all.”

  “Ugh,” she scoffs, slapping my chest. “I can be positive!”

  “Really,” I say, leaning closer as I brush my nose against hers before gently kissing her.

  “Yes, really,” she says. “And I wanted to…”

  “Sadie,” I say, cutting her off as I kiss her again.

  “Yeah?”

  “Last night?” I continue, feeling her stiffen a little in my arms when I bring up our conversation and everything that happened last night, everything we talked about. I smooth a hand up her back, holding her close. “You asked me what we were doing here?”

  “Yeah?” she whispers and I can see the fear in her eyes.

  “What I said was true, about you healing,” I tell her, my eyes finding hers, wanting her to see the truth and sincerity in mine. “But what I should’ve added…” I pause, taking a breath before continuing, “is that we’re also starting something.”

  “We are?”

  I smile, kissing her once more, deeper this time as I gently pull her bottom lip between my teeth before slipping my tongue against hers. She gasps, her arms tightening around my neck as she squirms in my lap.

  “We are,” I repeat. “Something that’s important to me,” I add. “That isn’t anything to do with cheating or an affair or however else the press or Noel wants to spin it, okay?”

  Sadie pulls back, arms still locked around my neck as she looks up at me. “They’ll make me, make you, look awful you know that, right?”

  I nod, knowing this is true, no matter how badly I might not want it to be. “I know, but I will be here for you, with you, every step of the way,” I tell her, meaning it. “This isn’t just a, a…a movie set fling, okay? At least it isn’t for me,” I tell her, suddenly worried that in her mind, when this is over, so are we.

  Sadie swallows hard, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “It isn’t for me either,” she eventually whispers.

  “No?”

  “No,” she repeats, shaking her head. “For so long I’ve been living in the shadow of a marriage that wasn’t real, that no longer meant anything to me. I, I…” she pauses, brushing a hand across my cheek before continuing. “I wanted things to be different and I know I stayed for longer than I ever should have, but…”

  “You stayed until you were ready to leave,” I say, sliding my hand down her back to her hip. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Sadie nods. “I’m not going back to him,” she says, her words firm.

  I smile, nodding my head because regardless of what’s being said about her in the press, I really can’t picture her ever going back to that relationship, to that man.

  “And, I…well I want you to know that you’re not like a rebound or movie set fling or whatever for me either.”

  I chuckle, unable to resist teasing her. “A rebound?”

  Sadie shrugs, a tiny blush on her cheeks as she looks at me. “I just came out of a shitty ten year marriage, Paul,” she says. “Most people would assume I was just using you for some hot rebound sex. I mean look at you!”

  This time I burst out laughing, my head falling back a little. “Hot rebound sex, huh?” I repeat, loving that her blush deepens. “Sadie,” I whisper, cupping her jaw in my hand. “As much as I’m okay with you using me for sex, anytime,” I say, “I’m really glad it’s not of the rebound variety,” I tell her. “I don’t want to be your rebound guy. I want to be your guy.”

  A tiny smile tugs at her mouth and I watch her fight it, her teeth hanging onto that bottom lip of hers just a little tighter. “Really?” she whispers.

  “Really,” I tell her. “And I don’t care who you were married to or what hoops you have to jump through to get out of that marriage or what we have to endure from the press. I’m not going anywhere, Sadie. I’m right here, with you.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers as her lips crash against mine, silencing any more conversation.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Sadie

  There’s so much going on my head is practically spinning, and at times I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions. Filming has ramped up and we’re now all in, so there’s no turning back now. The studio execs have been on set the last couple of shoots, and while their feedback has been nothing but positive, I’m still worried about the repercussions that could come with having my name attached to Noel’s.

  It’s time I addressed this whole situation head on and today I’m meeting with my publicist to release a statement about my pending divorce and my relationship with Paul. Everything is out in the open, but it’s all been told by Noel or by the tabloids. We all know drama sells and a story about a woman stuck in an unhealthy marriage isn’t what the gossip-loving public is looking for.

  They’re looking for the story Noel is telling. The one where I’m a cheating whore and I’ve ruined Hollywood’s golden couple. I was his balance. I was the reason the public liked him. People believed I changed him, that the love of a good woman made Noel Robinson a better man. But behind closed doors, behind the screen of publicists and paying off tabloids, he was still the same disgusting manipulator.

  After I called Roger we talked for a while but never really delved deep into what I can do to help him. He basically just shared what he’s been hard at work on and we set up a date and time for him come to L.A. so we can have an in-person conversation.

  This is something that haunts me. It follows me around and festers in the back of my mind; an anxiety-laced fear that wraps itself around me and rears its ugly head every time I start to feel comfortable again.

  Noel will find out. It’s not a matter of if, it’s when, and things will fall apart.

  Everything I do, I do in secret now and a part of me even wants to keep everything from Paul. Not because I don’t trust him but because I don’t want to involve him anymore than he already is.

  But this is no way to live my life. The only way to end this is to see it through till the end even if it means I ruin my reputation, even it means my career ends, even if it means I lose everything I’ve gained. But it may also give a voice to all those people who’ve been silenced by Noel.

  I’m sitting on set, calling out directions, but my voice is hollow and it doesn’t feel like my own. The words come out just as they always would and no one seems to notice the difference. The cast and crew are moving through each scene with such ease I almost forget I’m the director, that I’m the one calling the shots.

  Today after shooting finishes I have an interview with People magazine—an interview that will either make or break me. I set it up on my own, not sharing any of the details with Shannon or Paul or anyone for that matter, and I gave the magazine strict instructions to not make any of the details public.

  Magazines and tabloids love this kind of shit because they feel like they have something no one else does, and right now Noel is a hot topic. Landing his estranged wife is like hitting the lottery.

  I call cut on the last scene; the cast and crew all letting out a collective breath, including me. It’s been a long day of shooting, but I’ve never felt better about a movie I’ve written and directed.

  “Okay,” I call out. “We’ll pi
ck back up tomorrow. Please check your call sheets for shooting times because things have changed a little. We have some nighttime shots we need to get done and a few people will be off-site with the voiceover coordinator.”

  They all nod and a few pull out their phones and start scrolling and adding items to their calendars. Most of them, while they have assistants, do also manage their own schedules. It’s one of the things I love about the cast I’m working with. While I have a few huge names in the lead roles, not one of them has made that known on set.

  There are no egos, no hierarchy of actors and a part of me wonders if that’s something I brought to the set. I always hated the way Noel chose a favorite or placed the bigger names on pedestals.

  Just as I’m about to dismiss everyone for the day, one of the crewmembers asks if I’m okay. I’m caught off guard, because while I have a great relationship with all of them, we don’t really delve too deeply. It’s usually the way the things are on movie sets. You make friends with people and the relationships tend not to stick after filming is done.

  There’s nothing wrong with this; it’s just the way the industry plays out. But to hear someone ask if I’m okay feels somewhat uncomfortable.

  “We all know what you’re going through with your soon to be ex,” the crewmember says and a few others nod their heads in agreement.

  Stories about Noel have been circulating for months now and it’s no surprise that people are intrigued.

  “I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” I reply, but my words come across cold and I regret it. Paul who had been helping with some set-up for tomorrow, is now standing at my side.

  He looks over at me, a small smile on his face as if he’s encouraging me, letting me know it’s okay to share something with these people. These people who took a chance on a director who had only made a name for herself through her husband. They had no idea if what I was doing would be a success and they still don’t. But they’re still here.

  I take in a deep breath, wondering if I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life. Sharing a secret on a movie set spreads like wildfire. Within an hour my words could be twisted into something that doesn’t even resemble the truth.

  Paul nudges me a little, but it still does nothing to urge me on. The eyes of the waiting cast and crew are all staring at me as I try to find the right words.

  “You know we all support you and we’re not asking to be nosy or get gossip on you. We’re all honestly concerned about how you’re handling everything,” Sophia, a supporting actress asks. “I know when I was going through my divorce the press had a field day.” She’s dramatic about it, but there’s also something playful and soothing about her words, too.

  I throw caution to the wind, remembering it was Noel who always controlled what went out to the press, it was Noel who controlled my words, and I’m done with that. Let them talk about me, let them gossip and say what they want, at least if I speak the truth maybe it will be heard.

  “I’m honestly not okay, but I will be. I have interviews set up and I’m hoping to tell my story. I was in an abusive relationship for almost all my adult life and while it feels great to be away from it, I’m still struggling to sort through what it all means.”

  I pause for a second, checking everyone’s faces, but all I get back in return is genuine sympathy. This is the first time I’ve felt this type of support on a movie set. It feels like a family and something about it makes me realize that maybe I’ve been doing this wrong for all these years.

  Building a relationship with these people can only help me and keeping them at arm’s length is what runs the gossip mill.

  We spend the next hour chatting, about half the cast and crew stayed, and we all sat around getting to know each other and eating any leftover catering from the day. We’re all the same and it’s apparent through our conversations. Noel had always held this standard that he was above every single person on the set, but what I’ve found is we all deal with the same fears, the same realities. We’re all worried about the success of this movie and what will come after. If we’ll find another job after this, if our families will have enough money to get by until we do. But we also laugh and joke about all the things only people in the industry understand and how seeing yourself and hearing your voice can be the most cringe-worthy thing ever. It’s probably the most relaxed day I’ve ever had since I started working in this industry.

  I look down at the time on my phone and I realize it’s far later than I thought. I have the crew from People magazine setting up at my house, finally cluing Shannon in so could head over there, but that leaves very little time for me to get home.

  I bid good night to everyone and round up Paul from where he’s sitting with a few different camera crew.

  “Ready?” I ask, smiling at him.

  “Yep,” he replies taking my hand as he stands up from the table. There’s something so simplistic about his gesture, about him taking my hand, but in it I feel a sense of relief. What we’re doing is out in the open. We’ve kept our relationship from no one. It’s never been a secret like the press have tried to spin it. There’s a comfort in knowing everyone knows and there’s nothing behind its meaning.

  “What’s the rush?” Paul asks when we’re back in the car and out of the parking garage of the set.

  “I have an interview with People magazine. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. I was just…”

  “Trying to keep it from me,” he says, a playful tone to his voice.

  I guess I was keeping it from him. It’s hard to suddenly start sharing things about my life when for all these years I’ve been told I can’t make my own decisions and when I did, I was shamed for them.

  “Yeah, I guess I was,” I sheepishly admit. “But it stops now. It’s okay for you not to agree with my choices. It’s okay if we live lives that aren’t all consuming and only about each other.”

  “I’m glad you’re realizing this. I don’t want to control you, Sadie. I want to support you and find happiness in what you find happiness in. I want us to always be there for each other. Your success is my success. My success is yours.”

  “Why are you like this?” I ask, reaching over and taking his hand in mine, I bring it to my lips for a quick kiss.

  “Because someone needs to show you what a real relationship is, Sadie.”

  His words make me blush and smile at the same time. A warmth moving from my chest up to my cheeks, but I love every second of it.

  “Since we’re doing this whole full disclosure thing here,” I say, stumbling over my words a little, nervous for what he’ll think. “I decided to meet with Roger, that reporter from The Guardian.”

  “Seriously?” Paul asks, his head whipping around to look at me.

  “Yes, why? Is it a bad idea? You said I should…”

  He cuts me off, a small chuckle leaving his lips. “It’s your decision, you know that and what I say shouldn’t matter, but no I don’t think it is a bad idea. I wish you’d done it months ago. It would’ve shut that fucker Noel up already, I’m sure.”

  Now it’s me laughing at his hatred for Noel. He barely knows him, but Paul will side with me regardless and I love it.

  “I wasn’t ready to face this months ago. I’m only ready now because of you.”

  “You didn’t need me, Sadie. You just needed to believe in yourself.”

  It’s hard not to laugh as Paul goes all motivational speaker on me, even if what he’s saying is true. I want to tell him I love him, that I have never loved anyone like I love him, but I silence the words that are screaming inside my head.

  My tone turns serious. “I did need you and I still do. I always will.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Paul

  I’m hanging out in the kitchen while Sadie does her interview. She’d asked if I wanted to join her and while I appreciated the offer, it was not my kinda thing. I’m happy to let her tell the reporter whatever she wants to tell them. About Noel, abo
ut us, about whatever.

  They’re sitting in the living room, which is close enough I can hear the conversation, even though I’m not really listening because I’m totally not worried. I probably could go upstairs, work out or something, but I don’t because maybe some part of me is also curious.

  “So, it’s true you and Noel are separating?” the interviewer asks, her voice light as though she’s asking Sadie about something as mundane as the weather, rather than her idiotic ex-husband.

  “We have separated,” Sadie says, correcting her. “It happened a while ago actually, and we are now in the process of divorcing.”

  “Oh,” the reporter says, clearly surprised. I can almost sense the awkwardness from here as though this isn’t the answer she expected. “So,” she continues, her tone different now. “What do you say to Noel’s comments that he’s trying to save your marriage and you’re the one who’s making trouble?”

  I can hear the exhale Sadie lets out and can sense the frustration she must be feeling at the assumption that, of course, this is somehow all her fault. It pisses me off that the reporter automatically goes there, especially given she’s a woman herself. What happened to solidarity between women or whatever?

  It also goes to show how fucking jaded this place and this industry is. That all the bright lights and shiny movie stars and expensive movies do nothing to mask the seedy shit beneath it. And that somehow, a dick like Noel Robinson, a man who routinely abuses his staff and stars, a man who regularly cheated on his own wife by all accounts, is somehow the good guy in all of this.

  “I would counter by saying that Noel knows very well that we are divorcing and that he in fact agreed to sign the divorce papers. He’s only changing his mind now because of the optics.”

  “Optics?” the reporter asks at the same time as I fist pump the air in the kitchen.

  Fuck yeah.

  “Well, Noel’s primary concern has always been about making sure Noel Robinson looks good.”