Forgiving You

by Melissa Bender

  “We didn’t have sex.” Chris scoffed and went to the kitchen to grab both of us a cold drink.

  “I don’t want to know what you did. You’re my boss, and Charlotte is still my innocent little sister in my eyes.” Adam shuddered then walked away. “Keep it zipped up. or else . . .”

  “Well, that was embarrassing,” I muttered, feeling uncomfortable.

  “You were kind of loud.” Chris handed me a coke and grinned as we went to the living room.

  I slumped down on the couch next to Adam who held Lucy in his arms, running his fingertips over her small nose and dark brows. Chris had gone to talk to the owner of the villa. I told him not to go crazy and spend a lot, but he insisted money wasn’t a problem. It never was with him.

  “So, you and Chris are obviously doing better then,” Adam broke the silence.

  “We’re good,” I answered.

  “Don’t let him seduce you into forgiving him, Charlotte,” he warned. “Sure, he might be good in the sack, but that doesn’t make up for anything.”

  “Adam, we weren’t having sex. We’re just doing what we did when we dated.” I shrugged, then cringed realising I told my brother that we were giving each other oral.

  “Sick. I didn’t need to know that,” he grumbled.

  “Well, stop it. If I want to forgive Chris and have that trust again, then we need to do things we used to do. Hell, I still love him; he’s my husband, and we both have needs. I’d prefer to pull him off than him go elsewhere,” I spat back at him. Chris and I were married, and I didn’t see what the big deal was.

  “Okay. Gee, I get it!” he muttered, giving me an eye roll before changing the subject. “So, when are you heading back home?”

  “In a couple of days. What about you?”

  “Think I will join you. Do you reckon there is a spare room in that mansion Chris bought for you?” Adam winked and gave me the old puppy dog eye trick.

  “Of course, there is, big bro. Nothing like mooching of your little sis, is there?” I winked and laughed.

  He scoffed. “Yeah, I’m the lawyer here, and just remember who used to live off me all those years ago.”

  I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re right, and I love you for that. So, when’s Mum and Dad coming back?” I asked, curious as to why I hadn’t seen them around all afternoon.

  Chris walked in the door and tossed his keys to the table. “Bought it.”

  “Seriously?” I asked.

  “Course, I am. You wanted it, so it’s yours.” He shrugged and sat beside me, his arm slung over my back as he pulled me closer to him.

  “It’s ours,” I corrected Chris before I realised Adam didn’t answer my question. “Where are they?” I asked, reaching over and taking my child from him. Seems as if when he’s about to never hold her.

  I leaned into Chris more; Lucy was now in his arms as he took her off me as soon as I picked her up from Adam. I didn’t mind that he was getting more comfortable around her. My brother finally decided to answer me. “Charlotte, they left hours ago. I thought they would have said goodbye to you?”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Chris!” I hissed quietly, as I tried to pry him off my body.

  He winked and slid his hands further up my thighs. “Come on, Char. Just a quick one.”

  I giggled. “Isn’t that the usual for you?”

  His brows shot up as he laughed hard while he tugged on my legs, pulling me down in a swift movement until I lay underneath his body. “You want to take that back?”

  I rolled my eyes trying to push him off me but failed. “I’m sorry, babe.” I winked and gave into him, realising that I was losing this fight already. I wasn’t going to appear weak though.

  “Did you bring your camera?”

  I nodded. “Yes, I’m going to take lots of photos of you and us and put them on the wall in our home—big black and white ones. What do you think?”

  He chuckled and lowered his mouth just over mine. “Sounds perfect. I love you, Charlotte, but please put me out of my misery and let me stick it in you.”

  “Go and do that in the shower. We’re not having sex in your parents’ home.” Yes, that’s right. We were staying with his family for the weekend. Apparently, we didn’t spend enough time with them as it was, so Chris planned our weekend with them without telling me. I was looking forward to doing nothing, but he was determined to teach me how to fish and then gut one. Yes, I wasn’t looking forward to that part.

  “What if they hear us? We’re not that quiet,” I whispered, wrapping my legs around his waist.

  He kissed me passionately and ran his hand up and down my body lightly until he pulled back. “Please, baby. I’ll buy you anything you want.” He bargained.

  The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them. “A diamond ring?”

  He smirked, running his hand down between my thighs. “Would you like a diamond ring?”

  I moaned; this conversation had just gotten serious quickly. “I love you.”

  He frowned. “Charlotte, are you telling me I need to up my game and go shopping for a rock?”

  “Chris, I have you. I don’t need a ring; all I want is you. You’ve got me hook, line, and sinker.”

  He fell beside me and clutched his stomach as he laughed loudly, I loved it when he laughed. So carefree and happy. He leaned closer and cupped my cheek. “I love you, Charlotte. You’ve got me too, hook, line, and sinker as I am, completely in love with you.”

  His mouth claimed mine, and we stripped off our underwear as he made love to me, forgetting all about his parents who were down the hall as we rolled around in the sheets more than once that night.

  The weekend turned out to be the funniest one we had. Chris pushing me in the lake, and me grabbing him as I fell backwards, making out in the freezing cold water as the rods next to us were bending to let us know we had each caught fish. He did teach me how to gut them, and I watched with my eyes closed, and then we cooked them for dinner.

  ***

  I looked out the window, watching as the ocean slowly faded into the background. There was nothing left to see other than trees, buildings, and mountains. We were on our way back to the reality of the city life—going home to face the music of things and deal with it all. Together.

  Adam was driving Chris’s car back while Chris, Lucy, and I travelled together in the SUV. It was nerve-wracking to be heading back, knowing his family was mad at me. That was the worst part—they all still thought Lucy wasn’t Chris’s daughter.

  I turned my head, looking over at Chris as he drove—one hand on the wheel and the other resting against the window seal of the door, rubbing his temples. I could only imagine the headaches he was getting from it all. He suffered migraines badly, and the stress of everything was eating him up inside.

  He could try to say he was okay, but I knew he was barely holding on. I knew him, and that’s what he needed to remember.

  I heard the little noise in the back and hoped Lucy wasn’t hungry again. We had stopped twice already so that I could feed her. The last one was half an hour ago. Luckily, she stayed asleep even Chris let out a light breath of relief. I think he just wanted to get home.

  Mum and Dad weren’t talking to me. I called them when Adam told me that they had left and headed back to their home. I was so hurt and upset that they couldn’t even say goodbye to Lucy or me. Even a note to say they were going. But they said nothing.

  Chris and I were good. Well, I think we were. He was helping a lot through the nights. It was amazing that he woke each time Lucy cried, and got up to pass her to me and watch me feed our daughter. We talked on and off, but mostly, we were just silent. It was the same comfortable silence we always had together.

  I reached over and slid my hand over his thigh. He hadn’t touched me much since we fooled around in the bed and shower. We kissed, but that was it. But then again, it had only been a few days, so I couldn’t complain. I just hoped it hadn’t ruined things between us.
/>   “Can you hold my hand?” I asked quietly.

  He looked down at my hand before his eyes darted to mine. He changed hands on the wheel, using his left to drive, and dropped his right over my hands, lacing out fingers together and squeezing tightly. “I love you, Char,” he said. It was like he was too afraid to even hold my hands.

  I leant over in my seat and kissed his cheek. “I love you too. Are you feeling ok?” I asked.

  He shook his head and squeezed my hand tighter. “I wish you would hate me; it would make this easier.”

  This is what was hurting the most—him hating himself. He wanted me to hate him and tell him I wanted a divorce and would be taking Lucy away from him. He didn’t think he deserved us in his life, and it was killing me so bad that he wanted us to leave him.

  I felt the tears as I pulled my hand from his and shifted, facing the window and letting the tears fall down my cheeks. I felt the car slowing down and pulling onto the side of the road, finally stopping. Chris opened his door swiftly and walked around to open mine. He stood in front of me and pulled my belt off, swivelling my legs around. The next thing I knew he was kissing me.

  He was kissing me in a way he hadn’t touched me since being here, his hands holding me tightly, grabbing and squeezing my ass as I kissed him back, sliding my hands in his back pockets, clutching onto his back, and pulling him closer over me. Our tongues found each other, and twisted together, lips moving in perfect sync as we made out on the highway. A couple cars passing us honked their horns, but Chris ignored them. His lips moved to my neck, sucking it before they were back on my mouth as his fingers gripped my hair lightly.

  He broke the kiss and cupped my cheeks, brushing the tears away with his thumbs as he rested his forehead to mine. “Please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry, Char.”

  “Have you changed your mind? Do you not want me anymore?” I asked quietly.

  He shook his head. “No, I love you so much. It’s just I don’t deserve to have you coming back with me, Char. You are too fucking nice to me.”

  “I love you. I’m trying to move forward, but you’re pushing me away, and it’s making me doubt coming back with you. Do you really want me to forget about you and have Lucy grow up without a dad? Or worse, have someone else be her dad? Just bloody decide what you want; I’m not going to be strung along,” I explained, knowing it might be the push he needed to realise that’s a big possibility if he keeps pushing me like this.

  His brows hardened as if he hadn’t thought that far into it. “You’re mine, Char. Lucy is mine, and I will not let someone else take you both away from me. I will not lose you again. I love you both, and I’m sorry. I just thought if I push you away, it’ll just give me what I deserve.”

  “I know you are, but please stop pushing us away, Chris. I want us to work.” I lent up and kissed him lightly, brushing the hair from his face and running my fingers over his cheek. “Help me make us work. I need your help.” I pulled him back towards me for another steamy kiss.

  Finally getting back on the road, we had soon fallen into an easy conversation about his work. I loved listening to him talking about the cases he was on. It was fascinating to me, and he was never one to bring up work at home. I was the one to always ask him and make him tell me all about his day. It went on for about twenty minutes until Lucy decided to start screaming her lungs out and had us pulled over for the third time.

  “Is she not well?” Chris asked, sliding in the back seat with me and running his hands over Lucy’s forehead gently as she sucked but squirmed, grunting almost.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s so cranky today.” I looked up at Chris and gave an exhausted smile. “I love you. You know that, right?”

  He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine. “I know, and I love you too. Both of you.”

  I tilted my head up and planted my lips on his, kissing him lightly. I proceeded with feeding Lucy for twenty minutes, and the rate we were going was we wouldn’t be back until dark.

  We went through drive-through, and Chris still cringed at me when I ate my fries, by dipping them into the frozen ice cream. It was something I had done the entire pregnancy, and he thought it was gross.

  “You should try one; they’re so good.” I held one up, teasing him with it.

  “I don’t see how anyone could enjoy them like that.” A grin spread over his face while he kept his eyes on the road, but still lent over and opened his mouth to try it. His face scrunched, and I knew he didn't want another. “I can’t wait until you see the house.”

  “Me either. I’m looking forward to it.” I really was.

  “I should have listened when you asked to move months ago. You wanted a big home in the suburbs, and I want you happy.”

  ***

  I must have dozed off. The next thing I knew I was waking up as Chris was pulling into a driveway; the sun was slowly starting to set. My eyes were glued to the stunning house, or should I say massive two-storey home. It looked better than he had described, and definitely more perfect than the photos I had seen from his phone.

  “Chris, is this really it?” I asked, getting out of the car while he grabbed Lucy from her seat.

  “Yes, it’s really it.” He laughed coming up behind me. “Come on, Lucy. Let’s go find your new room to put all those clothes in.” He wrapped his free arm around my waist as we walked up the cobblestone pathway.

  Each room felt like this was where we would spend our lives, growing old with our children and grandchildren. Rustic but still modern. There was a hint of country life to this place, and that’s what I loved. It was new, unlived in, but felt as if it had been here for years.

  Now, we just had to fill it with furniture. There was no bedding, so we spent the night in a hotel and went shopping the next morning for furniture. Nothing too fancy or crazy. Our style was similar: simple and comfortable. We both liked nice things and had the money to afford to splurge on things that were more costly. Everything was going to be delivered that afternoon, and all we needed were groceries to fill our butler’s walk-in pantry.

  I grabbed the basics, so we could at least eat and drink, and would do proper shopping online after we were settled in.

  Adam had arrived not long ago the furniture was delivered and was walking outside with Chris. I made us all a hot drink while the guys spoke about work; those two could bond over that subject all day if they had the chance to.

  Adam walked in first and went straight to the rocker on the living room floor while Chris flashed me a smile and sat beside me, watching as my brother unclipped Lucy and held her close to his chest. He was obviously missing his niece.

  “So, what’s the go with Ness and you?” I asked Adam. Those two really needed to get together.

  He looked at me and laughed. “Nothing. We’re just friends.”

  “Yeah, that wasn’t convincing at all.” Chris laughed, reaching over and taking hold of my hand.

  Adam just smirked at me, a look telling me to stop asking questions and let him see where it leads. I could do that for him. I’ll let him try get serious and just hope they work out.

  “So, do I get to pick my room out?” he asked and stood up, walking back to pass Lucy to Chris. It was as if I didn’t exist when those two were around with her, not that I minded. I loved seeing Chris holding our daughter.

  Chris stood up as well and nodded. “Upstairs and down the hall. Pick whichever one you want.”

  I walked over, giving my brother a goodnight hug. “Good night, Adam. Thanks so much for helping me these past few days. For helping make the flat packs too.”

  “No problem, sis. Behave, and remember my ears are like a hawk’s. No kinky sex, please.” He winked over at Chris, and I blushed; he just had to embarrass me, didn’t he?

  We headed towards our room, and Chris closed the door. “So, Mama would you want to go take a bath? I’ll put Lucy to bed. Do you want her in our room again?” he asked and walked into the bedroom. Lucy was dressed in a dark purpl
e pair of PJs, and I pouted. They were so cute on her.

  “Do you want her in our room, or hers?” I asked, knowing what he wanted.

  “Yeah, I want her in here too.” He grinned, laying her on the bed and pulling the cot bedding back. “Did you want to feed her? She’s stopped being cranky, but I’m not too sure if she’ll wake up again soon.”

  I nodded “Okay, I’ll feed her, and you run us a bath that is definitely bigger than our last one.”

  I fed Lucy, and when I say fed, she guzzled on both boobs and was now lying in her bassinet fast asleep. Chris and I were relaxing in the tub. Chris was behind me, spreading the body scrub over my back, kneading it into my skin which felt amazing.

  “Chris,” I breathed out, tilting my head back to get a glimpse of him.

  “Yeah, you ready to get out of the bath and into bed?” he asked, and I nodded. I was more than ready to get into that bed with him.

  I moaned over his mouth as I straddled him and kissed him deeply, his hands running up and down my back, resting on my hip as I ground into him. His deep breathing became huskier as he flipped us and pushed me into the mattress of softness. His hand was now running up and down my thigh, grabbing my ass as he ground himself against me, which made us both moan loudly into one another’s mouth.

  It had been far too long since we were like this.

  “God, I love you,” he spoke, kissing down my neck, sucking and nipping at my soft skin.

  I bumped my hips up and arched into him as he kissed further down, kissing down past my stomach, and hiding away beneath the covers; his tongue working slowly as he licked me, kissing and sucking at my clit with hunger. I was enjoying this; I loved the way he made me feel as he did this. I wanted him. I wanted more.

  Eyes rolling backward, my hands gripped into the sheets as I rocked my hips up and down, gasping for air with each stroke of his tongue.

  “I’m coming!” I breathed out, grabbing a handful of his hair, and pushing my hips up against his mouth more. His own groaning only increased my pleasure as he licked me until I had come and was twitching from being overly sensitive. I tried prying his face away, but he wasn’t having it, and kept sucking until my legs fell beside him.