Don Tillman's Standardized Meal System

by Graeme Simsion

  When ready, serve cheese and crackers.

  Sorbet: put pineapple chunks and coconut milk in the blender or food processor and process until the consistency of sorbet. Coconut milk varies in thickness and sweetness. Add simple syrup in increments of 15 ml (1/2 a shot) to sweeten if necessary.

  Do not panic if mixture is too liquid the first time: serve as a virgin colada (or add 75 ml of white rum to each serve and serve as actual piña colada – total 2.5 standard drinks). Review your brand of coconut milk or substitute coconut cream – or continue to serve virgin / piña coladas.

  Before going to bed, add any lobster shell to the refuse bag in the freezer.

  VARIATION

  Insert a piece of gorgonzola cheese in each fig before grilling. Include the remainder of the cheese in the cheese course.

  If you delete the seafood components – lobster, tobiko, dried bonito flakes, dried dashi – the salad is an excellent accompaniment to grilled protein of any kind. I recommend pork or chicken.

  SUMMER WEDNESDAY:

  Barbecued Pork with Watermelon Salad; Chocolates

  Recommended drink: if there is grapefruit left over from the previous night’s margaritas, I make a low-alcohol (less than 1/4 standard drink per person) cocktail. Squeeze a pink grapefruit, shake with 30 ml Campari and 1/3 of a shaker of ice, pour into 2 glasses (including the ice), and top with 60 ml soda. For zero alcohol, replace the Campari with Crodino or other nonalcoholic substitute (some include the soda already).

  This is the fifth use of the barbecue in five days, though it plays only a minor role on Saturday and Tuesday. Obviously, it is possible to cook with a single barbecue, just as it is possible to own a single pair of pants. However, the arguments for multiple barbecues are as compelling as those presented to me for extra pants: more options for essentially the same task; backup in case of failure of one; adaptability to different weather. I would add “taking advantage of improvements in technology.” And, for the same reasons that many people own vast numbers of pairs of pants or shoes (sometimes selected because “I just saw them and liked them”), I have several barbecues, including charcoal versions and supporting technology.

  For this dish, I recommend either a piece of roasting pork or spareribs. An excellent option for the former is a double or triple pork chop, as the bones add mass, so the meat is less likely to be overcooked by the time the skin is ready.

  The situation with spareribs is similar to that with risotto (Spring Wednesday), except that “Italian expert” is replaced by “American expert.” Alternatively, you can rely on a butcher who sells pre-marinated ribs. Take their advice on quantity and cooking style, and, as always, revise to reflect experience.

  As an alternative to pork, salmon (especially coated in chermoula paste – refer Spring Tuesday) is excellent with the watermelon.

  The watermelon salad is adapted from a recipe by Yotam Ottolenghi. If you are unable to purchase a small portion of watermelon, the surplus can be eaten with breakfast1 or as a post-exercise rehydrating snack.

  RECIPE-SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS: BARBECUED PORK

  Marinated spareribs suitable for barbecuing, as recommended by butcher

  or

  450 g piece of roasting pork, skin on (ask butcher to score the skin)

  COMMON RESOURCES: WATERMELON SALAD

  15 marinated, pitted black olives

  50 g feta cheese (optionally a marinated product)

  1 piece of preserved lemon or zest of 1 lemon

  RECIPE-SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS: WATERMELON SALAD

  250 g watermelon flesh (i.e. excluding skin)

  6 basil leaves

  8 mint leaves

  EQUIPMENT

  Serving plate for watermelon salad

  Salad servers

  Serving plate for pork

  If cooking roasting pork:

  Kettle

  Meat thermometer

  Roasting dish for pork

  PROCESS

  Time: spareribs – according to expert instructions; roast pork – 75 minutes (with significant unallocated time).

  In parallel with pork cooking (below) and at any time in the process, make watermelon salad:

  Cut watermelon flesh into 1 cm slices (weigh as you proceed), then 4 cm squares. Spread on plate.

  Cut olives in half.

  Cut preserved lemon or lemon zest into 20 pieces (very small).

  Distribute 1 tablespoon of olive oil, feta (cut into 1 cm cubes or crumble with hands), olive halves, preserved lemon, and leaves (each torn into 4 pieces) over watermelon; put on table.

  If using spareribs:

  Cook on barbecue according to butcher’s recommendation.

  If using roasting pork:

  Remove from refrigerator 30 minutes in advance.

  Heat barbecue to 230 degrees, lid on, indirect heat.

  Rub 1 tablespoon of salt into pork skin.

  Put 1/2 a tablespoon of cooking oil in roasting pan.

  Put pork in roasting pan, fat side upwards, and put on barbecue, lid on.

  Let pork cook for 25 minutes (skin will blister). Insert meat thermometer.

  When thermometer registers 58 degrees (it may already have exceeded this), turn off barbecue and remove pork to rest for 15 minutes (temperature should reach 63 degrees), then carve / slice.

  Serve pork and salad.

  Chocolates.

  VARIATION

  If you require a green vegetable, I recommend green beans, boiled for 10 minutes, rinsed in cold water, then served alongside the watermelon (or replacing the watermelon) with the same topping.

  SUMMER THURSDAY:

  Parmesan Crisps and Prosciutto; Spaghetti Puttanesca with Green Salad

  This meal is not only delicious but could also save your life. It contains a large quantity of salt and I recommend a blood-pressure test for all household members before eating it. If high blood pressure is detected, the physician is likely to be able to prescribe an effective pharmaceutical treatment with (generally) minimal side effects. As well as being able to consume spaghetti puttanesca with relative safety, you will be treating a medical problem which could have had fatal consequences if undetected.

  You should also consider a liver-function test before drinking alcohol or continuing to do so. Unfortunately, there is no drug to counteract the short- and long-term negative effects, which may include intoxication and associated antisocial behavior, cancer, and organ failure. I would suggest that the necessary research be crowd-funded. Success would surely represent a major contribution to world health, likely warranting a Nobel Prize.

  Until all diners have medical clearance – or if you want some variation from spaghetti puttanesca – I recommend the Major Variant (below). It demonstrates, again, the flexibility of the Standardized Meal System, requiring no change to the shopping list. You can alternate, vote, or randomly select right up to the commencement of cooking.

  Parmesan cheese should not be sprinkled on this pasta, because (1) the sauce is oil-based and (2) the sauce contains seafood. Hence the parmesan crisps as an alternative means of including the cheese (note that parmesan is a salty cheese).

  COMMON RESOURCES: PARMESAN CRISPS

  Grana Padano parmesan cheese (Reggiano will work, but is more expensive)

  RECIPE-SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS: PARMESAN CRISPS

  Prosciutto remaining from Tuesday (approx. 60 g)

  100 g marinated capsicums (from Monday’s barbecue)

  COMMON RESOURCES: SPAGHETTI PUTTANESCA

  160 g spaghetti

  25 g anchovies

  4 cloves garlic

  1 tbsp capers (if packed in salt, rinse in a sieve – see preceding note regarding blood pressure)

  24 black olives (preferably preserved in oil), pitted – or pit them yourself

  1 or 2 birds-eye or alternative preferred chilies, fresh or reconstituted (optional)

  RECIPE-SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS: SPAGHETTI PUTTANESCA

  14 cherry tomatoes

  COMMON RESOURCES: GREEN
SALAD

  1 tbsp wine vinegar

  RECIPE-SPECIFIC INGREDIENTS: GREEN SALAD

  75 g green salad leaves

  Fresh basil

  EQUIPMENT

  Grater

  1 sheet baking paper or silicone baking mat

  Pot for pasta

  Frying pan

  Bowl

  Salad bowl

  Jar for shaking vinaigrette

  Colander or sieve

  Plate for serving parmesan crisps and prosciutto

  PROCESS: PARMESAN CRISPS

  Time: 22 minutes (largely waiting for oven to heat).

  Heat oven to 200 degrees (conventional oven).

  Grate cheese into thin, short ribbons to produce 6 tablespoons.

  Place grated cheese on baking paper / mat on oven tray in 4 equal mounds separated by at least 2 cm (they do not spread as much as might be anticipated).

  Cook until they begin to brown (9 minutes).

  Remove from oven and allow to cool (3 minutes). Serve. Trivial!

  PROCESS: SPAGHETTI PUTTANESCA AND GREEN SALAD

  Time: approximately 30 minutes, less as you become better at parallel processing.

  Start the grill or barbecue (maximum temperature, lid off) and put the cherry tomatoes under / on it.

  Monitor the tomatoes. When they have begun to shrivel and spurt juice (anywhere from 4 to 20 minutes; note for future reference), turn off the barbecue / grill and transfer them to a bowl.

  Put leaves in salad bowl. Tear 5 basil leaves from stalks and add to salad bowl.

  Put 3 tablespoons of olive oil and the vinegar in jar with 1/4 teaspoon of salt. Put lid on jar (important) and shake vigorously for 15 seconds.

  Pour contents of jar on salad and mix with salad serving implements.

  Measure 3 tablespoons of olive oil into the frying pan.

  Chop the olives into halves, and the chili(es) and garlic into tiny pieces (60 seconds for the garlic, 30 seconds for the chili); add to pan.

  Put pan on burner / hotplate at 40% of maximum heat. When the garlic begins to change color (7 minutes1), add anchovies, stir to mix, then add olives, capers, chili, and tomatoes (squashing with the wooden spoon). Lower heat to minimum.

  Prepare the spaghetti according to instructions on the packet (add 1 tablespoon of salt when the water boils if not specified).

  Five seconds before the spaghetti cooking time is reached, transfer 4 tablespoons of the boiling water to the pan, then drain the spaghetti in the colander or sieve, add to the pan, and stir to mix.

  Serve in saucepan (or transfer to heated bowl if diners insist).

  MAJOR VARIANT: SPAGHETTI WITH PROSCIUTTO, CAPSICUMS, LEMON, AND OLIVES

  Do not serve the capsicums or prosciutto with the parmesan crisps. You will need 3 lemons from Common Resources.

  Chop olives in half. Put in first bowl, along with capsicums.

  Chop prosciutto into strips of approximately 2 x 1/2 cm. Add to bowl.

  Chop 10 basil leaves into 6 pieces each (approximately – the leaves can be chopped as a consolidated mass). Add to bowl.

  Grate and squeeze the lemons. Add 80 ml of juice to second bowl. If you have surplus juice, refrigerate for another use (e.g. sour cocktail – refer Autumn Tuesday). If you need more, grate and squeeze additional lemons, and add the zest to the first bowl.

  Add 160 ml of olive oil, 1/2 a teaspoon of salt, and 8 twists of the pepper grinder to the juice. Stir rapidly with a fork for 10 seconds.

  Cook spaghetti according to packet instructions (add 1 tablespoon of salt when the water boils if not specified).

  Drain spaghetti and return to pot over minimum heat.

  Add the olive oil and juice. Mix with a fork.

  Add the contents of the first bowl and mix.

  Serve in saucepan (or transfer to heated bowl).

  SUMMER FRIDAY:

  Restaurant Night or Minestrone

  Recommended wine: I do not consider wine or cocktails compatible with soup. This may be another motivator to go to a restaurant and eat something different.

  COMMON RESOURCES

  Frozen minestrone soup

  Parmesan cheese

  Pesto

  EQUIPMENT

  Grater

  PROCESS

  Time: 15 minutes.

  Thaw and reheat minestrone soup.

  Serve with pesto and parmesan cheese, which diners can add to their individual bowls.

  _______

  1 The Bluefin Tuna Incident is documented in The Rosie Effect.

  2 Also documented in The Rosie Effect. The fish was purchased by Rosie, who gave greater weight to enhancing our relationship than to her contribution to the extinction of a species.

  1 If the result is unsatisfactory (due to variations in rice and rice cookers), try soaking the rice for 30 minutes, then using only 2/3 cup of water for the cooking process. Or chilling the water first. Or use white rice.

  1 I use basmati rice. But you are free to use any or multiple varieties, and to configure the rice cooker accordingly.

  1 Periodic reminder: approximate cubes.

  1 There is substantial research to indicate that creativity is facilitated by routine physical work, e.g. driving, walking, cooking.

  2 If, conversely, you find precision relaxing, you can measure quantities and time precisely.

  3 Alternatively, soak approximately 300 g dried white beans overnight, the night before. Add to task list.

  1 More vigorous boiling will cause the denatured protein to be incorporated into the stock, which is not harmful but renders it cloudy and aesthetically less appealing. It also wastes energy.

  1 The original recipe is for an Australian crayfish – a saltwater crustacean more similar to the Atlantic lobster than the American freshwater crayfish. Seafood naming is notoriously geographically inconsistent and, like much biological naming, based on appearance rather than genetic similarity. Another topic for mealtime discussion.

  2 This is a good starting point. You may wish to add less, possibly as little as zero.

  1 Some people eat the tomalley but there is a risk of paralytic shellfish poisoning if the lobster has ingested an infected bivalve. Also, many guests are revolted by it, given its texture, color, and function. An interesting topic for conversation.

  1 If eating watermelon with breakfast, you could refer to it as “fruit salad.” Cafes and hotels routinely serve “fruit salad” consisting entirely of melon.

  1 Reminder: approximate. Do not allow the garlic to turn black (burn). Reduce heat if necessary.

  SATURDAY

  Lunch

  Deli selection with fresh bread

  Dinner

  Seafood stew with rustic rouille

  SUNDAY

  Don’s surprise

  Ice-cream

  MONDAY

  Linguini marinara

  TUESDAY

  (guests)

  Tuna sashimi

  Thai duck / chicken salad

  WEDNESDAY

  Mushroom minestrone

  Chocolates

  THURSDAY

  Rice-paper rolls

  Stir-fried vegetables

  FRIDAY

  (if eating at home)

  Chili con carne

  AUTUMN SATURDAY LUNCH:

  Deli Selection with Fresh Bread

  Autumn Saturday was at one time the most stressful shopping day in the system, as I needed to purchase unfamiliar ingredients for Don’s Surprise on Sunday and spontaneously create an original lunch for Saturday. This was deliberate: I wanted to demonstrate that I could function without the Standardized Meal System. On autumn Saturdays, I simulated the shopping pattern of a less organized person, and, in doing so, reminded myself of how much time and mental effort the system saves.

  For Don’s Surprise, I had a list of items for the new recipe and could generally obtain them from familiar vendors. The spontaneous lunch was more challenging. I would choose a loaf of bread (olive sourdough), then purchase delicatessen items t
o accompany it, aiming to produce something I had not served before. But without a shopping list, organized by vendor, the market is overwhelming. Vast numbers of cured meats, marinated vegetables and seafood, dips, cheeses…all with different variations, qualities, and prices.

  One autumn Saturday I was examining the selection at a deli when the woman serving noticed my distress. I explained the problem, and she immediately recommended fresh buffalo mozzarella, with tomato and basil from the greengrocer. “Next week I’ll have something different for you.” This became a pattern – a very satisfactory, win-win solution to my problem.

  It was a useful reminder. Learning to work in opposition to one’s natural behavior is sometimes necessary, but there is no point in doing so when there are good alternatives, especially ones that let others utilize their strengths.

  Retain at least one slice of bread as a dinner ingredient.

  AUTUMN SATURDAY DINNER:

  Seafood Stew with Rustic Rouille

  Recommended cocktail: Americano with absinthe wash.

  When our friends Dave and Sonia from New York lived for a time in Melbourne, they insisted on coming to dinner at our house on Saturday instead of Tuesday nights. Rather than further disrupting the week by shifting meals (and in this case impacting on Monday’s dinner, which requires tonight’s leftovers), I simply scaled up. Sonia commented: “You guys eat a lot of seafood. No wonder you’re both so slim.”

  Sonia was wrong. We eat seafood frequently, but the quantities are no different to the quantities we eat of other food. And eating seafood – especially “a lot of seafood” – does not guarantee a healthy weight. Sonia had fallen into the trap of thinking that a diet based on certain food groups would lead to weight loss, a myth perpetuated by diet books.

  The credit should go not to seafood but to the Standardized Meal System, which enables meal sizes to be adjusted precisely to maintain or lose weight at the recommended (slow) pace. Also:

  1. My father-in-law Phil’s advice on weight management is “don’t eat junk.” The Standardized Meal System contains minimal “junk” (ice-cream on Autumn Sundays, weekly chocolate), which is carefully regulated. Even these items can be easily eliminated.

  2. By following the standardized shopping lists rather than shopping randomly, you will not buy additional junk. If you don’t buy junk, you will not have junk available to eat.