“Did I say too much again?”
Emily shook her head.
“I’d like to kiss you,” Alex said.
Thank god. Emily held her breath.
“But I want to take things slow. I know what’s going to happen after we kiss, and I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“You’re not ready?” Emily would have laughed, but Alex seemed completely serious. “Do you mean we?”
“No. I mean me. It’s no secret I want more, but if one night is all I get, I want to take my time. There’s so many things we could do.”
Emily’s breath caught. She wanted to ask Alex what things she was thinking of but couldn’t bring herself to say the words. All the things she’d wanted to try over the years…not only the toys that Cass had made her embarrassed to even think about, but the rest of it too. Desires she couldn’t hold back. Suddenly she wanted to admit everything. What would it feel like to let Alex tie her up? To give herself over? And, what would it feel like to be the one in control? To reach across the sofa and unbuckle Alex’s belt? She wanted all those things, yet she couldn’t quite get past the seven-year boulder that blocked her path to all of that.
“I’m not sure if you caught what I said earlier.” Emily heard the tremor in her own voice but pushed on. “I haven’t had sex in seven years.”
“I caught that. I figured you had your reasons. If you want to tell me, I’d like to know, but I won’t press.” Alex waited, but when Emily didn’t speak up, she continued. “What happened in the past isn’t as important to me as what you want to happen next.”
“I might be terrible.”
“Okay.” Alex grinned. “I won’t be.”
“So cocky.” She laughed, and the knot in her stomach loosened. With Alex knowing the truth, she felt lighter. Like she had nothing left to hide. “Seven years is long enough to forget a few things.”
“I get that. We’ll take it slow. Did I mention slow’s my favorite way to fuck?”
Something about the soft way Alex said the word fuck made it more sexy than crass. God, she wanted to kiss her. The way Alex looked at her left no question of her desire.
“And, between me and you, it’s a huge turn-on to get you first. After all that time with no one appreciating you, I get to be the one.”
Emily wanted to simultaneously hug Alex, cry on her shoulder, and tear off her clothes. Her words were exactly what she needed.
“The only thing I’m worried about now is that I better be damn good considering how long you’ve waited.”
Alex took the mug from Emily’s hand and set it on the coffee table next to hers. When she turned back to Emily, she held out her hand, palm upturned.
Chapter Eighteen
Emily’s pulse whooshed in her ears, outcompeting the crackle of the fire and even Dylan’s voice. She wanted Alex more than ever, but she didn’t pull her into a kiss. She didn’t even clasp Alex’s outstretched hand. Instead, she traced lightly from Alex’s wrist, over her palm, to the tip of her middle finger, and then made her way slowly back. Alex watched her, holding perfectly still.
Alex’s palm was noticeably wider than hers and her slender fingers were longer. She had rough calluses from gripping something, and Emily wondered what it might be as she lightly rubbed between the smooth spots and the textured ones. As she followed the lines and the curves, she imagined how it would feel to have Alex’s hand exploring her body. Would Alex be rough like she wanted, or gentle like she needed?
“You okay?”
Emily nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
In a way, the going slow was a relief—in nearly the same way that it was torture. There wouldn’t be a rush to get to it, but that meant it wouldn’t be over and done with either. She had to sit with every step, let her body get over the anxiety of that moment, before she got what came next.
“This is something I’d like to do more often,” Emily said, moving from Alex’s palm to her wrist and then inching up her forearm. When Alex had made the fire, she’d pushed up her sleeves and they were still bunched at her elbows giving Emily plenty of access to smooth skin.
“Drive somebody crazy with your fingers, you mean?” Alex closed her eyes. “You can keep that up all night if you like.”
Emily’s focus shifted back to Alex’s fingers. She started to trace each one, but when she got to the middle, she stopped. “I don’t think I can.”
Alex opened her eyes. She looked up from Emily’s hand and their gaze met.
“I want to be kissed.” The words came out in a whisper, but she knew Alex heard. Need overwhelmed her. She hated feeling desperate, but Alex had to know that she was.
Seconds passed and neither of them spoke. Right after she’d accepted that Alex was going to make her go slow, she couldn’t handle waiting. Maybe she shouldn’t have picked Alex. Maybe she should have picked someone from the party who didn’t know anything about her, someone she couldn’t possibly have opened up to. Someone who was simply horny. That certainly wouldn’t be hard. But as soon as she had that thought, she knew no one else would do. Alex was the only one she wanted.
“I don’t want to beg, but I will.”
“I don’t want you to say anything you don’t want to say. Or do anything you don’t want to do. That’s not what I’m about. But I also don’t want to move too fast.”
“I’ll tell you if we need to slow down. Right now, I need you to speed up.” She swallowed. Had she actually said the words aloud?
“I like that you know what you want.” Alex closed the distance between them.
As much as Emily had been waiting for the kiss, knew it was coming, her breath caught when Alex’s lips met hers. Alex was gentle at first, brushing against Emily’s mouth with the lightest of touches, but then obvious desire made her deepen the kiss. Heat poured through Emily’s body when Alex pushed into her. She opened up, not wanting to resist, and the heat turned to a fire that roared through her.
She tipped up her chin when Alex caressed her neck, giving in to another kiss as she fumbled with the buttons on Alex’s shirt. As soon as she could, she slid her hand through the opening she’d made. Alex pushed against her and she gasped when she felt the warm skin of Alex’s chest.
Alex took over then, making it clear she knew what she was doing—and what she wanted. She moved them off the leather couch and onto the rug, pulling off their clothing as she did. First her dress, then her bra.
Emily tried to help some, but Alex’s lips were distractingly good and before she knew it, she was on her back. Alex’s hands slid over her naked belly and then down past her hips.
“God, you’re gorgeous,” Alex said. She held her body a few inches above Emily’s, not letting their skin touch. “You know that, right? Someone should tell you that every morning as soon as you wake up.”
“I know I need you.” Emily felt desperate with need. She was wet and could already imagine Alex’s hand on the place she needed to be touched. Now she couldn’t wait any longer.
“You act like you don’t know how good-looking you are.”
“If I say I know I’m good-looking, will you put your damn hand between my legs?”
Alex grinned. “Oh, is that what you want?”
As much as Emily appreciated Alex’s gentle teasing, her need had passed anything gentle or sweet. “I want to feel you.” The words came out as little more than a breath.
“You’ve been feeling plenty of me,” Alex said. “Trying to tear my clothes off to get to me.”
Emily looked at Alex then. Alex’s pants were undone, and she was naked from the waist up. She’d done that.
“I like how hungry you are,” Alex said, caressing Emily’s cheek. “I also like those nails of yours on my back. You trying to leave marks?”
Emily hadn’t meant to scratch hard, but the look on Alex’s face stopped her from an outright apology. Instead, she wanted to play along. “You’re too good at kissing. I wasn’t paying attention to what my hands were doing.”
“So
you’re saying it’s my fault.”
“Yes.”
Alex lowered herself so her nipples barely brushed Emily’s. “Maybe kissing’s all I’m good at. Maybe I won’t be any good between your legs.”
“I’m worried you’re going to be good everywhere.” Emily moaned as Alex stroked over her nipples.
“You sure we’re not going too fast?”
“Not fast enough.” Emily pushed up and Alex met her lips with a deep kiss. When Alex pulled back from the kiss, Emily expected she’d move on her. She didn’t, though, holding her body above Emily’s and hardly letting any skin touch.
“I need you.” She heard the whimper escape her throat and felt ridiculous for it, but Alex torturing her with this waiting game wasn’t fair.
“Was it my hot cocoa that convinced you? Be honest. This is for research purposes. I’m hoping to get a steady girlfriend someday.”
Emily laughed. Annoyed as she was, she couldn’t help it. “You are too much.”
“You have no idea.” Alex’s voice had a husky sound to it, and Emily realized then that the waiting was getting to her just as much. Alex couldn’t possibly want this as desperately as she did, but there was no doubting her arousal.
“You should show me.”
Alex’s eyes darkened, and Emily held her breath. She gasped when Alex lowered herself onto her. A barrage of sensations hit all at once—the scent of Alex’s cologne, the wool carpet pressed against her back, Alex’s smooth skin pressed everywhere else, and warm breath on her neck. She rubbed against Alex, feeling like a cat wanting to be pet.
When the urge came to feel more, she didn’t stop herself from nipping at Alex’s sculpted shoulder. But when she tried to raise herself up for a kiss, Alex pressed her back down. The message was clear: tonight she wasn’t in charge.
Emily didn’t want to resist anyway. She gave in to Alex’s lips and then her hands, closing her eyes as Alex caressed her. Her touch was gentle, almost soothing, but Emily could feel desire building in Alex with every inch she skimmed. Delicious desire. She loved how much Alex wanted this. Wanted her.
When Alex moved her attention to Emily’s nipples—plying, rolling, and pinching—Emily felt a tingling buzz spread through her. Damn, Alex knew how to touch her. She dropped her head back and moaned.
“You like that?”
Emily nodded, but even as she did pleasure gave way to worry when an insistent pulse started between her legs. She didn’t want to come only from the attention Alex was giving to her breasts. She shivered and tensed, trying to hold back her mounting orgasm. Alex let off, probably thinking she’d gone too far.
“I don’t want to come with you only touching me there.”
“Is that a real risk?”
“Mmm…Your hands might be even better than your lips.”
Alex pressed a fingertip lightly on Emily’s lips. “You might want to hold off making that call.” Alex drew a line from Emily’s lips down the center of her, then pushed her legs apart. Without any other warning, she dropped her face and suddenly her tongue was on Emily’s swollen clit.
“Fuck.” No other words were possible.
Alex took her with a fierceness that made her want to give over completely. She pulled up her knees, granting more access, and Alex repositioned, thrusting her tongue deeper.
“Oh. God.”
Alex pulled back only long enough to look up and meet Emily’s gaze. Heat seared through her. One look and Emily felt sexier than she had in her whole life. How could Alex want her this much?
Alex dropped her face again. She whipped and circled Emily’s clit, then sucked, bringing her closer with every stroke of her tongue. She certainly knew how to please, but the sounds she made—low growls and long moans—left no doubt that she was enjoying every minute.
Again, Emily fought back a climax that she worried would hit too soon. But Alex felt too good between her legs and it’d been too long since someone had gone down on her. Soon there was no holding back. The orgasm came like a wave rising inside and she gave up fighting.
She screamed out, squeezing her eyes closed and clamping her knees on Alex’s shoulders. A gush of release followed another shiver of pleasure. She went still and then tensed again, the climax zinging from her toes to her clenched teeth.
Alex didn’t let go of her and didn’t let off the pressure on her clit, only holding in place as the aftershocks ran their course. Emily heard herself say Alex’s name. She breathed it out softly at first, then murmured it again, felt silly for saying it, but repeated it anyway. “I need…”
“What do you need?”
Emily wanted to answer but couldn’t form any words. She needed more. Alex had given her exactly what she needed and suddenly it wasn’t enough. She wanted to beg Alex not to let go, but wasn’t she the one who was supposed to be taking care of Alex’s needs?
Tonight was Alex’s fantasy. The fire, the rug…
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Alex moved up her body, adding soft kisses as she went from below her belly button up to her neck. She didn’t move off of Emily and her weight was reassuringly heavy. “You shouldn’t be sorry about anything.”
Emily shook her head.
“Hey,” Alex nudged. “What is it?” When Alex kissed her chin, she reluctantly opened her eyes. “What is it you need? I want to give you what you need.”
“I need you.” Emily closed her eyes again. She couldn’t handle the way Alex looked at her. The intensity was too much. Alex wanted her, still desired her, but Emily felt the press of tears and clenched her jaw to stave them off.
The strength of her emotions caught her completely by surprise. Maybe she should have expected breaking down the first time—after all, it had been seven long years of pretending to be with someone who only pretended to want her. They were merely together on paper, sharing a house, going out together, but never kissing. Never doing anything more than cuddling in rare moments of concession. So many nights without because what she’d asked for had been too much for her wife, the person who was supposed to accept all of her, to meet her halfway, to listen to her needs—the person who was supposed to love her no matter what. Failing all that, Cass also hadn’t pretended to want her. She hadn’t even tried.
Now, simply being desired by someone was enough to spin her mind out of control. She willed her head to wait to process everything until tomorrow, or at least until she was alone.
Alex brushed a fingertip over Emily’s forehead. “Was that not what you wanted?”
“It was perfect. Too perfect.”
Alex shifted off her and Emily curled on her side, silently praying she could keep the tears at bay for a while longer. She couldn’t exactly run back to Katherine’s to sob alone in her bedroom.
A soft fleece blanket settled over her, and she felt Alex lie back down again. Alex rested an arm over her hip, her chest settling in against Emily’s back.
“Thanks for holding me,” she murmured, hoping that would be enough.
“We don’t have to talk,” Alex said. “But I’d like you to tell me what’s wrong.” A moment later she added, “If you think you can.”
Emily opened her eyes. The fire blazed on but the music had stopped. She hadn’t registered if the album had simply ended or if Alex had turned it off. Either way, she was thankful for the quiet. “I needed that too much.”
Alex didn’t say anything for a moment. She snuggled closer and kissed Emily’s shoulder blade. “If it’s any consolation, your needing it—not just wanting it—was hot as hell. And I’m not even a little bit tired, so if you need more…”
Emily took a steadying breath. Having Alex pressed against her, skin on skin, sent warm fuzzies all through her. She could argue that it was only the aftermath of a long overdue orgasm, but she also wanted to ask Alex to never let go.
“I don’t think I realized how the first time would be.”
“We went too fast, didn’t we?”
Alex sounded panicked, and E
mily immediately regretted what she’d said. “No. That was what I needed.” She knew she owed Alex more explanation. “My wife and I separated two months ago, but…it’s been a long time since I felt like someone really wanted me.”
“I’m the first person you’ve kissed since her?”
Emily nodded.
“That’s a lot of pressure. Thanks for not telling me before.”
“I think you could have handled the extra pressure.” That was true, of course, but Emily wondered if she’d made a mistake telling her as much as she had. Alex wasn’t her counselor. And yet Alex not judging any of it tempted her to open up completely. “I love sex. That sounds silly, doesn’t it?”
“Not at all. Did your wife not like it?”
“I think she liked it at first. Things were good for a while, actually. Not fireworks, but sweet, you know?” Could Alex understand sex that wasn’t explosively good? Sex that was just okay but still nice to have? “Then she wasn’t into it anymore. It became this thing that we couldn’t even talk about.”
“That’s a shame.” Alex kissed the nape of her neck. “If you were my wife, I’d make you happy to have this body of yours every damn day.”
Alex’s butterfly kisses moved down her back and then slowly up again, stopping at the curve of her shoulder. Emily ran a fingertip over Alex’s forearm, the outline of her muscles visible even in the soft firelight. “Of all the women I could have broken down on, why did it have to be the sexiest one at the party?”
“I’m definitely not the sexiest. Not even close. But I’m glad you like me anyway.”
“Whatever. More than half the party wanted to have sex with you, Alex.” And out of everyone, Alex had picked her. Was it only because she was a party virgin? She wanted to believe it was more, especially now, wrapped in Alex’s arms. But maybe that was naïve. “Before Cass and I got together, I thought sex was easy. I didn’t have a lot of partners, but the ones I had made me feel like I was good.”
One Weekend in Aspen Page 14
