Ever Caring

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “And you hate chaos,” Evangeline said quietly. “So can’t you talk to him?”

  Renee shook her head. “Talking isn’t going to fix anything. Not now.”

  Evangeline sighed. “I had such high hopes. He’s the perfect man for you.”

  Renee gave her friend a wistful smile. “I should have known it was too good to be true.”

  “You’re allowed to be happy, you know,” Evangeline said.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  Evangeline shrugged. “You’ve put your mother’s needs ahead of yours for so long, I don’t think you know how to live for yourself, how to embrace happiness. Just don’t give up on Tate too quickly.” Evangeline smiled at her, then squeezed her hand. “Maybe you need to pray about this.”

  Renee gave her friend a puzzled look. “You haven’t been to church in a while and you’re telling me to pray?”

  Evangeline shrugged. “I know your relationship with God is solid. You’ll probably find comfort in praying.”

  Renee held Evangeline’s sincere gaze, then nodded. “You’re probably right.”

  How often had she sought to take care of things on her own, only to discover that she needed to depend on God? That only He could give her everything she needed and only He could make all things well.

  “Sometimes I am,” Evangeline said with a grin.

  The jangling ring of her phone broke into the sanctity and silence of the moment, and for a few seconds Renee was tempted to ignore it.

  But then she remembered the conference call.

  She yanked her phone out of her purse, but the number displayed wasn’t from the therapist.

  It was Cathy Meckle. The potential buyer of the store.

  She shot Evangeline an apologetic glance. “Sorry. I should take this.”

  Evangeline waved off her concern. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

  “Thanks. Hey?” Renee quickly said before she answered the phone call. “You’re a dear friend.”

  Evangeline waved off her thanks, then left.

  “Renee, I haven’t heard from you for a while.” Cathy’s perky voice echoed on the other line. “I was wondering how things are progressing. With the lien and everything?”

  “Um, good. Uh, the lien is off the store.”

  “That’s marvelous. So that means we can progress with the sale?”

  “I hadn’t heard from you for a while so I wasn’t sure—”

  “I know. I know. And I’m sorry. Things have been crazy, but they’re settling down now.”

  Lucky you, Renee thought.

  “And I have to confess, I was getting impatient. I had been looking at another store, but I realized that Rockyview is such a perfect place to settle down and raise our kids. We found the perfect house there, and Ned got a job in Highview, which isn’t far away, so we decided to go ahead with our initial plan and buy the store.”

  “You know, things have been really busy,” Renee said quietly. “Can you give me a day to get things in order and I’ll call you back?”

  “Sure. Of course. I just want you to know that we’re pretty definite on this, so I hope you haven’t found anyone else.”

  “No. You would get first chance at it,” Renee said, her mind still reeling. “Thanks so much for calling. We’ll stay in touch.”

  Cathy said goodbye, reiterated how much she wanted to buy the store and then, finally, hung up.

  Renee dropped her phone, then walked to the window and looked down at the store she and her mother had begun all those years ago. Only a month ago she’d had plans to leave this place, and though her heart hadn’t been in it, she’d clung to the hope offered by the therapy program for her mother.

  But could she stay now?

  The man she had thought she loved had pushed her away.

  You were the one who pushed him away. You told him you didn’t know if this would work.

  All she had been doing was expressing her own fears and insecurities. And then he told her she was betraying Addison. Again.

  And maybe she was, but one thing she knew for certain; she couldn’t stay here anymore. Not in the same town as her daughter.

  The daughter of a man she thought she loved.

  She took mental stock of her situation, her mind listing all the pros and cons.

  She needed some time away from town, away from the possibility of running into Tate. But how was she supposed to do that? Her mother still needed daily care.

  Suddenly, she had an idea. She called the store and Ashley answered.

  “I have a huge favor to ask you,” she said, looking out over the street. “Would you be able to mind the store with my mother for the next couple of days?”

  “Of course I can. I’m not really busy, so that works out perfect.”

  “I know it’s a super short notice, but I need a couple days away from the store.” She could head down to Banff, one of her favorite retreat spots. Maybe do some hiking. She’d been meaning to head up to the tea house, but she’d never had the time.

  “That’s just fine. Will your mother be needing any help?”

  “I’ll be home in the evenings,” Renee said. From the way things were progressing with her mother and Arlan, she didn’t need to worry about Brenda being lonely, either.

  But could she leave?

  Don’t think about that now, she told herself. Take it one step at a time. Go away for a while. Give yourself some space.

  Yet, even as she grabbed her purse and headed down the back stairs to leave, deep in her lonely soul, she knew exactly what she had to do.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Are you busy? Can I come in?”

  Tate looked up from his computer. His father stood in the doorway of his office. “Of course you can,” he said.

  Arlan closed the door behind him, then ambled into Tate’s office. “This is a good place,” he said. “A good place for a family.”

  Tate pushed his shirtsleeves up his arms and leaned back in his chair. He guessed this was a preamble to what his father really wanted to talk about, so he just waited.

  His father slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned back against the wall behind him.

  “What’s troubling you, Dad?” Tate asked, giving Arlan an opening. “I’m thinking it isn’t the lease agreement you’ve been struggling with for that new development on the edge of town.”

  “Actually I think there’s more that’s troubling you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I had a visit this morning while you were at Addison’s play. From Renee. She’s putting the scrapbook store up for sale.”

  Why did that send a sliver of dread through him?

  “Probably for the best,” he said, trying to sound more casual than he felt, trying to still the pounding of his heart.

  “Why do you say that?”

  Tate swiveled his chair back and forth, back and forth. “It’s an awkward situation. What with Addison and all.”

  “And you and all,” Arlan added.

  Tate shrugged. The past few days had been empty and lonely. He hated the way he felt, and hated that Renee had made him feel this way. He had been so careful to guard his heart, but she had burst through his defenses.

  “She’s selling the store because she doesn’t want to cause problems for you and Addison. I can’t think of a more unselfish and admirable act.”

  Tate didn’t know what to say.

  “She looks incredibly sad,” his father continued. “I don’t think it’s because she’s selling the store, though.”

  Tate missed Renee more than he thought possible, but where to start? “So what am I supposed to do?” he asked.

  “I think you should go talk to her.”

  “We tried talking,” he said. “That didn’t end well.”

  “And you’re going to leave it at that? What kind of lawyer are you to let someone walk all over you?”

  Tate acknowledged his father’s attempt at humor with a wry smile. “I’ve spen
t enough of my married life running after a woman, trying to placate her. Trying to figure out what she really wanted. I can’t...I can’t do it again.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  Tate sucked in an angry breath. “I have to take care of Addison.”

  “At this point, I think taking care of Addison involves trying to find a way to make things work between you and Renee,” Arlan continued.

  “A few days ago, when all this fell apart, I went up to the mountains,” Tate said. “I prayed that God would help me be a good father. And from what Renee told me, that involves leaving her alone. She pretty much told me that she can’t be a good mother to Addison. I can’t put Addison through that again, no matter how much it hurts me.”

  His father nodded, as if slowly weighing what he was saying. “As a father, you should put Addison first. But why do you think Renee said what she did? About not being able to be the mother Addison needed?”

  Tate shrugged. “I don’t know. I...I got upset. I told her that she had given up on Addison once and that she was doing it again.”

  “You didn’t!”

  His father’s shocked voice only underlined Tate’s own shame at what he had said.

  “I was angry, upset and afraid. I’m responsible for Addison, and I take that seriously. Especially after Molly’s haphazard mothering.”

  “I don’t want to preach at you, but I think you need to know that while Addison is your daughter, she is God’s child first.” His father gave him a lopsided smile. “It’s not completely on your shoulders to do everything for her.”

  Tate nodded, and his father continued, “I think you need to find out what Renee meant when she said she didn’t think she could be the mother Addison needed.”

  Tate dragged his hands over his face, his fingers rasping on the whiskers he hadn’t bothered to shave this morning. Then he looked up at his father. “Why do I get the feeling that you already have a good idea why?”

  “A good lawyer never approaches a case without knowing all the facts,” was Arlan’s vague reply.

  “So tell me.”

  “It’s Renee’s story to tell.”

  “Humor me,” Tate said, an edge of impatience entering his voice.

  His father cocked an eyebrow at him, but he shifted his shoulder. “She compared herself to Molly. I’m sure there’s more that she didn’t tell me, but she has the idea that Molly was an exemplary mother, and she didn’t think she could measure up.”

  “I think she got that idea from working on the scrapbook. I was always talking Molly up.” Tate eased out a sigh. “But you said you think there’s more?”

  “That’s just a notion I have. The only way you’ll find out is by talking to Renee yourself.”

  Did he want to go there? Did he want to open himself up to more pain if Renee was only hiding behind what she said as an excuse to keep him and Addison away?

  “She’s worth taking a chance on,” his father continued. “The fact that she’s willing to sacrifice the store, first for her mother and then for Addison and you, should show you what an amazing woman Renee is.”

  Shame licked at him. His father was right. What they had together was worth taking a chance on. Besides, how could he feel any worse than he did now?

  He glanced at the clock, and his father waved him off. “Don’t worry about Addison,” he said. “I’ll keep her entertained when she comes here from school.”

  “Okay.” He rolled down his sleeves and ran his hands over his hair in an attempt to neaten it.

  “You look fine,” his father assured him. “Now go. I’m sure Renee is at the store, even though it looks closed. Her mother told me.”

  With a quick smile at his father and a prayer on his lips, Tate strode out of the office and down the stairs before he talked himself out of this.

  He came to the store. A large For Sale sign was placed in the window, the reality of what his father had said sinking in. She really was leaving.

  He peered into the shop and, thankfully, didn’t notice anyone inside. He watched for a few moments, ignoring the people who walked past him, shooting him curious glances.

  Probably wondering why he was stalking Scrap Happy.

  He didn’t see any movement in the store.

  The Closed sign hung in the door, but when he tested the doorknob, he found it was unlocked. He slowly opened the door, being careful not to disturb the bells that announced the entrance of a customer. As he stepped inside, he glanced around.

  Still empty.

  He walked quietly past the counter, looking toward the back. He could just make out the room where he and Addison and Renee had worked on Molly’s scrapbook together. The one that had caused so many problems.

  Then he saw Renee. She sat at the table. He quietly returned to the front door and locked it.

  Taking a deep breath, he walked quietly to the back of the store.

  Renee sat at the table, her Bible open in front of her.

  He paused a moment, watching as she picked up a piece of paper from beside the Bible and held it up.

  His heart shifted in his chest when he recognized a picture of him and Addison. It must have been one of the discards. Probably because Molly wasn’t in it.

  He heard a sniffle, then he saw her lift a finger and slowly, gently trace his face. The look of yearning on her features made his heart skip. Then the picture fluttered out of her fingers as she dropped her face into her palms, her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.

  The sight tore at his heart.

  He sent up another prayer for wisdom, then knocked lightly on the door.

  She grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes, then said, “Can I help you?”

  As her eyes met his, her face lost all color, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

  Then, as if a shutter fell across her features, her expression shifted, erasing any vestige of the emotion he had just seen on her face.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Her question came out in a rush of confusion.

  Tate found himself unable to speak. Seeing Renee sitting there, looking at the picture of him and Addison with such stark emotion, melted the ice that had encased his heart the past few days. His father was right. She was withholding some vital piece of evidence.

  “We need to talk.”

  She picked up the crumpled tissue that lay at her elbow and swiped at her eyes. “There’s not much to say.”

  He decided to push forward. “Tell me what you meant when you said you couldn’t be the kind of mother Addison needed. What kind of mother do you think she needs?”

  Renee’s mouth was set in a stubborn line, and for a moment Tate didn’t think she was going to answer him.

  “Can we go for a walk to the river?” he asked. He didn’t want to sit here in the store, in her territory, so to speak. They needed to find neutral ground.

  “I don’t know.” She glanced at his shoes as if to find a reason to say no.

  He held up his foot, showing her the worn cowboy boots he’d started wearing. “You’re wearing running shoes and capris. You should be okay.”

  To his surprise she gave him a careful smile, then, thankfully, she nodded. “I’ll just lock up, and we can go out the back door.”

  “The front door is locked already.”

  “Okay. Let’s go.” She led him out the back door and into the bright sunshine.

  They walked down the alley, then the street leading away from Main Street and toward the river that flowed through town.

  A light breeze blew through her hair as they walked. Each step eased the tension in Tate’s shoulders.

  “How’s your mother?” he asked finally, needing to ease them into some kind of conversation.

  “I haven’t seen her this happy in years.” She gave him a cautious smile. “How about your dad?”

  “Ditto,” Tate said.

  They turned a corner and walked down a narrow road toward the park that ran along the river. Renee turned off the road onto a
path that beckoned through trees.

  “I’ve never been here,” Tate said.

  “You’ll just have to trust me not to lead you wrong.”

  Tate was quiet a moment. “That’s probably been part of my problem,” he said.

  “What do you mean?” Renee asked.

  He slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans, glancing sidelong at her, disconcerted to see her watching him. “I didn’t trust our relationship enough,” he said. “Not enough to tell Addison about us.”

  They turned another corner, and Tate heard the river spilling over rocks.

  “You had your reasons,” she said as she pushed aside some branches and then stepped onto a gravel bar that ran along the river.

  “But she’s your daughter, too, and I was getting confused about where we fit in your life. Everything kept blurring together.”

  Renee laughed. “Life isn’t like that. You don’t make compartments. Addison here, me there, you there. Relationships are like a web, intricate and connected. You are her father, and, yes, she’s my daughter, but our relationship is...was—” She stopped there, uncertainty entering her voice.

  “I’m hoping for ‘is,’” Tate finished for her.

  She said nothing, her hands swinging loosely beside her as she walked to a large log beached on the gravel bar. For a moment he thought he had truly managed to mess things up for good between them.

  “I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I’m sorry about what I said. About you giving up on Addison. That was wrong. I was afraid and I wanted to be in control of the situation.”

  Renee sat on the log, lowering her head, her hair falling around her face. Was she crying again? He caught her chin under his hand, lifting her face to his. Though he saw pain there, her eyes were dry.

  “Enough dancing around,” he said. “Why did you tell me you couldn’t be what Addison needed? What I needed?”

  Renee held his gaze a moment, then gently pulled her head away, looking up at the mountains surrounding the town. “You can see the Shadow Woman,” was all she said.

  Tate frowned, but looked where she was pointing. And he saw her clearly this time.

  Then Renee lowered her hand, picked up a rock and, with a flick of her wrist, sent it skipping a couple of times over the surface of the water.