Love, Honor, and Betray

by Roby, Kimberla Lawson

  Charlotte searched through the first few items inside Curtina’s closet and pulled out a black and white velvet dress and black patent-leather shoes. Then, she went over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of white cotton panties and a pair of white tights. Thankfully, though certainly against her wishes, Charlotte had already given Curtina a bath last night right before Curtis had put her to bed, and she needed to give her only a washup this morning.

  When they finished in the bathroom, they came back into the bedroom and Charlotte kneeled onto the floor. “Come here so you can get your underwear on, Curtina,” she said. Curtina rushed toward her with open arms and wrapped them around Charlotte’s neck.

  “I love Mommy,” she said and Charlotte wished she’d stop calling her that. She did understand that Curtina was just a small toddler and was only calling her that because this was what she always heard Matthew calling her, but she still didn’t like it. Although, since Matthew called her Mom, she wasn’t sure why Curtina didn’t just stick to that and drop this whole “Mommy” business.

  The other thing that unnerved Charlotte was that Curtina was so happy all the time. The first couple of weeks after Tabitha’s death, she had spent most of it saying she wanted her mommy, but now she was adjusting very well to her new home and seemed to love it. Although, maybe it was because she’d already been spending quite a bit of time there, anyway, over the last year, and nothing was really all that new to her. She was comfortable, didn’t ask for Tabitha much at all anymore, and acted as though she belonged where she was.

  Curtina held on to Charlotte and wouldn’t let go. Then, she started singing the way children tend to sing when they’re content and having a good time.

  “Just stop it, Curtina!” Charlotte said through gritted teeth, grabbing both of Curtina’s arms, moving them away from her and slightly shaking her. “Stop playing, so I can get you dressed and then get you out of my face.”

  Curtina gazed at her with teary eyes, but thankfully her tears didn’t fall, because the last thing Charlotte needed was for Curtis to walk in and see how upset she was. He would have a fit if he knew Charlotte wasn’t showing Curtina the kind of love he thought she deserved, and she didn’t feel like dealing with that right now. Although the more she thought about the way Curtis had slept with Tabitha behind her back, and had even allowed her to travel with him to many of his speaking engagements, the angrier she got. She was steaming and knew it was only a matter of time before she and Curtis had the blowup of a lifetime. She’d tried her best to avoid it, but she now knew it was inevitable.

  Chapter 2

  The choir sang its second selection, and Curtis sat at the far side of the pulpit thinking about his household situation. He knew Charlotte was trying to hang in there, but whether she realized it or not, he wasn’t oblivious to what she was feeling. She smiled when she was supposed to and laughed when something was funny, but deep down he knew she was miserable. They’d been together for just over ten years now, and if he didn’t know anything else, he knew his wife and who she was. He knew she wanted Curtina out of their lives for good.

  Only thing was, though, sending Curtina away wasn’t an option, and he wished there was some way Charlotte could learn to love her. He wished she could let bygones be bygones, and that she would soon accept Curtina as her daughter. Curtis had been praying for exactly that for more than a year but even more so over the last month since Tabitha’s passing. Part of him understood why Charlotte wasn’t happy about them taking full custody of Curtina, but part of him didn’t because there was no denying that Charlotte had slept with his best friend, Aaron Malone, conceived a child with him, and then tried to pass her off as Curtis’s. She’d lied and schemed, and while Curtis had learned the truth about Marissa’s paternity, shortly after she was born, he’d never said a word to Charlotte. Charlotte had allowed a terrible thing to happen, and though Curtis had sometimes played this humiliating scenario over and over in his head, more often than Charlotte realized, he’d still forgiven her and continued loving her with all his heart. The reason: he always thought about his own previous misgivings and outside affairs, and that always humbled him. He thought about all the women he’d bedded, not to mention all the pain he’d caused his two eldest children, Alicia and Matthew. Even worse, he thought about the fact that he hadn’t actually met Matthew, his own biological son, for the first time or become a father to him until Matthew was seven—partly because Matthew had been conceived while Curtis had still been married to his first wife, Tanya (Alicia’s mother), and partly because Charlotte’s father had demanded that Curtis stay away from his daughter and grandson or else. Yes, Curtis thought about all that and so much more, but as far as he was concerned, he’d done his thing, Charlotte had clearly done hers, and it was high time for both of them to move beyond it.

  Curtis listened as the choir continued singing and scanned the audience. Every seat had been taken, and the folding chairs that had been placed throughout the vestibule and down the center aisle were also occupied. God had truly blessed Deliverance Outreach and Curtis’s overall ministry. When Curtis had first started out as a new pastor down in Atlanta, he’d only had maybe three hundred members. Then he’d taken a position at Faith Missionary Baptist Church in Chicago, which had a membership of three thousand. After that, he’d become the pastor of Truth Missionary Baptist Church, and they’d had a large membership, too. But after being ousted from both the latter two congregations, Curtis had made the decision to found his own church out here in Mitchell, a smaller city about ninety miles northwest of Chicago. He and Charlotte had worked diligently toward gaining the trust of every Mitchellite they could, and from the looks of the crowd they had clearly succeeded. They had a huge following, and once they moved into a larger facility, Curtis had no doubt their membership would grow tenfold. He knew this because folks regularly came up to him in public, saying how they just couldn’t deal with struggling to find a parking spot and then fighting to get a seat inside the sanctuary. But then they would go on to say how they couldn’t wait for the new building to be completed so they could finally start attending service, and in some cases, people couldn’t wait to join.

  The choir finished singing and took their seats, and Curtis went to the podium.

  “This is the day the Lord hath made, so let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

  “Amen,” everyone said.

  “You know, for the last few minutes, I sat here scanning every single pew and couldn’t help but give God a lot of praise and much thanks. I know we’re overcrowded, and that it’s not the most comfortable situation for any of us to be in, but if you can just hold on for another four months, we’ll finally be moving into the new building Memorial Day weekend.”

  Applause echoed from every direction, and Curtis smiled.

  “It’s been a long journey, but one I believe has been very well worth traveling. As a congregation, we’ve had a number of ups and downs, mainly because of some very selfish mistakes I made in my personal life, so I just want you to know how much I love and appreciate all of you. I want you to know how indebted I am to each of you for remaining by my side and not giving up on me.”

  There was more applause.

  “I also want to remind everyone about the business meeting two days from now, as we’ll be giving an update on the final stages of the building process. We’ll share what our overall sanctuary capacity will be, which thankfully is a bit more than we’d originally talked about, and we’ll also discuss a few surprises and answer any questions you might have. Elder Jamison has put together a wonderful agenda, so I hope you will all plan on being here.”

  “What surprises?” he heard a woman say and many other members chattering.

  “Oh, did I say ‘surprise’?” he said teasingly, and everyone laughed. “Well, since we were planning to tell you on Tuesday anyway, you may as well know that we’ve added on a full café, an amazing coffee shop, and a Christian bookstore.”

  The congregation was thrilled and spoke a
mong themselves accordingly, but what saddened Curtis was the nonchalant look on his wife’s face. She looked as though she couldn’t care less about the news he’d just announced, or anything else for that matter, and now Curtis knew it was time—time they had a heart-to-heart conversation about Curtina. Time they got everything completely out in the open and dealt with this troubling dilemma. It was time they both stopped pretending that all was well inside the Black family household—when it clearly wasn’t.

  Chapter 3

  As soon as they’d left the church, they’d driven straight over to Aunt Emma’s to have Sunday dinner, but now they were home and Charlotte was stuffed. Aunt Emma, of course, had done her usual and cooked way too much food, but everything had tasted wonderful. The corn bread and turkey dressing, candied yams, green beans, macaroni and cheese, and a to-die-for banana pudding.

  “See you later, Mom,” Matthew said, rushing into the bedroom and kissing her good-bye, the same as he did every Sunday afternoon. “See you later, Dad,” he said, bumping fists with him. “I’m out.”

  “You be careful, Matt,” Charlotte said. “Because you know how nervous you make me whenever you’re out driving around.”

  “Aw, Mom. I’m not a baby, and I’m only going over to Elijah’s.”

  “Still, you be safe out there. And absolutely no text­ing when you’re behind the wheel.”

  “Listen to your mother,” Curtis said, smiling, and Charlotte knew it was because he thought she was a bit too overprotective. He did agree with her about the “no texting” policy, but he was a lot more lax about everything else. He didn’t worry nearly as much as she did, but he was a man and couldn’t be expect­ed to.

  “I hear you, Mom, and I will,” Matthew yelled from downstairs.

  “He’ll be fine,” Curtis said.

  “I know, but it’s just that he’s my baby, and teenagers never take enough precautions. He’s a good driver, but I still worry about him.”

  Charlotte unbuttoned the jacket to her gold-buttoned knit suit and slipped off her skirt. Then, she removed her pantyhose and put on a velour sweat suit. When she’d taken her church clothing inside the closet, she came back into the bedroom, preparing to go down to the family room, but Curtis stopped her.

  “Hey, we need to talk. We need to do it today, and that’s why I asked Aunt Emma if she could keep Curtina for a couple of hours.”

  Charlotte wasn’t sure what this was about exactly, but she sat down on the side of the bed. Curtis sat down next to her.

  “First of all, I know you’re still not happy about Curtina having to move in with us, and I’m really sorry about that. So what I want to know is how I can make things better for you. All you have to do is tell me, and I’ll do whatever I can.”

  At first Charlotte just looked at him, debating what she should or shouldn’t say, but then she said, “I didn’t ask for this, Curtis.”

  “Baby, I know you didn’t, and I will never be able to apologize to you enough. But at the same time, I can’t turn my back on my daughter.”

  “But it’s not like Curtina didn’t have anywhere else to go, because both Tabitha’s sister and one of her cousins each offered to take her. And I didn’t see what was so wrong with that. Especially since you’d still be able to visit her whenever you want.”

  “But it’s like I told you before, giving her to someone else isn’t an option, because I’m Curtina’s father, and she needs me.”

  Charlotte locked eyes with Curtis but didn’t say anything. So he continued:

  “You know, part of the problem is that you still haven’t forgiven me.”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “No. You haven’t. Because if you had you wouldn’t still feel so much animosity about all of this.”

  “I can’t help all the anger I keep feeling, and I have to be honest with you—I don’t know that I will ever feel any different.”

  “Maybe if you could just be a little more open, things would get better. Plus, I know you can tell how much Curtina loves you.”

  This time, Charlotte looked away from him.

  However, Curtis gently turned her face back toward him. “Baby, I’ll never be able to say this enough times, but I’m so, so sorry for having that affair with Tabitha. I’m more sorry than you could possibly ever imagine, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the horrible mistake I made.”

  Charlotte heard all that he was trying to say, but for some reason his apologies were starting to piss her off.

  “Baby, you have to believe me when I say how bad I feel about what happened, but more than anything, I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, and that you mean everything to me. I love you so much that my heart is literally aching right now, even as I sit here next to you.”

  Charlotte stood abruptly, rage overtaking her. “Look, Curtis, I’ve tried to be nice and quiet about all of this, but enough is enough. I don’t want to be a mother to Curtina,” she yelled. “I never did, and I never will. And you had no right moving her in here when you knew I didn’t want that.”

  “But I didn’t have a choice.”

  “Of course you had a choice. But you chose to do what you wanted to. You slept with that trick, and you never even cared how it would affect me one way or another.”

  “So what you’re saying is that you’ve not made any mistakes? Because you and I both know that you haven’t been some perfect little angel yourself. And another thing. How would you have felt had I totally disowned Marissa and then told you she couldn’t live with us?”

  “What? Curtis, please! I am so tired of you bringing up that same old tired crap. I’m tired because Marissa is completely beside the point. That’s all in the past, and she’s dead. She’s dead and gone forever, Curtis,” Charlotte screamed. “And I wish you would stop trying to compare my little girl to yours.”

  “I can’t believe you. I can’t believe all your double standards.”

  “What double standards?”

  “You know exactly what I mean. You thought it was okay to sleep around and get pregnant by some lunatic, but when the tables turned, you decided you had a huge problem with it. You wanted me to forgive you and accept a child that wasn’t mine, but now you want nothing to do with Curtina.”

  “That’s different.”

  Curtis frowned. “Different how?”

  “Just different.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s exactly the same and you know it.”

  “What I know is that when we got married, we took sacred vows and promised to keep each other first. And right now, with this whole Curtina business, you’re not doing that.”

  Curtis laughed out loud. “Funny how you so conveniently forgot those sacred vows the whole time you were whoring around with Aaron.”

  Charlotte wanted to slap the mess out of Curtis. He was making her sound like a common tramp, and now it was time she put an end to this conversation.

  “You know what, Curtis, the bottom line is this: I want Curtina out of here.”

  Curtis raised his eyebrows, clearly stunned by her words. “Oh yeah? Well, let me make myself clear. Curtina isn’t going anywhere, and you might as well get used to it.”

  Charlotte looked shocked. “So then, what you’re saying is that this little girl is more important than I am? More important than your own wife?”

  “No. What I’m saying is that Curtina isn’t going anywhere, and you might as well get used to it.”

  Charlotte laughed, her tone sarcastic. “Well, then, if that’s the case, you’d better start looking for a nanny as soon as possible, because I’m done playing mommy to your mistress’s daughter.”

  “You mean my daughter.”

  “Fine. Then, I’m done playing mommy to your daughter,” she said and left the room.

  Chapter 4

  Charlotte drove out of the driveway as fast as she could and then out of the subdivision. She needed to get away from Curtis before she did something bad to him…or to Curtina the next time s
he saw her. Charlotte was so incensed over the way he’d spoken to her, and the idea that Curtina “wasn’t going anywhere” was enough to make her consider murdering somebody. She hated this insane situation she was in and would now have to think long and hard about her next move. Curtis seemed so set on his decision, and this was what bothered her the most. In the past, he’d always made things right and gone out of his way to make her happy, but not with this. No, with this whole Curtina drama, he was acting like some crazy man she didn’t even know.

  Charlotte drove a few more miles and then turned into Janine’s driveway. She’d phoned her right before leaving and since Janine’s husband, Carl, had gone to visit his brother, she’d told Janine she really needed to come talk to her.

  She parked, turned off the ignition, and stepped outside her vehicle, then closed the door, and strolled up the walkway. She rang the doorbell, watched the beautiful wooden door open, and then burst into tears.

  “Sweetie, oh my goodness,” Janine said, pulling her inside and hugging her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.” Charlotte sobbed. “Just everything.”

  “Honey, let’s go sit down,” Janine said and then she went into the powder room. Charlotte took a seat on the family room sofa. When Janine returned with a few pieces of tissue, she sat down next to her.